Jacob black was proclaimed dead on the fifteenth of June, at ten o'clock, two thousand and twelve. When Jacob and Edward had fell off the stage Edward fell straight to the floor, but, Jake hit his head on the edge of the stage snapping his neck, killing him instantly, meaning he felt no Pain. This, according to the hospital, should have been comforting.
It wasn't.
I still kept playing that moment over and over in my head, wishing and hoping there was something I could have done then Jacob would be here right now. Each hour of school dragged on and on, my body was on automatic, just going through the motions of the day. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I walked down the hall to my last class, English, it would be our first class since the accident and saying I wasn't looking forward to it, would be an understatement. The show would have been tonight, but, know no one has any idea what is going on anymore.
As I slowly walked down the hall I overheard two girls, Lucy and parker, from my algebra class gossiping about the accident. It wasn't as if I hadn't had this all day, if people hadn't heard about it on the day they were guaranteed to find out the next, when an announcement was made all over school about English class and after school rehearsal being cancelled because of the whole incident. I wasn't in that day, I couldn't face it, I couldn't face any of it, Alice was the one who had told me about the announcement, and it made my stomach turn.
I hadn't slept in two days it just kept playing what happened over and over again whenever I closed them, my eyes had huge dark circles under them, I had my hood up around my face hiding myself away. I tried to block out what they were saying and carry on walking like I had each time I heard someone talking about it, however, each time it got harder and harder to ignore. I heard them say my name and for once I slowed down and eavesdropped knowing full well I might not like what I was hearing.
"Bella was such a bitch to Jacob!" Lucy spat conspicuously, glancing at my back from behind the hair draped between me and her and parker. I froze. I kept my back to them and carried on listening unable to react. I had been hearing gossip all day, the usual, but never this I couldn't help but stop to listen.
"I know leading him on like that!" The parker tittered "everyone knew she was still in love with Cullen, I bet she didn't even like Jacob! She is such a desperate whore!" Her words hurt me more than they should have, I knew the truth of the situation and she didn't but I still couldn't shake the words from my head. You led him on. You led him on.
I didn't mean to, I didn't...
"I know no wonder Edward did what he did she was probably too clingy and desperate! It was so obvious she was using Jacob to get to Edward she deserved what Lauren did too her!" I could feel both their eyes on my back as it stiffened, my fists clenched at my sides and I gritted my teeth. I'm not friends with the two girls I barely even know them but I suppose girls can be bitches, whether you deserve it or not, in my case I didn't know whether I did or I didn't.
"I heard she all but pushed him off that stage that day" the words penetrated through my brain banging repeatedly like a hammer on the inside of my skull
No. I pushed down the tears that threatened to spill over my eyes. I blinked to clear my vision; in doing so I also cleared my head and went from, breaking down to furious. Before I could think I spun on them.
"Are you quite done?" I asked them my voice deadly calm; they turned to me, faces masks of shock, the colour draining from their faces. "I said are you quite done?"
"We didn't... I mean...I don't...we" she blathered defiantly giving me a blank look, my anger was building with every passing second, they couldn't even say the words to my face.
"What's wrong? Don't have the guts to share how you feel about me to my face!" I shouted, people where staring trying to seeing what was going on others walking past slowly to try and eavesdrop on the conversation.
"You really have no idea what went on between me and Jacob so you have no right to judge what went on nobody does!" I snarled all the locked up anger tumbling out of me clumsily, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind all this anger wasn't because of them, or rightfully aimed at them. It had been simmering just below the surface all day and now I exploded.
I was angry at everyone because of the rumours, for not understanding, I was angry at the hospital for not being able to do anything, for not being able to save him. I was angry at Jacob for leaving me, for never coming back, for taking a piece of my heart with him; but most of all I was angry at myself for hurting Jacob, it wasn't physically, I may not have meant it but I did I hurt him and I hate myself for it. "I loved Jacob! I love him! I loved him ..." I screamed so hard I startled everyone walking past , my shouts quietened to a whisper before I started to feel tears, making tracks down my face.
"And he loved me too..." I whispered, my voice rose to a normal level and I was talking to know one in particular "you know, the day he died he told me he loved me, and I couldn't say it back, he told me it was okay, it was alright, it wasn't" I shook my head still seeing the look on his face when he told me, the smile, I still felt his touch, the feel of his lips on mine, the warmth.
It hurt, so bad.
