CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

Things changed subtly at first. While Edward was jumping for joy and patting himself on the back for a job well done, I was still cautious. Well we were both cautious, just in different ways. I took the new-found information and treated it like it was all tentative. Until I could see the baby actually growing and getting bigger and healthier…awe hell, I don't think I would believe I was going to be its mother until I could actually hold that baby in my arms. I just knew that when it came to my life, everything good was usually followed up by something bad. So I remained cautious with my hopes.

Edward stared off slowly. I think he was in such a state of bliss and euphoria that it didn't hit him as fast. At first I believe his reactions were due to some form of intuitive nature. When his brain finally caught up with the fact that we were going to have a baby and I would be that vessel for the next nine months, small changes here and there suddenly became big changes, some of which were utterly ridiculous.

"Who should we tell first?" Edward first words the minute we were back in the car. Of course first he made sure I was in the car, overly helping me as the first small sign that change was on the horizon.

"I don't think we should tell anyone yet."

"Bella…we are not doing this again. I am not going to try to keep a secret for months on end like with our relationship. I can't keep this secret. I want to tell the whole world."

"It's not a good idea…let's just make it through the third month. They say it's not good to do so before then because at any moment we could lose this baby and I don't want to have to go through telling everyone and then telling all those people again how I lost our baby." I argued.

"If something happens…it will not be your fault."

"Look, all I know is that when things are going good and I'm happy…shit happens to destroy all that. I just want to fly under the radar as long as possible. Please…I just can't go through…"

"Okay. Okay…but I think we should at least tell the people we live with…there going know something's up when you spend most of your day in the bathroom…plus I just think it's a good idea so that they know to keep an eye out."

You mean keep an eye on me, I suspected.

"I don't think we should tell Gracie and Savannah yet…they could say something unintentionally to the wrong people…at least can we wait on the three-month mark for that…my birthday?"

"Okay."

It was like we were sitting around a table in legal negotiations.

"And your little…Tria Fata?" I inquired.

"With your permission."

I was already shaking my head.

"Come on, Bella. This is important…they…I want them to know because as worried as you are…I am also worried and I would feel better knowing that they could help if needs be."

"Edward, you tell them and then Rosalie, Alice all of them are going to know and then the girls will want to pester me about baby showers and whether it's a boy or is it a girl? I just want to make it to my birthday without these hopes that can all be blown away at any minute. It took us this long to have this." I replied placing my hands on my stomach. "Do you not understand that at any minute my body could reject this…this gift. People are going to be happy…and I just want to remain realistic."

"The guys won't tell their partners if I ask…Bella, I need to do this."

Tria Fata through and through.

"Fine but if something bad happens…I'm blaming your need to spread the word prematurely." I sighed.

"Can't we just be happy, Bella. This is amazing…it's an amazing moment. I'm fairly certain that if you were more positive it would help your body tremendously. You can't be all stressed out. Please try to be happy."

It was so stupid that I needed to hear from my husband his pleas for my happiness. This should be one the happiest days of my life but being new to all this, I was scared. Terribly scared that at any moment my happiness could be stolen from me.

Edward drove us home and I could see out of the corner of my eye each and every time it hit him. He would be staring off into space and suddenly a wide smile would appear and I could see his chest swell with pride.

We finally arrived home and it was perfect picture. The girls were already in the pool, swimming around while Jacob kept an eye out on them.

"Did you guys have breakfast yet?" I asked walking out the back door.

"We ate cereal….and Jacob gave us chocolate." Gracie told us.

"Gracie." Jacob scolded her. "You were supposed to keep that a secret."

Exhibit A for why we couldn't tell the girls yet.

"Were did you guys run off to so early this morning." Jacob asked.

"Um…" I didn't know how to reply.

"We need to talk to you." Edward finished.

"Now?"

Edward nodded his head.

"Becks, watch the girls for me." Jacob shouted.

"Mommy, are you going to come in and play with us?" Gracie asked.

"I will be in after breakfast, okay?" I knew I needed to get back to work but I also wanted to spend some time with them. I suddenly became emotional at the very thought.

Edward started to get some stuff out for breakfast and asked Jacob if he could go and get Embry. My mother, we would need to tell later when she came back home.

"Nervous?" Edward asked.

"Yes…but probably not for the same reasons you think I am." I replied. "I see you're making eggs. Already my stomach's unsettled."

"I can make something else. Whatever you want. Is there something that sounds good to you?"

I thought for a moment but nothing sounded good to me.

"I don't know, maybe I'll make myself a smoothie or something." I cringed.

"Well, you need to try to eat something. I have your vitamins that you need to start taking."

"What's up? Why was I woken up at this hour? What's the family drama now?" Embry asked. His hair was still a fright and his eyes were half-open.

"We have news." Edward started. I walked away from him and his cooking, the site of the eggs still unsettling me. Edward's smile was clearly a dead giveaway.

"Holy shit! Are you serious?" Jacob asked.

"We're going to have a baby." Edward confirmed.

"For real?" Embry boomed.

"That's what I'm talking about." Jacob ran toward me and picked me up, spinning me around.

"Jacob, be careful." Edward yelled.

"PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed. "I'm going to vomit."

Jacob placed me back down on the ground.

"This is just the best fucking news in the world. I'm going to be a godfather." Jacob boasted.

"Uh…excuse me? I'm going to be a godfather." Embry cut in. "Shit I've known her longer."

"I've known Edward longer." Jacob argued.

"Baby mamma trumps baby daddy."

"Nobody is going to be a godfather until this baby is born." I shouted over them.

Every stopped and stared at me.

"You know for someone who has wanted this for so long…you sure don't seem too happy." Jacob commented.

"Ugh! I'm going to go throw up." I huffed leaving them to whatever quarrels they wanted to have.

I pulled a pillow off my bed and tossed it in front of my toilet. I set myself up for what I was assuming would be a long minute. Those damn eggs had set me off. I was feeling somewhat normal until I started picturing their slimy goo and smell…damn that smell.

I was just imagining what Edward was telling the boys downstairs. My wife has gone a tad mental…seems to think that her happiness will cause a miscarriage. Keep watch over her. Lord knows that Bella is not adult enough to watch out for herself. Be sure to hold her hand when crossing the street and take extra care to make sure she eats all her veggies.

The whole idea already pissed me off. With Tria Fata being next on the list, I started to think that the moment that Garrett tried to tell me while we were working even one thing about how I need to "take it easy" I was surely going to rip him a new one.

And by the way, did I even mention yet that the act of vomiting was highly uncomfortable and disgusting and there would be tears and sweat and smells and just thinking back to that period in my life is riling me back up.

Even if all that suffering was all worth it in the end.

"Hey, my little puking princess…"

"Go away, Jacob." I managed to say.

"Awe, come on… you have got to lighten up." He sat himself down on a small stool we had in our detached bathroom. Mostly it just held magazines and trades. Edward bought it to help me out when I had trouble reaching things.

"Jacob, this isn't one of those times when I relish being around people or having heart to hearts. I feel like shit."

"Come on, princess." Jacob sighed and held my hair back for me while I began once more. "Do you feel ready for some mouthwash?"

I nodded and Jacob stood up flushing the toilet for me while I laid there with not even enough energy to pick myself up.

Jacob came back and appraised me. He put his hands under my arms and lifted me up. He handed me the cup of mouthwash and I stumbled over to the sink to rinse and repeat.

"Should I…leave the pillow?" Jacob questioned staring at it.

"It's Edwards…the small sacrifices we all must make." I shrugged.

"All righty."

I made my way back to my bedroom and heaved myself up on the bed. Jacob followed and jumped in next to me.

"The last time I checked, this wasn't your bed." I stated.

"The last time I checked my friend wasn't such a downer."

"Jacob, you're not going to win the campaign for godfather because you held my hair back once. I don't need any advice, just please go and leave me in peace."

"Bells, you gotta perk up. My god, do you even realize how blessed you are? I'm not going to allow you to spend the next nine months in misery because you think the universe needs to be cosmically balanced. You're allowed to feel physically shitty these first couple of months. Between fatigue and vomiting…trust me when I tell you…the universe, its balanced."

I turned over to face away from him.

"Just for a second…picture it. Picture this amazing beautiful baby…laying there in your arms as Edward runs around freaking the fuck out because once again he forgot to buy diapers. You, sitting in a rocking chair, scolding him for his lapse because you both are exhausted…haven't slept for days…"

Was this supposed to cheer me up?

"The girls come running in and want to see their new brother or sister but all the loudness wakes the baby up and suddenly it's screaming…because it colicky. Your mother is nagging you because you haven't seen a shower for days; you smell of sweat, baby throw up and poop. In fact your whole room smells like a circus just came right on through."

"Jacob, is there a point to this…this…story?" I rolled back over and finally stopped him fearing that it was just going to get worse and worse.

"Oh…you wanted a point?" he joked and I gave him a sinister narrowing of my eyes, "The point is…Bella, the point is that not every day is going to be perfect in your life…so you gotta be thankful for the days that almost reach it. Today is just about as close to perfect as you can get. You're having a baby, my god. You and Edward created a miracle. So stop being such a scaredy bitch and be happy."

"But what if…" I couldn't finish.

"Then…it wasn't meant to be and yes, that day will be a shitty one but if it wasn't meant to be right now, it doesn't mean that it's never meant to be. The more you allow yourself to feel this pressure and stress, the worse it will be for little bean."

"Little bean?"

"I saw the ultrasound. I practically had Edward draw exactly where the thing was…can't see much at this point. It looked like a bean, although I can call it your little pea since you are a princess after all."

I smiled softy, "Do you really think everything is going to be okay?"

"Yes. I will make sure of it." Jacob got up and came right over to my stomach, "Your mother is hella crazy." Then he whispered, "I'll keep her in check, Little Pea."

Edward walked in and I can imagine just what must have been going through his mind to see me laying on the bed while Jacob was over my stomach.

"Get off! I don't want the baby mistaking you as the father. If anyone is going to talk to her stomach it's going to be me."

I couldn't hold back the laughter as I saw Edward practically kicked Jacob out. Edward closed the door and then excitedly jumped into bed with me. "Hey where's my pillow?"

"Uh…sacrifices must be made?" I shrugged.

"That's okay…I think I will just lay here." Edward planted his head on my stomach.

I rolled my eyes, "Hear much down there?"

"Not yet but I'm looking forward to the day I can hear the heat beat."

"I'm looking forward to the day the baby kicks you in the head." I quipped.

Edward looked up at me with his mouth wide open.

"You seem to be in better spirits." He remarked.

"Jacob, promised me that nothing bad will happen." It was such a thin shred of hope to hold onto and Jacob didn't disappoint. In fact I used to wonder if he felt so compelled to protect this offspring because he didn't think he would ever get to experience having a baby himself. However when he finally did become a father, I could finally see that even though my children weren't his, he still loved them as much as he loved his own.

Those first couple of weeks were rough, I will admit. It took everything in me to maintain the facade that everything was okay. The girls were suspicious but I just explained that I had a little flu bug that had been going around and I would be fine.

I could already feel Garrett watching me while we were in meetings or working to get everything ready, apparently he was intelligent enough to not say a word.

My mother was nearly over the moon before realizing that my father wouldn't be here for this and just hearing how he would have loved to have been a grandfather sent us both into a fit of tears. Thankfully she hadn't mentioned it since because I really couldn't handle thinking about that.

I started to lighten up and be at peace with the whole whatever happens, happens but every once in a while I would take a step back but Edward would usually start to recognize the signs and come through with finding ways to calm and motivate me.

The movie was a blessing. It was exactly what I needed to get me through those crazy nine months. There were many ups and downs. Great moments, scary moments, frustrating moments and crazy moments.

I know as I write out what took place over the next several hundred pages or so, you may think that I was crazy but I don't know how to describe all the reasons I wasn't in my right mind. Thankfully, I had a strong support system behind me that kept me from making stupid decisions and trust me there were some real doozies.

Of course I wasn't the only one who had their moments of crazy.

"Bella, I have been thinking…and I really think maybe it would be best if you stepped down from this movie."

That was one.

"Baby, please just hear me out. A bodyguard is not such a bad idea…I mean, you are a celebrity after all and it would only take one crazy mob of paparazzi or a crazy fan…"

Another one.

"You're eating for two now, do you really think a McDonald's French fry is the best source of nutrition…"

Yeah, he almost lost an eye on that one.

Trust me, we will get to them all.

But we'll start with the first one.

"I wish you would reconsider. You can afford to take a couple of days off." Edward tried and tried to bribe me to come with him on his next Chicago filming trip.

"You know I can't. With us starting to film in September, we still don't have a Kathryn yet. I need to be here for these auditions. This is all vital."

"Bella, I have been thinking…and I really think maybe it would be best if you stepped down from this movie."

I started to laugh. I loved when Edward was being absurd.

"I'm being serious." He tried again but I found him too funny for words. "Bella, this isn't safe…I don't like you working so hard during this time. There will be other opportunities."

"Uh…excuse me Mr. Cullen…would you like me to have a court reporter play back your words to you? Remember when I posed this question back on your birthday fuck? I mean birthday looovvvee making session. I asked you what if we get pregnant and you said, oh Bella you would have a couple short months of pre, move straight on into filming, you'll be done by February. I want you to have this opportunity…it's for your career…want you to be happy…well, we have a couple of short pre-production months. We start filming in September and will be done by Christmas so everything is working out according to your original plans, mister."

"I did say that, didn't I?" Edward grumbled. "You know…but now that this is just so real…I didn't think it would all happen so fast."

"FAST?" I exclaimed. "We've been trying since our honeymoon. If that's fast, we need to reevaluate your vocabulary."

"Bella, the point is, I don't want you stressing yourself out needlessly. I would feel better if you just…relaxed. Take some time off."

"No."

Edward took a breath and I could see his face turning red. "Would you just for one god damn time in your life..." He started to yell.

