CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN

"Does this even matter anymore? The guy's dead." Jacob stated.

After almost a week in the hospital, the doctor discharged him with the understanding that he would take it easy and not return to filming yet. So far our short two-week trip to Oregon had turned out to be much longer.

In the living room was the majority of Tria Fata, they all discussed what was to be learned of all the information that had come out so far in the investigation of Laurent Dubois. I was sitting at the top of the stairs being extra quiet trying to learn the new information myself as I knew that the moment I showed face in that living room all those guys would tighten harder and faster than a virginal butthole in prison.

So far I was unimpressed with this so called powerhouse and the information they had gathered.

"The FBI is still continuing their investigation so it could still matter. What if Laurent wasn't working alone? They're could still be a threat out there." Edward explained.

"What you doing snooping up here on the staircase?" Embry asked me softly.

"What do you think? This all pertains to me and yet did I get the invite to join?" I replied.

"I must have missed mine in the mail as well." He sighed and sat down next to me.

"Well where is Embry on the whole Derrick situation?" Emmett asked.

"Should be here soon."

"Derrick situation?" I looked over to Embry for answers.

"Ah hell would you look at that?" Embry's voice boomed alerting the little band of brothers downstairs to our coördinates.

Edward poked his head up the staircase and saw us sitting on top.

"What…why are you sitting there?" Edward asked.

"How else am I going to get any truthful information out of you?" I moved to stand up but it was a lot harder to navigate these days. Embry held me and I could practically see Edward sprint to stand in front of me to ensure I didn't fall down the stairs.

With the gig up I walked down the stairs to join the meeting.

"What did you mean the Derrick situation?" I asked again.

Every single one of the guys looked around to avoid eye contact with me except Edward. Derrick was a friend of Embry's and was the bodyguard for Eugene before he was killed. I met him on my trip to New York when I had to confront Embry about his drug abuse.

"With the current situation we find ourselves in…it is best if we hired on some help. With your rising popularity and past…issues…"

"Including me being shot." Jacob interrupted.

"Yes, including Jacob being shot…we are hiring Derrick to protect you…"

"No." I stated determined. "You mean you are hiring Derrick to babysit me. Watch my every move. Tell me what I can and cannot do. Report back to you…NO. Now I will admit that what happened to Jacob was my fault and I'm sorry Jacob that you were an innocent bystander in all that but this is my freedom and I would much rather have no one around me then to be placed in some kind of figurative shackles."

"This is for your own good." Edward replied.

"I don't need a bodyguard. I don't need a babysitter. I don't need…"

"This isn't up to you anymore." Edward lashed out. "You have three other people inside you and I don't care if it's uncomfortable for you to have someone tagging along behind your every step or if you have to give up certain freedoms, it is what will be done and I will not compromise."

"All right guys…" Embry tried to step in.

"Why don't you just lock me in a tower until I give birth to your progenies? Then you could control what I ate, when I slept…how many contractions are up to your standard." I snapped.

"ENOUGH! Both of you, that's enough." Embry shouted. Edward and I were both red hot mad. Embry looked over to Edward and spoke low. "You agreed that I should handle this. Go."

Edward downright fuming, sighed and shook his head moving toward the door. I could hear his dismay by how loud he slammed the door shut.

"I'll uh…just go make sure he….I'm out." Emmett took off after Edward which left Garrett and Jacob.

"What were you supposed to handle?" I asked slightly offended.

"Don't give me that shit. It may work with Edward but not me." Embry replied. "Come on…let's take a walk." Embry took me by the arm and started directing me out the back door. His grip was rather harsh.

"Geez, would you loosen up, Terminator?" I huffed pulling my arm from his grasp when we reached the back yard.

"You need to loosen up…it's like you do everything you can to push and push at Edward. You know the man has a point and you act like its some great injustice."

"You don't know what it's like to be under Edward's thumb. I have to fight all the time to stop him from overreacting." I defended.

Embry leaned down and picked up a stick. He was like a conductor using it to express himself.

"Overreacting?" Embry exclaimed, "Dammit Bella, do you not even realize how close to death you were last week? How close you are every single time you step out your door? Being in this industry is great. The notoriety, the power, the respect, the money; it's all great except one area. Last week Laurent almost kidnapped you. Hurt you? This isn't the first time and it sure as hell won't be the last. People get crazy when it comes to celebrities and everyone here is just trying to do everything they can to make sure nothing happens to you again."

