CHAPTER NINE
When I was fifteen years old, a boy asked me out on a date. It was the one and only time I was asked out, that was until Edward. I remember asking my mom to take me to the store to pick out something special. Reading up on Seventeen magazine for articles like "How to Get Him to Want You." And waiting at the theatre till eleven pm because he failed to show up, finding out the next day that it was all a joke.
Fast forward seven years, I looked at myself in the mirror as I got ready that morning. Even though we were going on our "date" that evening, I still had a job to do. I may have taken more time than usual that morning, not because I was trying to gussy myself up, but I still hadn't worked up the courage to go downstairs yet.
Come on Bella! Pull it together. I chanted this to myself over and over as I descended the stairs. I only prayed that Edward didn't say anything to anyone, the last thing I needed was Emmett's teasing. I saw Edward pacing in the kitchen almost in the exact place I left him the night before.
"Good morning?" I meant for it to sound natural, but it came out more like a question. Pull it together Bella. Edward looked up at me and smiled.
"Good morning, would you like some orange juice or milk?" I came over to him, taking the orange juice from him. I allowed my hair to fall forward creating a shield. "Um Edward, I was wondering if maybe we could keep last night to ourselves," I said quietly.
"What are you talking about?" For a moment my heart stopped. Maybe I imagined last night or maybe it was a really vivid dream. I looked over to him momentarily stunned. I could see a smile creeping on his face.
"Uh, about tonight?" Last night when Edward asked me out we agreed that our date should happen sooner than later. I felt that the sooner he got this out of his system the sooner we could go back to normal.
"Bella I'm not sure what you are referring to."
Ok, now he was just being difficult.
"You know what, never mind, I wasn't referring to anything. I plan on coming home tonight and going straight to bed." I huffed and began to walk off; he caught me by the arm and brought me back to him.
"Come on Bella, don't be like this. I was only kidding. If it would make you more comfortable, then we can keep this on the down low for now." He kissed me on the forehead.
"Down low? Edward the nineties called they'd like their phrase back." I smiled up at him. We could hear Emmett bounding down the stairs and so we pulled away.
I tried my best to focus all day while at work, but no matter what department I helped out I kept finding my heart racing or mind wandering to the date. I even went to lengths to avoid Edward. Oh my god if I was avoiding Edward now, what would happen after tonight and he realized what a huge mistake this was. I would have to quit. I would have to give this all up. I could feel my breaths becoming shallower I needed to stop what I was doing and find a private place for my panic attack. I ran to Edward's trailer I knew he was on set so I would be safe.
I instantly made it to his bed and sat down I put my head down and tried to focus on the peaceful Lake Bracciano. Keep it together Bella. The trailer door opened and Edward seeing my crazy ass, rushed to my side, I'm sure I looked a fright.
"Bella, what's wrong? What happened?" Edward sounded as panicked as I felt.
"Just… give…. me…a moment." I said through gasps. He sat there quite, just rubbing my back as I kept my head down trying to focus on anything but tonight's affairs. I finally was able to rein my thoughts in after a couple of minutes.
"I'm sorry; I sometimes have mild panic attacks."
"What brought this on, Bella?"
I slowly got up from the bed and walked to the window. The blinds had always been shut since the beginning of filming, the sunlight straining to get through. I kept my back to him.
"I don't know how to do this. I fear that going out with you will jeopardize my career and I can't bear the thought of losing all this." I turned to him, "on the other hand part of me is saying come on Bella you have this perfectly great guy who wants to date you I think your problems are slightly less tragic than other worldly issues." I sat back down on the bed toward him. "So what do I do? I want to attempt a date with you but I don't want to lose my job either."
"Bella" he looked at me with the saddest eyes. "I don't want you to stress about this. I can't help what I feel for you and I want a date you so much but I don't want you to ever feel pressured into this like at any moment I would fire you because this didn't work out. Please believe me when I say I would never do anything to harm your career. No matter what you did or how this ended if it did end I would want you to be happy."
"I know I'm being silly but this isn't something I do often" I wish he knew just how true that was.
"You mean you don't date your bosses all the time? I'm shocked I must have read your résumé wrong." his little joke helped break up the tension.
"Bella, I promise tonight is going to be very low-key, you can even wear jeans if you'd like. I'm just going to make us some dinner and then we will talk. Nothing big, just a normal average dinner at the house."
"That sounds nice. Thank you."
"For what, honey?" He asked.
"For calming me down and making me feel better. I've been known to stress out sometimes."
Edward laughed, "No not you. You are the epitome of calm and level-headedness."
