So once again this part took a bit of an angsty turn (come on though guys this is me were are talking about, really! It's a miracle I managed to write any part of this happy!) but I do think that it has a positive undercurrent right the way through. Maybe.

Andrea sat at her dresser to remove her make up, trying to focus on her reflection in the mirror rather than let her eyes wander around the room. As she removed the cosmetic mask she eyed the changes written all over her face, changes that had begun the first time she had met Miranda Priestly when she had still been and innocent, trusting twenty something. The changes are only really noticeable to someone who is intimately familiar with her face, wrinkles around her mouth and eyes which are testament to the happiness that filled her life up to that point. Her hair, only slightly greying at the temples, for the most part still the rich, lustrous brunette that Miranda had once, a good many years before, forbidden her from dying because she loved it so much. She had wondered over the last few days whether it would be a good time for a change, wondered if seeing herself the way which Miranda had loved to see her would be too painful, because everything was already proving to be more painful than she could handle.

They had buried Miranda that morning and although it had been expected, although they had plenty of time to come to terms with it, Andrea still felt like she had had her heart ripped out, torn up and shoved back into her chest cavity mangled beyond repair. When the cancer had returned they had quickly come to terms with the fact that they may not be lucky enough to beat it a second time round. They'd had 16 more years together doing all of the things that Miranda had realised she hadn't done the first time, they'd spent time travelling, chasing new experiences together, reaffirming their love for each other over and over again so that when the second diagnosis came with a prognosis of months rather than years Miranda had been in a far better position to accept her fate. Andrea had simply ensured that she was by the older woman's side through it all, that she knew exactly how much she was loved.

Pulling the drawer in front of her open she rummaged around for a clean t-shirt, only pulling her attention away from her own reflection when her hand closed around an unfamiliar object. Looking down, her heart clenched painfully when she realised that it was Miranda's drawer she has opened. Pulling out the object which her hand had found she frowned when she cast her eyes over a stack of moleskin notebooks tied together with a purple ribbon. Turning the stack over in her hand she tried to work out if she had ever seen them before, if she could link them with her wife in any way.

"Grams?" the voice in the doorway pulled her attention away from the books in her hand and she looked around to find Jessica leant against the door jamb. Andrea still couldn't fathom how much she had grown up, couldn't wrap her head around the idea that her youngest grandchild was almost 21 and had grown up into a beautiful, well rounded young woman who was quite successfully following in her grandmothers footsteps. Miranda had loved all of her grandchildren with everything she was, but Jessica, Jessica had been her pride and joy.

"Hey sweetheart." She dropped the bundle onto the table top and twisted where she sat, offering the girl her full attention, "Ok?"

"I just..." the girl shrugged as she moved towards her, dropping herself onto the end of the bed so they were facing each other. "I don't know where to be without her here, I was just wandering."

"I know the feeling," Andrea sighed, moving so she was sat beside the girl. She had done a lot of wandering of her own over the last few days and she was still yet to find a place in the house that felt right without Miranda there. "But you're free to wander and use any room you like." Jess' head fell onto her shoulder and she reached up to run her fingers through red hair, "She was so proud of you, you know."

"She had so much faith in me, I wouldn't be where I am now without her."

"She would always pride herself on spotting talent long before anyone else did, she's been able to see it in you since you were old enough to draw." Andrea looked down to find the girl looking up at her, her eyes shining with tears and she pulled the girl into her arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"What are we going to do without her Grams?"

"I don't know honey," she murmured, "I honestly don't know."

It felt like hours before she finally closed the door on Caro, Cass and the kids after swearing for the 100th time that she would be ok on her own. Moving through the house she flicked off the lights as she went, stopping in the kitchen to make a cup of tea before continuing upstairs to the bedroom. She wasn't even close to tired but she wanted to change into something more comfortable and maybe read for a little while.