"I understand that and I can even appreciate it but you don't know what it's like. I feel like my every move is already monitored. I do something or say even one small thing and like wildfire it burns through a whole list of people and in just a short amount of time I get questioned on it. Two weeks ago, I made one small comment about my back and within an hour Edward called me asking me to take a break, I was obviously overtaxing myself. I rub my eyes because my contacts get dry and suddenly that means I'm tired. I am tired. I am so tired of everyone thinking that my life is their concern. You don't know Tria Fata, you don't know what they are capable of."

I couldn't help but look back toward the house as if I was going to catch Tria Fata ears up against the glass straining to hear our conversation but then again I was sure that they would just have the trees bugged before they lowered themselves to that.

"B, please. Do me this one. Derrick…Derrick hasn't taken a job since Eugene…he still beats himself up for not being there that night. I had to beg him to do this because just like you he isn't so sure of himself anymore. I know he is capable but…he just needs to see that again himself. You're the only person who I would trust to help him."

I sighed. I hated how Embry could paint me into a corner. This is why he was supposed to handle this. If it was Edward I wouldn't want to say yes, hell if it was anyone having to do with that whole Fata group I would have said no but not Embry.

"If it helps, I am going to employ Derrick. He will answer to me. Not to Edward or anyone else, just me." Embry added.

I finally looked up toward him. "You promise? No, crazy demands like telling me who I should see or speak to…where I should go or shouldn't…none of that." I confirmed.

"As long as you listen to him when he says to take precaution then no, none of that." Embry promised.

I thought about it once more. I was trying to ensure there would be no misunderstandings down the way.

"One more thing…I want you to make it clear that if I'm with Savannah or Gracie…or any of these three in the future…" I started rubbing my stomach, "They're his first priority. Always."

Embry nodded his head.

I sighed again already thinking about how I wasn't going to like this new adjustment.

"I wish you could know just how frustrated I am by all this. I know you are just thinking that I am acting like an ungrateful spoiled brat but you have no idea what I have gone through to find the little freedom I have. I love Edward, I do but he can be overbearing and sometimes even suffocating. I give him an inch and he goes around the world and back again. If I could do it all over again I would never have done that first music video. I would have appreciated a life behind the camera and away from all this…danger."

"You married a celebrity…comes with the territory but you don't know what I dealt with last week. When I got your text, it was seconds before my phone rang with Edward's number. The man had to find out from the news that his wife had been shot at. He found out that his best friend took that bullet that was meant for you from TMZ. You have no idea the amount of pain and fear I heard in his voice. He was only a couple hundred miles away and it might as well been a planet away. You are everything to him. What do you think he would have done if you had been hurt or killed? I would never have talked you into going back to him in August if I didn't believe that that man loved you a thousand percent. His past actions I haven't agreed with necessarily but we all make mistakes, Bella. If I thought there was ever a chance that he would hurt you again, he wouldn't be standing here. But it's not only him that you should think about…I asked you to help and be a mother to my kids, what about them? If you had left or been hurt…what about them? It is long past the time when any decision you make has to be based solely on what you want or you feel."

I could feel the weight of his words practically weigh down my chest. He didn't wait for a rebuttal and that was fine because what could I possibly say in defense of that. It's true that Tria Fata hadn't really been a source of contention for some time now but after I learned I was pregnant and knew that Edward's protective manner would go into hyper-drive I suddenly wanted to do anything to combat this…society.

Who was I really angry and dismayed with? Was it Edward? Or his…group? I felt overwhelmed and frightened of the future. So many things could go wrong and there were thousands of unknowns I couldn't control.

I just sat there on bench staring into the forest. The darkness from between those trees exemplifying my thoughts. The unknown from my future and the future of those I loved weighing me down.

"It's getting cold out here. Maybe you should come in." Edward spoke from behind me. "I'm not trying to…tell you what to do or control you…I just think that getting sick when you have to begin filming again tomorrow would probably not be such a great idea."

Jacob was still out but Garret reworked the filming schedule to work around Jacob or use a Jacob double.

"Bella…are you really not talking to me?" Edward asked when I hadn't responded.

"No…I'm thinking." I paused. "I'm over thinking."

"What are you over thinking?"

"I feel very out of control and I don't like it."

Edward sighed and sat down on the picnic bench beside me.

"I wasn't trying to control you…I just fucking hate how quickly it could all go away. I don't understand how the idea of having a bodyguard is so…."

"No." I cut him off. "I wasn't referring to that. I was thinking of how I can't control my future. All of these babies…there future. All the things that can go wrong or happen that could ruin everything. I don't like feeling like my whole existence is me jumping from one spot to the next hoping to not fall. I'm Indiana Jones."

"Huh?"

I think I had Edward up until that last remark.

