CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
I was a frantic mess with the short turnaround from New York. We would be coming home for less than twenty-four hours to head off to Oregon. Looking back I think I was a frantic mess more on the notion that I would be taking an important role in a major motion picture feature and in just less than forty-eight hours it would all begin filming.
"Bella, stop running around like a crazy woman…if you forget anything, it can be mailed or you can buy another." Edward tried to calm me.
Even when we got onto the plane and the door shut enclosing us, my mind was still frantically going through a check list.
"Baby…you need to relax. You're only going to be gone for two weeks not two months."
But I didn't hear him. I couldn't hear him until…
"So…I've been reading this book that Alice dropped off…" Edward started.
"Is this about the poop?" I said not even realizing it.
"Poop?" Edward furrowed his brow.
"Uh…never mind."
Guess I was the only one privy to that little morsel of knowledge.
"Anyway, I scheduled an appointment the first day you're back in California. We are not waiting any longer and you will be showing up to this appointment if I have to…club you over the head and drag you there."
"Wow, how very caveman of you." I remarked.
"I know that it's too early for Lamaze…"
"Edward, maybe you should put that book down. It's much too early for a lot of things."
"Honey, I know that you are having a bit of trouble coming to the reality of the situation but we cannot ever be too too prepared."
Sensing that I wasn't going to be able to steer this conversation away, I set back in my seat and took a deep cleansing breath before replying.
"What would you like to discuss?"
"Uh…well…I.." he was flustered by my quick acceptance. No doubt he had already prepared for a lot of stressing banter to get me on board with even the idea of this conversation.
"Breastfeeding?" he offered.
"What about it? Want to stake your claim to my left or right tit now?" I teased.
"No…I mean how do you feel about it?"
"I don't know." I shrugged.
"Baby names?" He threw out.
"I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl."
"Do we even want to know when we have that option?" Edward asked.
"Absolutely. I can't even get through a book without reading the last chapter first. You think I want to be surprised? Surprises are overrated."
"Okay…great. See we are already making headway. Have you thought about…"
"Edward, I try not to think because I know if I think then I will begin to think too much, you get me?"
"Well you can't just stick your head in the sand. Some of these things should really be thought out before the big day. Like do you want an epidural…or…"
"Natural. I am going AL natural. No big fuc…freaking needle will be in my back." I would have thought that would be a given.
"However there have been studies that prove the epidural can help with causing a less stressed environment for the baby…you should at least think about it."
"Edward, when you push a baby out your penis hole then I won't judge you if you need an epidural but until then we are going to do this my way and I say no to drugs…besides there are studies that show that complications happen with epidural's so why don't you go and research that."
"Bella, I know you and I know your very low pain threshold…you want the epidural." He contested.
"No. I don't. You're not going to get me to change my mind on this." I crossed my arms.
"How about we just leave it for now…whatever's best for the baby."
I laughed disbelieving. "Edward, you're not going to win every argument with the whole what you feel is "best for the baby" contention."
"Don't you think that is a reasonable argument…I only want what is best for my wife and my baby. How can you argue with that?"
"Because you have a very warped perception of what is or isn't best. You can say that you don't want me eating fast food anymore because it's not "best for the baby.""
"Well you are eating for two now, do you really think a McDonald's French fry is the best source of nutrition…"
"You try taking away my McDonald's French fries and I'll make sure you never can reproduce again."
"Whoa…calm down…I was just saying…"
"I'm sorry…I'm just so hungry. My head hurts and you want to debate so much right now and all I want to do is lay on a bed of McDonald's French fries, why did you have to bring those up." I whined.
"I'm sorry honey, I had no idea. We had breakfast before we left…I would have thought that was enough."
"It should be enough. God, I'm such a great big pig. I'm a black hole for food to disappear and never be heard from again."
"Why don't we lay down? The flight is only just a little longer…we're almost to Portland. I will call ahead to the driver and ask him to bring some…McDonald's French fries to the airport."
"Really?" I asked with tears in my eyes. Why was I crying? It was McDonald's for god sakes.
"Lay down. I'll be right back." Edward walked toward the front and picked up the phone; after a few minutes he came back with a triumphant smile on his face.
