(A/N) BACKSTORY TIME~~

Alright, technically this is chapter 20, and I'm redacting chapter 19 for now until the next revision since it was barely even outlined. Since this story runs with a kind of vignette style, it's not overly important to the overall story. It was simply a segment including things about the culture fest. Expect it in the future!

I arrived somewhat late. I was just going to stay home, but Misaki insisted that I come here, to the Dojo. More specifically Shishou's home that lay adjacent. It was chilly, I was wrapped in coat with a scarf to protect my vocal chords. It didn't matter if I wasn't singing at the banquet, I still wanted to be able to sing.

He greeted me at the door pleasantly. "Sorry again Shishou, for imposing."

"Not at all Kanae. You know that you are always welcome here."
I smiled. "Then I guess I can just say thank you."

"I'm glad you also decided to come, it's almost like we're having a little party of our own."

"Oh?"

"Kyou, Tohru-kun and Rin are also here."

"…Oh." They were all occupied on their own it seemed. "Did I miss dinner?"

"Yes, but there are some leftovers I saved for you when Misaki-chan called me." It was weird to hear him call my mother that. But he and Misaki and known each other a very long time.

"Speaking of my mother, I had some things I wanted to ask you."

We sat down in his traditional sitting room. It was like he was my father, and I was asking his permission for something. He was honestly the closest thing to a father-figure I'd even had.

"I know, I should probably be asking my mother about this, but…" I paused, trying to concentrate on the memory. In that moment I had sensed something I never had before. Misaki's aura was one that I had grown so used to it that I hardly noticed it. She was normally such a warm yellow hue, and I felt some the omnipresent shadow bubble to the surface. "You've known her a really long time, and…"

"It's okay, you can ask me anything." Shishou was the same. A darker and brighter gold than Misaki, but still so very similar. It was common for people who have been so close for so long to have similar Auras. One will tend to reflect the ones they are close too.

"She just…I know she had some experience with the Sohma curse that drove her to sympathise with me, sorta like you and Kyou." He didn't seem to like that dark time being brought up. Back when he was motivated by guilt. "Sorry, it was just an example. But, she mentioned a brother…and there was something about it that made me too scared to ask her…so…"

He sighed, anyone else would be regretting his promise to answer anything, but Kazuma was different. "I understand why you wouldn't ask Misaki, but she would have told you, I think."

"Mm-hmm."

"No need to feel guilty, child. It's not like you're going behind her back, but, it is something that brings her great pain."

I nodded.
"She has a younger half-brother. Estranged from her and born for the same vain reason that you were."

"Yeah, she mentioned that…but…why would they be separated…unless…" My eyes widened. "Is he…actually cursed?"

"Yes, you may know him as Kureno-san." Kureno..?!

"Of all of the Juunishi..."

"Hm?"
"Oh, nothing." Kazuma probably didn't know. He was very wise and new much about the curse, but that dark secret was kept from almost everyone.

"So…that's why she adopted me? Because, I reminded her of herself?"

"In a way. She was never close to her parents. They didn't care very much, and so she was raised mostly by other Sohma parents, like my parents."

"Oh, I knew you grew up together but…"

"Yes, Misaki and I grew up almost like siblings. She came to the Dojo every day and was taught strictly by my father."

"Can you…can you tell me more about what she was like?" I was very curious. She was such a kind and understanding mother now, and I wondered how.

"Certainly." He smiled warmly. "It's funny, because she was not much different from how you were."

"Really?"

"Yes, she was…actually, a bit worse." He laughed.

"…how so?"

"She was a bit more adventurous. Her temperament was the same, seemingly indifferent while not hesitating to beat those she felt deserved it."

I let out a small laugh. "I guess, that's why she was concerned about my displays of violence…"

"Yes, indeed." I suddenly remembered something.

"Uhm…" I blinked. "Did you have a friend named…Shiori?"

He seemed slightly surprised. "Yes…how did you-"

"Kyou…told me…"

"Ah, that's quite the round-about way to hear about it. Since, that is definitely something that Misaki-chan wouldn't mention."

"Yeah, I know…" I said a little resentfully.

"All of us have things that we would rather hide, yes?" Now that he mentioned it, I was never fully honest with Misaki either…

"I just…I would like to know what happened but…"

He raised a hand to reassure me. "It's alright, I'll tell you but…" He smiled, tilting his head slightly. "If Misaki finds out told you, she'll be very angry." And that was an understatement as far as I could tell.

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"As a child, I spent most of my time here in the Dojo. As you know, my father was the Master before I was."

I nodded, allowing him to continue.

"Misaki was a lot like you at that age especially. Very independent and sometimes violent." He cracked a smile that quickly softened. "Her parents decided to enrol her in the Dojo as a way to help her control her anger." My mouth formed into a thin line at the memory.

He sighed. "That's right, she told you the same thing, didn't she?"

"Yeah…she did."

"Anyway…At that time, there was still that rule that kept boys and girls from sparring with each other. Even though there weren't any Zodiac children who were enrolled. It was more of a…traditional practice back then.

