(A/N) Please bear with me as I'm splitting ans rearranging some chapters. Enjoy!

Hatsuharu's suggestion seemed to stick with me as the weeks went on. I would see him occasionally, and without fail he would mention Yuki at some point, even as he realised how upset it could make me. Eventually, my reactions lessened. Perhaps that was his intention form the start.

Fall ended, and winter came around. Exams were taken and students gossiped and bustled. Most girls went with their friends to Karaoke to celebrate. I for one, sat in the Dojo and watched Kyou come close to breaking his second punching bag.

He was one of those kids who hit puberty head-on and somewhat awkwardly. He was still kinda short and scrawny at 13, but his determination gave way to growing strength that anyone would have to find impressive.

The sound of his foot making contact again and again echoed through the mostly empty sparring hall. He was just bitter that I had beaten him again, so he insisted on training more as I indulged in water and Onigiri.

"Kyou, take a break. It'd be even more humiliating if you passed out from hunger."

"Shut up," he grunted. Landing a few more combos before final taking a rest, panting heavily.

He trudged away from the sparring mat, grabbing his water bottle and plopping down next to me.

"Not so close, you stink." I said teasingly.

"Hey you're not to fresh yourself." He mumbled through a mouthful of rice and seaweed.

I sighed, taking another sour plum Onigiri, as I knew he would eat them all if I wasn't careful.

"Where were you at school today?" Kyou asked. "I mean, I'm the one who usually skips. Not you."

"I had a check-up with Hatori. My mom let me stay home, saying that I need a good break from school every now and then."

Kyou seemed to be pondering the literal implications of that statement. He was probably recalling my first attack the beginning of that school year. "So…" he began, looking over at me. "Have you…I mean…"

"Have I had any more attacks?"

"Yeah."

"Sometimes. I've figured out how to hide them. The nurse lets me rest in her office if it becomes too much. "

"That's…good." He said slowly. "Sorry to bring it up like this but…what do you remember from that day?"

I blinked. "Not much, really. I just remember that I was walking with you to the ceremony when suddenly…" I broke off. "Then I remember waking up to you and Kazuma in the nurse's office."

Kyou's expression became somewhat solemn.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, I…I was just wondering since well…"

"Spit it out."

"On that day, you…you kinda ended up injuring one of the other students."

"…what?!"

"I just wanted to check and-"

"What, you wanted to make sure that I was under control and not hurting anyone else?!"

"Hey! Don't get upset! Kazuma told me to ask you okay!? He's worried about you!"

"Then why didn't he ask me himself! He actually understand the concept of tact!" I yelled, standing up to loom over him.

"What the hell Kanae! I'm just trying to make sure you're okay!"

"Yeah whatever." I snatched up my water bottle and lunch box. "I get it now. I'm just a hazard. A loose cannon that needs a chaperone."

"Kanae, what are you talking about!?" He scampered after me as I stormed off.

"Just leave me alone Kyou!" I barked at him. Something I regretted as I looked at his face. Strangely enough, he looked genuinely hurt and sad before he retorted with a similar unreasonable anger.

"Fine then! See if I ever show concern again!"

"Fine!" I continued my petulant, childish storm-off. Leaving the Dojo swiftly. I breezed past Kunimitsu and even Kazuma, not wanting to see the tears that had begun to flow.

I really wasn't even sure why I was angry. I wasn't angry at Kyou, that's for sure. I'm sure I was…it was just.

I did remember.

When I got to my room, I sat there alone, the memory seeping back into my mind.

I remember. I lost control of my body, I hit a boy in the face. He was just trying to help me. I broke his nose, and he knocked himself out on the floor.

The tears could not be contained now. I burst out into sobs, wrapping my arms around my legs, curling up on my bed.

"Kanae?" A soft, warm voice accompanied by a sunset-gold aura entered my consciousness.

"Mom?" I sniffed, looking at her through tears.
She didn't ask what was wrong, she simply sat on the bed next to me, and took me up in her arms. Holding me just as a Mother should.

My body shook with the memories. The guilt and the pain.

"Kazuma said you ran out of the Dojo pretty upset. I was worried." She said gently. "Did something happen?"

I nodded into her chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"Very well. Just let me know if you do. You know I'm always here for you."

That year-end, I decided to confront my birth-mother. I had questions that I wanted answered. I didn't tell Misaki my true intentions, but she was over-excited none the less. I even ended up arriving a pretty late since Misaki had such short notice for my hair. I objected to the complex hairstyle, but there was honestly no stopping that woman.

I easily found my way in, mingling with the extended family. As my abilities had become more attuned since I was last here, it was far more vexing this time around. All the extra information made me jumpy and nervous. It was hard to concentrate on anything.

