(A/N) This chapter has been done for a while since I didn't want to post it until ch. 15 was at least near completion. Well, now it is. And so I can drop this behemouth on you. It's the longest at over 3000 words now. Part of me wanted to split it up, but it all happens within the same day so it made sense to keep it all together.

I woke up the next morning, feeling much worse. The adrenaline was gone, leaving me unfathomably sore. It took me a few seconds to remember where I was, and why I got there. It seemed to be late morning and I was glad that they let me sleep in this late.

Just as I managed to fully awaken myself, I heard a light knocking on my door.

"…Kyou?" He entered, his head cast down.

"Hey." He said as he shuffled in, standing a bit awkwardly at the side of my bed. He looked at me, and for once I couldn't get a solid fix on his emotions. It was an unnerving feeling for me. With how much time I'd spent with Kyou, he was supposed to be one that I could read the easiest. "Did you…did you sleep well?" It was cute to see that he was trying to be civil and polite, but it was so out of place on him. Like he was wearing a funny hat.

I shrugged, "Well enough." My voice at least was starting to sound somewhat human again.

He nodded, taking a pause as he sat down on the side of my bed. "You should…" he began, seeming almost at a loss for the words he wanted to say. "You should, talk to me about what actually happened. I won't get mad."

I raised an eyebrow, choosing to be coy. "Why? Why should I."

"Because!" He said with a flash of anger, then suddenly he…he calmed down. Yuki wasn't the only one who had changed then. "Because…I can tell that you were really hurt by whatever happened…not just physically I mean."

"Kyou…you don't need to do this, you don't need to concern yourself with me."

"And why the hell not? Is that what this is about? You've got it into your head that you're not worth anything?" He turned around to look at me, I couldn't meet his eyes. Kyou's gaze was always so intense. His emotions and feelings came pouring out in crimson waves. I knew that if I looked, it would be hard to look away.

He slammed a fist down on the bed. "I see now, it makes sense. That's why you won't leave."

My eyes widened.

"Y'know, I was always kinda pissed at you for the longest time." He looked up at the ceiling, his hair covering his eyes. "You are actually free. I never understood it, you can just leave. Get Misaki to take you somewhere, I know that she would if you just asked."

I looked down, my fists trembling.

"C'mon Kanae." He growled. "Why the hell are you still living in that place?! Why do you just do whatever the hell they say! They don't own you."

"That's where you're wrong." My eyes flashed to him, squinting in anger. "Tell me Kyou, why don't you leave. Why do you stay, huh?"

He grimaced, and looked away.

"I'll tell you why, because you don't belong in the outside world. That's what you've been told your whole life? Well it's the same for me!"

"How the hell is it the same? You aren't even cursed!"

"Just because I don't poof into some animal doesn't mean I'm not cursed." I growled through clenched teeth, my fist shaking in anger and sadness. "Do you have any idea what it's like for me?!" I felt like I was going to cry again. "It's like everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs and I can't just close my ears. I can't just stop listening. It just goes on, every day. Searing, burning. It's hard enough for me to be at school all day and then go to the Dojo. But if I had to work a proper job all day? I can't do that. I can't deal with people. I'm not fit for the outside world! I have a place at Sohma house, I may hate it, but, it's somewhere I can be without feeling like I'm burning from the inside out. " I coughed, a broken sob finding its way out. I fell forward, sobbing into my hands.

"I-I'm sorry Kyou…you have enough to-"

"Shut up." He said abruptly, as I suddenly felt a blanket being thrown over my shoulders.

"What I care about is my concern, not yours."

I gave a wet chuckle, leaning towards him in the covers. He was close enough now that he would have transformed if it weren't for the shroud.
I sobbed weakly a bit more.

"Kanae...what did he do to you?" His voice was soft. The anger hiding underneath.

I swallowed. I couldn't just brush it off anymore. "He betrayed my trust. Even though I may forgive him I don't think I'll be able to be around him again."

"You…you really loved him, didn't you."

"Half of him. I loved only half."

He sighed, standing up.

"We saved some breakfast for you, come down where you're feeling better." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"Kyou-" he left without another word.

I remained like that for a while, until the soreness was too much to bear, and I knew I had to stretch my arms and legs if I ever wanted it to subside. I shed my cocoon and swung my legs of the bed, letting out a loud groan.

"Kanae?" Yuki was there, again, I didn't notice him. "Do you need help?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." I gave him an awkward smile. "No use in protesting, my body is telling me I need help."

He let out a small laugh. "Here, let me help you up."

I was shown to the guest bathroom, allowed to wash up before I saw anyone else. I sighed, turning the faucet to clod and letting it run for a few moments. I splashed water on my face, looking back up at the mirror. My fingers touched the cold glass, the image there was foreign to me, but, not as if I were looking at a stranger. I wasn't looking at me. I was looking at Yuki with longer hair. Longer eyelashes and fuller lips. That's all I was in anyone's eyes, and in that moment, my eyes also.

