END GAME

Chapter 19: Mistake

"Hey, Levi, I see you finally decided to give me a ring again! It's about damn time. I almost thought that you had forgotten about me again! What do you need this time?" Ilse's voice was cheerful and bright. It made Levi's eye twitch slightly at the sound of it.

"Yes, hello Ilse, I see you're doing fine as usual. I actually need you to go over some facts in this case and possibly look over some samples that we obtained from several of the corpses. Eren and I don't really have any ideas that could help us at the moment."

"Sure! Just email me the files and I'll look at them over the next couple of days. Don't worry, I'll work fast."

"Alright, I'm sending them now." He pulled several files over to the email program and dropped them. The attachments began to load and he watched the circle as it spun around and around, his eyes unfocused. "Would you mind working a little faster than usual? We don't know when they'll strike again."

"Levi, you don't even have to ask. I'll work as fast as I can. I don't want someone to die because I was too slow figuring things out for your case. You know you could have called me about this earlier right. Or did you just forget about poor, little Ilse again?"

Levi rolled his eyes as the circle disappeared. He clicked the 'Send' button and went back to his Inbox. "Thank you Ilse. And yes, I could have called you sooner. However, in the mayhem of the attacks, there wasn't much time to think about contacting outside people. I only got around to it tonight because we finished early."

"Alright, alright, whatever you say. Ah, there it is! Okay, I'm going to go now so I can start on this info. Bye Levi!"

Ilse hung up before he could respond, leaving Levi staring at the phone, a vaguely irritated look on his face. He strode across the kitchen and set the phone back in its cradle on the counter, muttering to himself as he went. "She's crazy… I can't decide if between her and Hanji who is the saner of the two." He picked the laptop back up as he walked past, back to the living room to set it down on the coffee table.

A return trip to the kitchen and ten minutes later found Levi sitting on the black couch, a mug of scalding hot tea, Earl Grey, gripped by the fingers of one hand, the other tapping absently at the keyboard. Silver-gray eyes skimmed the screen, searching through the information they had accumulated over the course of the case. There was so much information, too much even.

Levi sighed and gently began beat his head into the back of the couch, fingers clenching above the keys. There was nothing, nothing, more irritating that being unable to make headway in a case. This is truly a case to test the minds… and this is all just a game to them! They're trying to push us, to see how far we can bend before we break. I won't. I refuse to break to the likes of them. I refuse to have to resort to those detestable methods, to those despicable people. Levi sipped the tea, the steaming liquid burning his tongue slightly on the way down.

He swallowed it anyways, his attention elsewhere. Where should I look first? Should I look at the clues at the crime scene first? Should I try to piece together the letters they've been leaving? What do I do, what do I do… Silence filled the apartment for a long time, only the sounds of the wind whistling and the quiet sounds of gentle rain hitting the windowpanes. The rain had started up within the last ten or so minutes. Levi wasn't quite sure which. All he knew was that it was quarter till twelve and he still had no new leads aside from what they had been looking at earlier in the day.

Damn, just damn it all to Hell. He took another sip of the slowly cooling tea, his thoughts flitting around without a definite track to follow. How could he find a track to follow when he had nothing with which to find it? Instead, he was left with thoughts and ideas that either couldn't connect or came out to be pathetic and implausible ideas when they did finally connect. The circles of this case were endless and they were giving him one hell of a headache.

There was a rattle, quiet, but audible. His head shot up, his eyes flaring wide at the sound. The sound came from his left and behind him, from the direction of his door. Levi slowly leaned forwards and set the cup down on the coffee table, quietly and carefully. He eased forwards off the couch, thankful that he hadn't put the laptop on his lap.

The rattling continued, now slightly louder than before, and certainly quicker. The doorknob twisted from side to side as whoever stood outside tried unsuccessfully to open the door. A slight click and scrape of metal was audible: whoever it was had somehow managed to acquire a key.

Levi slid into a crouch beside the end table next to the couch and slowly pulled the drawer open, trying to remain as quiet as possible as he extracted the loaded pistol from its place beneath miscellaneous pieces of paper. He set his thumb on the safety and slowly pulled it back as he rose into a standing position. The pistol found its way to his left hand, his body turning to present a smaller target. His arm was steady, the finger curled around the trigger ready to twitch at any moment.

Everything sharpened slightly around him, the details standing out more than they would have in any other situation. A cold feeling washed over him, one he hadn't felt in a long time. It was the feeling of being on a hunt, albeit the positions were reversed in the case. It was the feeling of killing someone in cold blood whether he or she was innocent or not.