She deliberated for a moment over the robes hung on the back of the bathroom door before settling on pulling on Miranda's, needing to feel close to her in some small way. Spotting the notebooks on the dresser she scooped them up along with her tea and wandered to Miranda's study where she curled up in the armchair which the other woman had favoured when she wasn't sitting at her desk and pulled the throw from the back over her. She toyed for long moments with the ribbon securing the books in her lap, not sure whether she was ready to see what they were but knowing that now she had found them she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about them until she looked at them and it was with that knowledge and a deep breath that she tugged the ribbon free. The books were well worn, the pages obviously filled and the odd extra sticking out from the uniformity of the bound pages and opening the first book she was surprised to find an envelope with her name on it in her wife's familiar scrawl. Pulling the paper from its confines she inhaled the waft of Miranda's signature perfume and grabbed for her glasses before she began to read.

My darling Andrea,

If you are reading this, my worst fear has been realised and I have been forced to leave you. I can only hope that you know how hard I fought to stay with you for as long as I could and how very much I love you.

You brought so much happiness to my life darling, happiness I never thought would be mine, happiness that, for a long time, I didn't think I deserved. You showed me that many of the things I believed of myself were simply untrue and I can only hope that I had half the impact on your life that you have had on mine.

I first started to write in this book not long after my first diagnosis when I realised how may thinks I had never said to you, never shared with you and I was worried that I would never have the chance. After my recovery I kept on writing, knowing I wanted to have something for you when I was gone, to remind you of exactly how special our relationship has been.

I don't know when you will find this, I am trusting Cassidy with slipping it into the dresser when I am gone and although I know it is possible that she might simply hand it to you, I'd like to think that she will respect my wishes and you have stumbled across it quite by accident, perhaps at a time when you need it most.

Never forget Andrea, how much you are loved, how much light you have brought to my life and that of my daughters. There are many things that I know I would never have gotten through without you by my side. I know the next little while will be hard my darling and I wish so much that I could save you from this pain but alas, even the great Miranda Priestly cannot escape the inevitable. Please do not lock yourself away like I know you will want to, allow yourself the love and support that is all around you and let yourself be happy (I know you are rolling your eyes at me Mrs Sachs-Priestly, stop it!)

You'll be here soon so I'm going to leave this there. I don't think I have long left now and I want to spend as much of that time as I can with you.

I love you my darling, never forget that.

Yours, Always.

M x

A sob ripped through Andrea as she pressed the paper to her chest. She'd thought she was all out of tears, had managed to stay strong through the funeral, the burial and the many visitors who had filled the townhouse up afterwards, but in that moment, alone and with a very tangible reminder of what she had so recently lost clutched in her hand, the well of her sorrow refilled and overflowed. As she cried into the empty room, for what she had and what she had lost, she hugged the notebooks to her chest and sent a silent, anguished thank you to Miranda, wherever she was, for as usual, being forward thinking and prepared while all those around her had buried their heads in the sand.

Over the next several weeks, she carved out a moment of her day to return to her wife's study and read. Some entries were harder to read than others, some brought joy with the memories they invoked. There were tears more often than not, but Andrea found as the days went on that they stopped being tears of sadness and became tears of joy for the life she had been lucky enough to share with Miranda and she found that slowly but surely she was healing. She knew she would never forget her wife, knew she would always carry the pain of the loss but she also knew that, most days, the good memories along with her children and grandchildren would keep her going.

The morning after the final letter was read and the books were once again wrapped in their ribbon and returned to their hiding place, Andrea drove to the cemetery where her wife's body lay and knelt by her side, talking quietly as she cleared away the dead flowers and replaced them with fresh.

"I found your notebooks, Cassidy did what you asked and hid them for you. I can't believe you managed to keep them from me for so long but I am so grateful for them now. They have helped me remember all of the good times and although I miss you every day, I do so knowing that we made the most of every minute of our lives together.

Jess has spent a lot of time at the townhouse since you left, she works in your study, says she find your space inspiring. She'd dedicating her graduate collection to you, it looks amazing already Miranda, you would be so proud of her. I know that Caroline hates that her little girl is so far away but it's nice to have someone nearby. Especially Jess who has absolutely no qualms about dragging me out of myself if I'm becoming too introspective.

It's starting to rain my love so I'm going to head home. I know how cross you would be if I made myself ill sitting out here." Andrea pushed herself to her feet, trying to ignore the fact that it was no longer as easy as it had once been. Kissing her fingers she pressed them to the top of the stone and allowed a small smile. "I love you sweetheart," she murmured, "Always."