Flash of Red and Black

Chapter II

"Since when do you snore?" I asked giving an evil grin down at the silver-haired man.

He blinked at me, keeping his expression neutral as he finished waking and took in his surroundings.

"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself? Maybe you just heard yourself snoring. You've always been pretty loud about it," he said, face totally blank. It made me want to believe him for a minute, but then I remembered that I just made up the whole snoring thing to begin with. I went for rolling my eyes. It wasn't like I was going to tell him that he didn't actually snore. I just wanted to see his reaction. Although his total lack of reaction was pretty disappointing.

"Whatever. Any idea when I can get out of here?" I asked, hoping for a good answer, but I wasn't expecting the one I got.

"You can leave today, if you like, Naruto," I heard from the other side of the room, and I quickly snapped my head in that direction, my face probably betraying my obvious hope.

"Seriously, Baa-chan!?"

The deceptively powerful woman gave a small smile and a nod before looking serious again.

"No training for a week, though, and no heavy meals, like ramen, for a day or two, but aside from that, you're free to go," she said, staying stern. She still looked tired, but I grinned and quickly dashed out of the bed and gave her a quick hug.

"You're the best, Baa-chan!" I said before grabbing my own clothes from the empty chair and dashing into the bathroom to change. I was more than ready to get out.

I could hear Kakashi and Baa-chan talking about something while I was changing, but their voices were too low to really hear, and I wasn't paying much attention. I was too happy to be getting out.

Once I finished getting dressed, I went back out into the room, still grinning. The other two stopped talking and looked at me. Tsunade just rolled her eyes at my excitement, but I could tell from the corner of my eye that Kakashi was studying me. I just ignored it and headed out, glad to finally be able to leave.

"Remember, Naruto! No training for a week!" Tsunade called after me as I headed out of the room.

I just tossed another grin at her over my shoulder. "Sure thing, Baa-chan! Be sure that you get some rest too!" I said before dashing away, hoping to escape before she changed her mind.

I dashed home as quickly as I could manage without calling on chakra (which was still pretty quick) and sighed happily once I was inside. Four weeks and time in the hospital really made me miss home. Though the feeling quickly faded once I realized just how quiet it was. This house couldn't really be called home yet either. Sasuke's headband that I'd so carefully kept was totally lost in the Pein invasion, and though I finally managed to find my team pictures, both of them were left with broken frames (though I couldn't deny that it seemed suiting).

I gave another sigh and decided on a bath to help clear my head and relax a bit. It was the next-best cure for a tired mind aside from ramen and training, and since I was banned from those two for a while, I figured I'd take the best option I had.

When I was finally able to sink into the hot water, I again felt a momentary bliss. (A good, hot bath was a nonexistent luxury on the battle field, and it was equally rare after the Pein attack up to my "S-ranked mission" just before I joined the war. So I hadn't had a real bath in what felt like a lifetime.) However, my moment of peace didn't last long. My mind faded into memories again, and I couldn't pull myself out.

oOo

Even as Sasuke's deafeningly silent heart cooled in my hand, Kakashi's voice managed to break the silence that had overtaken my mind.

"Naruto! Calm down. We have to fight right now."

He was right, of course. And so I shut it off. I shut everything off and left it all to deal with later. I pulled away from him and let the still-bleeding organ fall from my hand. My mind cooling and my eyes drying much as the blood of my best friend did on my clothes.

Then I called out all of my chakra reserves as I created several hundred clones. It didn't even take a second for all of my copies to switch to sage mode. Then we fanned out and broke through the remaining forces. I took down every zetsu in sight and I knew Kakashi was tearing through the forces too. It didn't take long for the whole field to be covered in unmoving white remains with a spatter of black and red in the center. I had no time to relax, though, because I could feel that chakra in the distance, and I knew that my target had returned.

Tobi was going down if it was the last thing I did.

oOo

I gasped when I heard a knock on the bathroom door and I ran my hand through my hair, trying to brush away the remaining memories, before pulling myself out of the cooling water and wrapping myself in a towel.

"Yo!"

I just stared. I'd just seen him at the hospital. I couldn't figure out why he was in my apartment now.

Giving up on understanding by staring I just gave a sigh and a shrug, waving him into the living room while I headed to my room to change.