"Misaki was better than almost all of the other girl. All of them but for one…a girl who was also our age. Her name was Sohma Shiori."

That name. One that I had heard off and on…whispered, shouted, and hushed away. I had never met the woman, I had to assume that there was good reason for it.

He cleared his throat to get my attention again. "Oh…sorry."

"No need to apologise." His smile this time was a little strained. "Now…the two of them were bitter rivals for years. Constantly battling each other and competing in almost every aspect." He laughed. "Misaki would always come running to me to be the judge for their elaborate contests. Be it cross-country running or bread-eating."

I gave a small dry laugh at that. "Somehow, none of that surprises me."

He nodded. "It was like that all through elementary school and most of middle school. Despite Misaki and Shiori's constant competitiveness, the three of us ended up becoming inseparable. The three of us made sure to all apply for the same high schools. We all got into Kobayashi in its first year of being a co-ed school.

He sighed, his face falling a bit. "High school is where you will probably find most of your answers I think. During our first year, Misaki started to become violent and distant again. She would cut class and disappear for days on end, only showing up at my doorstep exhausted and filthy. She hardly ever went back to her house, and eventually they kicked her out.

"She wouldn't tell me anything for the longest time. Not until we were about to graduate, and she ran to me in tears, telling me that she had been rejected. I had no idea what she meant since she was actually quite popular at school, and I knew that there were many boys that would have dated her including…including…" He put on another one of is controlled and serene smiles. "Well, what I felt at the time didn't really matter. What did was that it turned out that she had fallen in love with Shiori."

I'm sure that he expected me to be surprised, so I did my best to feign it. But I don't think that he was convinced.

"Everything that happened after that is better left for a different time I think. That is who Shiori was. That is what she was to me and your Mother."

"I see." I said. "Thank you Kazuma, for telling me what you did."

"I really think that you should ask Misaki. She would be able to give you more…emotional commentary."

"I won't press. I'm sure she just wants to forget about most of that."

"Though that may be true, there's still many things that she needs to face about that time."

"Mm." I replied, looking up at him. "Kazuma…I have something to tell you."

"Yes? What is it child."

"Well…it may not be my place to say but…" My hands twisted together. "No matter what my mother may say or do, she really does care about you." I met his eyes firmly. "And whatever you may regret about not being able to help her raise me; thanks to you just being there for us, some over the first colours that filled my world were those of love." My fists clenched over my knees. "I'm…I'm really lucky to have known a world of warmth." I could feel my throat tightening. How could I ever repay them? If fate had just run it's course, I would know the same darkness that Yuki did, and then I would have been happy to just rot away in Sohma house.

Kazuma didn't say anything at first. He just stood up and walked towards me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Come now. No need to thank me." He smiled brightly, and warmly. The smile that I was used to. "Come with me. I'm sure you're very hungry by now."

I smiled, joining him.

After I had eaten, I opted for sitting out in the garden, alone. There weren't any trees here large enough to support my weight, so I just sat on an old stone bench. There were short trees and brush the obscured me from the outside world, but not it from me. I saw beyond sight. Kyou and Tohru were on the roof; Kazuma and Kunimitsu were indoors, and Isuzu was sitting near the entry way. All I had to do was to stand and I would be able to see her.

But, what I was here to see was the stars. The dark blue was beginning to pale with the first dawn of the New Year.

I never really had any new year's wishes when I was a child. The New Year normally supplied bad memories for me. But I think, that this year…I had a desire. One that was vast enough that some mythical power might be required to intervene.

I thought about all of the Juunishi. About Sohma House; The people like me and Kotoko; the parents and relatives that were dragged along. This vast and unbroken web of jealousy and pain.

I wanted it all to vanish.

I wanted the spirits to return to their own world. Their desire was futile. They were never able to achieve their wish, so they only dragged down the souls of countless others.

I didn't just want the curse to broken;

I wished that it had never even existed.

Maybe then I could be happy. Maybe then I would be able to still be friends with Haru. Maybe I would have had a good home life, but then…If I was born merely because of the curse…would that mean that I had never been born?

So be it then. If it means that these tortured souls could have their lives back, than I would be fine never being born.

Maybe then, my soul would find a way into this world through love instead of hate.

I blinked. The sky still growing lighter. In the distance I could feel another presence approaching. I stood up, peeking over the brush to the doorway where Isuzu was still sleeping.

Haru appeared out of the darkness. He tucked her in, and gave her comfort.

There was a dull ache, but no pain. I wasn't jealous of Rin, I never was. Loving Haru wasn't easy, perhaps it would be worth it for her in the end.

There was some poetic beauty. That, despite all of the rampant pain and suffering, somehow, those two found each other; and in this imperfect world, they still found a dull glimmering light.

I dared not make my presence known. I went deeper in to the brush and waited. Waited until blue conquered the sky.

I must have fallen asleep there, because when I awoke, I was inside coiled in a blanket. I need not ask who did that, for I somehow knew. It was warm. A warm lingering gold. A dull light in the darkness.