CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
"And they all lived happily ever after…" I scoffed shutting a book and slamming it back down on the shelf.
Fairy tales; the absolute worst kind of preparation you can give a child for life. You conquer a major trial and in the end your reward is a prince. After you have said prince, happily ever after comes, meaning no more trials and no more stress.
I was in the middle of a Barnes and Noble children's section barely keeping it together. I can imagine what a tabloid reporter would do to get this very picture. They were already printing their stories of my obscene weight gain and pregnancy dramas. This would surly add fuel to that already forest of a fire.
Just a few hours ago, I was happy. Edward and I were starting our day knowing by the end of it we would know what our babies were going to be. But now I was being painted into a corner I never wanted to go into and in my most crazy stupid pregnant moment I made a decision that looking back I still can't believe I made.
Thank god for Embry.
After my Barnes and Noble melt down I continued on back to the hospital to carry out my plan. My piece of insurance that things would go the way I wanted them to.
"Bella…you're back. Uh…I'm sorry for how upset you were with my recommendation." Dr. Smith said.
"Dr. Smith…I don't want a C-section. I…don't want an epidural. This was never my plan…" I started.
"Bella, this is the best possible option for multiple births. You really need to consider this. I understand your fears but…"
"I want to sign a DNR." I interrupted. "I want the birth plan that I want. Edward obviously agrees with you and I'm sure come the day he will tie me to the damn hospital bed and have me declared insane to get what he wants." I shook as I let out a breath. "I want to sign a DNR."
Just hours earlier I felt my happily ever after coming for me but now I was lost and I felt my future out my control. How did my day start off so great to be ending like this?
"Mom…I have everything all ready for when you get home." Savannah was proud of her little project when Edward and I came down the stairs early that morning. She had wanted to do some kind of surprise reveal of the genders of each baby. She had a three blue balloons and three pink balloons which Edward and I would pull out the three needed to be placed in a box to open in front of our family and friends to reveal the sex.
"Thank you, honey. You did a beautiful job with that box. Are you excited?" I asked.
"Excited if it's a boy…I want a baby brother." She replied.
"Well, fingers crossed that one will at least be a boy." I winked.
"Better be three boys. That's the bet I placed." Jacob said while pouring the pancake batter.
"What bet?" I snapped.
"Just a little friendly wager." Jacob pulled out a small notepad. "Right now its three to one that all the babies will be boys. The long shot is two girls and one boy and even money is three girls."
I pulled the notepad out of his hand and smacked him upside the head. "You are not making money off my children."
"Come on, honey. It's all in good fun." Edward reasoned.
I began browsing through the names that Jacob had taken bets with while I heaved myself up on a bar stool.
"Edward Cullen? You placed a bet?" I asked shocked. He shrugged his shoulders and gave me that famous smile.
"It's…fun." Was his excuse.
"Just for that…no one will be finding out what the sexes are today and that goes for your Daddy-O. You can cash in on your winnings while I'm pushing them out." I huffed.
"What?" Jacob exclaimed.
"Come on, mom." Savannah whined.
Edward walked up behind me and placed his arm around my mid-section whispering into my ear. "Don't be like this. It's was just a little fun. Don't you want to place a bet? You have a better insight than anyone here and I bet you could clean up."
I thought about it for a second. They said that a mother's intuition does count for something.
"We will go to the doctor…she will tell us everything is perfect, right on track…she will reveal what we have all been waiting for and then I will come home and fuck the shit out of you." Edward said softly.
Dirty talk; something that for some reason I couldn't get enough of when I was pregnant. I craved it like most women craved pickles and peanut butter. Our sex life had improved greatly once Edward found this out about me. Long gone was the need for love-making. Now at days, it was all about the fucking.
Love-making. I sighed just thinking about it. Love-making wasn't for me when I was feeling like a disgusting whale. I did miss it but for now I preferred sheer darkness and just the sounds of Edward ramming me from behind to hold me over. There would be plenty of time for love-making after I got my body back.
