First, I apologize for taking so long to post this chapter. To be honest, I had it written a while ago, but I have been doing NaNoWriMo and it took all of my focus =P eventually got around to rereading and updating this, though. I can't make promises about the next update, but I'll do my best not to take too long.
Dedicated to my loves: The Hapless Quill, endlessly supportive as ever, even when I'm straying into the perilous lands of original, and SKINNYxLOVE, whose enthusiasm reminded me I REALLY should wake up and post this chapter. Girls, both at feedback and friendship, you're the best anyone could wish for =)
Chapter is named after the brilliant song by Mikky Ekko, which I've been obsessed with lately. Enjoy!
The next morning when she walked up the stairs into the common room, she found Lucius waiting for her.
There was light from outside, reflected by the waters of the lake, glowing through the glass and over them: a flash of it gave his hair a slight shimmer. Cissy stepped towards him, and he kissed her fearlessly, not caring about the other students walking by. As their lips moved together, she felt ever so slightly lighter. By the time they broke apart, her cheeks were flushed scarlet and so, so warm.
"How did you sleep?" he inquired.
She shrugged. "All right." It was true; when she had lost consciousness eventually, her slumber had been deep and dark, unbroken by any dream.
"Good."
Looking about herself, she noticed that Cassie, who had been with her when she entered, had discreetly slipped away; and she made her way to the upper floors with Lucius, her stomach in knots as she imagined facing Sirius again, and as she wondered whether there would be a response to the letter she had sent the previous evening, no matter how late it had been then.
Too soon, it seemed, they entered the Great Hall and took their seats at the Slytherin table. She immediately had to peer across the room, looking for her cousin, and her heart leapt when she could not find him sitting with his housemates; but shortly afterwards, she saw him arrive with that same Potter boy, talking animatedly, and casually take a seat. Narcissa swallowed; Lucius brushed her hand, and she snapped her head his way, meeting his gaze before she lowered her eyes and poured herself a cup of tea. Then came a great flutter of wings overhead, and she nearly spilled hot liquid everywhere as she anxiously glanced up to stare at the plummeting owls.
Nearly right away, she saw the scarlet letter a wide-winged black bird was carrying as it plunged towards Sirius. There was no mistaking that one. The Howler fell into her cousin's hands, and he slowly pushed it away, leaning back and crossing his arms. Narcissa bit back a moan. Just for the sake of defiance, he would make this even more of a public disgrace than necessary.
Walburga Black's voice exploded across the Great Hall, making students turn and stare from every table. Cissy felt her own hands over her face without a memory of having raised them, and she was also dimly aware of Lucius quietly sitting by her, as her aunt shrieked to the skies her outrage and shame – the family's shame at its heir's disgrace. Sirius remained motionless, quite pale, from what she could see, with his jaw stubbornly set. When the letter eventually burst into flames, he said something that was lost in the distance between the two cousins, and had a short, rough-sounding laugh, a challenge under the strain. Then he tossed something else into the fire, and downed a glass of pumpkin juice.
She nearly failed to notice the missive which had been delivered for her, until the owl hooted impatiently and she was jolted back to awareness. The penmanship on the parchment she snatched was her father's, and somehow she found that a relief, despite the shaking of her hands and her short, shallow breathing. Smoothing the scroll on her lap, she leaned back in her chair and began to read.
Narcissa,
As you had probably foreseen, in the absence of any news from Sirius, you were the one to inform the family about this newest turn of events. I have spread the word, and I am certain that by the time you are reading this, he is also receiving mail from Arcturus and Walburga. I can only hope that Arcturus' letter will arrive first. I fear that Walburga's choice of words won't be one likely to bring the young man to reason, but rather to drive him into a corner and possibly further away from us. However, I am not one of his parents and it is not my place to suggest how he should best be treated.
