Chapter Eight

Merle looked up, scowling hard at the metal dumpster lid. Rain was seeping through the cracks in the structure and he could still hear the walkers outside, scratching at the walls of the enclosure. He didn't know how the hell they could even smell living flesh over the rank odor of whatever kind of nasty musty shit he was sitting in.

"We need to figure out how to get the fuck out of here," he grumbled, brushing at something that was crawling up his arm.

"You think?" A bitter voice muttered from the other side of the trash bin. "I thought we'd stick around and get to know one another over a feast of moldering bread."

He glared at her. There was just enough light to see by and he knew who she was. She was the one that had been through the worst of the shit with those men. She'd been a hell of a good looking woman when he'd first seen her. Then one night Leo had went into some sort of psychotic rage and had taken a knife to her face. The scars were bad and looked like she'd been attacked by an animal. Three long gashes marred the left side of her face, like she'd been slapped by a bear or mountain lion. The marks were straight and precise despite the fact she had probably tried to put up a fight. They gave her a dangerous look.

Apparently she had been something special to the man and he had gotten sick of the others looking at her. The night he'd mutilated the side of her face Merle had went on a run and brought back as much alcohol as he could bring in from the city, urging the others to drink more and more, calling them a pussy if it looked like they were slowing down. They all assumed he was drinking just as much but he hadn't. Once most of them were passed out he'd hauled the girl out of Leo's tent.

She'd put up a fight too, thinking that Merle was after something else but he'd felt bad enough that all he had wanted to do was see her get the fuck out of camp. He'd never expected her to survive but death at the hands of walkers would have been a lot quicker than what was coming to her with that group. Usually he was pretty damn good at minding his own fucking business. He wasn't hurting those women. He'd done his fair share of killing but he'd never laid hands on one of those girls. After a while, though, something started eating at him. It had become less and less easy to turn a blind eye to what the other men were doing.

He ran a hand over his head and sighed loudly. He wasn't going to try to make small talk with the woman. She was one pissed off bitch and he knew that she wanted him dead. He wasn't sure why, since he was the one that had finally gotten her out of that hell hole, but she seemed hell bent on killing. It was almost like she didn't care what she was killing either. She had taken down walkers with this crazy ass gleam in her eye. When she'd turned the gun on him he'd lucked up and she had nearly been taken down by a walker that she hadn't noticed.

And he'd saved her ass again. And he didn't know why cause the bitch had been about to kill him. He didn't know where the other women had gone. They could have gotten away but he doubted it.

~H~

Daryl sat there on the floor for a long time, staring at the wall and listening to the rain beat against the windows. His back was pressed against the side of the bed. Carol had been asleep for a long time but he didn't want to let his guard down just in case something made it through the doors. He wasn't really in the mood to leave anything up to chance and he wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.

His nerves were frayed and he couldn't turn off his thoughts. He wanted to hold on to faith that Merle was alive but there had been so many walkers he wasn't so sure. Not to mention, those women hadn't looked like they were the type to show any man any mercy at all. He'd recognized all three of them. If Merle had made it through the herd then he'd also have to deal with the women. The odds were stacked against him.

But he was Merle. After all, and if anyone could slip their way out of a tight spot, it was him. When his ego wasn't getting in the way, his brother was damn smart. He could easily hang on to hope when it came to his brother.

Merle was only one of the problems at hand that plagued him, though. He had more hope in Merle's survival, despite the odds, than he had for him to reconcile with the woman sleeping behind him. He was a hunter and he'd seen his fair share of wild animals in pain. The look in their eyes. She had that same look in hers when he'd busted into that bathroom. It had fucking stunned him. And it wasn't just the pain there either. It was also the stark fear he saw. She was afraid and he knew exactly what she was afraid of and it made him feel lower than the dirt caked onto the bottom of his boots.

Ed, him, Rick... The shit that woman had taken at the hands of men she'd trusted had worn her down and then when she had recreated herself, she had made sure to create something hard. She didn't want to feel and he couldn't blame her. He'd be a goddamn hypocrite if he did because deep down, further down than he ever liked to venture, he knew that Merle wasn't the only reason he had left the prison that day. She had been another reason.

Earlier she had accused him of knowing how much she'd cared about him and she had been right. He had known and he hadn't wanted it. He hadn't wanted it for the same reason she didn't want it anymore. When you gave a part of yourself to someone, you also had to trust them not to take it and use it against you. It had happened to him throughout his whole goddamn life and as he slowly came to the realization that she did, indeed, love him, it had caused him to panic.

Glenn's words the day he had left had only confirmed it. It had let him know that he wasn't the only one that saw it. She loved him and that was reason enough to leave. He could say it was only for Merle all he wanted, and that was a large part of the truth, but it wasn't all of it.

But he wasn't as scared of it as he had been back then. Since he had left the prison he had seen the worst of the worst. He had witnessed the ugliest and darkest parts of human nature rise to the surface and turn regular men into vicious monsters, and after a while it had changed him. He wasn't a monster and he wanted something that wasn't dark and ugly. He had wanted free of the vileness that made up his life and the only thing he could think of, after a while, was getting back to her.