It was a cold, uncaring feeling that sucked away all the others, turning him into a blank, lifeless doll without a care for life. While holding the pistol might have still felt like second nature, entering this state had long since ceased to be something he did as an everyday thing. There was no reason to enter it when he rejoined the higher end of society, especially since people didn't tend to hold guns up to each other's heads on an average basis.

A click caught his ear and Levi's senses heightened even further, everything becoming hyper-focused. His finger tightened slightly on the trigger, but not hard enough for the bullet to fly. Not yet. He watched at the door eased opened slightly, only a crack. "Leeeevi, are you home?" The voice was familiar and immediately identifiable despite the slightly slurred quality that it carried. Son of a bitch… what is Eren doing here?

Levi flicked the safety and shoved the pistol down into the back of his jeans, where it sat snug between the waistband and his back. He managed to twitch his shirt into place, hoping it would disguise the shape of the gun, as Eren stepped into his apartment. Levi took in his appearance, shocked at what he saw.

Eren was still wearing the same clothes he had been wearing at the station earlier that day. This time however, instead of being warm and dry, he was drenched. Instead of wearing a proper winter coat, he was wearing what appeared to be a very thin, dark green jacket, although the water that had collected in the fabric could have just darkened it. His soaking clothes clung to his frame, which looked smaller with his clothes clinging to his skin. His hair, normally a medium brown, looked almost black in the light, and was plastered to his head, nearly concealing his red rimmed and slightly hazy eyes, along with his flushed cheeks. Water dripped from everything, his clothes, his hair, his hands, and he shook violently, trembling with what he thought was the cold.

Despite that, he was smiling and there was a vague, tight, confused look to it. It almost looked like he wasn't quite certain of what he was seeing, like he didn't quite believe it. Eren shut the door without turning around and took a hesitant step forwards, his eyes fixed on Levi's face. One step quickly turned into several stumbling steps that carried Eren across the apartment.

He flung his arms around Levi before the raven-haired man could think of anything to do, still trying to process Eren's appearance and his emotions. Eren slumped against him, his chin sinking down onto Levi's shoulder, his arms forming a cage around Levi's torso. Don't let your hands go any lower. Don't find the gun.

His face was pressed into Eren's chest, his cheek right against his ribcage. He could hear Eren's heart pounding away in his chest, frantically pulsing, as if it was trying to beat its way out. The scent of something tickled his nose, mint, mixed with rain and something that smelled faintly of berries. That brought his mind snapping back into focus. His body locked, limbs going rigid at the unexpected contact.

Water was already starting to seep from Eren's clothes into his. He could smell alcohol, likely the source of the berry smell, on Eren's breath, not enough to overwhelm, but it was enough. He could feel Eren's body shaking against his own and he was no longer certain it was from the cold. The small hope Levi still held that Eren's trembling was just from the cold was shattered when he heard Eren sniffle quietly and felt his shoulders hitch. He's crying.

Levi stood there, muscles feeling like marble, and unsure of what to do. With his arms pinned to his sides, all he had left was his voice. "Eren… what's wrong? Are you drunk?" Eren squeezed tighter, his arms constricting around Levi and making it harder to breathe. He pressed his palms against Levi's back, the tips of his fingers digging into the skin there through his shirt. "You're alive…" Eren whispered.

Relief and shock colored his voice, so much so that it would have been evident to a deaf man. Eren drew in a shuddering breath and started to sob on Levi's shoulder, his entire body shaking and his hands curling into fists, gripping Levi's shirt tighter. "You were dead… Your eyes… the blood… oh God, Levi…" Levi's limbs loosened and he managed to shift an arm out from where it had been pinned between his side and Eren's arm.

The arm made its way around Eren's soaked torso, finding its way to the middle of his back. What do I do? What do I say? "It's alright Eren…" he murmured, slowly tracing circles on Eren's drenched back in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "I'm fine. You're fine. Don't worry. There's no blood. There's nothing like that, not here. You're safe here, I promise."

Eren pulled back from Levi, his hands sliding up to Levi's shoulders, his face a few inches away from sharp angles and mystical gray. His eyes were red and bloodshot, still slightly hazy, but there was a spark of determination in them. Levi hesitated for a moment before he let his arm slip away from Eren's back, letting it fall back to his side. He was aware, far too aware, of the hands on his shoulders and the lips that were mere inches from his own.