"Don't yell at me. You are just back peddling because I'm not going to Chicago with you. You made your professional decision, well I am making mine. I'm not going to give up the only thing that is keeping me sane at the moment."

"This isn't just about you anymore. I don't want you working during your pregnancy."

"Then you should have thought about that before you pushed this project at me and gave me hope. I'm not quitting so you can mad dog me all you want but you don't get to make all the decisions for me. This baby is fifty percent mine and fifty percent yours but my body is a hundred percent mine."

"Try not to be selfish for…"

"Edward, go to Chicago and please don't come back until you have reevaluated those next words."

I slammed the bedroom door behind me. I didn't see Edward after that.

That was fight one and unfortunately it got a hell of a lot worse before it got better but…I don't think I can bear to relive those moments long enough to go into that story. Who knows maybe someday, I will decide to write that part back in but for now, I'll just leave it at this and continue on.

Anyway my point is that we were all having difficulties adjusting to this new life. Like I said, I wasn't proud of some of the things I did or said but I wasn't always in my right mind, admittedly. Edward was the same.

A few weeks after this fight, we were back to normal. Of course we were because, no matter how hard things are in life, you always return to the ones you love.

During those couple of weeks in August, a lot happened all at once. We finally found our Kathryn. Thanks to me. After taking quite a time going through casting call after casting call, I made a suggestion and even though she was a tad young. Everyone knew we struck gold when Renesmee Wolfe came into audition. Remember Renesmee, she was the one who worked on a Liberty Project video last year. Well, I pitched her to the group and by the end of the day, she had the part.

Her and Jacob had a chemistry unmatched and yes, I am taking responsibility for that too.

"So…what do you think about her?" I asked Jacob as we watched Renesmee leave for the day with her new script in hand.

"She…is…extraordinary. Such an old soul…but not in a bad way." Jacob replied.

"Why would it be bad to have an old soul? You know Jacob, there are girls out there who are intelligent and beautiful. You don't always need to go swimming in Victoria Secret pools."

"Renesmee…she's not like a Victoria Secret model…she's…like the kind of girl you marry."

I was taken aback, he seemed like he was really in to her.

"Jacob." I said slowly. "I understand that it might have been awhile since your little red rocket has accomplished take off…but please, try to remain professional. At least until after we are done filming. I don't want you running this girl off with your man whore ways."

"Wow, nice to know what you really think of me and for the record, it's not little or red."

"I love you, Jacob but…you have a past and…we just really need this movie to work and it can all be screwed by…people screwing."

"Calm down, princess. I won't be screwing anything…" he rolled his eyes and I felt marginally better but then again, sometimes Jacob had a little trouble with keeping his word when it came to the little red rocket thinking for him."

The other big happening was when Embry gave me an early birthday present. I don't know if he was still fighting with Jacob over that godfather position or what but I didn't care.

"What are your plans for your big day this year?" Embry interrupted me at the house the day after Edward and I had our big fight and left for Chicago. I was tired and still hadn't heard from him so I was also kind of nervous.

"What big day?"

"Your birthday, of course."

"Oh…I can't imagine we…er…I am doing much?"

"No big ass party this year?" Embry asked.

"No, Edward doesn't need a platform to purpose so…"

"Well, then I have the plans. I have taken your advice and decided that now is the best time to see if I can handle a full concert."

My head snapped up to him, my contract sheets long forgotten.

"What?"

Embry put that big goofy smile on his face. " Yea…you heard me. But, in order for it to happen so fast, I needed to move it to my home town. There's a venue willing to host me and be ready…I'm going to be live in concert on September thirteenth."

"Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD!" I jumped up, the papers went flying. I practically jumped on Embry, hugging the snot out of him.

"What the hell is going on?" Jacob barked coming into the room while I was in my moment of party.

"Embry's going to do a concert for my birthday…well not for my birthday but on my birthday." I turned back to Embry, "oh my god, I have been waiting for this for nearly…ever."

I hugged him again and heard Jacob mumble, "You won this round."

This concert was something that I have been dreaming of ever since I came to know his music. Of course I invited Angela to come along with me. I couldn't wait for my birthday.

The time was flying by fast and even though Edward finally came around to understand that I needed this movie to focus on, that didn't stop him for being overly cautious all the time. However with all this focus on the project, it really didn't leave me all the much time for hijinks and shenanigans. So in a way, you could place that in the win column for Edward.

My August flew by and come September it looked like I was going to have one crazy month. With filming starting off in Washington and the concert in New York I was going to attend, I knew it was going to get mighty crazy, I just didn't know how crazy.

AN: Have a feeling I will be hearing some words on this chap. Anyway, I still thank you for your reviews and taking the time to read. Thank you!