I am very sorry for how long this has taken me. I know a lot of you have been frustrated with waiting. I am out of school now for the summer so I'm going to try and wrap this story up within the next four months.

All right, so, it has come to my attention that many people would like for me to write the wedding night scene already. I'm going to, but the story is about two people falling in love in a difficult situation, I'm trying to make sure it doesn't revolve around the wedding night because that is not the goal of this story. It was just an illustration of the difficulty they were facing.

Chapter 16: The Dream

There was a warm breeze. Ruth felt oddly placed as she heard the grass swaying in the wind. Storm clouds had formed and rolled across the sky, threatening the beautiful day. As Ruth approached the water, she dunked her bucket into the stream quickly but when she lifted it out, the clear liquid turned red. She looked over to see a man floating on his back but he was not alone. Bodies floated down one by one past Ruth. The faces she recognized. Gabriel passed. Thomas passed. Her brother passed. Her sister-in-law passed. Ruth felt panic rush over her as her knees gave way to the ground but everything fell away and with a gasp Ruth shot up in bed. It had been nothing more than a dream, but it triggered something in her. She looked back at Jean, who was sound asleep. She hadn't woken him. She stood up and tried to calm herself. Her heart was beating too quickly, she could barely breathe.

The attack a few weeks before by Mr. Wilkins left Ruth with more than just physical wounds. The fear she had felt stayed with her and haunted her dreams. It resurfaced many of the memories of war that she had hidden away and denied the existence of. She had done more during the war than mend buttons and sew up wounds and she had seen more of war than Jean was aware she had. She had pushed back the emotions that had surfaced due to everything she lost. The dreams came to her the nights following the incident, scraping at the wounds she had buried.

Jean had begun to notice Ruth's personality was changing. She seemed more distant but he didn't push it. He did notice she slept incredibly close to him at night, even grasping onto him in the wee hours of the morning without being aware. He had seen the behavior before in war. It was not unusual for men to toss in their sleep or stare off into the distance after a particularly harsh battle. It would resurface memories or leave the mind askew. There was nothing usually done for them. If they were strong enough, they pulled through. Jean had even seen Ben Martin display the same symptoms.

He opened his eyes groggily to see the fire light illuminating the figure of his wife as she paced the floor, the wood boards creaking under her, a shadow floating across the walls. He sat up as she left the room with a candle in her hand. He heard her open another door and decided to get out of bed, wondering if she was sleep walking.

"Ruth?" he whispered as he lightly pushed the door of the other room open. He saw her with her legs stretched on the settee, which was pushed against a wall of books in his study. She had one of the books in her hand and a candle lit next to her.

"Ruth?" he whispered again.

She looked up at him but didn't speak. From what little light the candle provided him, he could see that she had been crying. He stood awkwardly for a few moments, listening to her flipping the pages of the old book. He made his way over to the settee, taking her legs up and sitting down before placing them on his lap.

She put the book down on her lap and drew her feet away from him. There was a silence which lingered in the air. It was early in the morning, the sun hadn't risen and Jean was exhausted, she could tell. She just didn't know what to say to him and he didn't know either. Though they had been married nearly four months and they had grown closer, there was still a wall between them.

Jean cleared his throat and patted the arm of the settee as he joked, "Was I snoring?"

Ruth let out a little snort.

"Non, seriously…"

"No," Ruth tiredly giggled.

"What is wrong?"

"I-" she took a deep breath, not knowing how to tell him, "I had a strange dream is all."

He nodded, knowing how it felt. He was not a stranger to bad dreams. He tried to pat her arm but she drew away. It didn't surprise him. He slowly rose from his seat after a few moments, nodded at her reassuringly, and left to get dressed. The sun was rising and it was the day of the month that he and the Martins went hunting.

…..

Ben sighed as he shivered and crouched by Jean in the bare shrubs. Jean looked exhausted. He was barely able to keep his head up.

"Rough night?" Ben laughed.

"Ruth thrashed all night," Jean sighed, "she's been having nightmares."

"I still have nightmares about the war," Ben explained as he looked down at his gun, "it's not easy."

"I used to have them so frequently, I nearly lost ten years of sleep," Jean said.

Ben shook his head, "war is hell."

They poked their heads out of the branches when they heard a twig snap. A giant buck was ten feet away from them. Jean and Ben exchanged a look of excitement, grinning as they slowly raised their guns but something startled the deer and made it run off. Ben took his hat off and threw it on the ground before looking up to see Nathan doing the same thing.

"What startled it?" Ben shouted as he looked around.

"You made too much noise," Jean laughed.

Ben put his hand on his face.

"I don't think today was a good day to do this, Father," Nathan interjected, "things just seem off today."

Jean felt it too. Something wasn't right about that day.

"We''ll give it a couple more hours," Ben said as his sons sighed in anguish. Ben thought for a few moments.

"or we could go to the Inn and have some drinks and eat, maybe speak to some of the people we haven't seen in a long while," Jean interjected, "and rest."

Ben smirked, "I like that idea better."

…..

The sun was setting, Jean hadn't returned and Ruth was beginning to wonder what happened. Laura had left to head home and Ruth was tired. She heard the door open and saw Jean slowly walk in. She knew he had been at the Inn. He didn't look disheveled but he seemed a little sluggish.

"Did you go hunting this morning?" Ruth asked in confusion as she headed up the stairs after him.

"Yes, but there was nothing," Jean said, "we went to the Inn in town instead. Caught up with a few of the men we haven't seen for awhile."

"Is that all?" Ruth asked shakily. She knew what else was at the Inn. Many men went to the Inn to seek comfort with women.

"Yes," Jean said without hesitation. He opened the bedroom door and made his way to the bed before sitting down.

Ruth stood in the doorway. Jean was looking at her in a way she hadn't seen before. She made her way over to him and helped him remove his boots like she did on days when he was exhausted. As she stood up, she felt his arm go around her waste as he pulled her onto his lap. She dropped the boots accidentally. He began to kiss her neck and she gasped in shock.

"Jean," she said as she put her hand over his mouth to stop him but he didn't hear her as he laid her on the bed.

"Jean," she said again a little more firmly as he climbed on top of her. She felt his hand slip up her dress and she nervously stiffened up. She realized he might have had a little more to drink than she thought.

"What's possessed you?" Ruth said as she gave one final push to get him off. He sighed and rolled over, looking up at the curtain on their bed.

"What were you doing?" Ruth looked over at him in confusion.

"I-" he tried to explain himself.

"Did the men at the Inn put thoughts into your head?" Ruth asked angrily, "did you drink too much?"

"No- No, I am just frustrated, I barely drank," he finally said as he looked at her, "we are married, Ruth. Why can't I touch you?"

What had been driving a rift between them was obvious. She just didn't know if she was ready. She stood up and undid her dress before carefully putting it away. She released her corset and slowly hung it up. Jean sat up and watched her stand in front of the fireplace for a little while after she changed into her nightgown. He didn't know what she was doing or if she was angry with him. She made her way to the bed and sat down. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She took his hand and placed it on herself. He looked over at her in surprise. She laid down and pulled him onto herself. She didn't have the faintest clue what she was doing but she knew it needed to finally be done. It would get the entire town off her back and it would let Jean be at peace. She knew her aunt would be happy. Ruth prayed she would conceive so that she wouldn't be a pariah amongst the women in town. Margaret was already with child, and she knew what was being said.