Emma smiled happily at Regina as the door to the mansion opened.
"It looks like someone is in a good mood today," the mayor commented but couldn't keep her own smile in check.
"Must be like looking into a mirror," Emma gave back and held up a white paper bag. "Bear claw?"
"When I invited you to breakfast, I didn't mean for you to bring your own."
"I needed a treat this morning," Emma said as she walked through the door that Regina held open for her.
"And seeing me isn't treat enough?"
Regina closed the door and turned to an impatiently waiting sheriff. The dark-haired woman nodded encouragingly and Emma closed the distance between them, putting her hand to Regina's cheek, looking at her, no, drinking her in.
"Seeing you... isn't a treat... it's... it takes my breath away. May I kiss you?" she added quickly before she embarrassed herself any more with her ramblings.
"Yes, of course," Regina answered and then their lips were put to better use than talking.
They were sweet kisses they shared, a way of exchanging an extended hello, I missed you, won't you come in and kiss me senseless?
"I... I'm... I don't know what to say," Emma admitted when they parted for breath.
"I know we've been... teasing a lot, banter, flirt... but I want you to know that I'm taking this seriously, Emma. You're not just a flirt for me. We've both been hurt in love and we're both good at..."
"Hiding behind walls?"
Regina nodded.
"I'm not playing around with you. That's why I need to tell you some things," she said looking earnestly at Emma.
"I'm not playing around, either. I... have a hard time opening up. It's gotten better, I guess, but... you're right, we need to talk about some things. And then, maybe, we could kiss some more?" She wasn't joking, she was trying to set the mood to one where Regina could tell her anything. She didn't want this whole thing to turn into a confession with Regina feeling... less than Emma because she had made mistakes.
"Well, I certainly hope so," Regina answered Emma's question and let the blonde lead her into the living room, holding her hand. It was a curious sensation, because it was such a small gesture and yet felt very intimate.
They sat down on a couch facing each other. They were still holding hands and Regina was caressing Emma's with her thumb.
"I've been lying awake for... half the night, wondering where to start, what to tell you. You know who I was and I'm not sure how much your parents have told you... about my evil deeds. I'm not trying to... mock anyone, or belittle what I've done... I don't know if you understand when I say that things were very different in the Enchanted Forest."
"I think I do... understand. Good and evil were the only ways to go, no gray area, a balance of sort. You can tell me everything or anything. I'm not going to judge you," Emma added quickly but Regina shook her head.
"I think most of the things I did back home are too... far away, even for me. I regret them but it feels like I've done them in a different life. I know you would... forgive them, understand them. That's why... I'll have to start here, in Storybrooke. With something... I did to you. I don't want..." Regina frowned. It was obviously hard for her to talk about this.
Emma nodded in encouragement. She had thought about this, too, Regina telling her her secrets. She had thought about what Regina had done to her or her loved ones, her friends, since she had discovered that she had feelings for Regina. At first, these thoughts had been supposed to keep her away from the other woman. But it hadn't worked, she had only wondered at how much Regina must have hurt to do all these things.
"I regret what I've done every day. This one thing... is unforgiveable and yet I hope you'll find it in yourself to forgive me," Regina said and looked earnestly into Emma's trustful green eyes. She was afraid, and Emma oculd see it. "It's about Graham."
Emma felt a slight stab in her chest. She hadn't expected the former sheriff to come up. Somehow, she had put him to rest in her memory as one she could have loved but didn't have time to really know. Having Regina bring him up now unsettled Emma. She looked into caramel-colored eyes, eyes that were sad and regretful and afraid to lose her and she knew... she knew what Regina wanted to tell her and she felt all air leave her body and being replaced by a desperate voice that didn't want to hear anything.
Emma blinked her eyes at Regina as if she had already told her and was refusing to understand. And Regina felt Emma's hand slip out of her own, her body retreat.
"Emma?"
"I don't wanna hear it," the blonde said. "I can't." And then she rose from the couch, circled it and fled the living room.
"Emma, please," Regina called out and followed her into the foyer. But she wasn't able to stop the sheriff as she opened the front door and ran outside and away.
Regina looked after her, her hand gripping the doorframe she leaned against. She had known but she had wanted to hope... that her deeds were forgiveable. Apparantly, they were not.
Emma wasn't sure where she was going until she arrived at her destination - Granny's diner. She barged through the door with tears in her eyes, barely able to see beyond her... grief and anger. Her loss.
"Emma?" Ruby approached her cautiously, sensing the anger in her friend.
"I need you to take me somwhere," Emma said.
"Where?"
"Graham's place," Emma told her.
Ruby looked at Emma, she didn't even seem to be the same woman who about half an hour earlier had bought two bear claws, and left with a wide smile and a definate swag to her walk. Ruby had thought, no, she had known by Emma's smell alone that she was in love, that things between her and the mayor were progressing. Obviously they had progressed in the wrong direction.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I... I need to see it," Emma said rubbing angrily at her teary eyes.