"Indiana Jones. The part when he is trying to get to the Holy Grail and he has to jump from one letter to the next and if he makes a wrong step then he will fall to his death." I explain.

"Oh…well…he does make a wrong step. He thought that Jehovah began with the letter "J" and as we all know in Latin it begins with the letter…" he waited for me to answer.

"I" I shook my head. "I don't know if that is something we all would know if we hadn't watched the movie."

"The point is that he made a wrong step and sure he did have to struggle to pull himself out of that hole but he did it and then he was able to continue. Also if we want to really dive into Indiana Jones metaphors for life we could look at the third challenge and take from it that sometimes you just need to have a little faith."

"You are enjoying this Indiana Jones talk a little too much." I replied.

"I could teach a course in Indiana Jones metaphors and symbols for life. I am that damn good." Edward puffed out his chest all proud.

"Really…what if I had thrown a Bettlejuice reference at you? What could we learn from the great Michael Keaton?"

"That you should really mean something before you say it out loud three times."

I rolled my eyes but it did bring a smile to my face.

"Does anyone ever tell you that you're full of crap?" I quipped.

"It's part of the job." Edward took my hands in his. "Jesus Bella…your hands are freezing. Let's get you inside."

Edward stood up and pulled me with him.

"Wait. I wanted to talk to you…I want to tell you why I have been acting the way I have." I tried to pull my hand from his but he tightened his fingers.

"We can talk inside…you're cold, Bella."

"No. If we go inside then we will have to be in the middle of everyone and everything that's going on. We won't be able to talk. I can hack the cold for a little longer."

"What if we just make a straight beeline for our bedroom? I can put the lock on and then no one will be able to disturb us." He suggested.

"I don't see how that will work. I bet you five bucks that we will not reach our destination without someone stopping us."

"Five whole dollars…geez I could retire on five dollars. Mrs. Cullen, I accept your challenge." Edward took my hand and pulled me toward the house. "Keep your eyes directly on me and stay behind…we're going in."

He pulled the door open and into the kitchen we started. First distraction was my mother who was cooking dinner with Savannah and Gracie.

"Look what we're making." Gracie started.

"That's great honey. Sure it will taste great." Edward said as we passed but he did not stop. Next was the living room where Jacob still sat on the couch watching television.

"Great I needed to talk to you…"

"Not now, Jacob." Edward cut him off.

"But…"

"NOT NOW!" He yelled as we approached the steps. I could hear Jacob mumble something about makeup sex as we reached the first stair.

And finally was Embry as he walked in from the front door and caught our retreating backsides.

"Hey…where you going? I want you to meet…"

"We will be down a little later." Edward didn't even stop and I was surprised because in walked my brand new safety measure.

"In the room in less than a minute. Pay up, Cullen!" Edward exhaled like he had just run a marathon.

"Cullen? There are more than one Cullen's…who am I supposed to know which one you are referring to?" I teased as I went to heave myself up on the bed.

"Nice try. Now where is the beginning of my retirement fund?" Edward held out his hand. I pulled him closer, right between my legs. I started to rub his lower back finally resting my hands on his hips. "The deal was for cash, not sexual favors."

I pulled out his wallet and threw a wad of cash at him.

"Did you forget, honey? What's mine is yours." I grinned.

Edward had a wicked look in his eye and left the money where it landed.

"True…I guess I could be paid in sexual favors. Edward practically pounced on my side so he wouldn't disturb my stomach region. He started with nibbling on my neck but I had not forgotten why we came up here in the first place.

"Hold it mister. We have unfinished business that needs to be discussed if we are going to not kill each other over the next four and half months. You do want that, yes?"

Edward sighed and pulled himself back up, "It's just been so long." He whined.

"Maybe if you're good and pass the test." I replied.

"All right…why are acting the way you are?" he asked half-heartedly.

"I would have thought you'd be happy for an open dialogue. You were the one to always push our conversation times back in the day."

"I do…of course I want to know what you feel or think…it's just hard to do that when you my dick is straining to be freed from the confines. But, it's okay. Go ahead."

I couldn't help but look down at his crotch and see the evidence myself.

"You know what? We really don't need to talk." I started to pull at his pants.

"No Bella. You're right. We do. We haven't earned the right to makeup sex if we haven't located the problem in the first place and dealt with it." He pulled my hands off him, "Keep off, woman!"

I flopped back down on the pillow and got ready.

"I know that what I am about to say…may make you upset. I know that you're going to want to interrupt and start on the defense but could you at least try and refrain?" I asked staring at the ceiling.

Edward took another breath and nodded for me to continue.