I understand from your letter that you have been quite distressed by this unfortunate circumstance – and it obviously also places you in a difficult position, as the only representative of the Black family free to see Sirius and talk to him face to face. Walburga and Orion will be at Hogwarts tomorrow afternoon to demand that the boy be Sorted again. To be honest with you, I consider this to be an utter waste of their time, and an embarrassment for the family. It is obvious that the Sorting Hat's decision is irrevocable; it has been this way since the beginnings of the school, and I am not even sure that the verdict would change, should a second attempt take place – or, indeed, that Sirius, if it were up to him, would accept at all. And actually, even if it proved possible to go back on tonight's events, just imagine the rest of his schooling – he would always be the Gryffindor that his family's influence allowed to be relocated in Slytherin. The consequences, both on his image and his everyday life, would certainly not be pleasant.
Allowing him to remain in Gryffindor is a greater danger, I presume, but it is also one we are clearly aware of and prepared to face. I will not waste time and parchment to deplore the negative impact of the situation, I suspect you do not need to be reminded. However, being a Gryffindor and being a blood traitor are two distinct things, although they unfortunately go hand in hand more often than not. It only concretely means rashness and chivalry, let this be reminded. As long as Sirius goes through his education, marries correctly (some young ladies will like a rebel, and their parents will be easily convinced of the advantages of an alliance to the Black family…) and finds himself a fairly suitable activity, he should be fine. The greatest concern, truthfully, will be the influence of his housemates. Gryffindor welcomes Mudbloods with open arms, and nurtures an exceedingly liberal atmosphere.
I hope that the boy will be sensitive to the arguments of Arcturus' letter, and promptly forget Walburga's more aggressive reaction. Alas, he is like his mother in many ways, stubborn and possibly vindictive; and I worry that the family's efforts to set him back into line may only turn him against us and make him embrace his new house partly as a response to our perceived rejection. I shall probably write a letter to him as well, in a few days, when matters have settled down a little. But quite concretely, you are the only person who will be free to regularly interact with him, talk to him and influence his behaviour. This is no straightforward task and I would much rather spare you this responsibility. However, the importance of your role cannot be denied and I am quite sure you were aware of and concerned about it before I even mentioned anything of the sort.
Although I imagine that you are probably angry and worried, I would strongly advise you not to be openly confrontational with Sirius. I have been repeating this so often since last night that my throat is rather hoarse, but I will write it for your benefit: now that he is away from his parents and surrounded by housemates who neither understand nor respect our values, the family's pressure is very likely to incense rather than intimidate him. Instead of being tamed into reason, his passionate side will flare, he will view himself as a misunderstood rebel, and might turn radically against everything he has been taught. If you talk to him, you must take care to remain cool and rational, explain him that you are ready to accept his being a Gryffindor and are only concerned about the distance he might take from our family, which you meant to prevent. Make him feel important.Stress that the family, or at least some of us, have the desire to find some balance to deal with his current situation, and respect him, as long as he respects us. I will reiterate this, Sirius should not be led to think that the Blacks are rejecting his character and wish to hinder his freedom – and if his parents' wrath, understandable as it might be, leave no room to communicate this, we must take it upon ourselves to ensure this message should be conveyed properly. He might be young, but these years at Hogwarts will mould his identity as a young man, and we simply cannot allow the influence of the Gryffindors to become appealing and influential over the authority of the Black family. Sirius is fiery and impulsive; we must deal with him accordingly. His feelings matter, for they will doubtlessly conduct his future behaviour.
After so many recommendations, allow me to conclude by assuring you of my fondest concern. I am quite aware that you must feel, more than ever after reading this missive, a considerable responsibility weighing upon your shoulders. Protect your heart, by remembering, first, that you have lost no one today, and second, that all you can do is to be the stable presence, the support that may sway your cousin in favour of the family. I very much hope that my future letter to him will be received well enough to take up a meaningful part of this great task. As for the rest, the whole of your efforts will not make his choices, merely, perhaps, influence them. Do not believe Sirius' destiny to be something you ought to answer for. Mind your own life and successes. They will, also, bring light and pride to the House of Black.
With all my love,
Your father,
Cygnus Black.