Once dressed, I found Kakashi on my couch, a serious look on his face again, similar to the one he had in the hospital before … all that.

I took a steadying breath and sat down on the other end of the couch, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to be the one to bring it up.

"You've gotten quieter since you first joined my team," Kakashi finally said after an extraordinarily long silence.

"I don't have to be loud all the time anymore," I said, just giving a small shrug. And it was true. Even during my time at the Academy, I knew that most of my yelling and pranks were just for the sake of attention. Well, that and in order to do something that would actually warrant all the looks that the villagers gave me. (If they were going to hate me either way, I figured that I might as well do something fun that would deserve it.)

Kakashi said nothing, though I could feel him staring at me. I kept my eyes ahead, but I knew that he was trying to figure something out. I just let him. He could stare all he wanted, but I still refused to talk about what happened at the hospital, even if it meant staying in this not-quite-awkward silence for the next week.

After another few long moments of silence resting between us, Kakashi stood up. For a second I thought he was giving up on whatever he was trying to understand, but then he walked over and stopped in front of me. I looked up at him and just stared back. I had no idea what he was planning on doing. Had I not been so confused, I might have tried switching into chakra mode to at least read his feelings, but as it was, the thought didn't even cross my mind. Then Kakashi's hand landed on the top of my head, softly ruffling my hair again. I frowned at him some, but he was unaffected.

"I know that you don't have to force yourself to be loud anymore, but you don't have to force yourself to be quiet either."

I frowned at him even more and knocked away his hand. Something flashed through his features in that moment, but it was much too fast for me to decipher it.

"Thanks, but you don't have to worry about me," I said, finally looking away. I couldn't hold the eye contact any more after seeing that look on his face. I wasn't sure what it was, but something about it made him hard to look at.

But even looking away didn't change the fact that I knew he was still staring. It felt like his eyes were burning into me with emotions that I didn't want to acknowledge. I, in return, let my eyes burn a similar hole into the floor near his foot.

"There's no one I'd rather worry about."

My face, along with my mind, went blank at that point. What the heck did that mean? It's not like he had to worry about someone. And I was pretty sure that there were other people that he should worry about! Like Baa-chan. Or himself. Or Gai-sensei. (Gods knew that that man was worth worrying about on a good day. I might've liked him but even I admitted that he was… a bit off.) So I looked up at him again and went with the most intelligent response I could muster after a few moments.

"…Huh?"

I just got more confused when Kakashi wrapped his arms around me and pulled me towards him again, his hand doing that calming circuit from the back of my head to my neck and back again. I couldn't deny that I liked the feeling a bit, but the sentiment didn't last long.

"Naruto… What happened out there isn't the only thing you have to be upset about. You don't have to keep it in for the sake of everyone else. We all know you're strong. But don't forget that you're not the only strong one. The war began to protect you. We all still want to protect you."

I frowned and shoved, really shoved, Kakashi away as I got up.

"Yeah, right. Almost every fucking moment of my life has been worth being upset over, and I'm the reason that everyone is dead. Thanks for reminding me," I shot, not looking at him as I glared a hole into the floor of my apartment. I knew it wasn't what he meant, but really, did he have to keep bothering me about it?

"That's not—"

"Yeah, I know. But I just don't want to talk. And you get that, I'm sure. When was the last time you talked to anyone about why you're always late? Or what about the reason that you have that Sharingan? Or the Mangekyo, huh? I would say not for years, but knowing you, you've never talked to anyone about it. Ever. I doubt even the Fourth heard it from your own mouth. So don't bother with me either."

I continued staring at the floor for a moment before turning and heading back to my room. I caught a glimpse of Kakashi's expression as I moved, and the look was almost enough for me to apologize right then. Almost. Instead I continued towards my room, hoping to finally be left alone.

"I talk to Obito and Rin there. The memorial stone. I go every day that I don't have a mission. Sometimes I ask for advice, and I always lose track of time telling them about everything. Though Obito already sees it all thanks to this, I'm sure," he said as I heard his thumb tap the metal hanging in front of the Sharingan. I stopped cold in my tracks and turned to look at him. He was staring at the floor near my feet, though it wasn't the floor that he was seeing. I felt my gut tightening the more I watched him. It was enough to make me want to apologize for an hour for opening my mouth at all, but I didn't have the chance as he continued.

