Okay so first of all SO SORRY for not updating for like, two weeks. I think it's two weeks. Has it been two weeks? Anyway things got VERY, MEGA hectic and it probably shows in this chapter because basically I did a ton of editing cos I needed to cut back a lot. originally it was literally just a chapter of journal entries before I realized how BORING that would be and I reedited everything.

I actually managed to cut down a whole chapter because of the power of editing. ALL GLORY TO EDITING.

Anyways this chapter is FOUR PAGES LONG. YES. I KNOW. Try to contain your excitement kids because I know four pages is just SO MUCH. It's to make up for the missing week I guess.

ENJOY YOUR EXTRA LONG SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME CHAPTER GUYS.

Zim kept a journal. Dib had never, ever thought he would be able to convince the tiny irken that this was a good idea. Heck, trying to get the other kids he occasionally saw to keep journals was tough enough in a world full of blogs and tweets and posts online. And yet this right here, this wasn't something Zim threw onto scumbook for the world to see. These were his private opinions and thoughts.

Dib knew he should close this and walk away from it right now. It would be the right thing to do. To respect Zim's privacy and the bond between them and to not simply cheat his way to victory.

But Dib was also lacking in common sense, he had after all, decided to become a child psychologist.

Despite his better judgment, he read on.

'Journal Log Entry: 0115967.M21. I have arrived on this planet call Earth. I hate it here already. These... earthenoids are absolute bizarre. They are a pre-warp culture who seem to obsess over everything. Literally everything. At first look I cannot find anything that they specialize in with the possible exception of being smelly and stupid. I'm not even sure if they're a united culture or not. I cannot wait to level everything here and go home to a heroes welcome.'

Dib could almost feel his heart break. There was no heroes welcome for Zim, there never would be. He ran his eyes over the newer entries, eager to get as far ahead as he could.

'Journal Log Entry: 1215967.M21: I have begun attending a humanoid prison institution for their smeets known as 'Skool'. I believe going is essential to keeping my cover as a normal human worm slave on this pathetic ball of dirt and water. Their youngest are the worst of the human race. They smell horrible, they leak constantly, they talk in stupid high pitched tones that make my spooch turn. I didn't think I could hate this planet more with each passing day but somehow it just keeps happening. The Tallest seem pleased that I am dedicated to staying here and finishing my mission. I will not let them down.'

'Journal Log Entry: 1615967.M21: I have made a startling discovery. Not all humans are complete idiots. Today I was sent to some kind of... emotional calibrator known as a 'counselor'. I do not know what it's purpose is but it is named Dib and it is smart. It didn't drool all over itself for starters and it actually seemed to show some cognitive abilities further than making dumb noises with its dumb noise hole. I have been ordered to attend regular meetings with this stink-human and in the name of keeping up my disguise I will have to attend. Besides, perhaps I'll learn more from this one than that horrid inhuman monster that lives in the Skool known as 'Miss. Bitters'.'

Dib had to admit he was rather impressed at himself for that one. He had no idea he had made such an impact on the alien in their first meeting. A tiny smile went across his lips however it suddenly vanished as he read over the last paragraph.

'Additional: I noticed some errors in my PAK code. It's still under the Food Slave programming and has yet to be remotely corrected by the Control Brains. I'm sure they're just busy or something, I'm not worried. Until then I suppose I'll have to manage it on my own, a diagnostic check should work fine for now.'

PAK? Was that what that thing on Zim's back was? His PAK? Dib had no idea what PAK was supposed to stand for, if it even stood for anything at all, however he was glad he finally knew what it was called at least. Yet the implications of the entry were worrying. What was wrong with Zim's PAK and why would he have to fix it himself? Was it life threatening? Dib began reading faster, skipping over the more boring journal entries such as 'today I found a cow' or 'today I discovered what 'git gud' means'. However he had to grin when he read over the parts concerning himself and his discovery of Zim's true alien nature.

He stopped when he began to notice more and more additions on the journals. Additions such as 'Further complications on my PAK. The code continues to read as corrupted. I cannot allow anyone to know of this. I'm not defective, it's only a few lines of code. Everything will be fine. Everything is fine.'

And soon after it was followed by another one reading, 'The Tallest are depending on me. I'm not defective. My PAK is wrong, it just doesn't understand my greatness. I'll prove to everyone that Zim is the greatest of all Invaders!'

Dib was getting increasingly concerned. That word, 'defective' was popping up more and more in the progressively depressing narrative that was Zim's mission on earth. Constant comments like 'just a setback' and 'if only' and 'next time I'll' made it obvious to anyone reading that this wasn't a journal of conquest. It was one of constant failure of an Invader who just couldn't get it right. Someone who was clearly overwhelmed and thrown into something he had no chance of succeeding at.