Narcissa leaned back in her chair, breathing deeply. Though she was dimly aware that she probably should not have read such a long letter in public, thus drawing even more attention to herself and to her family's state of urgency, her head was buzzing with her father's many points of advice, which she tried to comprehend one by one, and she frankly cared little who might have been looking at her at the moment. She sneaked a glance towards Sirius' table: her cousin was not reading anything, but chattering animatedly. With a sinking feeling in her chest, she recalled having seen him toss something white on top of Walburga's burning missive, so it would catch fire too. If her fears turned out to be true, it was certain already that Arcturus' letter, in its current state, could no longer influence his grandson in any way.
"Narcissa," Lucius said quietly. She jumped a little as he gestured towards Slughorn, who was slowly handing out timetables, farther down the table; she had just enough time to compose a pleasant smile.
"Miss Black, how are you?" the plump little man exclaimed while checking her options and OWL results.
"Very well, sir, and yourself?"
"Quite good, quite good. Ah… your cousin avoided joining my personal students last night, didn't he? What a pity! He must have heard about me and been quite scared, without a doubt!" He winked as if to emphasize an excellent joke, and Narcissa refrained from telling him that although the whole world didn't revolve around his person, as soon as Sirius got to know the likes of their Potions master, he would be all the happier for his Sorting indeed. She had turned a little white at the unexpected mention of her cousin's name, but was otherwise satisfied with her self-control.
Clutching her timetable in her hand, Cissy met Cassie's gaze, halfway across the table, and hastily rose, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Lucius' startled lips. "Thanks for everything," she murmured before hurrying off.
The corridors were still mostly free of students that might have glanced at her or whispered behind her back, and as Cassandra rapidly caught up with her, she had all the advantages of getting to class early, without the inconvenient of loneliness. The girls never strayed from school-related subjects in their conversation, although Narcissa was, admittedly, slightly distracted. Her hand regularly slipped into her bag to clutch at her father's missive. Valiantly, she held a small smile in place without letting it so much as waver.
Narcissa did not run into Orion and Walburga when they visited the school, as Cygnus had told her they would, and at dinner that evening, she could see Sirius at the Gryffindor table once more – like she did, over and over again, in the following days, until she eventually stopped looking for him at all. As time drifted by, she was more and more aware that she ought to try and talk to him, at least resume some kind of communication, if swaying him was quite beyond her. She feared rejection, making things even worse – but she knew that she couldn't just abandon Sirius.
She also knew that she would have to catch him alone, which might prove quite difficult, since he and Potter hardly ever seemed to part, and they had gotten themselves, on top of that, a pair of cronies that she couldn't quite place. They came down to the Great Hall together, navigated the castle between classes together, and then retreated to their common room together – it was honestly infuriating. Even detentions Sirius and Potter seemed to earn themselves as a collective: Cissy had occasion to notice that twice in the first month, which only appalled her further. James Potter was certainly no good influence for the likes of her cousin: she suspected they took a kick out of pushing one another into extremities, and that intuition was profoundly distressing to her.
Eventually, one Sunday morning, Narcissa could not believe her eyes as she spotted Sirius entering the Great Hall alone, scowling and tired-looking. It was too early for the majority of the late risers in the castle, which meant that there was nobody around that might interfere or be a bother. Her heart in her throat, Cissy left the room, but waited in the Entrance Hall, praying that no obnoxious Gryffindor would barge in at the worst moment. After quite a bit of waiting, her cousin walked out, on his own again; she called his name softly.
Sirius whirled around; his eyes widened when he saw her. "What?" he asked, rather sharply. "What do you want?"
"Hi." She took a small step forward. "We haven't talked in a while."
He frowned, shoving his hands into the pockets of his robes. Cissy repressed the urge to suggest he stand straighter. "Well, that's kind of normal," he said. "Gryffindors and Slytherins aren't supposed to talk, are they?" He sniffed haughtily, and Narcissa was randomly struck by his resemblance with Walburga.
"You're my cousin," she replied. "A house isn't going to stop me from talking to you."
"The public eye might," he shot back dryly, emphasizing the words with obvious disdain.
She pursed her lips. "I'm sure you've noticed that it hasn't stopped me before."
