Chapter five. Thank you guys so much for your kind reviews, favourites and follows. I really do appreciate every single one of them.

I've been drawing my characters and what they will wear for the interviews for inspiration, they actually look quite good in my opinion!

Hopefully this chapter will be up soon.

Chapter Five - Bright Lights

Our train begins to slow down, and I can already hear the screams of the crowd. Someone must be up on stage already. We quickly step out of the train doors, and climb a set of stairs up to double doors, which lead to the backstage area. Everyone looks shocked to see me, but don't say anything, well, apart from throwing a couple of compliments my way. It's very busy, there are many people running around, but the only noise I can hear is from the crowd.

I guess the people backstage been told to stay quiet, so that they don't give anything away.

The noise from the crowd is tremendous. I'm presuming many of them are distraught, Cesar seems to be having a hard time keeping them under control. I'm just guessing from what I see on the screens.

I hear my wild heartbeat as my stylists take me to the stairs leading to the stage. Apparently, when Raven starts crying over me, I have to go up on stage.

She knows what she has to do, and I know what I have to do. I watch the screens until then.

It's strange, seeing all of my family on stage, all dressed up like people from the Capitol. I must admit that they're doing pretty well.

My stylists are working on last minute adjustments to my makeup, hair and costume, so all I have to do is stand still.

I'm doing my best to hold back my nerves and show composure, radiate confidence like I used to, but it's harder than I remember.

I look up to the screen, inhaling deeply. Cesar is talking to Megan and Emily. Behind them, on a large screen, is a picture of them, when I was picked at the reaping. I can remember seeing it on TV. Megan screamed out and Emily pulled her into a hug while they both cried.

The emotions come flooding back, and I wipe under my eyes, being sure not to smudge my makeup.

I know that they both probably had rehearsed lines, but they're not following them. They've got the Capitol wound around their little fingers, in their matching ivory tutu dresses. The skirts are layers upon layers of huge ruffles, making them look younger than they are.

I'm pretty sure that they can get away with saying anything. They seem to be following the unspoken rules though.

Everyone is wearing ivory. That will be the requirement my stylists were talking about then.

Cesar moves on to Raven, who is having to practice her skills as an actress. She knows I'm alive, and she knows that I was never angry in the first place, yet the Capitol think I'm dead, and that she made me angry.

She's coping well though. She's using her body language and eyes to show her feelings, and not doing anything over the top. Raven can be convincing when she wants to be,

I twist my engagement ring around my finger nervously, running my fingers over the tiny silver flowers. Waiting for my cue.

I'm in the zone now. I'm remembering everything I did before. My old routine.

"So, Raven. We're all distraught at the loss of your sister. Do you have any thoughts you'd like to share with us?" asks Cesar, his voice slow, full of sympathy.

He's in on it of course. He's just tremendously convincing, and the act is working on the people of the capitol of course.

I can tell that Raven also has well rehearsed lines, and she sticks to them this time.

"Cesar, I just... I don't know what to say. I miss her so much, and I feel so guilty. She could have won, and I would have happily taken that knife for her. I'm sorry..." she cries, tears falling down her cheeks. She's trying hard to bring those emotions back.

Felicity taps me on the shoulder, and I know it's my time to go up on stage.

I make the nerves go away, push them to one side. It's just people from the capitol. That's what I have to tell myself.

The light hits me as I step out from backstage, and I can see people's heads turning. A confused murmur turns into a roar that could be heard from District Four.

All focus is on me now. I'm back in the spotlight.

In a well rehearsed move, all of my family jump up from their seats and run towards me, pulling me into a group hug, being carfeul of my injuries.

The crowd scream for what seems like an eternity, before Cesar manages to calm them down. After that, there is complete silence. Every single person in the nation now has their eyes on me, and it's a strange feeling. A familliar, but strange one.

We all take our seats, and Cesar begins to talk.

"Well, Phoenix, what a surprise to see you here!" he smiles. That sends the crowd into another wild fit of screams.

"Thank you Cesar. I couldn't be happier to be here." I smile back, trying to imagine that there's not so many people watching me.

"I couldn't be happier to have you here. Now,what does everyone else think of your return?"

More screams. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm deaf by the end of this interview.

"Oh, you. Stop with the flattery, I'll be the colour of a tomato by the end of this!" I laugh. I ignore the stabbing pain in my side, not letting it show one bit.

"What is it like, having Phoenix back?" asks Cesar, turning to face my family.

"I'm the happiest girl in the world right now." smiles Raven, still wiping her tears away.

"No, I am!" says Emily, jumping out of her seat to emphasize her point. This makes everyone, including Emily herself laugh.

"Ryan, any thoughts?" prompts Cesar.

"Word's can't describe what I'm feeling right now." he shrugs, giving me a small smile. The crowd are content with that answer. He seems to have his own little fan club.

