FINALLY AN UPDATE. Yes, again, holidays and whatnot suck for keeping me in writing shape... or any shape. Still, soon I'll be having exams and then a looong flight to visit my beautiful girlfriend and whanot.

I won't tell you who she is on this site, but I assure you, she's an awesome writer.

ANYWAY, this is a big plot event chapter, so enjoy reading dawgs!

This was a very delicate operation. Firstly, he was lying to his boss about where he was. Secondly he had to wonder just what kind of security Zim had surrounding his base. Would he even be able to break into it? Sure last time he'd practically walked into the place, but last time he wasn't Zim's sworn enemy... Even if he was hardly a good enemy.

What kind of enemy still tried to figure out how to help them get over their problems?

No, he was doing this so he had something to use against Zim later. The way to defeat your enemy was to hey inside their heads and ruin them before they even took a swing at you. Or you could always take the Gaz way and just beat them with a baseball bat.

Dib however was taking the mind rout and slowly made his way up the driveway of Zim's home. He knew the boy had been in school today, that he had to make sure off. However, halfway through the day he'd pretended he had a serious headache and had made the excuse to go home and get some rest.

Part of him had toyed with the idea of setting up a robot-Dib to take his place, but then he remembered Zim's robo-parents and suddenly robots didn't seem so cool anymore.

This was to be an important victory for him today. This was the day he would finally get to talk to the leaders of the irken species. He would be the first human ever to speak to the leaders of the irken race.

In a way he felt excited, but he knew he couldn't let his excitement get in the way of his mission. He had to learn as much about Zim as possible from these guys and use it to bring Zim to his knees.

The door suddenly opened in front of him and there stood Gir in his little doggy outfit. Dib immediately went hide, but the dog blinked at him. "Dib? Mastah's at school, go be friends with him there!"

"... what?" Dib was frozen, he didn't know if the robot was toying with him or not. "I mean, I know that, Gir, but I wanted to... talk to your leaders. About Zim."

"Ooooooh, I dunno 'bout daat." Gir shook his head as he began walking back into the house.

Dib followed him gingerly, not wanting to suddenly be attacked by the insane robot, but at the same time, knowing this could be his one and only chance of getting to talk to the irken leaders. What had Zim called them? His Tallest?

"Day dun like being called." Gir stated as he went over to the TV and turned it on. Dib suddenly realised that the small robot was actually helping him... huh, he guessed sometimes it was good Zim's equipment was so badly designed.

Zim could fly across space, but he couldn't even get his own robots to work for him.

"Can I call them anyway?" Dib asked simply as he sat onto the couch, still on edge, even as the robot began tapping in some numbers on a small keypad beside the TV.

"Amma do it for yooou!" Gir replied with a smile as the TV began picking up a signal. "I like talkin to ma Tallest!"

Before Dib could ask any more the screen suddenly flickered into life and before him, on the main screen, were to long, thin faces. One had red eyes, somewhat similar to Zim's but deeper, more serious somehow. The other was a violet-purple that seemed more vibrant and energetic.

Both however seemed to share a sort of authority that even Dib had to admit was intimidating. In his mind, Dib referred to them as Red and Purple, having no other idea what else to call them. He was not going to call them 'my Tallest' as Zim did, no way was he giving some alien conqueror their proper title.

"Who are you?" Red suddenly asked, his cold eyes narrowing.

"Unless you're Zim in some dumb disguise," Purple added, "In which case we're not impressed."

"No, I'm... erm..." How did one introduce themselves to the leaders of an intergalactic alien race? "I'm Dib."

"... Dib? What's a Dib?" The red eyed irken asked his fellow ruler.

"I'm a Dib! I mean, I'm Dib! Dib Membrane!" The human replied quickly, clenching his hands in annoyance.

"OH! I know who you are!" Purple suddenly replied, grinning and pointing at the human, who blinked in shock. "You're the big headed one who keeps following Zim around!"

Dib was shocked. One, he'd been called 'big headed' by another alien and two, they knew who he was! Zim must have told them, it was the only thing he could think of. "... so you know that I know Zim is an alien?"

