15 July, 2015

Shinji woke up to the sound of his bedroom door closing. Sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he looked around his room. Something on his desk caught his eye.

Another letter.

He stood up to retrieve it, and flopped back onto his bed as he began to read.

Shinji

I'm sorry for everything. Really, I am.

The paperwork for your new school has already gone through, so I can't take you out. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to attend for a while before you can be transferred. I honestly wasn't thinking of you when I made these arrangements – it must hurt to hear me say that, but I honestly regret not taking your wishes into consideration.

As much as I would like to see you come into my own line of work, it really isn't my place to decide. I haven't been a part of your life for years, after all – my wishes shouldn't have a bearing on your own life.

I will at least say that NERV's line of schools don't focus exclusively on economics and maths. There is an added focus, but they cover the standard classes any high school would – I have no doubt that your school experience would be more or less normal compared to any other high schooler.

However, if you honestly don't want to attend, I will allow for a transfer to another school within the school district. You're just going to have to attend this NERV specialty school for a semester – I know how long that is, but there's no way to cancel the paperwork.

I know how angry you must be, but there really is nothing I can do. All I can do is apologize for not discussing this with you sooner.

Thank you for laying your feelings out for me. To be honest, I find it much easier to speak clearly through writing. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I have a habit of mincing my words – it's easier to communicate through written word for me.

Hopefully we can learn to talk to each other.

Dad

Shinji put the letter down, his arms feeling like lead.

I feel like going back to sleep.

He lay in bed for a few minutes, lost in thought. Growing restless as his mind refused to work properly, Shinji was soon distracted by his growling stomach.

Oh, breakfast. That's right.

When he entered the kitchen, he noticed Gendo sitting at the kitchen table. It looked like he'd been waiting for Shinji to get up, as there were 2 plates of food laid out.

"Good morning, Shinji."

Despite leaving him that letter just a few minutes ago, Gendo's mannerisms and speech seemed quite cold and intimidating. Nervously, Shinji sat down across from him without making a sound.

Gently, Gendo spoke.

"Did you… read the letter I left for you?"

Making eye contact, Shinji shyly nodded. Gendo's expression didn't change, but he bowed his head slightly.

"…I'm not very good at communicating."

Shinji nodded.

"To be honest, neither am I."

Gendo nodded in turn. The pair sat in awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity.

Quietly breaking the silence, Shinji spoke up.

"…Would you have considered another school if we'd spoken before I moved here?"

Gendo picked at his plate of eggs uncomfortably.

"I don't know."

Shinji looked over at him in confusion. Looking up and seeing his stare, Gendo withdrew further and began mumbling.

"I just… didn't think. I might have still enrolled you, if you didn't mind."

As Shinji saw his usually intimidating father toy with his food uncomfortably, something clicked inside his mind.

He's just as shy as I am.

Turning his attention to his own breakfast, Shinji ate in silence with his father. It was soon time for him to go to work, and though he resumed his usual cold demeanor, Shinji didn't mind.

"So, how are you both getting along?"

"Not too bad, actually. We've been going okay since we began writing to each other."

Shinji balanced a phone between his ear and shoulder as he packed a schoolbag with essential items. 2 weeks after moving to Tokyo-3, Shinji was finally starting at his new school in the morning – though he was still nervous and skeptical at the thought of joining a NERV school, the idea wasn't as awful as he'd initially thought.

Though he and his father still clashed on and off, their relationship had improved dramatically. Whenever they had anything important to say, they'd write the other one a letter. Though the arrangement was a bit awkward for both of them, both Shinji and Gendo felt more comfortable writing their words down and got along better as a result.

"I still think it's kinda weird that you write letters to each other, but it's good to hear that you're both getting along." Misato stretched on the other end of the line, letting an audible pop travel across and into Shinji's ear. He shuddered, and the phone fell from his ear.

Dropping what he was packing into his bag, Shinji scrambled for his phone. After seeing that no damage had been done to it, he scolded Misato in a huff.

"Misato, you know that weirds me out. Quit it!"

She giggled in response. "Sorry, that one was an accident."

Even after finding a way to get along better with his father, Shinji still rang Misato every couple of days. The two had struck up an odd friendship, with Shinji enjoying Misato's carefree and supportive attitude, and Misato enjoying Shinji's growing happiness and his reactions to her teasing.

Packing the last couple of things into his bag, Shinji spied the time – 10:30.

"Hey, it's getting a bit late. Is it okay if I say goodbye?"

"No, it's not okay." Misato's voice felt like lead, and froze Shinji in his place.

After a few long, uncomfortable seconds, Misato began laughing.

"I'm just kidding, yeesh! I have to work tomorrow anyway, it's fine!"

Shinji frowned as he said his goodbyes through Misato's laughter.

She really has a mean sense of humor.

Hanging up, Shinji put his full schoolbag on the floor for the morning. As he cleaned some of the waste from his new school supplies off his desk, Gendo ducked his head into Shinji's room.

"It's getting late – you have school in the morning."

"Yeah, sorry. I was just getting my things ready for tomorrow." Shinji climbed into bed. Satisfied, Gendo gave a nod and turned Shinji's light off.

"Goodnight, Shinji."

"G'night, dad." Shinji settled into his blankets, and Gendo shut the door.

AN: This is another filler chapter. I planned to make it a full chapter, but I haven't written much for over a month. It's a long story, but to make it as short as possible: I'm not happy with things in my life at the moment, and that's really digging into how motivated I am to write. I need a break, and instead of going silent for who-knows-how-long I thought it'd be best to give a general announcement. It helps that I'm stumped on how to continue this chapter, I guess.

Is a hiatus usually a death sentence for a fanfic? Usually, but not necessarily. Could this hiatus end up being a death sentence for this story? Maybe, but not necessarily. I still like the ideas I've got, I'm just really not interested in writing right now. I need to recharge my batteries and get back into the feel of writing. Who knows how long that will take?

I ended up making that Tumblr for this story though. I'll probably update it every now and again, and post something there when I'm doing a new chapter. The url is a-shared-existence {~dot~} tumblr {~dot~} com if you want to check it out – there's not many posts, but there is an in-depth "about" page.

Just to make things clear: this is not a cry for help, or a cry for attention. I'm not looking for extra reviews asking me to keep going or what have you - I'm doing this because I'm taking a break, and the people who've been reading should know instead of being left hanging. I'll see you all when I see you. There's an 85% chance that this is not goodbye – I just need a break. Stick around if you can.