"You're the best. I mean it, Edward. You're going to make a great father." I cried.
"Baby, why are you crying? It was no trouble." Edward hugged me.
"I don't know…I just…don't know…"
Our plane landed and my tears was replaced with a somewhat unhealthy determination to get to that driver who held the key to happiness. However, when we walked through the airport we were suddenly accosted by a crazed amount of paparazzi which was unusual. Not unusual for us to be accosted by paparazzi, unusual because we were far from home. Why would anyone want to waste money coming here?
"Hold on to me." Edward had me in his strong grasp as he shuttled me through the throngs of flashing lights and commotion. The airport security jumped to our rescue and helped us get to the car. It was a mad house.
"Oh my god…why would they be here?" I asked.
Edward did not look pleased. "Because…now they know and they will be doing everything they can to get a picture of your pregnant belly." He shook his head. "FUCK!"
I jumped back in my seat a little startled by his outburst.
"I'm sorry, baby. Here have your fries." He handed me the bag but I suddenly didn't feel too hungry. "Bella go ahead…"
"Why are you so mad…it's not like we don't deal with this every day?"
"I don't like their lack of respect. I know we don't deserve privacy but I absolutely hate when they swarm like that. If anyone of them ever even fucking touched you…"
"Edward, it's okay. We're okay. It won't be bad. I will be in restricted areas mostly while I'm up here. They won't be able to swarm me…I'll be fine." I tried to calm him.
I guess I had wished that Jacob would have joined us after all. I think Edward would have felt a lot better having backup.
The house that Edward had picked out for us to stay in while we were in Oregon was absolutely stunning. It was an older Victorian style house and it was weird because for a short moment I could picture my life in this house. I could see all my kids playing in the yard outside surrounded by the massive tall trees. I had a feeling that Gracie would love this house when she got here.
"What time is everybody arriving?" I asked after we had managed to get our luggage to our room.
"Tonight."
"Do you mind if I lay down…I'm feeling tired for some reason."
"Of course not. Would you like some company?"
Edward laid down with me and I was completely and fully relaxed. I think I gave my credit to that house. It was quiet and peaceful. No one around for miles. When I awoke a couple of hours later, the peace and quiet was missing. I could hear Jacob trouncing around below. His voice booming. My god, it sounded like a party.
I got up and slipped into a maxi dress, compliments from Marcus when he sent me a whole new wardrobe after the dress incident before my birthday party.
"There she is." Jacob announced as I came down the stairs.
"I'm making dinner. It should be ready soon." Edward replied.
I nodded still waking up from my nap.
"Heard you had a little scare at the airport. Sorry I wasn't there to help make all your fears go away." Jacob smirked.
"I wasn't scared. Besides, I had Edward, what would I need you for." I quipped.
"You'll always need me, Bella. You can't imagine life without me. You loooovvvvee me." He sang.
"I think it's time for your weekly head deflation."
"All right come on guys. Stop bickering and lets focus on what needs to happen tomorrow." Garrett put a cease on our banter.
I was starting to worry because I had slept so much that day and had no problem getting to sleep that night. Part of me was concerned that heading into this filming and knowing I would need to work twelve to sixteen hour days, would I really be able to manage?
The first week with Edward there went well. He was very attentive but not overbearing. He would always have something on hand for me to eat and help me sneak in naps on breaks, always waking me before I needed to be back. I was worried the first time he told me that he would wake me that he would just let me sleep through but I think he knew that I needed to trust him so he didn't do anything to jeopardize that.
Renesmee came over after filming ended each day to either have dinner with us or sit around and just hang out. I loved her and I had a feeling that Jacob was on that boat as well but it still worried me that we would have this massive drama during filming that would cause stress to the production. She actually reminded me a little of Jacob's sister, Becky but I knew if I told him that he would think I was being mean.
Becky had been accepted into USC and was studying there. She still lived at home but I could tell she might be moving to the dorms next semester. Jacob was having to get used to all her freedom and ability to go out and date without needing his consent but…where were we? Oh yea…Renesmee…
"You really like her, don't you?" I asked.