"I have been stressed out a lot lately and upon further reflection I am able to recognize the cause of this stress. You are excited…I get that. You're going to be a first time father and nothing will stand in the way of that. I feel like in your path or getting what you want you have resorted to ways from your past…ways that I haven't always been too happy with. I…"

"You're not happy because you think I am surrendering to my beliefs in the Tria Fata organization." He stated.

"You interrupted." I pointed out. Edward gave me that knowing look. "Fine, yes."

"Well…what exactly has you worried? You have the book, I'm sure by now you have combed through it and know the extent I could go to and should understand how it shouldn't affect you."

I hadn't combed through it. After I got my hands on it and had a lot of issue with the whole Virgin Bride nonsense I hadn't picked it back up again because I didn't want to know if there was any more archaic traditions. I figured that I loved Edward and he should learn his lesson of ever trying to push something so ridiculous on me again without coming to consult me first. However all of my rising irrational thoughts steamed from not knowing what was inside that damned book.

I cringed. "I…haven't exactly picked up where I left off."

"Really?" he asked flabbergasted. "What exactly do you think is still unknown…you think we sacrifice the first-born to the gods in return for our comfy lifestyle? Or we plan on force feeding you your placenta to ensure your womanly eggs stay intact for future breeding…"

"You're mocking me." I huffed.

"Baby, there is nothing in that book that you should fear. There is nothing that will compromise your happiness. If you don't believe me, I can have Emmett surrender his copy to ease your mind."

"Emmett brought his book?" I asked.

"Of course. We should always have one member with the book just in case there is something we need to look up. If it means that much to you, I can get you it for your reading pleasure…I would rather you read a pregnancy book…"

"I know. I know…I just…they freak me out. They're filled with scary scary things. They all start with some disaster or cause of discomfort and end with, "but it will be all worth it when you stare into the eyes of your little bundle of joy." I'm sorry but I really don't need to hear about tearing and blood and…poop."

"Poop?" Edward questioned.

"Apparently you haven't reached that chapter."

Edward waited for me to continue.

I sighed. "Some women…poop while giving birth."

"Really?" He asked shocked.

"No offense but if you see me poop, I don't think we can ever…like ever have sex again. The mystery would definitely be gone." I replied.

"You keep your mystery is in your poop?"

"Maybe." I answered haughtily.

"Well how about I promise to not look down there if you feel yourself pushing out more than just our babies. I will keep your mystery intact." Edward suggested.

I thought for a minute. "I like that idea."

"All right but back to this irrational fear of me and my ties to one said group…I am scared too. I am scared every day, all the time. I know I'm supposed to be the strong one but I'm not. I overcompensate because I feel that if I do everything I can then in the end it will all be worth it. When Jacob was shot, the whole plane ride I just kept picturing it being you. I just knew that when I showed up to the hospital they were going to tell me that the baby didn't survive…and I would have to be the strong one. I knew that it would fuck your mind up if that happened and I wouldn't be able to grieve because I had to be the strong one but I can't be all the time. I'm scared all the time. Scared you will leave. Scared one fall or one person touching you the wrong way…hurting you, could jeopardize our happiness. So please, when you feel your mind start to go to dark places, please talk to me. If you think I am being too overbearing, tell me and I will do everything I can to take a moment before reacting. I will try to find a compromise."

I placed my hand on his face and pet him.

"Edward. I love you. I love you. I love you."

Edward's brow furrowed and he repeated, "I love you. I love you. I love you…too."

"Someone once told me that I should really mean something before I decide to say it out loud three times."

Edward's confusion turned to a smile and he pulled me closer so we could finally engage in the makeup sex we deserved.

I have a feeling that many of you will be disappointed with how I decide to end this story on my life. It has been a very long journey and forewarning I do not plan on answering the questions that many of you seek. A thousand pages lost and the mystery will continue to surround what really did happen that most infamous night of that final attack. Only a few more chapters left and I imagine that you can feel the pages start to thin between your fingers and know that there is far too few to tell you about the birth of my children and the three years that followed. You want to know how it happened. What took place the night that I finally came face to face with my tormentor and who was ultimately responsible for the death of James Wexford?

All have answers that will remain locked in our minds. I give this warning because I know how disappointing it can be to expect one thing and get something far lessor. Maybe you would feel better if I just gave you the standard finale and tell you that Edward and I lived happily ever after and were surrounded by the lovely faces of our beautiful children as we rode off into the sunset of our lives. We lived until a hundred and never had another problem or fight again. Thee end. For some that would be enough, for others, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to throw this book across the room and never find out how it truly ends especially knowing now that essentially there is no end. However some of you may feel that you have come so far, what are a few more chapters? If that is the case…see you on the next page.

AN: See you on the next page!