-1A brief word of warning: these aren't in any particular order. This statement will be self-evident soon enough.
"Hmm, let's see…" The sound of shuffling papers could be heard in the background, punctuated by an occasional bout of dry, racking coughs. "What about Commander Shepard? She was a spacer; both her parents enlisted. She spent most of her life moving from ship to ship."
"What the hell does that have to do with anything, Udina?" Captain Anderson's voice cut in.
"Mobility and adaptability and flexibility and…you know…other important stuff." He covered his defensiveness awkwardly by tapping the sheaf of papers loudly against the tabletop.
"She was the only one who survived that one thing on that one planet." Admiral Hackett fell into another fit of coughing. "Damnit…my voice is never going to be the same after this."
"I was going to say something, but figured it was a touchy subject. Too bad. You had the finest crooner voice out of all the admirals."
"Shut up, Udina." Hackett croaked angrily. "And I was going to finally try out for Human Idol. Damnit!"
"Okay! Enough!" Anderson sighed in frustration. "What was the name of the battle she fought in?"
"Damned if I know." Hackett paused long enough to hack up a lung. "Ugh. It's not like we could find it in all that, anyway. Why did you bring in a tree's worth of paper when you could have downloaded her profile onto a USD?"
"USD?" Anderson replied sarcastically.
"USD, DVD, EPA, whatever." Hackett grumbled angrily. "Isn't it USD? Bah! I'm not paid enough to put up with all this technological razzle-dazzle."
"Razzle-dazzle? What time period are you living in, exactly?"
"The same time period where people name their children Udina." The admiral shot back tersely. "Anyway, back to business, please."
"Well, she knows how to get the job done, that's for damn sure." Anderson clucked his tongue in approval.
"Yeah. By getting everyone else to do the fighting and dying." Udina scoffed.
"She made a tough call back there on What's-It's-Name." Hackett interjected. "That battle probably may or may not have been won or lost because of or regardless of her actions!"
There was a brief silence, which was brought to a succinct end by Hackett's coughing.
"I'm going to get a fucking Vicks." Footsteps were heard fading into the background.
"Anderson, is she really who we want defending the galaxy?"
"She's the only person who can."
"…but she's a psycho!"
"…I can't argue with that."
Shepard punched her fist into the wall in anger. " I can HEAR you, you morons!"
She heard someone say 'shit' before the soft blip of a comm channel being closed was heard. Shepard smacked her hand to her forehead.
"And I'm fighting to protect this." With a heavy sigh, she turned back to watch Earth shrink into the distance at an almost alarming rate.
"Idiots…"