CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
It was June.
Edward would be leaving the day after the big career changing Liberty Project concert at the Staples Center. This would be the first time where Edward and I would spend multiple days apart since…god knows when.
I had a butt load of reporters and tabloid writers up my ass still over the Tanya video and tomorrow night I would be performing in front of thousands of people. Wouldn't look like much to stress about after some of the performances I had done but in the past I have only had to be up on stage for one song and then back to my seat, so yes this was a worry. But it was June and that meant; no Edward. It was only five days this time but five days could feel like an eternity when I wasn't used to sleeping alone. I tried to focus on all my other jobs but it didn't work.
I had a short meeting a couple of days ago with Stefan Vladic and the head of Warner Bros over my recent transgression. It wasn't that intimidating as I showed them the charts on iTunes and how well my version of I Can Take It did in both the single track as well as the music video download. I explained to them that I wouldn't be taking one cent and the money was there to help appease their losses on the Tanya record. I also explained that there may be upcoming revenue on a project that I had worked on the past year and they would see monetary gain from that as well. AKA Liberty Project. Trust me with both these resources, Warner Bros. came out on top and in the process were able to cut ties with Tanya Denali without any financial backlash from her camp.
Trisha after learning the plan for the Liberty Project concert insisted on a press conference after the concert that night. That should be worrisome due to the fact that I knew the reporters would eventually get off topic but Edward was leaving the next morning so no, that did not worry me as much.
"You have offers out the wazoo that I think would be great positive publicity opportunities." Trisha said.
"Wazoo? Is that a technical term?" I chided.
She pretended not to hear me.
"Coming up is the MTV Movie Awards and they have asked you to present. There is the big Peace concert happening up in San Francisco, they asked if you wouldn't mind performing. I mean there are ample opportunities here."
"I'll think about it." I sighed.
"You should. You haven't done a tour; you haven't had many fan greeting chances. You have fans and if you continue to only pop your head out of the hole like a groundhog once a year, you'll start to lose those fans. Once you lose fans, then you may lose support…"
"I have a lot on my plate. My husband is leaving and going to be up and back to Chicago the next couple of months and I don't know how I am going to be with him gone. The last thing we need is another Grammy breakdown. Give me some time to think."
And then we come to Tianna.
Savannah's first best friend since coming to live in California. Do you remember what I said about her? It wasn't until June, the month that Edward was leaving when Embry and I would finally learn who her parents were. Sure I had talked on the phone several times with Tianna's mother, Jade. But these talks were often short and I had yet to actually meet this woman until the day before the Liberty Project concert.
"Mommy, can Tianna come to the big concert tomorrow night?" Savannah asked and of course the answer was yes but you always had to do the right thing and say…
"It's fine with me but she needs to ask her mother for permission."
"She's coming to pick me up now. I'll ask her." Tianna said.
As if in a television sitcom the doorbell rang and Tianna and Savannah went chasing after the front door. I thought I should come along and meet her; after all she was my daughter's best friend's mother.
I could already see Tianna and Savannah jumping up and down begging for a yes by the time I got there.
"Sorry about that. I swear I didn't give them any sugar." I laughed.
"Oh trust me, I know this is normal." She replied back.
"Why don't you come in and I'll help translate what these two are please, please, pleasing about." I offered.
"Thank you." She came through the door and my god she looked probably no more than two years older than me. She was beautiful and looked familiar but I still couldn't place where I had seen her before.
"So tomorrow night we have a couple of boxes for the Liberty Project concert and Savannah asked if she could bring a friend. In fact if you and your husband would like to come, you're more than welcome. My husband will be there as well as Savannah's father. We have a couple of friends who will be sharing the box with us."
She laughed a little. "You don't know who my husband is, do you?"
I felt awful. I should. I mean this little girl had been coming over to our house for nearly a year, you'd think we would have reached out and gotten to know her parents.
"No. I…I'm sorry. I don't." I apologized sheepishly.
"It's no problem. I kind of wondered why I hadn't heard anything but you know the girls are just such good friends and it isn't their fault. They shouldn't have to fight their father's battles." Jade replied.
"Honey, why don't you take Tianna and go watch your sister in the television room for a couple of minutes." I had a feeling that we were entering grown up territory. Savannah and Tianna didn't look phased by our conversation so far but I didn't need more questions than answers come later.
"I'm sorry…I haven't even told Tianna's father because…I didn't know how he would react. I guess I was scared that it would lead to a fight. I…uh…don't have a lot people to talk to, I mean not anybody I could trust. People hear that you're married to Silver J and they don't exactly want to be associated with you."
"Silver J." I confirmed making sure I heard that right.
"Yes. So…you…understand?"