My heart ached, he knew I didn't love him enough he knew but he still told me, I hated the way I had treated him, I hadn't meant to hurt him I would never do that. "I wanted to hate Edward for what he had done to me! I didn't mean to love him, I didn't even want to, but I did, I do and I can't help it, I never could, when he died my heart broke and he took a pieced of me with him a piece that would always, belong to him, so next time you want to gossip ,consider that." By the end of my speech my eyes where blurred with tears, my heart open for everyone to see, I couldn't see their reactions and I didn't take the time to try.
I turned a fled down the corridor towards English, feeling broken and vulnerable when I got to the classroom I fell against the door frame making everybody turned to look at me. My face was fully visible to everyone there my tears on full display, I wiped my eyes, and blink back any more tears that threatened to spill. I pulled my hood back up and made my way to my seat by my friends and Edward, who were sat together on one side of the classroom. They all sent me questioning stares, I just shook my head and turned to the front, I felt Edward put his hand on mine under the table and give it a tentative squeeze.
The whole room was silent as the teacher walked into the classroom, her face sad, the opposite of the bright and bubbly woman she usually is.
"Class as you all know Jacob black is, is no longer with us, in light of this event I was going to cancel the show altogether as I know some people will be in no state to perform tonight and we no longer have a Paris" she took a breath, I couldn't help but feel her gaze on me when she said some people will be in no sate to perform. "However, as this performance is supposed to be worth fifty percent of your final grade, I decided to postpone the show for a couple of weeks and we shall perform a few select scenes making sure everyone has a chance to play their parts."
I also thought, for anyone who wants to, at the end of the show they can say a few words about Jacob as a good bye for the people who won't be attending the funeral in a few weeks time" she finished her speech and her eyes swept the classroom looking over everyone who mumbled a chorus of yes's and sure's.
"Ok, so before I dismiss you all I just want to confirm the scenes that you will all be performing ..." she started to rattle of a few scenes including when Romeo and Juliet meet, act 3 scene 5 and the infamous death scene condensed more like the movie version so it doesn't include Paris. She also rattled of a few others so everyone had at least two chances to perform on the stage.
She dismissed us and I pushed up out of my chair and beat everyone round me to the door so they wouldn't ask any questions. I felt every pair of eyes on my back as I ran from the classroom needing to get away all the eyes that had been on me since I had entered the room, or fell into it, I stumbled to my locker to get my things so I could just leave I thought I could handle coming in today, but, I really, really couldn't.
Turning to leave I saw, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Edward all walking my way, concern etching their faces as much as I wanted to go home I couldn't run away from everything, so I stayed stuck to the spot until they reached me.
"Bella what happened before class today?" Alice asked the question they had all been dying to ask me. I looked at them my entire hood falling away from my face showing my puffy eyes and red nose, I shook my head.
"Gossip" I said simply they all looked angry "I knew I wouldn't like what I was going to hear today, I shouldn't have listened, I knew there would be gossip I just didn't realise how bad it would be, I thought I was ready to come and face it, I'm not, I'm going to go home"
"Who was it and what did they say, Bella? Nobody makes my little sister upset and gets away with it," Jasper murmured into my ear as he pulled me to him in a big bear hug, I was surprised it was rare to see jasper like this, but he was my big brother and I loved him for it.
"It doesn't matter, there both probably still in shock from the display I put on" I shook my head and went to pull away but jasper kept hold of my wrist "Jasper, please, you can't always fight my battles for me, hey I maybe running away right now, but I'll be ok, don't worry about me" I sent him a look and he dropped my wrist.
"You're my little sister I'm always going to worry, but you're right, I'll see you at home?" I nodded and threw a smile at the rest of them. I was nearly at the front entrance when I heard someone call me from behind.
"Bella, wait!" I turned to see Edward running down the hall towards me, trying in vain not to knock anyone over, succeeding in scaring a small freshman or scurried out of his way. It wasn't until he reached my I realized he hadn't spoken the entire time I had been with the others, I looked at him but he simply wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest, I sighed all the stress from my muscles uncoiling.
"I'm fine" I muttered knowing he knew I wasn't, but he didn't pry sensing I didn't want to talk about it.
"I know" he murmured, kissing the top of my head "At least let me give you a ride home, it's either that or you leave Rosalie and jasper stranded, I highly doubt either of them will be too happy if you do that." He had a point.
"Schools not even over yet, you can't just skip, not for me anyway." I sighed, not wanting him to get into trouble, it's enough for me to skip it's not as if I haven't been doing it a lot lately, it's a good thing Charlie never found or he would have flipped out , especially since it's been more than once. I mean I'm no angel, Charlie can look past it once, after everything that's happened, but, he's still the chief of police and a stickler for the rules.
"Please?" He asked "Just let me take you home, ill even come back to school if it makes you happy" Too tired to argue, knowing by the look on his face he wasn't going to give up anytime soon so I gave in.
