Hello! Thanks to Ragni(Gotcha!), Anime, Disaster and of course, NY Gal. Will look forward to your feedback on this one as well even if not a lot 'happens' in this chapter. Next update probably on Tuesday night or Wednesday, depending on my state of exhaustion.

Enjoy!

Chapter 82

My sleep was gone. I lied down on my cot and thought about Johnson and BJ and Peg and little Erin and Dad and how I had let all of them down in some way or the other. Well, I hadn't let Erin or Peg down yet but if BJ found out about my letter and did not like the idea which was not totally unexpected and flipped and hurt his wife and his little girl, then I would've let them all down in one fell swoop. Whoever told me to act as a marriage counselor? Or a couple's counselor, as was the case with Dad?

There was only one thing common. All of them never asked for my help and for all I knew, my intervention only worsened the situation.

'You are not omnipotent!'

Nope. Not unless its about butting in where my nose doesn't belong, no. I'm not!

'Your nose belonged in your Dad's business. He pulled your nose in it. And BJ was going crazy. How could you let that happen? And how can you think like that about Billy? He needed you the most. And you helped him the most.'

You are wrong! Dad involved me because I made him remember my resentment in this matter after Mom died. And BJ is fine now. He is gonna remain fine unless he finds out about the letter. And Billy? I screwed up by not checking him. I should've gone and checked on him in the pre-op. I would have asked for chest X-Rays. Frank hasn't worked in thoracic surgery. Potter hasn't. I had the reflexes to check and they didn't and I should have checked.

I should have checked and that was all that mattered to Johnson. That was all that mattered, period.

I don't know when I dozed off. It was a fitful sleep. I woke up at the sound of a bird making pitiful noises as if mortally injured, right behind the Swamp. My heart raced and my ears rang but soon as I was awake, the noise was gone.

It couldn't be.

I just shook my head and tried to go back to sleep again. I was successful for once and even as I dreamed, I knew I was asleep which was good. I was home again. I could smell the fresh spring in the air and was walking behind my house to the pond when I heard this bird crying again. I tried to find the bird and it was lying under a tree and Billy was standing next to it, looking at it with a neutral expression. He looked at me when I got close to him but didn't say anything. The way he looked at me, with blame and accusation, I felt a chill and dread go down my spine. I knew what he meant.

NO!

I woke up. Why did I have to remember that, of all things?
It was almost five pm and I had enough dreams for the day so I decided to go check on Cpl. Billy Johnson.

He was awake but groggy and feverish. He had spiked at 102.5 before settling on 101.2 after some Aspirin. His heart rate was up and his BP was barely holding above ninety systolic. His labs were back and if they weren't bad, they weren't encouraging either. His kidneys and liver were showing signs of the abuse they suffered earlier and his repiratory rate was close to thirty despite being on oxygen.

"You're back." BJ commented without much surprise or emotion.

"Yeah." I was not in the mood for conversation. I was a little surprised with BJ's total turnaround from our last encounter before he left for Seoul and wasn't sure of my footing. I ought to have been angry at him for the way he acted that night but right now, there were more pressing matters at hand. There was an undercurrent of tension between us but again, it could wait.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"I slept. I came to relieve you."

"Right." And with that, he went silent.

I picked Johnson's X-rays and started looking for something I may have missed and then I listened to his abdomen and chest for good measure. His breathing effort was below par and his abdomen was silent. Still wondering what I could possible do to get him back on track, I went through everything in my head. Nothing came to my mind.

I decided to make a round of rest of the post-op and see how rest of the patients were doing. Sometimes, that helped me find a solution when I had the good sense to leave it alone. Mostly, it just preoccupied me to the point where everything stopped existing. But the thing was, either way, I always found a solution!

Rest of them were doing fine. All were stable and most were awake. Billy's buddy was the last one I visited. Maybe it was part of my masochism, I couldn't say.

He was stable and doing fine, all things considered.

"How you doin', Cpl.?" I asked him, leaning to check his dressing which was dry.

"I'm fine, sir. How's Billy?" The venom from earlier was mostly gone but I couldn't help feeling accusation in his tone.

"We had to reoperate on him. He had shrapnel in his belly. I took it all out this time." I could not bring myself to lie or make a false promise however hard I wanted to do it, if only to make it come true just because I made it or willed it to happen. Billy looked bad and that was the truth.

"Captain! There is scuttlebutt that you screwed up the surgery earlier today and then went back in to fix your mistake when Captain Hunnicut was there to help you." Sanders put it bluntly and matter-of-factly and I wondered how he knew, lying in bed and all. Surely no nurse could have said that. Nobody did something like that even if it was true, which it wasn't. There were only three people in the OR with me and one of them was also associated with Frank. Where Margaret hated my guts almost as much as Frank did, she was throughly professional. Was it time for my comeuppance? Frank had found the perfect collaborator to cook lies and avenge all his indignation?

"You know what they say about scuttlebutt, right?"

"I know, sir. And everybody says you are the best surgeon in this unit, if not in all of Korea. But sir, Billy and I grew up together. He's like my brother. And I saw him after his first surgery and he was fine and then you saw him and he has been getting worse with every hour. I am worried, Cap'n."

"I know, kid. I know. I'm worried too." I figured he didn't need to know that all of this unavoidable. He had his own recovery to consider right now. "Can you trust me if I say that I'll do everything in my power to get him better?"

"No sir." He again put it bluntly though not unexpectedly.

"Can you at least try? I want him to make it too, almost as much as you do." Maybe more than you do. I can see his Mommy waiting for her baby to return.

"I dunno, Cap'n. Why would you care? You have so many patients everyday. I don't know any doctor care like you say you do unless he is guilty and has something to hide." My blunt friend did not hold back much. Although admirable under normal circumstances, I was finding this straightforwardness rather unsettling.

"Alright then, Corporal. You focus on your recovery. You will be back on your feet soon."

"And then you will send me to front so I won't say anything about what you did to Billy. I've heard many stories, sir!" Came the heated reply.

What was with all the hostility, accusation and irrationality all around?

"Take care, Sanders!" And with that, I made some notes on his chart and left for the table currently occupied by BJ.