"To try and reason with me, sure. But now that things are settled and everybody knows they're not going to change, sticking up for the family rebel wouldn't look too good, would it?"
She sighed. "We don't think of you like that."
"Oh, really?" He was talking a lot louder now. "I think you do, Cissy. You all do. There's you all on one side, and me on the other, isn't that right? All those ecstatic letters I've received…"
"Of course they were angry, but getting so stubborn is hardly helpful!" she retorted. "And that's utter nonsense. We still think of you as part of the family. All of us."
"Yeah, as the heir."
"As Sirius!"
"Who does?"
"My father and I. Uncle Alphard. Regulus."
There she saw him hesitate. "Oh please," he said. "Don't play loving cousin with me. You've never liked me much."
"Of course. You're a brat. But you're my brat."
And for a second, he was smiling. He shook himself, stared straight into her eyes. "So what? Where is this lovely little chat leading us?"
She shrugged. "Wherever you want it to. Would you cut the paranoia, really? It's getting tedious. I'm not trying to manipulate you."
"You're trying to get me to like you all again. Mighty task, that." Once more, he smiled a sharp-edged smile. "Now I see what they were going on about. Narcissa Black, oh so pleasant. You can be pretty nice when you want to."
"I'm always nice."
"Well, I hadn't noticed before. Guess you weren't trying so hard around me."
She rolled her eyes. "Sirius Black, you're a pain."
"Sounds like me."
For an awkward second, they both hovered. "I'm going back to my dormitory," he added defiantly. "My friends will be awake by now… I hope."
"Short night?"
"Detention."
She tutted and sighed. "Oh, Sirius. I suppose it'd be useless to tell you to keep out of trouble?"
"And here comes the lecture. You'd been doing too well so far," he half-teased.
She glared at him. "Because you have been good, perhaps?"
"Let's not go there."
"It was hell to get you alone, you know. Are you and your new friends joined at the hip?"
"Would feel that way to you. You hate them, don't you?"
"I don't make a habit of carrying out family discussions in a crowd, and especially not around people who seem prone to sticking their noses in others' personal business. No offense."
He grimaced. "Fair enough. Well, I won't keep you – heading back to my nosy friends."
"Take care of yourself."
"Oh, you're too sweet."
"And behave."
He laughed over his shoulder, and she stared at his retreating back.
After he'd disappeared, Cissy slowly made her way to the dungeons, not feeling like going back to finish her breakfast. It was still early, but the castle was beginning to stir; upon entering the common room, she found several of her housemates, reclining in armchairs or heading up to the Great Hall. Lucius was there, discussing with a group of younger students – performing his prefect duties, Narcissa supposed. She drifted to the windows that faced the lake while he finished; a boy that seemed to be a first-year lingered after the others to speak to him. Lucius listened with apparent interest, and she idly tried to place his interlocutor. She didn't believe he was a pureblood, but there were very seldom any Mudbloods in Slytherin; she thought she vaguely remembered him from their first evening, and the line of students waiting to be Sorted.
Eventually, the boy departed and Cissy came to take over the seat he had left vacant. Lucius smiled at her, and leaned forward for a brief kiss. "Have you been up for long?" he asked. "I saw Cassandra, she told me you were already gone."
"Yes, I came down for breakfast a while ago," she replied. "Helping out first-years?" She nodded towards the door the younger students had exited through.
His smile widened. "Only those of potential. This Snape, for instance… The one you saw last… I heard from the teachers – especially Slughorn – that he was quite talented, and I have a good feeling about him. He does seem to have some aptitudes." He shrugged. "Cannot hurt to mentor individuals that may very well turn out to be important."
"Indeed." Cissy nodded seriously, though she was slightly distracted. "We have both been dealing with first-years today, then," she commented lightly.
Lucius raised an eyebrow as he met her gaze. "And did it also go well for you?"
She considered. "As well as could be expected."
His smile made her feel warmer. "You, Narcissa Black, could handle anything," he said steadily. Then he added, "It will be all right."
She nodded, and squeezed his hand.