"He saved Rin's life and mine in exchange for his own in addition to giving me this," he said, dropping his hand again. I could hear his voice getting thicker. "When Minato-sensei showed, he apologized to me for some reason. It wasn't until recently that I understood why. But I still think that I didn't deserve an apology. I was already a jounin. I should have been able to handle rescuing a teammate by myself, let alone with a partner. There shouldn't have been any casualties."

He paused, and I thought he was finished, but I had only just opened my mouth to apologize when he began again.

"It wasn't until Rin's death that I understood why my father chose to be ostracized and to commit suicide over taking the mission and sacrificing his team. It was Obito who made me into a better shinobi and gave me the Sharingan, but Rin gave me the Mangekyo. I wonder if that lets her see everything too. If so, I guess it's a good thing that I read Jiraiya-sama's books with my other eye."

He gave a little laugh, but it was strangled. He was staring at the ceiling now, somewhere above my head, and I could see moist spots forming at the top of his mask.

I was horrified and shocked out of my silent stupor.

"I never wanted to make you actually say any of that!" I said, rushing over to him and grabbing his shoulders. "I just… I just didn't want to talk myself, so I thought you would understand but… But I never—!"

"It's fine."

He looked me straight in the eye and gave me a small, slightly sad smile. I could still see the tears staining his face and his mask, and my stomach twisted painfully once again.

"It's fine, Naruto. I only want to talk about with you it because it's you," he said, giving me another smile that looked a little less sad, and his tears had stopped falling, though their trails still lingered. Then he stepped back from my grasp, though he kept looking at me straight on.

"I'd like it if you'd also want to talk to me because it's me," he said, keeping his smile, though some unidentifiable emotion swept his face for a fraction of a second. "Although, I don't want to push too hard. I know that you can handle everything on your own. I just want you to know that you don't have to."

He kept looking at me, smiling just a bit, but my mind wasn't able to understand. Like normal, though, my body knew what to do anyway.

Before I knew it, I was right in front of Kakashi again and hugging him, apologizing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kakashi. I didn't want to make you say that. I'm sorry that you lost your student because of me. I'm sorry that you lost your sensei because of me. I didn't want to do that… I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry I couldn't do more. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I said, tears falling from my eyes again. I hardly even knew what I was saying. I just knew that I had to apologize for it all.

I didn't know what reaction I was expecting, but it wasn't the one I got.

All of a sudden I felt Kakashi's arms around me nearly squeezing me to death and his hand tangled in my hair while his forehead dropped to my shoulder.

"No! Naruto, stop. Stop. None of it is your fault. Don't apologize. You've always protected everyone from the moment that Minato-sensei sealed the Kyuubi into you. That alone is more than anyone should ever be asked to do, but you've done even more. This time I just want to help you. I've been a terrible sensei for all of you all these years, and I can't fix that now, but I want to help you. I want to try to at least scratch the surface of all that I owe you. Please, just let me help you carry the weight you've always held alone."

Again, I had no idea what to do or say. I was trembling with emotion in his arms and I knew for sure that I would go for a fight with Tobi over a battle with emotions any day, though at least I wasn't crying anymore.

"Why?" I asked, again going with the most intelligent thing that I could muster.

I felt Kakahi stiffen against me for a moment, but then he squeezed me a bit tighter. (I swear, if I'd been anyone else, I probably would've had a cracked rib or two.)

"Because I care," he said quietly.

I still didn't know how to interpret that, but no matter the meaning, it mattered. It mattered so much for me to hear that, especially from one of the special people in my life that I would do anything for. So, like all the other times that my heart was overwhelmed with emotions, I started crying again. Had I thought about it, I probably would have been surprised that I still had any tears left in me, but at least this time it was from happiness.

Kakashi again let his hand fall into that soothing movement from the back of my head to my neck and kept me close until I'd calmed down again. Once I was done crying I moved away and sat on the couch, and Kakashi followed.

"Maa, was it really that much of a surprise? You'll make me feel like even worse of a sensei, you know," he said, keeping his tone light. I smiled bit. I preferred this sort of conversation. It was more comfortable.