"Alright, Mr. Cullen, go ahead and make fun of the girl you're about to go out with, I'm sure she'll be dying to go on a second date with you."
He shook his head, "alright I apologize. How about you lay down for a while. I think it will be good for you."
"I should get back to work." I knew that wasn't going to work but a girl had to try.
"Come on, Swan." He patted the bed. He got up and I took my place laying my head down on the pillow.
"You know what I think?"I asked.
"Dirty thoughts? I am a mind reader you know." He looked down on me.
"Haha. No, I think you have some weird fetish of watching young girls sleep," I teased.
"However did you know? You know us old guys always trying to find kinky new ways to get it up."
I blushed so much I had to push my face in the pillow.
"Ew gross," I said disgustedly.
"That will teach you to mess with me. Go to sleep Bella." He leaned down and kissed my forehead again ran his hand through my hair once and walked away.
We arrived home around six; Edward said that he was going to set dinner for eight. The worse part of this situation was Emmett didn't understand why he couldn't eat with us. We were driving home and Edward tried to explain to him that he'd have to go and scavenge for his own food tonight. I was trying not to blush, but it felt like all eyes were on me.
I started off with a long bath, trying to get my muscles to relax. I spent thirty minutes standing in just a towel looking at the clothes in my closet. What should I go with? Jeans wearing this is no big deal casual Bella? No. How about slightly sophisticated just came back from a funeral all in black Bella? No. There's slutty I just got out of jail and I'm really horny Bella. But then I'd have to borrow something from Alice and I know I couldn't fit into anything she wore. So no. Crap! Why did this have to be so hard?
I decided to go with the girl next door Bella, she can be a bit boring at times, but she was better than the alternatives. I wore a pale yellow knee-length dress with a small flower print and white ballet flats. I left my hair down and went with minimal makeup, if he really wanted to date me he would have to deal with the fact that I wasn't really a girly girl.
I slowly made my way downstairs silently repeating the famous words of the little engine that could, "I think I can. I think I can." I was only halfway down when I noticed Edward, I was so focused on remembering to breathe and not trip I hadn't noticed him till he was almost in my face.
"You look beautiful, Bella." He took my hands in his.
"Uh yeah. I mean thank you," I stuttered out.
"I'm sorry, you look good too." I was failing big time. Two seconds in and the plane was already crashing.
"Hey, there is nothing to be nervous about; it's just Edward and Bella having a bite to eat. Just a normal day in the neighbored."
Was he quoting Mr. Roger's? No wait I think the line went, It just a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
"Bella?" Oh crap, I was spacing out and Edward was calling at me.
"Sorry, its Mr. Rogers fault," I mumbled.
"Okay." He looked confused but continued on. "Come on follow me." He said taking my hand and pulling me upstairs. I immediately pulled back.
"Why? Why are we going upstairs?" I anxiously asked.
"Because I thought I'd sleep with you before dinner." My eyes got wide. "Kidding, god Bella I'm just joking. I'm sorry that was rude, please will you just trust me."
"If you stopped being stupid then maybe I'd trust you, Edward," I scolded him.
He smiled at me and laughed.
"Well then stop freaking out so much, Bella." He made my name sound like it had way more syllables than necessary.
We went up the stairs and walked in the opposite direction of his room and my room. When we got all the way to the other side of the floor there was a staircase there to go up again. I had no idea this was even here, now I was very curious to see where he was taking me. We arrived up to the rooftop of the house. The roof? My mouth instantly opened and I walked forward letting go of his hand.
I looked around in amazement, "You did this for me?" My damn tears started obstructing my vision as I took in the roof which had green shrubbery all around with thousands of twinkle lights. In the middle was a small table set with a white linen cloth, china, and silverware adorning it? Frank Sinatra played softly in the background.
"Miss Swan, may I show you to your table?" Edward held out his arm and I willingly went along with his charade.
"You may"
We arrived at the table after a few steps, Edward pulled out my chair for me. He poured me a glass of wine and a glass of water. He then served the salad, a sun-dried tomato salad on romaine lettuce with olive oil creamy dressing.
The weather was perfect a nice warm summer evening, it honestly couldn't have been any better of a night. I sat there unsure of what to talk about; normally I would have no problem talking with Edward. But now we were on a date and any topics that would come spewing out of my mouth had to have at least sounded interesting, or so that's what Seventeen Magazine once told me. Thankfully Edward sensed he would have to be the one responsible for creating a conversation and asked,
"What about Italy have you liked the best so far?"