Because she'd been the only thing in his life that seemed to not carry the taint of what this new world made out of mere people and he'd needed to know that she was still the same.

But she wasn't the same and he was partially to blame for that and he felt the impact of how much he had failed her. Not for the first time he cursed himself for not figuring out a way to go back to the prison that day. Cursed himself for using Merle as an excuse to escape something that he wasn't sure he could give back to her.

He looked over his shoulder, like he had been doing periodically for most of the day while she fitfully slept and was surprised to see her lying her on back with her eyes trained on the ceiling. He had checked out the window earlier and noticed that the walkers on the street had thinned out. The rain was washing their scent away. Their were probably still too many in the stairway to safely fight through but a window in the back led right out onto a rusted fire escape that looked like it hadn't been up to code since the seventies.

"You didn't even try to get any rest, did you?" She asked without looking at him.

He stood up, stretching the kinks out of his back. "Been sittin' on my ass for a long time. That's about all the rest I'm willing to risk."

"They aren't getting inside," she said quietly. She still hadn't looked at him.

"Yeah, well, better safe than sorry, right?" He muttered. "Wasn't too tired anyway."

She raised up on her elbows and then ran a hand through her hair. "Cassidy and I were up for nearly three days scouting the city. I slept a little last night but it didn't really count for a whole lot." She sat up, swinging her legs around and looking at the floor. "Do you think we can just forget about what happened earlier? I hadn't slept or eaten anything and everything that happened had me completely out of my mind."

He stared down at her for a moment and he was about to tell her sure, he'd forget it, but that wasn't going to solve a damn thing. "You said what you said cause it was the truth. I ain't gonna forget you said it."

She shook her head and then her eyes came up, meeting his in the waning light. "What do you want from me, Daryl? Why were you coming back?"

"I told you why I was comin' back."

She stood up, looking a little defeated. "And now you know that the woman you came back for is gone. She's staying gone. So what do you want from me?"

He looked past her towards the window, focusing on a bead of rain that was winding down the pane of glass. "I don't know anymore," he said, hearing a little defeat of his own. He wasn't going to lie to her though. He didn't know this woman. He thought maybe the woman he knew was still in there somewhere, but right now, she wasn't her.

"Thank you," she said quietly, drawing his eyes back to hers.

He held her gaze before letting it slip away, back to the window. "For what?"

"For being honest." She smiled slightly and then stepped past him, leaving him standing in the bedroom, watching after her for a few moments before he followed. He needed to show her that they had an escape route, as long as the damn fire escape didn't crumble under their feet, and even if it did, they could easily survive the fall. It would be worth it to be able to get the hell out of the city.

"You think we should spend the night and start fresh in the mornin'?" He asked as she gazed out at the fire escape. He'd managed to open the window with minimal noise so now they could at least get a little fresh air.

"I want to find my group," she said, eyes scanning the alleyway below.

He nodded. "Wouldn't mind finding my brother either."

She looked up then, her gaze sweeping over him quickly before nodding. "Let me clean you up one more time and then we can go. If you want to sleep for a few hours that's okay too. We can just leave while it's dark."

"You just wanna watch me squirm when you dump that damn alcohol in the cut," he grumbled. "I'll be fine. You cleaned it, it's covered. I wanna go."

She shrugged and then gave him a once over. "I don't care either way. I was just trying to get you out of your shirt again," she deadpanned, her face expressionless.

He felt the heat in his face then but his pulse sped up. Not because he thought she actually wanted to fool around but because this was her. This was the woman he'd known. The tips of his ears were burning. "Stop," he muttered, ducking his head from her level gaze and looking out the window.

He cut his eyes to her and caught her lips turning up. "Still so damn bashful. I missed you like crazy back at that prison. I hated you for leaving. I still hate you for leaving, but I'd be a liar if I tried to pretend that... well, I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're still you."

He snorted but met her eyes. Her face was open, almost warm, despite the fact she'd told him she hated him. He didn't honestly believe she did. He believed that she wanted too but he didn't think it was in her to truly hate him. "You ready to get out of here?" He asked, just to keep from feeling so goddamn awkward.

She nodded and threw her leg over the windowsill but he grabbed her elbow, stopping her.

"I'll go down first," he said, unable to drown his worry over the condition of the fire escape.

She looked up sharply, her eyes catching the last traces of waning light and then, despite everything that had transpired, she grinned at him. He froze at the site of it because he hadn't been too sure he'd ever see it again, even though he had no idea why she was grinning at all. "Even better," she said quietly.

He opened his mouth to ask her what the hell she was talking about and then a memory hit him right in the face. The bus out in the prison yard the first night that they had cleared it. She'd enjoyed teasing him and he hadn't realized a moment ago that he had said the same exact thing to her back then. He remembered how happy she had been that night. How free it had felt to be in such a secure place after the rough winter they'd endured. "Shut up," he mumbled, despite how glad he was to see traces of her old self. He flashed her a grin of his own and she blinked in surprise before he ducked out and stepped lightly onto the corroded landing.

For the first time in a long time, the smile lingered. Things weren't going to be easy, but he had a feeling that eventually, they would be okay.