"I want to place a bet, Black." I tossed back his notepad and Jacob's face lit up like Christmas. I placed a hand on my stomach and started to think intensely. Well, not really. That was for show. I had already been feeling like I might know the sexes of these babies. I had dreams lately of Edward and me playing with our children on a jungle gym out back.
"I am betting…two boys and…one girl." I paused. "Put me down for a thousand."
"A thousand?" Embry exclaimed. "Blue blood over there."
"Can you handle that?" I asked Jacob.
"Bell…most people are playing like fifty bucks…or a hundred. A thousand, really?" he asked uncertain.
"Sexiest Man Alive…rich superstar Jacob Black can't afford it?" I taunted.
"I can handle it. A thousand it is, Miss Swan."
"Mrs. Cullen." Edward reminded him sharply.
Jacob rolled his eyes and went on with breakfast after writing my bet. "You all heard her…she's owing me some serious dough tonight."
"We better get going." Edward helped me off the bar stool. "Now I am dying to know what the sex is."
I could feel my nerves start to kick in the closer we got to the doctor's office. Hospitals and doctors always made me nervous and for a second I pondered having a home birth…maybe even a water birth, anything that would keep me far away from here.
Edward noticed my nerves and like a smart man he didn't comment just merely reached over and took my hand.
"Are we both excited?" Dr. Smith asked with glee entering the room.
"Very." Edward replied.
"I just don't get how people want to be surprised. This kind of information would kill me to not know." I replied.
"Makes it hard too when planning baby showers and baby rooms but to each their own I suppose." Dr. Smith was prepping me as she turned on the monitor. "Do you have any desire for a certain sex?"
"A boy would be nice since we already have the two girls but…you know I will be happy with whatever." Edward smiled.
"I just don't want three boys. I don't think I can handle all that energy…fighting…boys scare me." I commented.
"True but from my experience boys are harder in the beginning and girls get harder the older they get." Dr. Smith explained. "All right I have baby Cullen number one…looks like a little boy."
Just hearing that word made everything feel so much more real. For all these months, it's crazy but it kind of felt like I could be walking around with just a ball in my stomach. As soon as she placed an actual gender to what was inside me, it affected me profoundly.
"A boy." Edward choked up. "We're having a boy."
"A boy." I marveled. "Masen…" I said without thought and Edward leaned down to kiss me.
"Baby Cullen two…is another boy." Dr. Smith announced.
Two boys…oh no…I can't have all boys. What would I do being outnumbered by boys? I don't know a thing about boys. I don't know boy toys or boy…stuff.
"Two boys. I'm going to have two sons." Edward marveled. "Bella, are you okay?"
I could feel myself start to break out into a sweat.
"Boys…I don't know about boys." I shook my head.
"It's okay. I know about boys. I can help you. You're going to be a great mother, Bella. No matter if their boys or girls."
"Not all three are boys. As long as this little baby isn't hiding something important. I'd take a good wager that this last one is a girl." Dr. Smith explained.
"Oh thank god." I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Hey….I'm a thousand dollars richer." I immediately perked up.
"Maybe you can pay off my bet." Edward frowned.
"Nope, that's all on you. You should have checked with me before placing a stupid bet."
Poor Dr. Smith looked positively confused.
"Well, they are all looking great. From what I can tell you both are doing a great job and they look healthy and ready." Dr. Smith pulled out my chart. "I'm going to go ahead and schedule your C-section for…"
"I don't want a C-section. I want a natural birth." I interrupted.
She looked down at her chart and back to me. "I am recommending a C-section. With multiple births, it's safer."
"I have a birth plan…lately I've even been thinking of maybe having them at home."
"What?" Edward exclaimed.
"I want to be comfortable and I won't be in a hospital." I explained.
"Bella, I really don't think that's a good idea. There could be complications especially since this is your first time." Dr. Smith warned.
"You're not having them at home. Dr. Smith is right, it's not safe." Edward decided.
"Hold on a minute. One minute you're telling me to disregard my wishes of having an epidural and C-section and now you are completely disregarding my hopes and wishes entirely?" I pushed myself off the table.