Ruby nodded.
"Just let me get my jacket and tell Granny," she said and Emma nodded.
She sat down at the table next to the door, waiting. She noticed the two customers in one of the booths and hid her face behind a hand. She didn't need anyone to see her cry and then tell the rest of Storybrooke about it. She had probably already been seen running from the mansion all the way down here as if the devil was after her. The devil.
She couldn't fathom that Henry had been right, that Regina was somehow responsible for Graham's death. But she hadn't known about Regina what she knew now: that she was capable of taking a heart, of making people do things, of being able to crush it. And yet she had never made the connection, she hadn't known...
Ruby came back into the diner with her jacket. She went to the pass-through to the kitchen.
"Gran, I'll be out for a few hours," she told the older woman who looked back at her.
"Just be back before the lunch crowd stomps in here."
"I'm not sure I'm gonna make the lunch crowd. Emma... the sheriff needs my help. Call Laurie, she's gonna help out," Ruby told her grandmother who looked past her at Emma.
"She okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Probably just allergies," Ruby gave back.
"Right," Granny said with an 'I know better'-look at her relative.
"It's gonna be fine, Gran. I'll be definately back before the dinner crowd, okay?"
"Take care, Ruby," her grandmother told her and she gave her a short smile. Then she crossed the diner. Emma stood and they left together.
"Emma?"
"I can't talk about this, Rubes, not now," Emma said but didn't even turn around. Then she seemed to remember something: "Do you have a car?"
"Sure, over there," Ruby pointed at a dark-blue beat up Pick-up.
"You're driving, then."
They crossed the street, Ruby always one step behind Emma who didn't want her to see the hurt... or the confusion, anything she felt. She didn't know that all her feelings came off her in waves and that Ruby's heightened werewolf-senses could read them perfectly.
Ruby didn't know what was going on, what had happened between the secret lovers but it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that it was bad, that Emma was hurting and that Regina was the cause.
Ruby unlocked her truck and got inside. She leaned over and opened the passenger door for her friend.
"Thanks for doing this," Emma said as she slipped inside.
"I told you I would," Ruby gave back and started the truck. "Where's Henry today?" she then asked to start a conversation that could possibly divert Emma's attention from what had happened.
"Damn!" Emma exclaimed. "No, keep on driving. I just have to call... David."
She did and from what Ruby could say from Emma's side of the conversation, she had forgotten to pick Henry up from his sleepover. And David didn't seem too happy with Emma's forgetfulness either from the way Emma tried to defend herself.
"Could you just do this for me, please, dad?" she asked and once again tears filled her eyes.
Ruby looked over worriedly, then back at the road because she felt Emma's embarrassment.
Ruby's acute hearing could definately make out the word 'fine' barked into the line from the other end. And then she could see Emma looking at her phone in surprise.
"He hung up on me," she said.
"Have you two been fighting?"
"No, I haven't seen him since the meeting last night."
"Hmmmm," Ruby made.
"Hmmm, what? What do you know?" Emma demanded to know. She seemed frazzled, the weight of whatever had happened between her and Regina already weighing her down. And David's behavior hadn't helped either.
"I don't know anything, not definately. It's just... Regina and you... yesterday at the meeting, you seemed pretty cozy. And I'm sure at least Snow has caught up on it."
"You think... she... what?" Emma said, her eyes looking positively haunted now.
"Emma, please, calm down. I think, Snow knows something. I haven't told her but I saw her looking at you and Regina yesterday... a lot."
"Oh, my God... this... why...?" The sheriff leaned back into her seat, eyes closed.
"I don't think she's too upset about it, though," Ruby added and squeezed Emma's arm for a moment.
Emma rolled her head sideways to look at the brunette.
"How do you know? Have you talked to her about it?"
"No, I haven't. It's just... I have my wolfie-senses to help me with reading people and she didn't seem upset to me."
Emma contemplated Ruby's words for a long moment.
"There's nothing to be upset about anymore... it's all over," she said.
Emma sat on the steps to Graham's hut in the woods. Ruby had brought her here earlier and left her to 'go for a walk.' Emma hadn't been inside yet, she wasn't even sure she wanted to go and look at Graham's things... probably his more personal belongings that hadn't been in his apartment in town. She was trying to wrap her head around the fact that... Regina had killed him... or why? And why hadn't she made the connection earlier?
She wouldn't have fallen for Regina if she had known, she was sure of it. And yet... and yet.
Emma rubbed her chest, breathing hurt. It hurt as much as it had after Graham's death and yet it was different. She hadn't been in love then, but she was in love now. And losing Regina hurt. She didn't want it to, she had come here to think about Graham. But she couldn't stop... seeing Regina's eyes. How they had begged her to forgive her, even though she had never uttered the words. Had they been hopeful that she would, had they lost all hope when she had pulled her hand away?
How could Regina hope she would forgive her? She had killed - killed! - Graham, a good man, a kind man. It didn't make any sense!