"It's not that!" I said, smiling apologetically while scratching the back of my head. "It's just… well, you know… not something I hear very often…" I said, looking away. I was surprised at myself for willingly taking the conversation to the more serious side. I blamed it on being tired.

I felt Kakashi's hand on my head, lightly ruffling my hair again. I could tell from the corner of my eye that he was looking forward too, though I was pretty sure that he was watching me discreetly. He didn't say anything, and for some reason, I felt that it was necessary to fill the silence. So I continued.

"The first person to ever even acknowledge me even a little bit was Iruka-sensei, just before joining your team. And then just before I went out to war, Iruka told me that I'm like a little brother to him. I didn't really know how to react then either. I was just so… overwhelmingly happy. I just met my mother not too long before that when I was fighting Kurama, so I was really just overwhelmed with happiness, but I didn't know how to react. I mean, who would know what to do when you've been totally alone for the first sixteen years of your life, and then all of a sudden you have a family? It was totally awesome, but still really weird. I'm just not used to it."

I smiled at noting in particular as I relived those memories. I could still feel a pleasant warmth course through me as I remembered. Kakashi stayed quiet and continued ruffling my hair, though at that point I hardly even noticed he was there at all. All the words were just spilling out of me and I was hopeless to stop them.

"And then there was the Ero-sennin, who was like a grandfather to me. When he died, all I wanted to do was take Pein down, and I didn't care if I was ripped to shreds in the process. I just wanted my hands to be coated in his blood, and I would have been just fine with letting Kurama take over if it allowed it, deba. But then I met the Yondaime. And he said that he had faith in me, even after I punched him in the stomach. I was stunned. And so happy. Just like when Jiraiya said that he would entrust his desire for peace with me. It made more sense what I had to do then, though. I mean, with Jiraiya I was still and idiotic kid, so I didn't really think about it. But with the Yondaime, I was in the middle of a battle, so I didn't have much time to be shocked. I still think about it, though. I'm sure that I could have had something better to say to him. I mean, I just met my dad for the first time! How could I just punch him, the Yondaime, in the gut and then go on a pointless rant? I should have said something better. With my mom too! I even thought that she was Kurama for a minute! I wasted so much of that little time we had. I should have thought of something better."

I was frowning at the wall when I finished for the moment, and Kakashi seemed to be able to tell that I was at least taking a break from my endless talking because he moved his hand from my neck to my shoulder and pulled me closer into a half-hug.

"They've been watching you this whole time. Minato-sensei, Kushina-san, Jiraiya-sama. They'll always be watching you. They all love you and are proud of you and want you to be happy. The same goes for Iruka-san too. And me too, you know," he said quietly, gently. I stilled as he spoke, and basically was a statue by the time he finished. After a few moments of silence, I sighed heavily and led my head drop as I stared at the floor.

"I just don't know what to do… when you say something like that," I said quietly, feeling awkward but happy.

"Just keep talking, Naruto," he said as his hand returned to its earlier calming movement, though we were still close.

I gave a small nod and paused for a moment, gathering my thoughts as much as I could before continuing.

"Even Iruka used to hate me, you know. I don't blame him for it, though. His parents were killed too, after all. I'm just glad that he was able look past his memories and see me for me. It's strange, though, now that all the other villagers are starting to see me too. They even ask me for my signature sometimes! But some of the ones asking for my signature seem to have forgotten that I'm still the same person that they yelled at and beat up. They forgot how they spat at me and cursed me. They forgot that they tried to kill me and encouraged their kids to try the same if they got the chance. They forgot that they hated me."

I stared at the wall as I clenched and unclenched my hands, ignoring the stinging in my eyes.

"Or maybe they're just ignoring it. Or maybe they're lying… Or maybe it's just that they all still blame me for all those deaths on my birthday, but they've forgiven me for it since I've saved that many lives at least five times over. But I don't want to be forgiven. I have no interest in it. I don't need it. Not for that. Not from them."

I paused again, feeling my eyes stinging more. I took a breath to try to calm myself a bit, but it just came out shakily.

"I don't want them to apologize either. I may not have deserved the blame that they threw onto me, but without it, I probably wouldn't be who I am today, so it's not all bad."

Kakashi's hand stopped moving and I could feel his eyes on me again. We stayed silent for a few moments as I waited for him to say whatever it was that I knew he wanted to say.