"Bella. Dr. Smith knows what's best." Edward started.
"I knew this was going to happen. Nothing is about what I want or what makes me comfortable. In the end I was going to be railroaded" I whipped around the medical room trying to gather my things. "This is my body and I don't think what I want is irrational. Women for years have had multiple births and home births…water births… all kinds of births. I've read the studies too, Edward and I am perfectly capable of making an informed decision."
"A decision in which you didn't even include me in on." Edward snapped.
I grabbed the door and pulled it open with fury. I didn't even say goodbye to the doctor. I needed to get out of that room and pronto.
"Bella. Wait a minute." Edward yelled after me.
"Would you stop?" He tried to pull at my arm but I pulled free from his grasp. "Bella!" he yelled once more.
I flipped around to address him. "I need time alone. Leave me be, Edward."
"No…I'm not going to just leave you. We need to talk about this."
I huffed turning around to exit the medical offices. "Talk about what? You already made your decision. I'm sure with the press of a button you'll have all of Tria Fata on the phone to plan my abduction to ensure things go your way." I spit.
"Go my way? You mean the way where my wife and three children all are safe and healthy? Yeah, I'm a real bastard that way. Stop being so fucking stubborn, Bella. I am so sick and tired of always having to do everything your way. You way or the highway but I'm not just going to fucking roll over an allow it. Those children are mine too." He yelled.
"Leave me alone." I screamed back at him. "Edward Cullen…I swear to god if you don't fucking back off."
My breathes were labored and I doubt that Wilshire Boulevard was the place to be having this discussion.
Edward threw up his hands and shook his head.
"Do whatever the fuck you want, Bella. You always do." He turned around and began walking the opposite way.
It was the first time I can remember him actually letting me go without any type of assurance that I would be okay. I remember feeling a moment of freedom. I had always been surrounded by someone at all times, never able to hardly go anywhere on my own. But the farther and farther I walked up Fairfax the harder it got mentally. I wasn't walking away from my marriage. I was just walking away from a fight, right? Edward and I were just fighting. We would find a way to make up. We always did.
Suddenly I felt very alone. The feeling that I craved for so long thinking that the grass was greener was getting dimmer. I started looking around at the pedestrians on the street and imagining horrible things.
My journey landed me at a Barnes and Noble. How many times as a teenager did I come here just to walk around. However, now I found myself heading for the children's section; a first. I look around at all the little kids reading different books and my eyes fall on Cinderella, one of the most infamous fairy tales of all time. I want to weep at the discovery of my thoughts and realizing that happily ever after is but a con.
In a corner of that bookstore I took a moment for myself, trying to shut off all my thoughts. Shut out Edward and his anger. Shut out Dr. Smith and her recommendation. I picture myself in Italy that very first day, completely unaware of my future and feeling excited for the opportunity of a lifetime to be Edward Cullen's personal assistant. My whole life was just starting and now it felt controlled. No room for choices.
Every study I read. Every book on the subject matter backed up my desire. I wouldn't risk my children's lives on mere whim. I wasn't crazy…women gave birth all the time without drugs or C-sections, secret societies and mandates.
I needed insurance that my birth plan would not go on deaf ears, that my wishes would be considered heavily. I still do not know where or why this plan popped up into my head but after a walk back down to the doctor's office and signing a form that I hoped I could retract at a later date, I was ready for phase two.
I called a taxi from Dr. Smith's office and it wasn't long before I was home. I walked into the lion's den of my home, the children still at school as I prepared myself for this. I walked into my living room to see the "secret" meeting already taking place.
"Whatever it is you use…I swear it works better than a fucking bat signal." I huffed.
Every single member was there. Made me wonder if these guys really had jobs at all since they could so easily drop whatever it was they were working on to answer the call.
"This is what you expected, right?" Edward replied.
"You both need to stop with all this…Edward, this really isn't a Tria Fata matter. This is a marriage matter." Carlisle intervened. "You're having a baby…three babies. You both need to figure out how to make this marriage work if not for your own sake but for your children."