"Are you okay, Eren?" His voice managed to come out evenly despite the constriction of his vocal chords. His heart slammed against his ribcage, beating at a frantic tempo. He couldn't tell if it was from being in close proximity or if it was something else. Something he had been trying to quell for weeks. He couldn't tell. His thoughts weren't coming as clearly as they should have been. They weren't forming at all.

Eren did not respond. He leaned down instead, his lips brushing Levi's for a moment before he pulled back a few inches, still close enough for their breath to mingle. Levi froze beneath the feather-light touch, his silver eyes flaring wide with shock, and his nerves buzzing like he had just rammed a fork into an electrical outlet. All of his nerves were on fire and his shoulders burned beneath Eren's hands.

Eren, oblivious to Levi's state, slowly pressed his soft mouth gently against Levi's, lips barely parted. This time Eren didn't pull away. The scent of berries was stronger now, flooding Levi's nose, as he stood, rigid with shock, staring at Eren's head. Wet, dark brown strands of hair brushed his face.

His mind was foggy, his thoughts uncertain and warring with each other. His hands itched to come up; his body ached to press closer, to mold his body against Eren's despite the other's drenched clothes. Traitorous hands inched upwards, moving to pull Eren closer, as close as possible. Eren's lips moved against his own unresponsive ones, his movements clumsy and slow.

Levi's hands closed on Eren's damp shoulders, not pulling him closer, but not pushing him away other. He felt the corners of Eren's lips twitch up in a half smile against his mouth. Eren bit down, his teeth digging into the delicate flesh of Levi's lip. His mind snapped back into place and his hands tightened on Eren's shoulders.

Levi pushed Eren away from him, breaking the contact, cold air instantly rushing into now unshielded space. It did nothing to calm the fire burning in the pit of his stomach. Eren staggered back a few steps and looked up at Levi, confusion drawing his eyebrows together. "… Levi?"

Levi took a step back, his feet like lead, and bumped into the back edge of the couch. He shook his head, hands clenching as he fought the urge, the draw, to go to Eren. "I can't."

You can't what? Tell him that you're confused? Tell him that you don't know how to react? But you know how to react. You've done it before… many times. You know you want to respond.

But Eren's not like that… I don't want Eren to be like that!

Levi pressed his hands to his head, like that could ease the storm of thoughts that were throwing themselves around in his mind. He took another step back, then another, his silver eyes still fixed on Eren's emerald ones. They were blank now, watching Levi as he slowly backed into the hallway. Levi stretched his hand out, his hand hitting the wall several times before he finally found the doorknob and tore the door open, shutting it, and flicking the lock behind him.

He stood in the dark room for several moments, staring at the door. His chest felt hollow and his head ached. His lips and shoulders still burned from Eren's touch. There was too much confusion, too much to know how he felt, how he wanted to feel. He didn't know how he felt. There had been no time to assess emotions. No need to. Perhaps that was why he felt like he was about to be torn in two.

I want to.

I can't.

I should.

I can't.

I should have known.

How could I have known?

He should have scrutinized them sooner, before he accidentally let Eren slip so far into his life. Before he let Eren get so close. And certainly before he started to develop feelings of his own towards the chestnut haired man. When did he become a man instead of a brat! I knew I liked him. I've known longer than I can say. I… I like him more that I should. More than is safe. I know, I know, I know! Dammit! Why did I let this go unchecked for so long? Levi sat down on the cold, hard floor before his legs could fold beneath him, his head swimming. Uncertainty filled every inch of his body.

One half wanted to be emotional and tell Eren that he felt the same and that he was sorry for freaking out. That he didn't know what he was doing. That he had been surprised, but just needed some time to think.

One half wanted to be logical and tell Eren that they needed to be focused and that he should find someone else to like, to love. Find someone with a clean past. Find someone without dark secrets. Find someone capable of being free with what they felt.

Yet another wanted to chase away all the thought threaded with emotion and to cling onto Eren and never let go: to not worry about the past, the future, or the consequences and just be happy for once.

Levi dug his fingers into his temples, trying to think, trying to process, trying to clear his mind. All he could find was endless amounts of regret, confusion about what to do, and anger at himself. The last of the three wasn't easily explained. Angry because he wanted to pull Eren closer for his own selfish reasons, angry because he wanted to push him away to keep him safe, angry because he couldn't make his mind up; because he didn't want to deal with it all.