I shook my head furiously. It can't be, it can't be like this-this person in the mirror can't possibly be me! How can it? It's not me! It is not me!

My fist bit into the mirror, and the glass bit into me. The pressure fractured that cursed image, mangling it beyond recognition. I let out a pained cry, curling the injured hand to my chest as I fell my knees. Over the pounding in my ears I somehow heard the door sliding open and a voice shouting in panic.

"Kanae-San! Kanae-San!" though tear-clouded eyes I saw it was Yuki, but at the time I didn't see him. I saw only a twisted daemon, it was as if the fiend in the mirror had come to life. I swiped my hand at him, screaming at him to get away. I saw tiny dots of red spatter on his too-pale skin, I just cried out again, hold my hand against my pale shirt as it just became redder.

Despite my violent actions towards him, he still tried to comfort me.

"Kanae, Kanae it's me..." I pushed away, staring at him almost manically, tears beginning to fall. Above my screams and his pleas I heard another voice join the fray.

"Hey rat boy! Get out of the way, you can't help her when she's like this!" He shouldered his way past Yuki as he left, and made his way to me. He took one of the near-by towels, and wrapped it around my hand. "Yuki, make yourself useful-"

"Already on it." he was gone then, and I was looking only at Kyou. My breathing was ragged, adrenaline tearing my senses apart.

"Dammit Kanae, you were already banged up enough as it was." he said in his own attempt to lighten the mood. He inevitably failed.

I coughed, and let out a sob. His eyes surveyed me, trying to deduce my ailments without asking futile questions. "Kanae," before he could finish, Yuki returned with first aid, and from what I could hear Shigure was attempting to keep poor Tohru from panicking.

Yuki tossed the kit to Kyou with an annoyed glance. With how he stood, he seemed a little indignant at the situation, it perplexed me.

Kyou groaned. "Stop your pouting Yuki, you'll just make things worse. You have to wait for her to calm down." He nodded, and left, calling to Tohru as he rounded the corner.

While I was in this state, I was acutely aware of everything around me, and could remember the finest detail, but my actual cognitive processes were shut down. I could hardly think or act normally, I was in survival mode due to the combination of fear and pain.

Kyou began by removing the blood-soaked towel. He took a pair of tweezers and began by removing the glass shards.

"It's been a long time since you've had an attack like this." He looked at me seriously. "Was it..." he seemed to be pondering what to say. "I think you told me about it before, about looking in the mirror, and only seeing Yuki, only seeing who you were supposed to be. "

I looked down, nodding weakly. I winced as he cleaned the wound with antiseptic.

"Sorry, I know it hurts like a bitch." He paused. "I know it may seem weird coming from me, but, Yuki shouldn't be the one you hate."

"I know." I said. "I don't hate him. I hate his face. I hate my face. I hate how we look alike. I hate how I'm not "Kanae." I'm just the "female version of Yuki". I don't have my own face because of him, but it's not his fault."

Now that I was more fully aware, I also knew that Yuki was standing just beyond the door, listening. "Yuki, I know you're there, but...but don't come in. Stay away from me for a few hours, I don't want to accidentally hurt you." I heard him shift, moving away from the door.

"He may be a jerk," Kyou began "but he's no idiot." he tied the bandage around my hand, taking my good hand to help me up. "Now, go to bed and stay there until someone gets you. Hatori is due soon." I nodded, leaning my weight on him, I did feel as if I was going to pass out, the adrenaline leaving as quickly as it came.

He left me to sleep, as I wished I could, but my mind continued to buzz for the short interlude I had to wait until Hatori arrived.

"Kanae-san. I would say it's good to see you, but I dare say that wouldn't quite hold true for you." his dry wit was oh-so refreshing.

"Ha ha." I granted.

"I was first contacted to examine your throat, but it seems you went and acquired new injures in the meantime."

"That I did." My injured hand shifted, it was starting to itch.

"It has been over a year since your last exam with me, so I dare say there was some cosmic timing involved."

"Whatever, I know you don't believe in that stuff." I scoffed

He chuckled as he unpacked his materials and opened a file. "Kyou mentioned to me that you had another one of your Panic attacks. Onset mostly by the pain I think." He paused, looking up over his glasses. "Unless…there was something else."

I huffed. "You're not my therapist…but I dare say you're more qualified than that hack."

Hatori nodded. "You don't need to go into detail, but I just need the whole picture for the record, as the onset of these attacks were due to your Kiireji abilities emerging. You haven't had one in over two years, so you can understand my concern."

My good hand clasped over the sheets. "…It wasn't anything like that this time, I was completely alone, and I suppose I just freaked myself out a bit. I wasn't in exactly the best state to begin with after all."