Jacob and I were sitting on the porch just looking up at the night sky so full of stars that we could never see in L.A.
Jacob took a swig from his beer and laughed. "Jealous?"
"No…I…you know how I feel. I just want to make sure that we do…"
"I know Bella. I have to keep my massive creamy tan rocket in my pants."
I rolled my eyes. Jacob was always offended when I referred to his dick as a little red rocket.
"Shouldn't you be inside getting your pregnancy freak on before Edward leaves tomorrow?" he asked.
"We will…but Edward won't be gone for long. He just has some stuff to finish up and then apparently he is retiring." I sighed.
Jacob dropped his beer bottle and it squirted all over the deck including my feet.
"What?"
"Dammit Jacob! You got that foul urine smelling shi…stuff all over me."
"What did you mean retiring?" he pressed.
"Exactly what I said…geez do you need a dictionary?"
Jacob stared off into space in thought.
"What? Is he not allowed to? Did I not read that chapter in your bro book?" I huffed.
"This is…wow. He hasn't shared this with us yet."
"Then color me honored. My husband told his wife something before he told his…brothers in arms."
"Don't give me that shit. You keep shit from him all the time." Jacob sassed.
"You keep that foul mouth up and you my friend, will definitely be out of the running for godfather."
"Me? Hell, you swear so much you make…E.C. Crime blush."
We sat back down, the beer still seeping into the porch.
"I really like her, Bella. Renesmee….I really like her. I'm happy."
"I'm…happy for you." I didn't know how to answer that. Was he seeking my permission?
"You know…I will always love you. I will always be there for you…no matter what." He turned and became real serious; staring into my eyes like he had known then what was in his future.
"Come on, Jacob. Stop being all….weird…I just want you to be happy." I tried breaking up the intensity.
"Whatever you need…just remember that."
I can still remember that conversation so perfectly crystal clear and I had wished looking back on it; I wished I would have said something great in response. It was something I thought about a lot in the days that followed. A lot.
Edward left and I really missed him. I could feel his presence gone and even though Embry was there with the girls a day after, I really missed my husband.
Of course having the girls around was a lot more work then I realized and I was feeling the exhaustion. Garrett noticed too and he tried just once to tell me I should go and relax for a little bit in my trailer but I was a tad grouchy with his offer and he never made that mistake again.
"You look way too pretty today." Jacob shook his head.
"What's wrong with this?" I asked looking down at my white sun dress. "I'm comfortable and I think I look just fine."
"But not how a movie director should dress when out in the wilderness of Oregon. Jeans…t-shirt would be okay you know."
"I can't fit into jeans anymore. I'm at the mercy of whatever Marcus sends me. I don't have time to go shopping."
"Geez, come on…we are going in this store and finding you some jeans for the love of god."
Jacob and I had just finished our lunch in town. I wasn't sure where our little camera toting friends were, the only thing I could think was that the nice owners of the restaurant where we ate hadn't rat us out to the press which I was grateful for.
"Jacob, we don't have time." I replied.
"Come on. Stop being a brat. Let me buy my friend some jeans."
We walked into the little boutique and I think we caught the young sales girl off guard. It didn't take long for Jacob to throw a couple of jeans at her and flash his movie star smile before paying and being on our way.
"I think you may have killed her with that teeth wattage." I laughed.
"See…she thought I was sexy." He pointed out.
I shook my head, "Come on, Fabio before you make us really late." I pulled him by the hand laughing.
"Fabio?" he replied offended.
We walked toward the parking lot where we had parked the car.
…
…
I knew that this was going to be hard.
…
Please understand that there were certain portions of my life that I was not looking forward to reliving. Even though things happen that can change your life so dramatically in which you feel like you can never a go a day without thinking about them, writing them all down is much harder. Having to remember details and almost putting yourself back into that place and time is kind of like reliving it all over again.
We walked toward the parking lot where we had parked the car…the sun was shining and I remember how perfect of a day it all seemed. I can almost feel the heat coming from the sun poking between the clouds and trees, hitting my skin.
Jacob to my left, happy and joking.