"Ok, thank you." He placed pulling me to him one last time, took my hand, and then we made our way to his car in silence. The car ride was quiet, but not awkward; our hands intertwined between the two car seats, his thumb softly rubbing soothing circles into the back my hand. I sighed completely contented at that moment in time, my eyes felt heavy almost giving in to the exhaustion from the day.
"Bella, bells, were at your house, you need to wake up" my eyes fluttered, red light showing under my lids, I pushed my eyes open only just realising I had fallen asleep.
"Mmm" I mumbled stretching out eyes adjusting to the light, I felt two arms slide under me and lift me from the car; I frown, and wiggled in Edwards arms. "Don't" I murmured "Put me down I'm too heavy"
"Heavy" he snorted. "Right" I could feel his steady breathing and the gently movement of his feet under me and beat of his heart through his blue shirt. We walked up the path up to the house, then he stopped, I lifted my head. "Bella I need your keys"
"What?" I asked my brain still foggy, then it clicked and I put my hand in my pocket and fished out the keys. "Oh, right, yeah, here you go" he took them from me, and I heard the lock click as he pulled me over a threshold bridal style, giving me visions of Edward in a tux carrying me in a white dress, causing me to giggle at the absurdity.
"What?" he asked throwing me a funny look as he lowered me to sit on the couch. "What's so funny?" I shook my head as he sat down next to me.
"Nothing, nothing." he looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Nothing!" like I was going to tell him what I was thinking, I'd frighten the poor sod. Also, there was no way I wanted to get married to Edward or anyone for that matter, I know if I told him he would get the wrong impression, well he'd either laugh it off, run for the hills, or get down on one knee and propose. In that case I'd be the frightened poor sod and I'd be running for the hills. The image of Edward down on one knee with a huge rock in a velvet case made me laugh even more.
Although, it was a curious thought.
"What are you thinking about?" he questioned looking perplexed and amused at the same time, I shook my head again not willing to give anything away.
"Nothing, honestly." He just threw me a look that said he didn't believe me his lips twitched up into a mischievous smile, he started to lean down towards me slowly as he pulled me onto his lap.
"Edward?" I asked my voice faltering when he pressed his lips to my neck his hot breath fanning my face.
"You sure you're not thinking of something?" he breathed his voice smooth against my neck his lips lightly brushing my skin every time his lips moved around each word. "Something you want to tell me?"
"No." I breathed, biting back a moan, not wanting him to know the effect he was having on me, his lips did circuits on my neck and around the back of my ear , I shivered involuntarily when his teeth grazed my skin. "I have nothing to tell" his lips found mine and he kissed me his lips soft against mine, my head spun, then I was snapped back into my thoughts.
"Edward" I breathed between kisses "You have to go" he just groaned as his lips grazed mine again and again. "Edward..." I breathed temporarily losing my train of thought. "Edward you have to go"
"No" he mumbled moving his mouth from mine down to my neck.
"Yes." I laughed. "Someone needs to give jasper or rose the car keys, otherwise you dropping me home and leaving the car at school will be completely pointless" he lifted and cocked his head at that and raised an eyebrow.
"Pointless? I'd hardly say this was pointless." He grinned and dipped his head back down nipping the skin of my neck, I laughed.
"Edward... my brother and sister are going to be stranded if you don't go!" his lips found mine again and my will power was waning. Hey! It's not my fault I'm only human!
"Let them walk," he mumbled as he buried his head in the crook of my neck peppering it with kisses, I sighed in contentment, before snapping back to my point.
"As much as I would love to stay right where we are for the rest of the day you need to go plus I'm tired and if my dad found you within a foot of my bed he would most possibly shoot you." I took one look at his scared face and burst out laughing, he just scowled playfully and poke me in the ribs, I squeaked.
"Funny...Fine, I know when I'm not wanted!" he gave a dramatic sigh and lifted me off his lap, he stood up pouting I laughed, stood up and kissed his pouting lips, his hands went to my hips as he pulled me in for one last chaste kiss. It was sweet and told me all I needed to know. I threw him the keys when he was at the door and he told me he would see me later.
As soon as he was gone my thoughts managed to catch up with me, and the words Lucy and parker had said spun round my head and hammered at the inside of my skull making it so hard to forget now I had time to dwell on it.
"Bella was such a bitch to Jacob!"
"She is such a desperate whore!"
"Leading him on like that"
"She all but pushed him off the stage"
"Pushed him off the stage!"...