"That is correct." He stood up, approaching me. "You still should refrain from talking too much. Just the fact that you can talk at all is a sign that it's not too serious." He cleaned the instrument with alcohol before turning on the light and shining it at me. "Now…say,"

"Aaahhh…" I boredly uttered.

He withdrew, allowing me to relax. "You were lucky, from what I can see there isn't any serious damage. Do you have any idea how long you were out?"

"No but…" my words were suddenly halted by a large sneeze. "Long enough I think."

Hatori sighed. "You really are a mess." He opened his bag again, pulling out an unprepped syringe still in its case. "If you get a serious cold on top of this I won't know what to tell you."

"You could tell me that the fates are out to get me and I'd believe you."

He gave a dry chuckle. "I'll leave some medication for you to take, you will also require a few shots since you have avoided me for so long."

I shrugged. "Just get it over with."

After Hatori had left, I got a few hours to myself. I was thankfully able to dose off briefly. I started awake when I heard a knock on my door.

"Kanae-san?" The soft voice wafted over to me, almost drowned out by his clashing aura.

"Yuki, I told you to avoid me for a while."

"It's 3 o'clock. It's been a while." He deadpanned. Bringing me a bowl of soup on a tray. "You haven't eaten all day, that can't be good for you."

"Who assigned you as my nurse?" I said as I accepted the warm soup.

"Honda-san and Kyou went shopping and, I didn't think that you'd want to see much of Shigure."

"Thanks for that."

He smiled. "Now…" His brows creased slightly. "I know, you probably won't want to talk about it too much but, I just want to know what happened this morning."

I coughed, spitting up a mouthful of soup. "Wow, you don't mess around do you?" I took a moment to clear my throat, signally to him that I was alright when he tried to help me. "Not that I mind, I'm just used to more infuriating politeness from you. I'm glad you've lost some of the bullshit."

"I'm assuming that's good?"

"Yes. Yes it is." I took a long slurp of the miso soup, letting it warm me up. "So, anyway." I sighed. "I was having a panic attack, one that was triggered well, by you more or less.

"The last time I had a really bad one was around the time I was entering middle school, when I was first realising my abilities. I freaked out at school, started screaming and trashing because I didn't know how to deal with it. Kyou was there too, he had to hold me back. I actually hurt some kid nearby pretty badly. I stop being able to control myself when that happens. My body just goes into survival mode."

He made a contemplative sound. "But…why…me? What did I do, may I ask. If I did anything to-"

I cut him off. "It's nothing you did, and it's nothing that you have to apologise for." I glanced at him before turning away again. "It's not anything about you it's just, your face. Literally that." I closed my eyes in anguish. A little annoyed to have to bring this up again.

He nodded in understanding. "Right, I heard you earlier." I was relieved to not have to summon up those thoughts again.

To my surprise, he suddenly moved closer. When I turned to him, he was sitting on the side of my bed. Looking at me with a heart-breakingly kind expression.

"Kanae, I'm sorry."

"I said you don't-" He pressed a finger to my lips. I became silent out of pure surprise.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with this, and I'm sorry that I ignored your suffering for so long."

"Yuki, I could say the same-"

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Just accept my apology, please. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. This is about me taking responsibility." When he looked at me again, I saw something strange and foreign there. "I'm not gonna blame anyone else anymore. I'm not going to say, "Because I was obeying my mother" or "because I was scared of Akito". That doesn't matter. I still could have made my own choice, and I can do that now. "

"…Yuki?" It was almost like he wasn't there anymore. The black stains of his past, they didn't fade they just…became distant, like they were floating away on the breeze. "Yu-" Before I spoke, he placed a hand gently to my forehead.

"Are you sure you didn't catch a cold from the rain?" I scowled at his easy comment, and did something that I thought I would never.

Without thinking, I grabbed him into a futile embrace. I saw his shocked expression just before he transformed. I expertly caught him in his rat form, holding him gently in my hands.

"Yuki…let me apologise too then, it's only fair."

"Yes sure, Kanae-san. But you surprised me, you could have at least given me some warning."

I cracked a small rusty smile. "What? I can't just hug my own brother whenever I want?" My words wavered, the irony was almost lost, but I kept it steady. My smile slowly growing. I felt so foolish for all those years, all the separation. I felt like it was Yuki's new revelation, this strange purification that enabled these feelings of my own to become unlocked. I was happy. So glad for some reason, just to think onii-chan to myself. I felt a little safer and happier.

"Okay Yuki." I said, letting him scamper to the ground. "I'm going to lie down and get some sleep." I did so, my back facing him as I heard him transform back.

I drifted off almost instantly. I drifted so that all I felt was a gentle lilac blur approach to kiss me lightly on the forehead, then the presence left, and I drifted into black far too briefly.