I can't help but think that if we had done just one thing different that day then maybe the outcome would have been different. However, as I learned a couple of years later, there was no different outcome available to us. Everyone had their role to play and some were mere puppets.
A loud noise startled me as the door of the van we were walking past slammed open. I think I remember even screaming a little startled by the sound. I definitely remember screaming out for Jacob as this person just grabbed onto my arm and started to pull at me.
It took a couple of seconds before my brain actually caught up with what was happening. This man who at the time I believed look a tad familiar pulled at me but Jacob pulled back. The man had managed to get a hold of me under my arms. His dirty hands on my upper chest…I reached down and bit him as hard as I could and Jacob took that right perfect second to pull me and I went flying to the ground on top of him. We both scrambled to get up but our attacker had a gun pointed directly at me.
"Get in the fucking car!" he yelled.
"Get in the fucking car!"
I still remember his voice; the accent, the desperation. All of which wouldn't even be revealed to me until many years later.
Something must have startled the man whose eyes were as dark as sin; I imagine he heard something in the distance because he looked to his left and Jacob jumped on top of me, the movement must have set his trigger finger off and suddenly I felt Jacob thrown back into me.
There was something wet on me. On my face. On my chest.
My brain wasn't working. I just stared down at my friend as all this red stuff came pouring out of him. My hands trembling was the first thing to bring me back to reality. I looked up into the man's eyes and saw him still pointing the gun at me.
"Bella…" Jacob gasped.
I closed my eyes for what I thought was going to come. I heard the shot fire but I didn't feel anything. I heard the sound of a loud thump and I opened my eyes to see the man who had hurt my friend, lying there unresponsive.
"Bella…" Jacob struggled and that snapped me out of it.
"You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay, Jacob." I jumped into action and like so many movies had taught me I tried to apply pressure to his wound in his upper chest.
"You're going to be okay." I kept chanting, my tears falling and obstructing my vision. "Help me!" I screamed. "Somebody help me."
It didn't take long for the officer who shot our assailant to get to us.
"I already called it in. Just hold on man. Ma'am, its okay I got it." The officer tried to push me off of Jacob but I had snapped. There was blood everywhere.
"No. No…he's hurt…please…Jacob…Jacob!" I screamed but he wasn't answering me back.
"Hold on there." The officer said to him.
I couldn't stop my body from its trembles. I watched as the EMT's help load Jacob up into the ambulance. I couldn't even go in the ambulance with him but the nice officer took me with him in his patrol car and we rode along behind. There were no words I could speak because I was battling my breaths and trying to keep my tears and emotions at bay. Silent prayers played over and over in my head.
I tried to text Embry but my hands were shaking so much that I only managed one word.
Hospital.
We arrived at the hospital and I practically leaped from the moving car to get to Jacob. I wanted to know he was going to be okay. I followed him through the doors as I they wheeled him in.
"Are you hurt?" Someone stopped me.
"What?" I looked down and my once white dress was covered in blood.
"Are you hurt?" The nurse asked again.
"No…my friend…Jacob…I need to be with him."
"You can't go through there. You need to wait over there. We will find you when we know more."
I shook as I turned to walk toward the benches she had pointed out to me. I sat down alone with my thoughts. My thoughts which turned dark and frightened. I couldn't get my shaking under control. My breathes were labored like I was freezing. I did feel cold.
Within minutes of my arrival and sitting in the room while I waited…it only took minutes. One showed up and then another. I was surrounded by three photographers and camera men.
"What can you tell us?"
"Is Jacob Black dead?"
"Isabella."
"Isabella, can you give us a comment."
"Isabella."
"Isabella."
I just stared up at them not even in my right mind.
"Get the fuck away from her!" I heard a voice boom.
I sat there paralyzed. Embry smashed through the three reporters which had quickly turned into more. I could see security coming for them.
Embry took one look at me and with such ease picked me up.
"You stay the fuck away from her. I will beat every one of your asses." He threatened.
Embry carried me while shouting at some nurses. Well, to be honest, he was shouting at everyone but I couldn't even comprehend anything. The only thing that kept running through my mind was that of my friend…Jacob…was he…?