All I had to do was pull him closer! Why not then? … I don't know. He heard the door to the apartment shut. Eren was gone. Levi could only hope that Eren wouldn't remember anything. I need to sort my mind out. I need… I don't know what I need.

When he had shut the door, he missed Eren's face, the blank façade crumbling when he disappeared, when reality set in. He missed the expression of crippling longing. He missed the expression of excruciating agony on Eren's face, as if it was a physical blow. He missed the expression of piercing despair on Eren's features. He missed the defeated slump to his shoulders as tears started to well in Eren's clear, focused eyes.

The apartment was cold. It was dark. It was silent. It held the voices of his demons, whispering quietly in his ears. Why did you bother? Why did you do it? You knew there was no hope. No chance. No point. No hope for you, stupid boy. There's never been any hope for you. Not since she died. Not since he left. You've been damned since birth. Eren clamped his hands over his ears.

That was a useless gesture. The voices weren't audible. They were in his head, creeping into his mind and tainting his thoughts. Taunting, scorning, berating, searing thoughts that made him want to scream. He wanted to slam his head against a wall. He wanted to drink himself into oblivion. He wanted to do something that would get rid of the voices. But it would only be temporary relief.

Alcohol didn't last long, it never did. His body burned through it too fast as a side effect of his accelerated healing. It certainly hadn't lasted long enough at Levi's apartment. Not long enough to mask the memories in a blurry film that would be better left alone to collect dust and rot away. No, the memories had to be clear, fresh, weighing on his mind.

He milled around his apartment, mind spinning, and thoughts pounding through his head. The apartment was too quite. It let the darker thoughts creep in, take root, and spread their corruption across his mind. Malevolent voices crooned sweetly at him from the corners of his mind, spreading poisonous thoughts and ideas throughout his brain, overpowering everything else.

They were taunting, teasing, snide, and scornful remarks that bounced around in his mind. Each was like a tongue of fire, searing his mind and burning it away with each touch of the sugarcoated thoughts. Did you see that hatred in his eyes? What about that revulsion? He hates you He loathes you. He thinks you're a freak. You disgust him.

Eren dug his fingers into his scalp, nails biting into the flesh, and strands of chestnut colored hair being torn out from the roots every now and then. No, no, no! Shut up shut up shut up! It was shock, just shock… wasn't it? The thought was weak, wavering, and unsure. It was no match against the vicious bite of the corrupted voices.

Think what you want… you know what you saw. But think… why shove you away if not disgusted? The thought burned, scorching everything in its path. It left Eren numb. He couldn't think of a retort to that, even though the thoughts were his own. Or maybe he just didn't want to think of something, to end the self-torment now, before it grew too big to stop.

His breaths came in and out as gasps, tearing out of his throat and lungs. His heart pounded in his chest, pulsing like a frantically beaten drum. He couldn't calm down, couldn't figure out how to. It felt like his mind had shut down, leaving all logical and reasonable thoughts and notions outside. Eren stumbled into the kitchen, slamming into walls and tables as he went. He sank to his knees by the small, empty bottle of vodka on the floor.

No wonder it hadn't lasted as long as usual. The thing might have been five ounces at most, not enough to penetrate the regenerative abilities for long. Eren leaned forwards and rummaged around in the still-open cabinet, the clink of glass and tin filling the room as he pulled out several more bottles. Maybe if I drink enough in one go I can lapse into a coma or something. That'd be too easy though. Things can't ever fucking be easy.

He pried the top off a bottle of beer, the ridges of the cap digging into his fingertips and under his nails, but he really didn't give a damn. He didn't give a damn that it hurt. He didn't give a damn that the beer was lukewarm. He didn't give a damn that he was sitting on his ass in his dark kitchen, attempting to drink himself into oblivion. He just wanted to forget already, to forget as he had when he was a child.

But that's too easy. Freaks don't get to forget. Monsters don't get it easy. You're a monster too you know. You don't deserve to be called human. You are not human. You're nothing but a freak.

Eren shivered and tapped the class bottle, the sound of his nails against the glass allowing little clinks to join the silence of the apartment. The sound reminded him of something, something distant and faint.

A man stood above him. Fingernails tapped the barrel of a syringe. White liquid sloshed around. "Eren, I'm sorry." A tear stained face. A slight prick in his arm. The white liquid being pushed down the syringe. His arm bursting into agony. Fire flowing through his veins. Screams tearing from his lips.

