CHAPTER SIXTY

This is the end

No more to say

One more lie to tell

And then I'll walk away?

Edward wanted to hire a professional to create our nursery but part of the nesting process was to be involved with this part of creating our nursery for our babies. Our theme was Peter Pan. Made sense since we were having two boys and one girl…Wendy. I could totally name our girl Wendy. I liked the name.

Savannah and Gracie both were happy to give up their fairy room so we could use their old room for their new sister and brother's room. For the main construction of our nursery I allowed professionals but when it came to the decorating I insisted that Edward and I would do that together.

I was tired going into those latter months of my pregnancy. It was a good thing that Garrett was so organized to be able to stay on schedule despite our shut down of filming during the time Jacob was in the hospital recovering. By January I was having more trouble moving. My back was shutting down on me and most of my time was spent finding a place to sit for a few moments between any and all work that needed to be done.

I was sitting in the new nursery as Edward finished up the final touches.

"Only indication of time that passes, is seeing the sky go from light to blackness." I sang softly looking out the window down to our backyard.

"What's that, baby?" Edward asked.

I look over to him completely unaware of singing out loud.

"Uh…nothing…just a song in my head." I smile and he continues to dress the crib with our new sheets and blankets we received from my baby shower.

So much time had indeed passed and we were coming down to the end of this experience. By February, I was left bed ridden and alone with my thoughts. Of course I wasn't completely alone. Even if Edward wasn't there by my side I had plenty of company but being confined to a bed did mean I was left alone with thoughts quite often. For the most part I would reflect upon my life and how everything came to be. I looked back on my mistakes and wonder how they would have been if I had handled them differently.

As you're reading this, it's easy to judge another person but if I may be so bold maybe you should judge yourself? We all make mistakes. We all misjudge. We all can't see what is right in front of us until it's too late. I am lucky though. I had the love of a man who quite literally would do anything to keep me safe and happy. I experienced what it was to be loved by someone unconditionally when I was at my worst. Someone who never gave up on me and the hopes that I would come back and be the Bella he fell in love with.

After our children were born it did change me momentarily. For a year I took off from work, the only thing I would work on was music here and there. People would come over to the house and we would go into my recording studio until they had what they came for and went on their way. It was the perfect job because I was still able to be with my children while getting a taste of my passion in as well.

But eventually it wasn't enough and I did miss my opportunities and Edward could see that too so after a year of being on hiatus, I returned. Edward stayed with me through it all, even when he started to lose hope and could see how I was slowly eaten up by the Entertainment industry.

I wasn't perfect but yes it was James Wexford in his quest for hurting me that probably was the thing to save me in the end. I do despise the role he played in my life and I certainly never shed a tear for his demise but if it wasn't for him I might not have ultimately realized just what was important in my life.

Back in bed again and we were getting closer every day to the impending arrival of our little ones. I stared up at the painting Edward had commissioned of our home in Italy.

"We should have gone to Italy." I said out of the blue.

"Italy? What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"It would have been nice to give birth in our home…in Bracciano. Like a full circle of where everything began. An homage to our beginnings with this event." I looked over to him and saw him there contemplating. "Oh…I know, I would have to give birth in a hospital." I sighed.

"Maybe we can go after…you could recover there and we could spend a couple of months there. It might be nice and peaceful. Away from Hollywood." Edward suggested.

"Yeah…maybe." I shook my head dismissing the dream. "Besides it wouldn't be fair to our children to have them born out of the country…they wouldn't be able to run for President then."

"President? You think one of our children will run for President?" Edward smiled.

"I don't know but I wouldn't want to be the reason for them not having access to that if that is what they wanted."

"President…I can imagine a President Cullen in the White House." Edward dreamed.

"Do you miss Italy? I miss Italy. Our lives just always seemed happy and easier there."

"I do. I know exactly what you mean. If going back is what you want, just say the word and I will make arrangements for April…if you're ready by then." Edward turned over and laid his hand on my never-ending stomach. "Bella, are you happy?"

"Right now…I'm nervous and in pain…right now thinking of Italy is the only thing keeping my mind at bay. Venice, the city we first made love. Rome, the city where our relationship pretty much began…It makes me happy thinking of these things."

"Venice…" Edward pondered.

"Are you thinking of our first time?" I cringed.

"No…I'm thinking… what is a more perfect name then that of a place that holds so much love for us. Venice…Venice Cullen."

I smiled. "Sounds perfect."