And yet through it all Dib kept seeing little tiny points of hope. As they went on Zim mentioned his sessions with Dib more and more. At first they seemed to be rather dismissive in tone, mentioning how they were 'A colossal waste of time and thought power',however as they went on it seemed that the little irken was taking the lessons to heart. The question about his favorite thing about Earth for instance was one that Zim seemed to have dwelt on for a long time and interestingly Dib found alternate answers such as 'the sugar here tastes good' and 'that show about the ugly Pine-Spawns is entertaining for something made by dirt-monkeys'.

As Dib approached the more recent updates it became a mix of Zim thinking on the questions and points that Dib had brought up, while also doubling down on his belief that Dib just couldn't be right. How could some human on some dirt ball floating in some pathetic, forgotten backwater of a system be right about anything? And yet at the same time the mentions of his PAK bringing up errors and having corrupted files seemed to slowly increase to the point where he seemed absolutely paranoid about anyone finding out about it.

It was clear that there was a correlation forming. The more Dib made Zim inwardly question his motivations and opinions the more obsessed he seemed to become about 'correcting himself' and fixing the errors in his PAK. That word, defective, became almost like a curse that he muttered over and over again. Denying that he was one of course but always on the verge of breaking down over the very thought that he, the great and mighty Zim, could be defective because a human was making him wonder if there was more to his life than simply blowing things apart in the name of two leaders who clearly didn't care about him.

The last entry in particular seemed to sum up that increasing juxtaposition between the two sides of the irken. The side who wanted to go with what felt right within him, to disobey and become his own person, and the loyal irken soldier who had to do what he was told and not have a thought of his own.

'Journal Log Entry: 0406967.M21: I haven't reported in on my operations in over seven Earthen cycles. This has gone unnoticed by the Tallest. I'm starting to suspect that... maybe they don't read the reports I send them. It's a terrible thought to have but I'm having it anyway. The Dib-monster called them cruel. I... I don't know what I think about them anymore. I want to obey and complete my mission but the inspiration for burning these horrible Earth-slugs into the ground isn't as strong as it was when I first got here. They are a pathetic race, below even the Orks of Ghazghkull. And yet here I feel as though maybe here I can finally be alone without some taller irken telling me what to do. Yesterday I looked back through my old research files from when I was a research scientist. I remembered being so happy there, working on unlocking the secrets of the universe... but then I remembered that I was supposed to be happy with the orders I was given. I was assigned here and it is my mission to turn this planet into something presentable to my Tallest for when they get here. If they get here. NO. THEY WILL GET HERE. I cannot lose hope of that.

My PAK continues to misbehave. It has to be something to do with the Dib-stink. His... words are corrupting me somehow. I'm sure of it. I don't know what to do anymore. Yesterday he asked about my PAK. He is a far too curious creature for my liking and his questions can only lead to him sticking his big head into my business. My PAK is fine. I am fine. Nothing is wrong. He cannot learn about the errors and corrupted files. No one can.

I'm not a defective.'

Silently the counselor agreed. Zim wasn't a defective. It didn't matter if his PAK, his literal life code, was coming up with errors and corruptions. Dib was sure it was because Zim was already inwardly fighting against the coding that had been given to him. Didn't he just say he was happy once before it was taken from him? Zim had been looked down on all his life, no wonder he had begun to perhaps subconsciously reject the people who have issued him his orders.

Either way Dib had been given his answer. Zim's PAK was where his orders had come from, a secondary brain and personality that was fighting against Zim's own, true personality. The one which just wanted to be left alone and become his own person, not someone he was told to become.

Dib had seen enough at this point. He got up slowly, uncoupling his laptop and gathering his things with a sigh. How he would break all of this to Zim he wasn't sure, but he knew he had a long, cold winter ahead of him to convince the little green boy to open up about his PAK and his fears of being labeled a defective.

Or at least he would until he turned his head and saw Zim standing right there.

The air went so cold that Dib swore he could see his breath coming out in short wisps. The look in Zim's eye was something that he had never seen in the alien before. Those usually ruby red orbs had become something darker. Not quite the color of blood but perhaps more akin to the color of rage itself. His body seemed to be trembling just a tiny bit, betrayed by the way his fist, tightly clenched, was twitching against his side. And yet Dib wasn't quite sure it was purely out of anger, there was something else in his eyes. The pain of treason.

Dib wanted to be sick, or at the very least, his stomach suddenly became so weak that he thought he might. His heart sunk, as he knew in that moment he had let his stupidity, his greed to get answers, override what had been a long and hard built trust between himself and the irken boy.

It had been shattered like ice on a lake and would never be rebuilt quite the same ever again, if indeed it could ever be rebuilt.

Finally Zim broke the silence. "What did you see, human?"

"Zim- I-"

"WHAT DID YOU SEE?"

There was no talking his way out of this.

"I had to know about your PAK." Dib was shaking. The look Zim was giving him was murderous. The look of a soldier who had shot a man before and could do it again. Dib was sharply and suddenly reminded that while Zim was lost and alone, he was also still an alien. Still a trained invader. Still capable of thoughtless murder. "I'm sorry."

"SORRY?!" Zim's words were like fangs biting down into the human's skin. "SORRY? YOU BETRAYED ME."