Let's just pause for a moment. Now as I have said before that I am not using people's real names for this book so it's going to be hard to fully explain just where rap artists are on the pecking order of scariness. Like I said previously a couple of years before this, the rap world was a scary and dangerous place. Side A attacked side B, lyrically and so Side B took out that aggression with getting even and eventually the story read that Side A killed someone on Side B and then Side B retaliated and killed someone on Side A and so and so forth.
Embry was young when these battles were just finishing up but that didn't mean he didn't take on his side's issues and therefore with Silver J being on the opposite side, Embry was automatically required to hate Silver J and likewise.
Now in the pecking order of scariness as far as rappers are concerned most of them like I said before had grown up a bit, settled down, got married and had kids. Of course there were a couple of guys at the top of the pecking order who had spent the majority of their life behind bars. One of those being MURDER1. That's MURDER with the backwards "R".
It was my new found mission to break down the barriers of Side A and Side B because I had something personal to gain. My daughters would never be on any side and I was going to make sure that for her sake and Tianna and every other son or daughter of a rap artist sake they would never be placed on a side again.
Hence my fantastic idea to go and eventually seek out MURDER1 with a backwards "R" to find peace. Something that Embry personally and literally almost kicked my ass for but I'll save that story for later.
Back to Jade.
"I think it's time for peace."
Jade and I decided that enough was enough. She would bring Silver J to the concert tomorrow night and our little plan might have worked if Embry hadn't come down with food positioning but I took the opportunity to speak with Silver J personally and lay a foundation.
"You look mighty sad for someone who has a major concert tonight." Jacob commented.
"Just…thinking." I replied softly.
"As always. But if I were you, I probably be thinking, why am I stirring the same pot of goo for nearly a half hour."
I had every intention of making cupcakes today. Something I like to do when I was stressed or worried was bake. However, with all these different situations flying around my head, I hadn't noticed how right Jacob was.
"Crap." I huffed. I started pouring the batter over into the cups on the pan.
"Yum, strawberry! My favorite." Jacob stuck his finger in my batter bowl and sucked it clean. "So where's the hubby?"
"Packing." I whispered.
"Does someone need a mood booster? Bells, stop being all mopey. It's only for a couple of days and besides you got me to keep you company."
"Oh goody." I replied dryly.
"Hey, if you don't stop being mean, I won't tell you of the fuckawesome project I have lined up for you. Something that will keep you soo busy the next couple of months, you won't have time to miss Edward." He grinned so proud.
"What are you talking about?" I took the bait.
"Remember when you asked me to sit out of the Tanya video, you asked me to throw you a life-preserver because you didn't know how the video would affect your career? Well, while you've been running around town knocking down walls and kicking ass, I found you a life-preserver or a career preserver. You have a meeting with Carly Garcia on Monday morning for a rather exciting career opportunity if I must say."
"Career opportunity?"
"Yes. I think it's time to step out from music videos and transition into feature films. And you're welcome." He actually patted himself on the back.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I really wasn't in the mood.
"Uh…a thank you is usually customary."
I stared at him waiting.
"I'm not going to tell you. It's a surprise." He folded his arms over his chest.
"Jacob, you expect me to go to a meeting with a famous Hollywood producer and you won't give me the heads up on the project? How am I supposed to prepare for something like this?"
"Trust me when I tell you, you're prepared!" He thought he was sooo smart. He laughed as he turned to walk away from me. I took the spoon from the leftover batter and threw it at his head. I wasn't that far away so I didn't hurt him.
"Fuck! You got that shit in my hair." He bitched.
Well maybe I hurt his hair but it did help boost my mood.
The concert set list tonight was set up so that the end of the show would be the songs I helped write. We knew that somehow Thomas Kirkwood would not be able to resist showing up to see if we regarded his injunction. However my lawyer Mr. Uley managed to find our loophole and Mr. Uley would be serving Thomas with papers in the morning after the truth had come out.
I watched the concert in the box with my family and friends until it was my time. Edward sensing my mood stayed close to me that day or maybe it was because he too might miss me. It did feel completely foreign to know that tomorrow night I would be all alone in that incredibly large bed. Every time I started to think about it, I felt panic rise up in my chest.
"As I'm sure you may have heard, there have been some comments made recently in the media about a couple of songs that we have produced. Every single one of us want to take this moment to say…that's it all true." Scott was up on stage and I was backstage as he was about to introduce me. "We didn't write those songs by ourselves. We had help. The very best help you could ever find. When you have a friend who does you a favor and asks for so little in return, well then you do everything in your power to honor their wishes. Unfortunately, since certain people thought they could cash in on our friends hard work we have no choice but to come clean. Tonight is extra special because tonight we are going to invite our friend up her to help sing the songs that she wrote. Please welcome Isabella Swan."
The music had already started for the first track I ever came to them with. The lights were so bright but I could still make out the vastness of the arena. I could see thousands of twinkle lights which were from cameras and cell phones. The sound of the music was able to drown out the crowd as I walked on stage. This moment was one I would never forget. I was over-emotional as I processed how I got here to this moment in my life. Every song I had written were of problems from yesterday and now they didn't seem so horrible. Yesterday they were but today I lived to see that I conquered them and I did it with the help from my good friends, Liberty Project.
Scott started off the song and I would come in and sing every other verse. I slowly made my way from Mark on the drums to Matthew on the keyboard. I gave a smile to Aaron and Kyle who were both on guitar as I came to end with Scott. So far I had come in my journey. The difference they made in my life I don't believe they ever could comprehend.
The concert was amazing and one I would never forget. My first concert.
"First Tanya Denali and now Thomas Kirkwood…is there a message you are sending out to Hollywood?" One reporter asked.
"Yeah, don't fuck with Isabella Swan." Matthew jumped in.
"Matt!" I admonished.
"No. It's true because if you do mess with her…then you'll have a whole army behind her to mess with too." Scott added.
"I didn't make the music video for Tanya Denali to send a message to Hollywood as well as the matter regarding Mr. Thomas Kirkwood. My only message I want to send out is, no matter who you are or what you do to me…I'm not going to stand by while some great injustice goes without retribution. I'm sure you would all love to know the reasons for why I have done what I have done but it is not your place to know. I understand that the press has a very disillusioned idea of what they deserve to know but Tanya Denali and Thomas Kirkwood are the only ones with that right. You can paint me as the aggressor, it makes no difference to me but at the end of the day, I refuse to be a victim and if that means I have to go with unconventional methods to make myself heard, then so be it. Thank you again for coming here tonight and supporting my friends, Liberty Project. I honestly don't know how I would survived my first year in the Entertainment Industry without them. Thank you, that is all."
I was up out of the chair and exiting the room within seconds. Reporters still snapping pictures and yelling after me but I had a husband to get too.
"You're not going to stay for the party? We won; you should be celebrating with us." Scott said running to catch up.
"Edward's leaving in a couple of hours. I really want to spend what little time I have left with him." I looked around at the boys, "Thank you. If you ever need me…you know where to find me. Thank you."
I didn't go to the party but things have a way of working themselves out. Silver J met the boys and it was at that party that they would decide to collaborate on some Grammy worthy material. I would meet up with the boys in a couple of days following and hear the collaboration for myself and then spark the second biggest fight between Embry and myself.
"Is it weird I don't want to have sex?" I asked Edward as we laid with one another in our bed.
"No. Why would you think that?" He rubbed my back up and down with the strong palm of his hand.
"I'm afraid that if we have sex…I'll just cry the whole time…kind of a mood killer."
"Baby, I'm only going to be gone for five days. Five days and then I'll come home…you'll pop out of my birthday cake naked and I will have the best birthday ever." He smiled down to me.
"Oh goody, I was stuck on what to get you for your birthday." I really was stuck. Edward's birthday's and Christmas's stressed me out. What do you get a person who seems to have everything?
"I really wish you would stop worrying about my gift. I will take one Bella Cullen wrapped in a small little bow for me to open…yes that would do nice."
"I can't just give you me." I rolled my eyes. "I have to buy you something big and ostentatious."
"Please don't'" He squeezed me a little harder, "You will take care of yourself while I'm gone, right?"
I could hear the worry in his voice and I was wondering when I would get the speech.
"Well besides the kegger and ghettofab party I was throwing tomorrow night…I'm sure I'll be fine." I teased.
"Isabella." He said my name in warning.
"What trouble could I possibly get in? I have a meeting Monday morning to prepare for once I beat the shit out of Jacob to tell me what the meeting is for and I'm sure the rest of the days you'll have big brother all over me. I'm the one who should be worrying. You'll be in Chicago with one of the hottest actresses alive all alone able to do whatever you wish on those mean Chicago streets."
"Stop it, Bella. You know I would never cheat on you. That bothers me that you would think that."
I stayed silent feeling thoroughly reprimanded.
"Honey, you know I love you. No one would ever turn my head. No one."
"I don't want you to go." I whispered.
"It will be hard but next time it will be easier and the time after. I had them split up my filming days as much as I could so I wouldn't be gone for weeks at a time." He kissed me on the forehead but his words did little to comfort. I tried to fight sleep but with the past couple of day's events weighing on me, soon I was asleep and then awake briefly as Edward was up at six a.m. to say good-bye.
The first day wasn't all that horrible because I could lie to myself and say that he was just at the studio and would be home soon but that night was horrible. It set in that he wouldn't be here to hold me as I went to sleep. I curled up with a pillow and cried.
My cell phone rang and I could see him calling me but I didn't want to answer him when I was a mess. I didn't want to be that pathetic even if I was that pathetic. So I didn't answer. Of course that was no good because a few seconds after Jacob came into my room with cell phone in hand.
"Edward said he tried calling…geez you look a mess."
"Go away." I yelled.
"Don't you want to talk to him?" Jacob asked holding out the phone.
"No. Not now." I threw myself back into my pillow curling up in the fetal position.
"A mess. A complete mess. We're talking snot everywhere and hair just…yeah you so don't want to see." Jacob talked into the phone.
I jumped up and grabbed the phone away from him and started to push him out my door. "Get out!"
I slammed the door as Jacob protested about his phone.
"Hello." I answered.
"Baby, what's going on?"
"Just don't call me right now. Please just go do your work. It's too hard with you calling me."
"Bella….it's…only a couple of days."
"I KNOW!" I screamed and then hit "end call" I threw Jacobs phone out my door and locked it this time for good measure.
Back to my bed to cry.
The next morning I was a mess. Not even a hot shower could erase the signs of a tough night. I tried to throw on as much makeup as possible without looking like a street-walker but that was no good. Great I'm having a meeting with a top producer looking a fright.
The meeting was at Warner Bros. and Emma informed me to the building number when I arrived. Not really knowing what I was walking into since Jacob had been no help, I tried to keep an open mind.
"I'm so pleased you were able to meet with us. Jacob Black told me you would be interested which is great since our author has had her eye on you." Carly Garcia greeted me.
"It's great to meet you too. The pleasure's all mine…author?" I paused. "I'm sorry; Jacob failed to tell me what project you are working on."
"Oh, well we obtained rights to turn Two Moons into a feature film. The author Lynn Bennett is here today because she stipulated that she has a say as for who we cast and directs."
We walk into this nice office and a woman who is in her mid thirties awaits us.
"Two Moon's? I ask disbelieving. "My husband and I read it on our honeymoon."
"Lynn Bennett meet Isabella Swan." Carly introduced.
"It's so nice to meet you Miss Swan….eh…Cullen?" She asked.
"Bella's fine." I waved her off, "Like I was saying, I read your book on my honeymoon. My husband and I loved it."
"Thank you. I'm honored." Lynn replied.
"Why don't we have a seat? Would you care for something to eat or drink?" Carly asked.
"Water would be great." I replied. "So…I'm still not sure why I'm here today."
"Well for the past couple of weeks, we have started pre production for Two Moon's. We have come to the time to find a director. Lynn suggested you."
"I just love your work. Your music videos have been illuminating." Lynn quickly cut in but I was still in mid aneurysm.
"Wait what?" I jumped back in.
"We want to discuss the possibility of securing you as a director." Carly explained.
The room was silent as I tried to process. It was one of those times that Edward was right in his hopes of me learning respect and how to deal with professional situations but I was in mid aneurysm so professional went out the window.
"Are you out of your fucking minds?"
"Uh…" Lynn was searching.
"Well…" so was Carly.
"No. Absolutely not. I directed a couple of music videos and you want to put me at the helm of some potential blockbuster. No. No. No. No. No." I kept shaking my head saying "no" in practically every way I could.
"Many feature film directors transition from music videos to the big screen. It's not so farfetched." Carly pointed out.
"Lynn, you want the best movie possible. I have read your story and it's great. Trust me when I tell you that I am not seasoned enough to be able to take this on. You deserve something great and I don't know if I can give that to you."
"I think you can do it." Lynn replied.
"I'm honored that you would ask me but I can't in good conscience take on such a task with my limited knowledge. I would happy to discuss other options but I don't foresee this being a good fit for you at this time. Get a better director in here. One with experience. I would however be happy to help produce or assistant direct. I think that would be better for everyone."
Yes, I talked myself out of a job but I couldn't in good conscience accept something knowing that I was wasn't ready.
I left that meeting with my head spinning. What did I just do? I needed Edward. I needed him to talk to and not over the phone. I was in the car with Emma before I really knew what I was doing.
"Please drop me off at LAX and if anyone calls for me just tell them that I will call them back when I can."
"What if Edward calls?" She asked.
"Tell him…I had an errand to run."
I booked a first class ticket on my phone while Emma drove. I didn't even take more than my purse with me. In just a few short hours I would be in Chicago. And I truly believe that it was that first night in Chicago when Edward and I finally made a baby.
AN: Thank you soo much for reading. I am posting this while watching the Olympic's and I wish readers all over the world good luck to you and your country.