Little is an understatement.

"Hunter?" he asks.

"Well, you supported me throught the games. I'm grateful beyond words for that. I'm so happy that you're back, otherwise I'd have never been able to repay you." she smiles, with a very genuine warmth.

"So, lets see your stories, right from the start." says Cesar.

The room darkens, and our chairs turn around to face the screen in front of us. I don't want to relive this, but I can't go anywhere.

I begin to panic, and someone obviously notices. Ryan closes his hand around mine. His way of telling me that he's there for me.

I turn to him and smile nervously, tightening my grasp on his hand.

I try to block it out from the start. Show no emotion, but I'm forced to watch.

From the funniest moments to my lowest points, it shows it all.

That's when I realise.

I'm fragile china, a breakable doll,

In the hands of a careless child,

Broken, cracks starting to show on what was once a perfect, pretty face,

Stuck together with nothing.

One day, something's going to break me.

Whether it be the Capitol, or time itself,

One day, I'm not going to be able to handle it anymore.

And I'll shatter, into a million tiny pieces.

My grip tightens around Ryan's hand so much that he turns to me. I feel the need to run, I have to get out of here. My feels like it's beating as fast as hummingbird's wings.

Ryan knows what's happening. Just like before the games. It's all getting too much. He keeps me in my seat, holding onto me tightly, using the darkness to his advantage.

I don't fight him. I know he's helping.

I have to remind myself to breathe properly, how not to make the Capitol think I'm insane.

The film is almost at it's end. Raven is being cornered by all of the other tributes, and as soon as she lets out that scream, the camera cuts straight to me.

I can't look from that point on. All I can hear are my own desperate screams mixed with Raven's.

Then, everone goes silent, and I know it's almost over. Only a few more minutes. Then crowning, then, it's all over, and I have to go back to my room.

I see the lights turn back on, dazzling me for a second.

Cesar shakes each of our hands, then we walk off of the stage to get ready for the ceremony.

As soon as I'm off of the stage, my composure is gone. My smile falls, and the tears begin to fall. My stylists are ready with tissues, comforting me. They take the crown out of my hair, and give me a quick pat on the back.

"You did great." they smile at me, smoothing out my hair.

"No I didn't I had a panick attack on stage." I say quietly.

"It was dark, and nobody noticed a thing. You did great." says Marvel. "Time to go. You'll do great."

We are all shoved into an elevator together, and somehow, we end up behind the doors that lead to the balcony.

The crowd is cheering, so the President must already be out there. Treasure is behind us, ready to push us out of the doors at the right moment.

As soon as the crowd falls silent, the doors are pulled open, and the huge crowds are revealed to us. The President is waiting for us.

I give a quick wave to the crowd while the anthem is blared out of huge speakers mounted on the stage below us.

Once the anthem finishes, the President congratulates us, and places the simple, sliver bands around our heads. Raven has to hold hers on.

We have to stay there for photos, but after what seems like forever, we get to dissappear back behind the doors again.

We are ushered back into the train, and arrive in our original rooms, in our empty training centre.

I strip out of my dress, and place the crown on the dresser beside me. It means next to nothing to me.

I ruffle my hair in the mirror, trying to get it back to it's usual messy state, and do my best to wash all of my makeup off. There are still black stains smudged across my face after I am done, but that's as much effort as I am willing to put in.

I fall back onto my bed, sprawled out as much as possible. I'm still panicking, and it's not a nice feeling. I need to calm down, I need to forget.

I reach into my drawer, and my bottle of morphling pills is there.

I promised myself I wouldn't do this again, but I have to. It's the only way I can make my existance tollerable anymore.

I don't even know how many you're supposed to take, but it take three.

I reach over to put the container back into the drawer, and spot a small, folded up piece of paper.

I don't know why these are here, but I decided not to move them. You did very well in your interviews by the way. Are we still going to write letters?

My thoughts are slow, but I can still work out who the note is from. Natalie, the avox.

I have so many questions I still want to ask her, but right now, the morphline makes descisions for me. I barely have time to put the paper back before I black out.

I take these pills at night to put me to sleep, to help me forget the world,

But even a bottle full of dreams could never set me free,

I'm forever trapped in this sinister world, waiting for death to come,

And yet I want to escape it.

The closest to free I'll ever be,

Is the rest that these pills offer me.

So, that was chapter five. Sorry for the wait, I've been suuuppperrr busy recently. I always have to put school ahead of this story, as I'm aiming big. I'm already working three years ahead of the average for people my age in pretty much every class, and teachers put a lot of pressure on me. I know I can do well, so that's my main focus just now.

I'm still a little down, but I'm trying my best to go back to normal again.

Next chapter should be up soon.

Thanks for reading as usual,

BethanyDee x x