Eren drew in a shuddering breath and opened his eyes and shuddered and blinked the dream – or was it a memory? – away, and took another sip of lukewarm beer. It didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. Not with people around him dying left and right. Not when the person he liked – loved? – pushed him away.

The police station was quiet. Only a few people were inside. Most were out on their own cases and calls, spread out across Shiganshina. Some were still patrolling the five main locations that Levi and Eren had noted down the other day. The former of the two men was standing by his desk. Levi ran his finger along the blue ribbon that marked Adam's River on the map. It was an attempt to kill two birds with one stone: to try to discover a general area for the Titans base along with trying to take his mind off Eren.

So far, his attempt at killing the two birds was failing. The first was failing because Eren wasn't there to provide another source of input, leaving Levi to attempt to sort out all of the locations out by himself. The second was failing because, even though Eren had failed to show, his thoughts were still firmly stuck on the emerald-eyed man.

The same questions kept cropping up; where is he? Why hasn't he made contact? Is he alright? The questions were on a loop, rolling through his head again and again and again. They would leave for a few minutes, maybe even ten whole minutes if he was lucky, but it was inevitable that they would come back to his mind, almost like clockwork.

At two o'clock, Levi realized that he had been staring at the same spot on the map for nearly twenty minutes, his mind lost. He had been doing nothing but staring blackly at the map, his thoughts solely focused on Eren. Levi sighed and stepped away from the map, shaking his head. He needed to focus. He didn't want to feel that hollow point that had been growing in his chest, the same point that had burst into existence the night prior.

Filled with regret and God knew what else, it had been weighing him down all morning, pulling him into a sour mood and giving him a shorter temper than usual. Levi turned his back to the map and began to pace, his hands clasping behind his back. It was a struggle to redirect his thoughts, but he managed to jerk them back on course.

Where could they be located? Not in the northern region. Most of the attacks are closer to the southern region of Eden. Dammit… if Eren were here, this would be easier. He froze that train of thought before it could derail any further. He snatched his phone up and unlocked it, opening the contacts tab as soon as the home screen appeared.

There weren't many numbers to scroll through, and Eren's was nearly at the top of the list. Levi hesitated at the number, his thumb hovering above it for several minutes as he warred with himself. Should I call him? Yes. Wait, no, no I shouldn't. That would be a bad idea. Still…

The phone began to buzz in his hand, vibrating like mad. Call from Zoe Hanji. Levi punched the Accept button and brought the phone up to his ear.

"Hey! Glad I could reach you. Okay, you know that blood on Marco's face. Well, I got the results back."

Levi straightened up, his mind entirely focused on Hanji. "Good. What are they?" Hanji hesitated over the line, leaving Levi waiting in silence for her to respond.

"Well… they're a little strange. And by a little, I mean I've never seen anything like this before. I need you to come in and look at these. It would be easier to explain that way."

"Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can." Levi didn't wait for Hanji to reply before he ended the call and shoved the phone in his pocket. He snagged his jacket and started tugging it on as he strode out of the building. Hopefully it was a good lead. They needed that more than anything else at the moment. Levi pushed the doors to the police station open and stepped out into the cold and bitter winter air, marching through the streets.

Chapter 19: End

... Well this took a while. Don't worry, this isn't all. I wrote this chapter and it ended up to be over 9K, so I decided to break it up for both my convenience and yours. Plus, I have a little writing project I'm working on and I need time to work on it... This is gonna be interesting. I'll post the next chapter, which is already finished, in a few days so that I have time to write chapter 5 of Speak! and then the new thing. Many, many, many thanks to calleyrose for looking over part of that first scene~ Also, thanks to you people for waiting.

Moruru: Ah, thank you~ Yeah... I felt bad for Marco, although that lasted about... 30 seconds. As for Levi... well, that'd just give the chance of spoilers. Glad you found it so~ Strange stuff is good! That means wonderful ideas and possibilities~
calleyrose: Yeah... I find that version of Armin quite hot XD Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. You won't know. Haha, thanks XD It helps that you helps on it~ Thankfully, I managed to clear the bottle-thing up.
ichiruzuka: Well, if there are any specific questions you would like to be answered, you can PM me about them and I will answer them the best I can, unless it means spoilers. Don't worry, some leaps and bounds forwards are coming imminently.
TheOtaku2: Thanks~ Haha yeah, creepiness certainly adds to things. Hahaha... only a little.
Kunogi Harkua: Yeah... you guys are making me feel kinda guilty about that . Oh well! As for Annie, only time will tell... for you guys at least.