"I-"

"YOU. BETRAYED. ME." Zim took a step forwards. "I TRUSTED YOU, HUMAN. I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU BETRAYED ME."

"Z-"

"I thought I could talk to you. I thought maybe you were on the side of Zim, but no. You're just like EVERYBODY ELSE." The accusation came with another harrowing choking sob from the irken. There were no tears in his eyes, and yet, Dib could clearly see that Zim was crying. His heaving breaths of fury and hurt. The way his eyes seemed so hard and yet glassy at the same time. The way his body was shaking as he paced towards the counselor, all the while Dib paced backwards, moving in a slow circle around the chair in the center of the room.

"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!" As he screamed his voice broke in a sickening sob.

Dib tried one more time to break through to the irken, he had to after all. He was his counselor. "Zim please let me-"

"GET. OUT!" Zim screamed once more, "GETOUTGETOUTGETOOOUUUT!"

Dib didn't need to be told again. He turned and fled out the room, his backpack on his shoulder and his coat flowing out behind him. As he fled to the elevator he head something smashing apart in the background. Screens crashing, wires being town, lasers being fired and the unmistakable sound of Zim's screaming voice that carved through Dib like a knife.

The elevator was swifter than before or at least it seemed that way. Dib stood in the middle with his head in his hands as he muttered out every curse word he could think of, all directed at himself. All of his training had told him this was the very last thing he should have done. He had directly invaded the privacy of the child he was trying to help. Trust was never easily built, not with someone so paranoid as Zim. As he reached the top of the elevator he honestly wondered if Zim would ever talk to him again. Had he... failed him?

The thought made him want to punch himself squarely in the face.

Dib went to move quickly out the house but before he could do so there was a sudden loud crashing noise from above him, followed by a strange kind of sound that was a mix between an engine roar and loud high pitched whirring noise that quickly faded. Dib rushed over to the window to see a strangely shaped, pod-like spaceship rush off into the sky.

"Mastah's gone!" Gir's high pitched voice squeaked from behind him. Dib turned his head to see the rather upset looking robot looking at him with wide eyes. "He was really sad. I don't think he has the Christmas spirit! HE NEEDS THE JINGLIES."

"I don't think that's it." Dib replied in a voice that shook just a little. His gut was telling him that this time it was different. This wasn't like Zim kicking over a chair because he was mad, or beating someone up to prove he was the best. This was a meltdown, a true complete meltdown, and it was all his fault. "Computer, do you know where he's going?"

"The Voot Cruiser has set a course for... something called Peg?"

For a second Dib only felt confusion. "Why the heck is he..." Suddenly it dawned on him. "Oh God no."

P.E.G. Perpetual Energy Generator. His father's failed experiment into making everlasting power for the world. Turned out he could never get the Flux Capacitor to work correctly. It was a giant pimple in the middle of the city abandoned and cordoned off.

It was also extremely dangerous. One crossed wire, one stray pinch of potassium chloride, one errant twitch, and Kablooie!

And a very upset, very angry irken soldier was heading right for it.

Dib wasn't sure when he reached the door to his car but he knew every second he spent not driving after Zim was a second that the entire earth was put into serious danger.

And worse was that still, at the back of his mind, he knew it was all his stupid, big headed fault.

OH DEAR STUFF IS GOING DOWN. Zim is so mad and upset and I LOVED writing that bit, it's probably one of the better 'someone being upset' bits I've ever wrote in fan fiction. Also got to use my 'irkens don't cry ever' headcanon which is nice. You can still be super upset and not physically cry I think.

Anyway REFERENCES COUNT.

Scumbook: This is more of an in-joke, but it's something myself and a friend call facebook.
Pine-Spawns: A Gravity Fall's reference! I really like Gravity Falls and intend to sit down and marathon the entire series one day. I even have a great fan fiction idea for it which MAYBE one day may get wrote maybe one day maybe.
Orks of Ghazghkull: Two Warhammer 40k references! Orks are a race of... well green skinned Orks who make everything out of looted equipment and ride around FIGHTIN' HOOMIES. Also Ghazghkull is a reference to the mighty GHAZGHKULL MAD URK THRAKA, who is DA BIGGEST AND DA STRONGEST of all the Orks.
Flux Capacitor: If you didn't get this one already than GO WATCH BACK TO THE FUTURE. Anyway it's from Back to the Future. GREAT SCOTT!
One crossed wire, one stray pinch of potassium chloride, one errant twitch, and Kablooie!: As quoted by the Tavish DeGroot aka THE DEMOMAN from Team Fortress 2. Want a super fun, well designed, eventually well balanced online multiplayer FPS that also doubles as a hat collecting simulator? Want it for FREE? Go to steam and DOWNLOAD IT NOW COS IT'S GREAT. AND FREE. WHICH DOUBLES THE GREAT.

Anyways that's all for this week! Next week we will be heading into the last 2 (maybe 3) chapters of this fic! THE END IS IN SIGHT PEOPLE. Until then, PEACE!