"Of course." The red one grinned. "With that disguise, I was surprised no one figured it out earlier, your species must be really dumb!"

Dib felt kind of burned by that, after all, for a long time he'd been fooled by the simple wig and contacts too. But he considered it part of the Clark Kent effect, a single pair of glasses can change your whole perception on a person and that was true for Zim.

In disguise, Zim was different. He was more... show offy, more up front and aggressive. Out of disguise his genius began to flash through, his viciousness. He became more... alien without his wig.

"Yeah, well, I need to ask you about Zim. What was his family life like, how was he raised." Dib asked quickly, taking out a pen and paper. What? This was all important note-taking information!

The red Tallest seemed to scratch his head and frown. "Wha-family? Irken's are raised in communal education pits."

His friend nudged him, "They must still use natural birthing methods on Earth."

"Ew," Red stuck out a tongue, "Disgusting."

"... wait, so Zim has no family?" This confused him but that was alright, Zim still had clearly attached the roles of parental figures onto the two leaders. "Well, how is he treated back on Irk?"

"HA!" Red suddenly laughed loudly. "That's a good one!"

"We don't want him here," Purple commented with the wave of a hand, "It's that simple. Why do you think we sent him all the way to your backwards planet?"

"Hey, we didn't even know Earth was THERE until he collided with it." Red snickered. "A fake mission, a thrown away robot and some pride, that's all he's got."

"Don't go telling him though," Purple warned suddenly, "Seriously. If he comes to us asking why his mission is fake, we really WILL show up and invade your planet."

"Yeah! Last time he was here he almost destroyed the entire operation!" Red growled out, "He's the worst our species has to offer and we've told him so about a thousand times already but he won't listen."

"He's actually on exile, he's not even a real invader you know." Purple chuckled softly. "He's just a stupid, insane, tiny little drone who thinks he's more than he is."

"I almost feel bad for you." Red commented slowly. "You know, having to put up with him on your planet... but better you than us, right?"

"... so... everyone hates him and he knows it?" Dib asked slowly, lowering his pad to his lap.

"Pretty much." Red added with a smile. "He's the most useless member of our entire race."

"Even Table-Headed-Drone Bob is more useful than Zim." Purple grinned and laughed.

"Yeah! Even Invader Skoodge is more helpful!" Red commented quickly, again, laughing loudly.

"Even the redshirts are more helpful!" Purple added, laughing almost uncontrollably.

"Even the Gungans are more helpful!" Red managed to breath out, the two now absolutely lost in their stupid 'who is more helpful than Zim' game.

Dib turned the TV off, no longer wishing to talk to either of them. He felt... crushed inside. He thought that this would help illuminate Zim's background, that he'd be able to find out at least some part of why Zim acted like he did... but he'd found out more than he thought. Zim wasn't just looking to gain approval from his leaders, he was looking to gain approval from everyone.

This changed everything. He couldn't chase and expose Zim in good conscious now, not with this revelation. Everything in Zim's life was a giant lie, everything was built and designed to remind him what a complete loser he was. No, more than that, a failure.

His only option was constant, aggressive denial. That scene came to mind, the day Zim stormed out of his office. Everything was clicking together bit by bit.

Dib stood up and began walking out, ignoring Gir's screaming about cupcakes or something. He knew he had work to do, he had to go back to school and drag Zim back into his office.

He had to get him to admit to his denial... and that was going to be very, very difficult.

WOO, so there we have it, Dib has finally found out Zim is a total loser and his mission is a big lie. Now comes the next part, making Zim confess it too! Clearly Dib's work is cut out for him.

References!

Redshirts - Trekkies will know this one. Redshirts are the guys who essentially get killed every episode, proving their intense uselessness.

Gungans - Need I say more? MOST USELESS PEOPLE EVER TO EXIST. Apart from the Ewoks.

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed the update and this chapter and I hope you're now FIRED UP to read the next one! Leave some feedback, tell me what you hated and loved and all that goodness. Laters peeps!