This can't be happening again. No. This can't be happening.
For GOD SAKES! Give me a break; I wanted to shout to God.
"Bella. Are you hurt?" Embry walked into an empty room and sat me down on a hospital bed. He started looking me over but I couldn't find anything in me to respond.
"Do you want me to call a doctor?" Someone asked.
"Uh…yea…she's pregnant." He replied. "Bella." He snapped at me again.
"She told the nurse when she came in she wasn't hurt."
"I don't care. She's pregnant and needs to be looked at. She's covered in blood." He barked.
"Come on B, what is it? Talk to me."
His phone rang.
"Yeah…I have her….I don't know…she's…not talking. Of course. I haven't heard."
He sighed frustrated. "Just get your ass here. I have things. You just get here."
He hung up.
"Bella…Edward's on his way. Edward's coming."
Somehow I knew that was a good thing but then it started me thinking about Edward. So many people all hurt around me…all people I love. Everyone dies. Everyone I meet dies.
The doctor came in but wasn't able to do anything. I didn't want to be touched. Embry was sitting beside me trying to make me see reason but I kept pushing myself into his body, hoping it would shield me. Finally the doctor left.
Garrett showed up next.
"Edward's calling me every five minutes. I don't what the fuck happened. Just what I saw on the broadcasts. Bella, what happened?"
"She's not talking. She won't even let the doctor check her over." Embry said still with his arm wrapped around me.
"Get the doctor back in here. She's needs to be checked over. She's pregnant for fuck sakes." Garrett argued.
"She doesn't want to be touched. I'm not going to hold her down for the doctor, she's traumatized enough and I don't give a shit what group you and Edward signed up for. You touch her and I will lay you out. Wait until Edward gets here. He will handle it. If you want to help, then send someone to get her a change of clothes."
Unable to communicate, other than holding close to Embry. My eyes blinked accordingly and my breathing was standard. I just sat on that hospital bed in that cold room still covered in blood of my friend.
Emma showed up to the hospital a little later with my change of clothes but I wouldn't move long enough for me to change clothes.
"Emma, can you bring me a wet towel."
I hadn't let go of Embry. Emma wet a paper towel and brought it over. Carefully Embry started to wipe the blood from off my face and neck. It was a small gesture but one I'm sure Edward would appreciate. Lord knows he was already freaked out enough. The last thing he needed was to see even more blood on me.
Finally Edward came while Embry tried once more to coax me into some warmer clothes.
Edward was out of breath, like he had run to Portland.
"Bella." Edward called softly. He walked to stand in front of me. He crouched down so that my line of sight would hold directly into his eyes. "Baby…sweetheart."
Like a switch had been hit I realized that he was really here. My Edward was here. He would make everything better again. The damn burst and I cried uncontrollably. I nearly fell off the bed to get to him and he caught me, holding me in his arms.
He tried to sooth me but I just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't even talk to him, I just continued to sob.
"Guys…can you leave us for a few minutes?" Edward asked.
A few minutes later I felt Edward unzip the back of my dress.
"Baby, I'm going to change you."
My sobs had died down but there were still tears flowing.
Edward pulled the dress over me and undid my bra which had been stained as well. Before he pulled a shirt over my head he tried one last time to wipe any blood off my body. He helped me lay down on the hospital bed and pulled my panties from me. I found it odd that he even went so far to examine my panties and stick a finger in my crotch. Afterward, I realized that he was checking to see if I had a miscarriage.
I could see him let out a sigh. He pulled clean underwear on me and some sleeper pants.
"Bella…the doctor's going to come in. I need him to check you over."
I shook my head and started crying again. I can't think about me. Jacob could be dead. I needed to know.
"Jacob." I cried.
"He's in surgery, baby."
Edward held me close to him and laid in that bed with me. I was mentally done. I was emotionally done. I was physically done. So many people. So many people all hurt because of me. This was my entire fault. How could I have not seen it before? I was like the grim reaper. What was I going to do? I couldn't be around anyone I loved. I was like a ticking time bomb. I was a death sentence. Who was going to be next?
No one.
I was going to make sure of it.
AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing!