WOTCHER PEOPLE! :D I really hope you all had fun during the holidays? How was your christmas? I myself had loads of fun! I have new books *happy dance* and my own professional camera! I'm going to be just like Alec in this fanfiction :') haha! What about you lot?
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Your comments mean the world to me and they never fail to make me smile :) I hope you like this new chapter! :D
I own nothing!
Clary had walked out of the room where Alec was staying to tell Magnus and Simon Alec was awake. When she reached the waiting area, she could only see Magnus however. The designer explained that they had seen Isabelle storm out of the hospital and Simon had gone after his girlfriend. Clary nodded and took a seat next to Magnus. After taking a deep breath, she told him the news. Magnus turned to stare at her with wide eyes, not quiet believing it was true. When Clary made no move to elaborate, Magnus decided to stand up and rushed towards Alec's room no matter what the nurses thought. He needed to see his boyfriend, and he needed to see him now.
Meanwhile, Alec was waiting silently in the hospital room. Clary had walked out and that left him on his own with his thoughts. What had he done? Alec knew pretty well everything that had happened and why. Did he regret it? At some point, yeah. But at the moment while he did it, it was pretty much what he wanted. He wanted it all to end. All the pain, all the despair, all the guilt…he needed it all to be over. Maybe it wasn't the best way of doing it, but could anyone really blame him? He had held unto those feelings for far too long. He just regretted that it had hurt so many people. He had stopped caring about what the consequences to himself would be. He only cared about everyone else and what it would mean to his family and friends if he died.
His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened.
Magnus took a peek inside the room, not fully opening the door. His green eyes traveled around the room until they focused on Alec, who was staring back at him Magnus sucked some air as stunning blue eyes connected with him. A wave of relief flooded inside of him and he stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him. He saw Alec gulp loudly, and then the photographer reached his hand up to move his hair out of his eyes. Their trance was broken then. Magnus's eyes connected with the bandages on his boyfriend's wrists, and he could feel all the pain coming back to him. The designer crossed his arms against his chest as he fought back tears, refusing to let his boyfriend seeing him cry.
"H-Hey" Alec spoke quietly, not being able to stand the silence.
"Hello" Magnus spoke stiffly.
Magnus turned to look down at the floor and Alec looked down at the bed sheets. None wanted to acknowledge the elephant that was in the room, even though they both knew they had to talk about it eventually.
After another long moment of silence, Alec gathered the courage to start speaking once again.
"Clary said you've been waiting-"
"-Why?" Magnus interrupted him, making the room go silent once more
"E-Excuse me?" Alec asked not really getting what Magnus had asked
"Why?" the designer spoke once more looking up to meet the eyes of his boyfriend "Why would you do something like that?"
"Magnus-" Alec started with a long sigh
"-I don't want your excuses!" Magnus exclaimed once more cutting Alec off "I want to know why you did it!"
"It was too much to handle" Alec said quietly, not being able to look at Magnus
"So you decided to take your life?!" Magnus cried "Is that how it is? You come across a problem you can't resolve and you decide dying is the best option?!"
"It's not like that!" Alec tried to explain but Magnus was having none of it
"Then tell me how it is because I'm having a hard time understanding!" Magnus exclaimed, his voice raising with each word
"It Max's death anniversary…I felt guilty, I felt depressed and I couldn't handle it" Alec shrugged
"You could have called me, or told anyone how you were feeling" Magnus said, his voice cracking as he spoke "You know I would have dropped everything at work to go and be with you"
"That's the thing, I don't like being dependent of others" Alec explained "I knew both Jace and Isabelle were having a tough day too, so I didn't want to bother them. And I didn't want to charge you with things you shouldn't worry about"
"And you think I didn't worry!?" Magnus exclaimed frowning "I found you lying lifeless on the floor of your room in a pool of your own blood!"
"And I'm really sorry it was you who found me" Alec tried to say
"Thank God I found you!" Magnus cried "What would have happened if I hadn't? What if I had listened to Izzy when she told me you were fine?!"
"Magnus-"
"-We wouldn't be talking right now!" Magnus continued "You would be lying on a box while I had to watch it being buried! Is that what you wanted?! To end up buried under the ground?!"
"I WANTED THE PAIN TO STOP!" Alec cried finally managing to make Magnus be silent for at least a moment "I just wanted a moment of peace! For my mind to shut up and stop telling me everything was my fault and that I'm not worth being alive!"
The room fell silent once more. Alec was breathing heavily and the heart-monitor was beeping more than it should. Magnus was stunned, not being able to believe what Alec had just said. He could only stand there staring at the photographer while trying to make sense of it all.
"W-What are you talking about?" Magnus breathed out
"It's been hard, Magnus" Alec sighed "You met me at a time where I was getting better and I wasn't dwelling on the past as much as I used to. If you had met me before that…"
"It doesn't matter the time I met you-" Magnus started to say
"but it does!" Alex exclaimed "If you had met me before that…you wouldn't have approached me because I was too damn disgusting and pitiful-"
"Don't say that about yourself!" Magnus cut in "You had a rough past, so what? Everyone does"
"It's not my past I'm ashamed of, Magnus" Alec sighed trying to find out the words to explain exactly how he was feeling "It's me…what I've done, what I've become"
"A successful photographer? A great brother and amazing person? Is that what you're ashamed of?"
"I'm broken Magnus" Alec said coldly "I have scars both physically and emotionally and some are still open wounds. I feel worthless and useless, and the only reason I stayed alive for so long was because I couldn't let my siblings lose another brother"
"You don't mean that" Magnus shook his head, crossing his arms against his chest once more. Tears were running down his cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to stop them "You really think that of yourself? Does your self-confidence is really that low?"
"There's nothing to be confident about" Alec sighed, sounding defeated
"That's not true" Magnus said, shaking his head over and over again "That's a lie…You can't keep telling yourself that!"
"Magnus-"
"NO!" Magnus snapped "I won't let you talk like that about yourself…You are nothing but special and important and simply priceless!"
Magnus then moved forward, taking Alec into his arms. Alec was stunned for a moment as Magnus wrapped his arms tightly against the photographer's neck and buried his nose on his hair. After a couple of minutes, Alec relaxed and hugged Magnus back, wrapping his arms around the designer's waist.
"I love you" Magnus spoke quietly against Alec's hair "Please…I can't see you like this. I'm nothing without you"
"I love you too" Alec murmured against Magnus's shoulder
"We'll work this out…Promise me we'll work it out" Magnus pleaded, tightening his hold on Alec's neck "Promise me you won't hurt yourself ever again"
"I…I can't promise anything Magnus" Alec sighed as tears started to strain Magnus's shirt "But I can promise you I will try"
"That's all I ask" Magnus nodded, letting his own tears fall unto Alec's head "And…if you ever need anything, please talk to me. I don't care if it's the middle of the night or if I'm at work…I care more about you than anything else"
"I promise" Alec nodded
"Good"
Magnus and Alec stayed like that for another moment. Just holding each other as silent tears trailed down their cheeks.
Eventually, Magnus pulled away from Alec, sitting by the edge of the bed. Alec leaned back against the pillows once more and smiled sadly at Magnus as the designer tried to clean the make-up that had smudged under his eyes.
"Look at you…making me a crying mess for the second time in a hospital" Magnus said with a small laugh
"I'm sorry" Alec said with an apologetic and sad smile
"Don't be" Magnus smiled taking Alec's hands in his "I'm just glad you're alive"
Bit of a sad chapter :( But oh well...I really hope you liked it!
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Also, check out my other stories! There's 'Malec Prompts' in which you can send me your ideas and I might to them a one-shot...and there is also 'The Jinx Life' which is a collab story I'm working on with PhantomxK! So please check it out as well ;)
Thank you all!
Xx