"That's a tough one. Well besides the opportunity of being able to live out one of my biggest dreams, I would have to say the architecture. It's unlike anything I have ever seen in person before. I mean I could look up a picture and it would never do the real live structure any justice. The churches, I would go to church all the time back at home if they looked even half as impressive as the ones here, of course, I would probably just stare at the statues and the ceiling the whole time not even paying attention to the message." Yep, I was like a damn Furby when you got me started, I couldn't shut my mouth.
Edward sat there smiling at me, it was starting to make me uncomfortable, so I looked away however when I looked back he still had the same smile on his face almost like he was in a trance. "What?" I asked agitated.
"Bella, you're just so honest. That is an amazing quality. You have no idea how endearing you are sometimes."
"Sometimes?" I acted offended, "You mean all the time. You so weird Cullen." I rolled my eyes. I was finally starting to feel normal around him; well I was starting to feel a lot of things being around him. I decided to distract myself from my thoughts and asked him the same question he had asked me. "So what do you like about Italy?"
"The company." I furrowed my forehead. He got up and served us the dinner portion and he continued, "Bella I love coming here, that's why I bought this house. When I'm here, I feel normal, I feel alive. Or so I thought. This time with you here it feels entirely different. For the first time, it feels complete. This feels so perfect like I'm finishing a puzzle."
His confession left me reeling, I had been chewing on the same piece of steak in my mouth since he started and the once tender meat had nearly become liquid but I couldn't focus my brain on swallowing when what he just said was still running rapid in my mind. I finally managed to swallow and take a massively long sip of wine.
"But, you've brought girls here before; I mean I've seen it on Entertainment Tonight. Like really hot girls, I mean you've had more chicks flocking here then fly south for the winter. Oh god, that sounded really inappropriate, sorry." I cringed.
Only I could turn a man's heartfelt declaration into a mockery.
"Well in my defense, the media likes to blow things way out of proportion and I'm sure most of those "chicks" happened to be part of Emmett's flock. Wait a minute, why are we talking about this?"
"Well…" How do you tell a pretty person you suffer from acute self-esteem issues brought on by childhood, teenhood and pretty much every other kind of hood there was? Go for deflection. "Enough about you, have you seen this view. I can see why so many famous painters came out of Italy, look at the landscape, and look at the colors…"
"Bella. Stop trying to avoid the subject," He interrupted.
"Geez. Fine. You know why Edward, because this doesn't make any sense. My whole point is there is no possible explanation for you to all the sudden feel these things about me. Because I'm not the kind of girl who gets the guy in the end, I'm at best the pudgy comic relief that ends up alone at the end of the movie cheering on people like Alice and Jasper or you and some other skank like Lauren Mallory. My only job in this life is to make sure the balance of pretty is uninterrupted and to see to it that you live happily ever after."
My little rant had caused my face to turn red and fortunately I was able to keep the tears at bay for now.
Edward got up and walked over to me, he put his hand out silently asking for me to get up. I obliged, however, I wouldn't blame him if he just walked me over to the stairs and let me go. Instead, he took me away from the table towards the corner of the roof where the moon lit up the peaceful lake below. He positioned himself in front of me placing his hand securely on my back and started to sway me back and forth.
"What are you doing?" I asked cautiously.
"I'm performing Shakespeare in the park, what does it look like I'm doing?" He softly grinned.
"You remember that huh?" I asked embarrassed thinking back to our time at the bus stop.
"I remember everything about you. You know why that is?" he probed.
"Keeping a log of my infractions, you can use against me at a later date."
"No Bella, I remember because from the first time I watched you silently screaming into the air behind our production offices I knew that there was something about you that made sense to me."
"Really that's the moment I seemed to make sense to you? Maybe I'm not the crazy one after all."
He buried his nose into my hair and kissed my neck, oh god this felt way too good to not be a sin. I began to shiver. This man was good. We stopped swaying for a moment and he brought his lips to mine. The kiss was gentler than the first one we shared. It seemed to last an eternity, probably because there was no one or anything to interrupt us. The feelings in my head were whirling like a tornado. Of course, Edward was amazing, he could make me laugh. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like I was worth something. I wanted nothing more than to go down this fantasy road he had us on, but what would happen when the road ended. How could I go back to my life, without him?
"Why are you crying, beautiful girl?" he said gently to me.
I pulled back to look at him. I let go of him and took a step back. "I'm sorry Edward, I can't do this." I took another step back, "I'm sorry." I turned and rushed to the stairs taking them as quickly as possible as I heard Edward calling after me.
AN: THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING.
STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.