I went upstairs and collapsed on my bed trying to push away those thoughts, but, the more I thought about it the more doubt shot threw me. My head pounded, making what little light there was in my room make my eyes ache, I quickly closed my curtains and took two Tylenol, I snuggled under my sheets and squeezed my eyes shut willing myself to sleep.
Eventually the pounding from the back of head and behind my eyes began to dim until I could feel nothing at all and was pulled into a deep slumber.
I walked down a pitch black corridor my feet carrying me without any consent from the rest of my body. I felt like I had been walking for hours, my eyes never adjusting to the darkness, when two large doors swung open revealing a blinding light, making me lift my hand to block some of it out. When the light finally dimmed it revealed the auditorium at school, Jacob was stood on the stage and everybody else was in the same positions they were in the day of the incident.
Except, one thing was different.
They were all turned to face me with malicious sneers on their faces; the door behind me slammed shut and disappeared. My feet started back up again and began to walk forward slowly, everyone's gaze still on me.
"Bitch!" I jumped, startled, looking to my left and saw Laurens face twisted with hate, regardless of this my feet carried on going, carrying me forward against my will.
"Desperate whore!" I turned again this time it was Rosalie who had said the words, a mask of disgust covering her face, never before had I seen such an expression on my sisters face. Her words slicing through me like a knife. My feet carried me forward before I could dwell anymore on what she had said, before I could move much further someone else joined in the taunting.
"Slut!" this time it was Alice I tried to look away but like my feet my whole body was on auto pilot and I was force to look at the disdain on Alice features, pain shooting through my heart. The insults just kept rolling by as I walked further forward, seeing faces of so many of the people I loved contorted with anger, disgust, hatred, malice and it was all directed at me.
"Liar!"
"You lead him on!"
"You're nothing!"
Insults kept coming and coming till I thought I would burst but my body would let me cry, wouldn't let me run away, wouldn't let me scream. Then, abruptly it stop the whole room fell silent and I had reached the stage, out of the darkness behind the curtains emerged a figure ,similar to the others in that its face was a mask of pure hate, but, this figure wasn't sneering or frowning it was grinning. The edges of its lips where turned up into a skin crawling smirk. The figure took another step right out into the light to reveal itself.
It was me.
I watched her as she walked closer to the stage never once breaking eye contact with me, she walked up behind Jacob and brought her hands up and placed the on the centre of his back.
"you all but pushed him off the stage" she said her voice eerie, she laughed, sending shivers down my spine but before I could react she pushed Jacob roughly off the stage and he plummeted down. The binds that had been holding my body before were realised and I screamed. I screamed so hard, my throat hurt I rushed forwards to try and catch him but before I could get there he disappeared into a shroud of darkness.
I watch as the rest of the room and the people in it begin to fall in to the darkness.
"Bella" a voice fluttered across my consciousness.
"Bella!" it was becoming urgent, but I was surrounded by the darkness it felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. It was closing in, getting closer. So close.
"BELLA!"
"Bella, Bella wake up" I felt my body being shook and the light making me see red behind my eyelids, my eyes shot open, and I gasped for air, clawing at the sheets to pull them off me to it the cool air hit my sweat covered body. I struggled as I felt to arms fold round me and hold me close, my struggling subsided into shaking and sobbing.
"Shhhh, Bella it was just a dream, your okay, I promise" Edward. He rubbed soothing circles into my back as sobbed into his chest unable to control my shaking body. "Your okay now, I've got you, nothing going to harm you not while I'm here" he whispered to me softly, it was then I slowly realised I didn't know why he was here.
"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" I murmured.
"Gym was my last class, so I ditched and came to see if you were okay" I lifted my head and took in the concerned expression on his face. "I was so worried, I heard you screaming, I ran up here to see you shaking and thrashing around in bed, shouting and screaming, then all of a sudden you stopped and you don't seem to be breathing, I thought I'd lost you. I was so scared Bella, what were you dreaming about?" I could see the worry written all over his face and the frown on his face, so I told him, I told him everything that had happened today, and then what I had dreamed about. By the end of it, he was fuming.
"So that's what they said." I nodded. "God they're so lucky they're girls, plus," he scoffed. "What they said was utter bullshit, you know Jacob and I spoke on the day he - he died." I nodded again not quite sure where he was going with this.
"He told me he loved you and that you loved him too, as much as I hate to say it he was right, if he'd thought you'd led him on he wouldn't have said that would he? He wouldn't have told me he was going to fight for you, because he knew you loved me and I you, if he really thought any of those things the girls said, he wouldn't have told me what he did." I honestly didn't know what to say I had no clue, but, one thing for me stood out, he knew I loved him, and to me, that meant everything.