March tenth couldn't come soon enough. Every day that past I became more and more restless. Every day that past I became anxious for what was going to happen. I even picked up one of those pregnancy books and read up on Caesarian births and it did not go well for me. I felt myself become clammy and nauseous for the first time since morning sickness. Our doctor made house visits and wasn't happy with my blood pressure, since then Edward had been on a quest to find me teas to drink and relaxing exercises to meditate on.

But we didn't have to wait for March tenth because on the sixth I started having contractions. Horrible, horrible contractions.

I laid in bed afraid to alert anyone but also maybe hoping that if I waited long enough maybe just maybe I wouldn't have to get the epidural. My plan didn't last long. With each contraction I placed a pillow over my face and groaned into it trying to keep the sound down.

"Hey baby, what did you want for lunch today?" Edward came in and asked. I was practically sweating.

"Uh…pizza…can you make one of your pizza's?" I thought that would buy me more time.

"Are you okay? You look flushed."

I knew he would never leave now.

"Can you hold my hand for a second….get over here." I flagged him over.

Edward came right away and with the contraction that hit, I squeezed with all my might.

"Oh shit…are you in labor?" Edward yelled panicked.

"Maybe…maybe not. We should wait just to be sure." I stuttered.

"Wait? Fuck!" Edward began running around like a chicken with his head cut off. "Wait here…I'll go and get everyone ready."

He started to run off but I called him back. "No…please don't go. Don't leave me."

Suddenly I was filled with the nightmares that had plagued me the past few months. Would this be it? Would I die here tonight?'

Edward came back over and held my hand. He searched for his phone in his pants pocket and called Jacob.

"Bella's in labor. Start everything now." He ordered.

A couple of weeks ago, Edward sat down and drew up a plan for an emergency such as this to ensure a practical, orderly manner of making sure everything was completed. Somehow I knew that when or if that plan went into motion, we would be starring in our own little I Love Lucy episode. If that reference is too out of date for you just look up the classic television show I Love Lucy and watch the episode where Lucy goes into labor with her son Little Ricky. It's a riot.

I could see Edward watching me like a pot of water about to boil over, practically needing Lamaze himself.

"Edward, maybe you should go and make sure Jacob is doing his job right. I know you must be stressed." I suggested. Plus I didn't need him stressing me out with that look on his face any longer.

"No. Jacob has everything under control. We've practiced."

Of course you did.

Embry walked into our room, "It's the big day, huh?"

"Is everything ready?" Edward asked.

"Yep. Jacob called the doctor and she will be there and waiting. I put your bag in the car, Jacob tracked down Renee and told her to meet us at the hospital and now I am here for phase four." Embry recited

"Phase four?" I asked just as another contraction hit. "Oh holy fucking geez." I clamped down on Edward's hand and gritted my teeth.

As soon as it was done, Embry was over to the bed ready to help me up.

"That last contraction was a little over five minutes. We need to move." Edward barked.

"Wait, I have to go to the bathroom. I need to poop." I announced.

"Poop?" Embry asked disgusted.

"Just in case."

"Bella, you're having a C-section. You're not going to poop on the table." Edward huffed.

"Just in case." I tried to lobby.

"You can poop at the hospital."

Edward helped me up with Embry and carefully they each took a side and helped me down the stairs.

"Beautiful day for a birthing." Jacob proclaimed.

"Shut up!" I yelled annoyed.

"A mouth of a mother on that one." Jacob smirked.

I rolled my eyes and the boys kept trotting me out.

"All right." Jacob opened the driver door and slide into the driver's seat.

"You're not having him drive." I exclaimed. "As slow as he drives, our kids will be in college by the time we get there."

"Bella…Jacob's a good driver." Edward placated.

"Derrick, would you please?" I pleaded.

"Come on, you gotta be kidding me." Jacob complained but moved out of the way for Derrick.

The drive was as quick as can be and there was already an entourage of people awaiting us when we drove up. It was all becoming real to me and I could feel the sudden need for those Lamaze classes we skipped on.

"Bella, you're going to be fine. I'm not leaving you…no matter what." Edward assured.

What can I say about the whole experience of giving birth? The horrible feeling it was to know a person placed a catheter inside me. The fact that I threw up twice while they administered the epidural. The doctor telling me over and over that my blood pressure was too high. I guess I wasn't one of the lucky ones to find the whole process one gigantic blessed miracle. I knew that I never wanted to do this ever again which was why I think God planned for the three. Get it all done at once.

Edward and Embry were changed into scrubs and the nurses were rolling me off for the big finale after saying good-bye to my mother and friends. Edward kept trying to calm me but I felt like I was drowning. This was what my dreams…nightmares had been made of.

Was it possible I brought all of this on myself? Thinking negatively is what damned me? I remember as they pulled out baby boy number one. I remember the tears in Edward's eyes as he told me that we were parents. I remember being in absolute awe of my son and for a moment, nothing mattered. Not the pain. The discomfort. The epidural. Everything was worth this moment.

I wanted to cry just looking at that small red ball of cuteness. I created that? I couldn't breathe or even think as they pulled out my second son. My son.

They whole process was…a miracle.

And then…nothing.

"Bella!" Edward yelled for me but I could feel his voice sounding like he was a mile away.

"Bella!" Again with the name and a small shake.

"Edward…step away…EDWARD!"

Embry. The last thought I had before nothing.

Where did I go? I have no idea. Did I feel pain? I have no idea. It felt like I was only gone for but a moment but when I awoke I was in a completely different room and the lights were dimmer. How long had I been out? I have no idea.

I slowly open my eyes and like I'm testing my lungs I decide to take a slow breath in. I find the hairs on my arms pricked up and suddenly I'm in panic. Where were my babies? Where was I? Where was Edward? I started to try to move but the pain rushed through my body and I yelped.

"Bella…you're awake. Thank you, god." Edward threw his hands around my face and neck and nuzzled closer.

"What? What's going on?" I managed.

"I was so scared. God, I was…god…" He broke down and his tears rolled off onto my face and hair.

"What happened? Where are the babies?" I asked panicked. Did something bad happen to them?

"I…I…" Edward looked around confused.

"EDWARD!" I bellowed. I was shaking. Why wasn't he telling me?

"Bella…you…left me. I…didn't know what to do…" He was shaking as well. "God, you can't do that to me again." He broke down once more and I started fearing the worst. He wasn't telling me where my babies were. Maybe they didn't make it.

"Are they dead?" I started crying. Tears and tears rolled down my face and blended with Edwards. "Did I kill them?"

Edward pulled back and looked at me confused. "What? No…what do you mean?"

"My children…where are my children? What are you not telling me?" I accused.

"I…I don't know…they're fine I suppose. I…I haven't seen them."

"What do you mean you haven't seen them? What do you mean you suppose?" My heart started racing. Where the fuck did Edward go? He should have made our children his first priority.

"Bella…you…you gotta calm down. Please honey."

A nurse walked in. "Do I need to sedate her? She needs her rest and this isn't good after her surgery."

"Where are my children?" I yelled at the woman.

"It's okay. Calm yourself. Your babies are all fine. All perfect little angels." She replied with a smile and I felt marginally better.

Embry walked in and gave a sigh of relief when he saw me.

"B…you're awake." He looked over at Edward. "Man, just take a lap"

"No. I'm not leaving her." Edward vowed.

Embry walked closer to him and said softly. "You need a break and you're being here is upsetting your wife. She needs calmness. Take a break and come back when you have composed yourself."

Edward looked over to me with his watery eyes and swallowed harshly before replying, "I won't be far…if you need me."

I loved Edward and I wanted him here but right now, I needed answers and it didn't look like I was going to get much from him. The door closed behind him and I was left with Embry.

"Embry, please tell me about the babies…why can't I see them?" I asked.

I hadn't even seen my daughter yet.

"B, I'll go get them but first you need to know some things." Embry sat down in the chair beside my bed. "You have to cut Edward some slack. You don't…know what he had to go through. Dude, thought you were going to die…that kinda shit really fucks with a person."

"What happened Embry?" I whispered.

"They were getting ready to pull out your little girl and suddenly you just…peace'd out. You lost all color and Edward tried to call after you but…The doctors wanted him out of there because he was making too much of a scene, screaming and shit. I had to pull him out. I had to…hold him back. Something about hemorrhaging…you'll have to ask the doctor if you want details but it felt like an eternity while we waited for word. I want to tell you about it sometime but I really don't think now is the time. You need to rest and heal…you need to be with your children and Edward…well he needs to calm down and see that you'll be okay."

"Tell me Embry. I want to know." I bade.

Embry stood up from his chair. "He hasn't even seen them yet. Hasn't wanted to check up on them…I think he…really believes that without you…they're would be no point." He sighed. "Cut him a break, the poor dude…is lost without you. I think he blames himself for…everything. You need to get that shit in check before it spirals out of control."

Embry left and I never got the story out of him about what happened. Embry told me the skeleton version when I would ask later on but whatever it was he didn't think I should ever know.

Edward walked back in still looking worse for wear.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for…apparently I should apologize to you for "peace-ing out" as Embry would say."

Edward stood by the door still shaking.

"Would you come over here? You're making me feel bad…you don't want to kiss your wife? I just gave birth to your children, I think that's the least you could do." I tried to lighten the mood even if I was feeling pain, I would need to up my pain medication but I wanted to see my children first just in case the pain meds made me sleepy.

Edward slowly walked over and leaned down to kiss my head.

"I love you so much, Bella…I'm sorry…I should be stronger."

"No…I think you've been strong enough…for too long. Now it's my turn. But please greet our children with me."

We waited while the nurses brought in our three babies in their small little carts.

"Oh my god…have you ever seen anything more perfect?" I gasped.

The nurse handed one of the boys off to Edward and he looked like he was holding a delicate snowflake. Another nurse brought me my daughter so I could finally see her for the first time.

"She's so small." I commented. Much smaller than the two boys.

"That she is. We're monitoring her but she's a strong willed one." A nurse remarked.

They brought over my last son and laid him down between Edward and myself before leaving us with our little gems.

"This feel's weird…doesn't it? I mean, I still can't believe that they're here."

Edward finally smiled at me. "I'm so proud of you. Thank you, Bella. I wish…I could say something prophetic…profound…irrevocably perfect for this moment."

"Edward, you've said enough. Thank you…for putting up with me and never giving up. I'm sorry for everything I put you through these past couple of months and I really hope this doesn't ruin the moment but…I don't think I want to go through this again. I am one thousand percent happy with these three perfect children."

Edward looked immediately upset. "Absolutely not…never again…I…I…there's no way…I'm going to get myself fixed the minute I can. I can't allow any chance of…"

"Edward, calm…please be calm…it's okay. We're all okay. Look at your children and tell me that there aren't worth it. Tell me that they aren't the best thing that could ever happen to us."

Edward looked down at the small bundle in his arm. He really looked at that little face with those little eyes and little nose and began crying again. "You are perfect. I will never let anything bad happen to you…I promise. God, I just love you so much."

"You're a daddy, Edward…you're a daddy."

"I'm a daddy." He marveled.

The pain became too great and unfortunately the nurses had to come back in and take our three miracles away. Over the next few days I was visited off and on from my family and friends, all who came in and told me just how beautiful my children were. I couldn't agree more.

"So…mommy, I guess the time has finally come to decide on names for these three so they don't grow up answering to "hey you"" Edward laughed.

It took a couple of days but he finally was able to come around. I tried to send him home to get a proper sleep in our bed at home but he wouldn't even hear of it. I told him he should just take advantage of the free child care while he had the chance but he wouldn't budge.

"I guess you're right." I replied looking down at my son as he sucked on my nipple.

"We liked Venice right?" Edward confirmed.

"Yes."

"Venice Antigone?" he asked.

"Edward, you hate that name."

"How can I hate anything having to do with my daughter? I read the story and you're right, she was a very strong individual who loved her two brothers. I can't imagine anything more perfect than that."

"Really?" I smiled.

"Yes…but you have to wait until she's like twenty before you explain to her that story. It's kind of violent."

"Okay, I will but you get to explain where we came up with Venice." I winked. "I'm sure she will love hearing all about our adventures in Venice." I laughed.

Edward laughed and it felt so normal.

"I think we should name this little super sucker, Masen. I know how much you wanted that name."

"Masen…Charles." Edward replied.

"Two men who are the perfect examples of what it is to be a man."

"And our other son?" Edward asked.

"My brain is fried…we should have discussed this more before. I feel bad we haven't given much thought to his name." I sighed.

"Well, you said you love Italy. You said it was where we began…he could be…our little Roman holiday. Roman."

"Edward, that's perfect." I exclaimed. "Roman what?"

"Hey, I can't be expected to think of everything over here." He teased.

"Roman…Roman…dammit now you have Roman Holiday stuck in my head and I can't think of anything else."

"Roman Holiday Cullen. I can't wait to hear what Hollywood will have to say to that." Edward chided.

"We are not naming our son after a click flick." I huffed. "Roman…Edward."

"What?" Edward looked up at his name.

"Roman Edward Cullen. I know you didn't want a junior but this is like a half junior and Masen was given your middle name so there is no favoritism."

"Roman Edward." He said looking down again at the bundle. "Roman, Masen and little Venice, our three perfect miracles."

After nearly a week I was finally released to home care and sent home with our three new babies in tow. The first few weeks were pretty uncomfortable as my body recovered. Edward didn't want me even leaving the bed unless it was to go to the bathroom or bathe. He had plenty of help though between the girls, my mother, Jacob and Embry.

Jacob was the first to move out. He moved in with Renesmee later that year and finally were married shortly there after. He managed to find his happily ever after in her and she was perfect.

That first year off with my children was one of the best years of my life. It was hard and scary, always wondering if we were doing things right but once Edward and I got the hang of it, with our teamwork it was almost too easy.

We did finally make it to Italy in May and spent the rest of the summer there. Savannah and Gracie joined us a couple of weeks in as soon as school ended. Going to Italy felt like coming home.

Embry and I continued to work with one another whenever I would get an itch for music. During those months, I managed to write over a dozen songs with him. He is what ultimately inspired me to make my move into going back to work and I decided to start off with a tour. A tour headlined by E.C. Crime, Silver J, DNR and myself. However as we started the process for this tour, more artists wanted to join in so Liberty Project joined us as well as Justin Martin. It was shaping out to be a damn music festival but I could use all the support I could get.

It was the night of our first tour date, we were launching in Los Angeles and Edward had arranged for the kids to all travel with us for the summer. He had hotels all lined up and the very best in transportation. I had just stepped off stage after our encore and felt like the world was at my fingertips.

After hugging Embry I made my way back to my dressing room knowing that Edward would meet me there soon.

"Bella, that was unbelievable." Emma gushed. "You have no idea the amount of phone calls I received during that performance. Sounds like WMG is very happy with their investment."

"They better be. I told them we wouldn't perform until it was absolutely perfect. I swear they need to have more faith." I sat down in my dressing room noticing all the flowers and cards that engulfed the small area. I began to remove my makeup, not wanting to scare my poor babies when they saw me.

"So what's the plan?" I asked Emma.

"Edward, should be here any minute and I know that you guys were planning on spending your last night at home before leaving for Vegas tomorrow. What did you want me to do with all these flowers and gifts?" She asked.

I turned back around to go and look through them. It was the least I could do since people had taken the time and money to send them. I read card after card and touched some of the flowers. I finally came upon a small wooden box with delicate gold inlay.

I opened the box to find dead black rose petals and a note which looked like it had been covered in spots of dried blood.

"That's disgusting." Emma remarked. "I'm sorry, I should have screened these better."

"Don't worry about it." I held the card up to read the smallest of type written upon it.

Ashes, Ashes, you will fall down.

I'll be seeing you, Miss Swan.

"What do you think it means?" Emma shuttered.

"I don't know." I could feel the hairs on my neck rise up. I turned to Emma and could see she wasn't doing well with this little card.

"It's probably nothing. Don't tell Edward. Don't tell anyone. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Bella…don't you think…"

"No. If you tell anyone, I'll fire you. This stays between you and me."

I crumbled up the card and threw it in the trash. At the time it did shake me but there were crazy stupid people out there who did this kind of thing all the time to celebrities. I chose to forget it. I went on with my tour and wouldn't allow it to phase me. It was just a stupid note, a stupid prank. But then another note came and then another. Emma was the only one who knew.

Who could possibly be sending me these notes?

Ashes, Ashes…and then I fell down.

AN: OH my god! Over fifteen longs months. 114 chapters. A half a million words and countless reviews. Some which were bad and many more were amazing that words could never describe. I cannot express how thankful I am to the readers of this series. You have encouraged me and helped me more then you know. When I started this endeavor I was afraid of what people would think. I have never been very good at finishing what I start but as I finished the last couple of words, I wanted to cry because I couldn't be prouder. Thank you for being apart of this.

Crossfade is the companion to this piece but wont be nearly as long. Not sure how long yet but if you would like to continue following these characters, please look into it. I went ahead and revised some of it today so it is all ready if you would like to continue on.

As for my other stories. Mistakes From My Past is almost finished and after that I will be writing a completely different story next. So if you have liked my writing, please check back in. I am hoping to start that by May.

THANK YOU AGAIN!