Sisu
It's hard to explain.
The words come from my mouth automatically, my mind pulling them from the rehearsals I'd seen for the past week.
I was completely terrified, all eyes were on me and I barely knew what I'm doing. It was frightening, nerve-wracking and most of all, intense; so much so, that for a moment I think about running off the stage.
Then, in the matter of one breath to the next, something happens. It's like someone flipped on a switch within me.
Suddenly, I'm telling Andre to speed up the song and I'm singing like I never have before. I'm putting all I've got into it. The rest of the performance is all a blur and the next thing I know, I've sung the last notes of "Make it Shine".
The audience is cheering while my parents have these huge smiles on their faces and, me?
I'm still terrified.
Yet at the same time I'm excited, purely euphoric and I can't help but want more. To my surprise, I'm offered an admission into Hollywood arts and part of me wants to decline, to not get my hopes, this sort of dream had always been Trina's not mine.
I've seen her do work from her classes and I know it's not all about singing and big showcases; it won't be the easiest place to adjust to.
Another part me, the side of myself that's just been awakened and refuses retreat back to wherever it came from, tells me to go for it. I know it could all blow up in my face, but I soon find myself accepting, despite Trina's look of disbelief and my own insecurities, I can't ignore this new side of me. I'm up for the challenge.
Meeting Jade West for the first time was a lot like that.
Sisu
(Finnish) -Sisu is a Finnish term loosely translated into English as strength of will, determination, perseverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity. However, the word is widely considered to lack a proper translation into any language. However sisu is defined by a long-term element in it; it is not momentary courage, but the ability to sustain an action against the odds. Deciding on a course of action and then sticking to that decision against repeated failures is sisu.