At long last I glimpsed his snow-tipped hair through the crowd and gravitated towards that familiarity as fast as I could.

"Haru?" I said meekly.

"How dare you!" One of the elder women must have heard me. She slapped me. "Don't call him like he's on the same level as you! Worthless, disrespectful child!"

"Sumimasen, Obaa-sama." The woman left me. Disappearing into the crowd of relatives.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. And I turned to meet Haru's flat iron gaze.

"H-Hatsuharu-san." I didn't think he really liked being called that.

"I found your Mom." He directed his gaze towards the private sitting rooms. "She's holed up in the far one."

"Okay." I turned to look at him. He was gazing elsewhere. "What, do I just walk in and say "Hi! I'm your daughter!"?" What with my experiences with other Sohma adults…

"Yeah, I mean, why not? You are her daughter."

"But she gave me up, Haru. She didn't have any use for an un-cursed child."

"That's what's really messed up about this family." I tried to follow his gaze. He was looking at Yuki. Or maybe Akito. "It's a "curse" for a reason. But for some reason, even those who are free, have to suffer as well." His brows furrowed. "Parents, siblings, friends. It's all just a mess."

"Okaa-san?" I said nervously. Fiddling with my kimono.

"Kana, hello."

"It's Kanae...Actually."

"Don't you know it's rude to correct your elders?" She had the same cold eyes as her sister, and the same greasy platinum-blonde hair, but instead is fell in thick curls, glistening with hairspray.

"Y-yes. Okaa-sama."

"Now, Kako, what is it that you wanted?" She was sickly sweet. Her words coating me in grotesque saccharin.

"I-I just wanted to meet you. I mean, you are my birth mother."

"I am indeed. And so you thought that you could waste my time?" I suddenly felt like a 3-year old again. Small, scared and helpless.

"I- I am sorry."

"What makes you think that I'd ever want to see you?"

"I j-just."

"Just stop your pathetic babbling before I get a migraine." She looked at me with a malicious glare. You probably want to know why. Ask me why, child!"

"W-wh-"

"You were my chance!" She stood up at this. Looming over me, with frightening anger. "With you, came the opportunity to finally surpass my sister! And you failed me!" I stepped back from her. In reality I was almost as tall as her, but, the hate and vile she felt towards me was so intense I thought I would be sick. Her aura was almost as dark as one of the Zodiac spirits. "I have no use for you! And no desire to call you my daughter!" A vase crashed to the ground near her feet as she flailed in rage. "Get out of my sight!" I staggered away. Out of the house, again. Running to my place near the wall.

Even though I told myself, over and over again, that I didn't care about her; it still hurt. It had to after all. Knowing that my own flesh and blood would reject me like that. It hurt, a deep pulsing pain that I wished would go away. It was somehow easier to be drowned in the emotions of others, those would surly fade. But the ones I felt inside myself, were not so conveniently transient.

In the dark, the moon glinting sadly off of the abandoned koi bond. I could almost forget its tragic beauty in this light. The tall weathered camphor tree was welcoming like an old friend.

I vaulted myself into the branches, picking my favoured one, sitting at its base and leaning up against the rough bark. After a while, I saw a figure emerge from the main house Hair as white as the moonlight. "So how'd it go?" he called up to me as he began to climb.

I coughed, realising that my throat was thick with years. "Do you think I'd be here if it went well?"

I scooted over to make room for him next to me. "Perhaps you were so overcome with joy that you needed to be alone?" His blank face cocking to the side.

"Why are you here? I thought you'd have gone to be with Isuzu-san."

"She's in the hospital again. I was just sneaking out to see her."

"Then go. She needs you more than me."

"I wanted to at least check on you." He turned his blank gaze on me. Washing me in his peculiar serenity. Back then I never could understand him. Hell, I still don't truly understand him.

But, I could feel myself, slipping, to a place, where I always wanted to be near him. As logically insane as it was. That's really how love seems to work.

He was gone as swiftly as he arrived. He didn't encourage me to return, or tell me to cheer up, not directly. I guess that's just how he goes about things.

When I returned home, Misaki was up waiting for me. Reading a book with some tea.

She looked up. "Kanae? Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine M-" I stopped myself. Misaki wasn't my mom. My real mother was a selfish person who conceived me out of greed and spite. Misaki was something much better. "...Misaki...I promise." I gave her a smile as I walked past her to go to my bedroom. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Perhaps it was a mistake, perhaps it was that simple action that began a rift between us; I have no real way of knowing. But the possibility still nags at me. A voice telling me that I should have done more.

That it was my fault.