"Naruto…" was all he said, but his tone said much more. He sounded reproachful but there was some surprise in the word too. But I could tell from the corner of my eye that his expression was stern but tinged with guilt.

I didn't say anything, waiting for Kakashi to finish his thought. We stayed like that for a few more silent moments until I heard him speak barely louder than a whisper and with a voice full of worry.

"Is that really how you feel?"

I cringed and clinched my fists, fighting back tears again.

"…Naruto? Do you really feel that way? That you're the hero of the shinobi world because of their mistreatment?"

I grit my teeth more before finally letting it all out again, yelling and ignoring the tears slipping down my cheeks.

"Damn it! What the hell am I supposed to believe? I've been trying to rationalize their treatment of me from the first memory I have! I wondered if it was because I was an orphan, but then I found out I wasn't the only orphan! I thought that maybe it was because of my hair color or something, but then I saw that the Yondaime had almost the exact same hair color, and everyone adored him but would curse me in the same breath. So I started acting the way in a way that deserved the treatment they gave me, but then they just hated me even more, deba! But then I found out why they hated me. They hated me for something that I didn't fucking do! They hated me for existing! Every fucking one of them would have preferred me dead! How the fuck am I supposed to rationalize that! They have all wanted me dead from mere moments after I was fucking born! And the fucking council didn't just want me dead; they wanted me locked up in the deepest, darkest dungeon in the country until they could just 'release' me and force me into a rampage against whatever threat, like I'm some fucking raging animal. How the hell am I supposed to know how that changed me? It's all been there my whole fucking life! I don't know about any kind of 'before' since the only 'before' I had was the first five fucking minutes of my life! So I just assume that I wouldn't be who I am since I'm an idiot and can't make it make sense. And Mizuki wasn't the first person to pretend to be nice just for the chance to kill me either, so of course I don't know how to react when people are nice to me and seem to care. I was raised with loneliness, hate and betrayal, not love and warmth. I went from the cursed demon of Konoha to the celebrated hero of the world in just a few years, and I can't help feeling that I'm more like the demon. So I killed Tobi? Who fucking cares! I also killed countless people that were already dead and I took down all those Zetsu. Not to mention the fact that the war was started because of me! Every single one of those deaths is on my head. I may have saved more five times more lives than Kurama took when I was born, but I probably have ten times more lives riding on my head! Including my own parents and my godfather, one of the most beloved shinobi of Konoha! His life alone is probably worth another hundred in the eyes of most shinobi! Not to mention that you even fucking died because of me once!"

I was screaming out my choked words by the end of it. I was still staring straight ahead at the wall, but I couldn't see it anymore since I was crying so hard.

It wasn't until I felt Kakashi unfurling my hands that I realized I was bleeding from digging my nails into my palms so hard. He handled them gently and smeared the blood away with his thumb. Then he just stared at the small wounds quietly and watched them heal. He looked up at me and stared for a moment before wiping away the tears still falling from my cheeks. I wasn't sure if I could stop crying even if I tried.

"Naruto, none of it is your fault. But you deserve so much more than an apology," he said quietly.

He left his hand on my cheek and just ran his thumb across my skin, wiping away the tears that still fell. But then he moved suddenly and pulled me into another tight, warm hug.

"You deserve so much love and warmth and everything that you didn't have before," he said, just as quietly, but his words were even warmer with his embrace.

That was when I cried. I cried for everything I didn't have. I cried for all that I'd ever wanted. I cried for everything that I'd lost. I cried even more than I did in the hospital. I cried so much that I could hardly see.

After a while I felt something warm against my face, but I still couldn't see anything through the tears and they didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. Kakashi ran his hands in soothing circles on my back and neck and the unidentifiable softness on my face wiped away my tears as they fell. Eventually, my eyes ran out of liquid and my breathing evened out, so the crying was over.

I looked at Kakashi and smiled at him just barely, thanking him silently, but then the unexpected happened.

Since I wasn't crying anymore, my vision was no longer obscured, so I had a perfect view of Kakashi pulling down his ever-present mask. But even more, I felt the same warmth that was clearing my face of my tears mere moments earlier moving from my temple to my cheek to my lips. But this time I felt no fabric, and this time I knew what it was.

Kakashi kissed me.