And why! Why had she killed him? Had she been jealous? Had she loved him? Had Regina... loved Graham?
Emma closed her eyes and a new wave of tears worked itself lose, rolling down her cheeks.
"Damn you, Regina! Get out of my head...," she demanded as sobs wrecked her body.
Emma wrapped her arms around her legs and put her head on her knees, still crying. She tried to calm down, concentrating on her tears, to let them flow, to breathe somehow normally despite of the hurt in her chest.
When she lifted her head from her knees she felt calmer but that only lasted until she noticed a wolf standing on a fallen tree trunk and watching her.
"Oh, God," she breathed and leaned back into the stair behind her. She made to slowly retreat and get into the cabin but then she heard a familiar voice.
"It's okay, Emma. He only wants to say hello."
"Ruby?"
There was movement to her right and Emma saw her friend walking into the small clearing around the cottage. The wolf looked lazily from Emma to the other woman, a were-woman. He jumped from his place to the earthy floor and came closer, slowly. Ruby walked just as slowly toward Emma.
"He's been friends with Graham," Ruby said and his ears seemed to perk up at the name. He stopped a few feet from Emma and looked at her.
"I was his friend, too. You.. I've seen you in town and you... did you stand in the street when I wanted to leave that first night?" the sheriff asked and then looked up at Ruby as if she was a translator.
"I can't communicate with him as human. That's not how it works. But I'm pretty sure he's the only real wolf in the state of Maine, so it probably was him," she told Emma.
"Does he understand what I'm saying?"
"Not in the way I do but... on some level he understands that you were close to Graham."
Emma nodded.
The wolf looked at her attentively, then up at the cottage. His eyes seemed to linger but then he simply turned and walked off.
"He's beautiful," Emma pondered as she watched him go. "So... calm and... I don't know."
"Do you see Graham in him?" Ruby asked as she sat down next to Emma.
"Graham in him?"
"Graham... the huntsman, that is, was raised by wolves and I think, since there are no native wolves in Maine, he must have come here from the Enchanted Forest," Ruby explained.
"You mean, I possibly met one of Graham's... parents?"
"Certainly one of his pack, yes," Ruby said.
"I don't know, Ruby... it's... I guess it makes sense when I think about Graham. He seemed like a lone wolf, somehow."
"You know that that's a misnomer, right? Wolves are not loners, they live in families."
"I didn't mean to insult," Emma told her friend and lay a hand on her back.
"I'm not insulted. It's just... I see him out here everytime I'm... changed. He is kind of a loner because he lost his family, Graham was the only one left for him. He seems lonely to me," the brunette said.
"Just another thing Regina is responsible for." It came out venomous but Ruby saw Emma turn her head away to wipe at an errand tear.
"I take it, you had a fight?"
"No, she was just about to... tell me something... of her past. I guessed what it was and... that was all," Emma said and shrugged.
"You didn't give her time to explain?"
"There's nothing to explain, Ruby. It's... I know that you want us to help Belle together and I will do eveything I can... but... not with Regina. I can't," Emma told her friend.
"You think this is all about Belle for me? You're my friend, too, you know. And I've seen how happy you were... I've never seen you that way. And it was because of Regina, because you love her."
"But I can't forgive her, not this," Emma blurted out.
"What did she do?"
"She killed Graham, that's what she did. She took his heart... that's why he... couldn't feel anything. And she crushed it... because... I don't know why. But she killed him." Renewed tears made it impossible for Emma to say more. She saw Ruby frown, then look into the woods.
"I take it you didn't know? I mean... you've known for some time..."
"I didn't think about it. If I had..." Emma shook her head. It was so fruitless to think about this, to talk about it. She had been a fool, that was the bottom line. And she couldn't safe Graham from Regina because she didn't believe him... or Henry.
"Are you sure about this?"
"About what? That she killed him, yes..."
"No, that you didn't know? Deep inside, I mean. You were aware of many bad things Regina has done, including trying to kill your parents multiple times over, framing Snow for murder on Kathryn, you knew these things and yet... you fell for her. Didn't you even suspect that Regina might have been involved?"
Emma looked at Ruby with a frown.
"What are you saying? That I knew and didn't care?"
"I know you cared for Graham, Emma. But you love Regina and I think that before today... a part of you must have already forgiven her for what she did. All of it."
"If I had why... why can't I forgive this now?" Emma argued.
"Maybe you're scared," was Ruby's answer.
Emma frowned and looked away from Ruby.
Why did everone always assume that she was afraid of love? Was that the town's go-to analysis of her psychological status: afraid of relationships, intimacy issues, demaged?
Just this morning, she had heard Regina tell her that it was serious, that she wasn't playing around. And she hadn't panicked, she had felt happy and loved. This wasn't about her walls, this was about... Graham. The fact that he had been good and was now dead because of it. Henry had been right... and yet, even Henry had forgiven his mom.