"She wants to have our children at home against medical advice." Edward snapped.
"He's right. This isn't of their concern. You don't agree with what I want but you will respect it. After you left I went back to the doctor's office and signed a directive. If you try in any way to force me to have a C-section or epidural against my wishes then know that I signed a DNR. If you want to risk that be my guest. If I feel your complete and total cooperation then I will deactivate the directive."
"You did what?" Jacob spit.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Edward shouted.
"If this is what I have to do…"
"No…Bella…" Jacob looked like he was about to have a panic attack.
"Bella…that's a very serious thing…come on." Emmett tried.
Embry walked into the room and I could feel all the eyes either full of anger or disbelief upon me.
"What's going on here?" Embry asked cautiously.
"Bella signed a DNR…she's refusing to have the babies in a hospital and if I don't comply and there are complications…she just signed a fucking death sentence." Edward was practically shaking with anger.
Embry looked over to me. He didn't say one word but his face held all the disappointment there.
"It was the only way." I whispered.
Without a word Embry walked over and grabbed me by the arm. He pulled me along with him all the way back to his Escalade and placed me inside.
"Where are we going?" I asked nervously as he drove down our long driveway.
"You know…I always wondered…tried to fathom what it was like for you to see me and find me the way you did. Surrounded by drugs, alcohol knowing that my children were feet away from it all. I wondered what thoughts could possibly be fucking going through your mind in those moments before you woke me. I don't have to wonder anymore. Disgust. Disappointment. Anger. Pity." He spit each word.
"Embry where are we going?" I tried again.
"To the doctor. You're going to reverse that damn directive now. You didn't allow me a moment of temporary insanity and I'm sure as hell not going to allow you the same."
"You don't understand. They want me to have a C-section. They don't even want to listen to what I want." I cried.
"What you want? You don't have a fucking medical degree. If the doctor told you, you need a C-section then that's what needs to happen. You think I want a prostate exam…some dude shoving his fingers in my ass and whirling them around? Hell no. But I'm going to do it when the time comes because I don't want to fucking die of some ass disease. I'm going to submit my body to the pros. You made it pretty clear to me that night that if I cared at all for my children I would clean my ass up. Now it's your turn. Not just for the babies you're carrying in there but for my children as well. No more crazy Bella antics. We are through with those. Be a fucking mother already. You were lucky my children were old enough to be able to handle themselves but what are you going to do with a helpless baby?"
Every word he spoke made me break down more and more. Shit just got real and suddenly my birth plan didn't look so important.
By the time Embry marched me inside the doctor's office for my third time that day, I was sure the staff had their fill of me. I consented to have the form shredded and agreed that on March tenth, the three Cullen children would be born via C-section. I lost that battle but as Embry would remind me later, a battle worth losing to win a war.
I didn't say anything to Embry as we drove back home. I didn't need to say anything. The second I stepped into the house, Savannah and Gracie were right there to greet me.
"Tell me. Tell me." Gracie shouted in excitement.
"Not now…just give her a minute and go finish up your homework. We can find out a little later." Embry shooed them off. I climbed the stairs wanting to go and lay down. I could feel the exhaustion set in from the day's events.
I opened the door to find Edward already lying in our bed. I turned to go to a guest bedroom.
"Wait…please…just…" Edward sighed. He pushed himself up on his arm and looked to me.
I walked over and laid the piece of paper in my hands on the bed.
"You get your way…March tenth." I muttered.
I heard as Edward's fingers picked up the paper. "This isn't my way…this isn't what I want. All I wanted was for you to be safe…to…live. Do you even know how scared out of my mind I am? I have nightmares of complications…death…I would fucking lose it if that happened."
I stood there watching my husband break down and I wanted to break down with him because I lost something too. I was scared but I remained by the door, my back pressed up against it.
"You're being selfish, Bella. You're terrified. I know. But you have to think of more than just you."
"Just the idea of that big fucking needle going into my back makes me want to vomit." I sniffled.
"I know. It's a fear you've always battled, something that I knew would be an issue ever since that time in Italy when you stepped on that damn rusty nail." Edward paused. "I want to understand that and support you but what you are asking for is dangerous and risky. I hate to say this but you're not in your right mind to see this because that fear is encompassing you. You're still working on this film. You have stress and I know even though you don't tell me, I know that you must be in pain. Back pain. Ankles swelling. Exhaustion. But none of that outweighs your anxiety….I shouldn't have lost it today with you. I've had to learn to handle you in a certain way that won't push you father away from me. You're scared of needles and I have been so proud of you with how you have handled yourself so far. The blood tests. I know it's not easy for you and I'm proud of you."
"I can't imagine how you can be proud of me….this has to be the like worst pregnancy of all time." I finally reached the bed and tried to lean some of my weight upon it.
"No…definitely not. I always knew this wasn't going to be easy but I also know it's all worth it. It will be all worth it." He replied.
I yawned and my bed never looked so good.
"Here, lay down." Edward coaxed me and I was happy that we were suspending whatever fight we were in momentarily.
I laid down and despite everything Edward started giving me a back rub.
"I'm scared. I don't want them to come out. I want them to just stay in there." I whispered.
"Trust me, it will be so much better when they're out. Once it's over…it's over and then…." Edward sighed. "We can finally live happily ever after."
"What did you say?" I turned around to face him.
"Like Cinderella…wouldn't you say?"
My eyes searched his. How did…
Edward started shaking his head. "No matter how upset I may get, I can't just walk away, Bella. I…I had to make sure you were okay."
I was never really alone after all.
"I'm sorry. I know you wanted…privacy and all but…"
I cut him off my throwing my arms around his neck. "No, it's okay. I…I'm sorry." My stomach stopping me from getting a good grip. Edward adjusted me, placing us in our spoon position. He wrapped his arms around me and left soft kisses on my neck.
"So March tenth?"
"Guess I won't have to waste money on all those stupid birthing classes." I sighed.
"Kinda sad that I won't get to be your Lamaze coach….I can still be in the room with you and hold your hand."
"Of course you will." I remarked. "I was wondering something though. I hope you don't think this is stupid." I started.
"What is it?"
"Well, a lot of today made me think of other things. You said that you don't know what you would do if something happened to me….during the birth…I was thinking of asking someone else to be in the room with us? I just want to make sure that if something does go wrong, they can be there for you."
Silence.
"That's…not a bad idea. Who?" Edward asked quietly. "Jacob?"
"No…I have a feeling that the two of you would have the same reaction. I don't need two nervous nellies around me. I was thinking…Embry. Your job would be to make sure I'm okay and his priority would be to make sure that you and the babies are okay."
"If that's what you want…I have no objections."
I let out a breath of relief.
Embry was the backup plan. I always knew if something went wrong, Edward wouldn't be able to handle it well. It was a good thing Embry was there. He was strong where we were not. He was able do exactly what I needed him to do.
Before the big reveal with the two blue balloons and one pink, I had a talk with Embry and explained my wishes.
"No matter what happens to me…no matter what happens…Edward is your priority. I want you to promise me that if shit goes down, I can count on you."
Embry nodded. "I have your back, B."
I smiled small. "I don't know if you'll ever have a chance to have more children…but I know you'll make an excellent godfather to one of my sons."
"It doesn't matter which one…I will always love them all the same and I promise to be there…whatever, whenever."
A mother's intuition they say is never wrong. I had dreams of a two little boys and one little girl and those dreams were coming to fruition. I had nightmares before today of emergency C-sections, lying on a table as Edward called my name while I faded off to unconsciousness. I had nightmares of what was to come.
Fear is a horrible thing. It can keep us from thinking straight or doing the right thing and fear almost killed me.
AN: Okay bring it on...I already know the comments I am going to get after this chapter. Which is why I finished the story to dissuade me from changing my mind. One chapter left...sad but happy with the story. Thinking of posting the last chapter before the end of the week. Thank you for your loyalty throughout the time and for reading and reviewing.