bang bank kiss kiss

Part 3

By: piperholmes

A/N: Thank you to those who have reviewed, favorited or followed this story! Lots more to come.

unbeta'd

She couldn't stay.

Her life was not her own anymore, and as great as her nanny was, it was unfair to expect the poor woman to stay overnight with Jesse without any warning.

It was also unfair to Jesse.

She needed to get home.

It had tore at her insides, to have to speak up, to say she had to leave, expecting the critical eyes, the judgment that she wasn't a good enough friend, but before she could even finish her apology Mrs. Carisi had barreled over her.

"Of course, you have to get home to that baby girl, bless her dear heart. She needs her momma. Thank you for staying with us as long as you have."

Amanda had glanced around, her eyes meeting Liv's, knowing the older woman was just as torn, wanting to get home to her son but needing to stay for Carisi. But Liv's slight nod was enough to communicate that no one blamed Amanda for leaving.

She still felt guilty.

"You'll let me now as soon—"

Liv waved her off. "As soon as we know anything I'll let you know."

Amanda hesitated, wanting to be sure she was clear. It didn't matter the time, it didn't matter how little the information may be, she wanted to be informed, but she chose to say nothing more.

It was a long walk out of the hospital.

He felt weird.

His body was heavy and stiff, his mouth dry and cottony, and his felt exhausted.

He wanted to open his eyes, but nothing was working the way it was supposed to.

Where was he?

He tried to focus on what was happening around him, but he couldn't quite make sense of what he was hearing.

His mind worked to fill in the gaps.

The case:

Little boy

Missing

Kidnapped.

Custody battle

Parents.

He remembered they'd received a tip

Then it was all there, the op, the sound of guns, bullets.

He was on the ground.

She was there.

"…'Mana?"

Had he said that out loud?

He tried again, forcing his lips to move.

"'Manda?"

He heard someone answer.

"'Manda?" he said again.

He felt a cool touch against his forehead, someone was quieting him.

He had no more strength and he slipped back into oblivion.

The text had come around 3 in the morning:

Out of surgery. Bullet never entered abdominal cavity. No major organs hit. Doctor expects full recovery.

She had cried with relief and exhaustion. All the worry and fear leaving her body, rolling down her cheeks to soak into the sleeves of her shirt. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She'd been here before. She'd watched coworkers be put in ambulances. She'd walked behind the caskets carrying a fallen comrade. She knew the sorrow and risk that came with the job.

But with him…

It was different.

With him, it was all different.

Somehow he had grown into her life, without her looking he had wound himself into her family.

She was lying.

She had been looking.

She had watched it all happening, holding her breath for fear of losing it all, but he had stuck around.

The late night dinners, the walks in the park, the crappy coffee, the teething and drooling, the crabby moods, the trashy tv and piles of laundry, the dirty dishes, the…home. He'd been there for it all.

And he'll be around a while longer

The thought came into her head unprompted.

He was safe.

He was alive.

He was coming home.

She allowed her eyes to close, finally free to slip into oblivion.

"He's waking up."

Sonny groaned. How many times had his sisters woken him with their yelling?

"Gina, shut the hell up, will ya?"

"Sonny!"

His mother.

He blinked, the pain in his head sending waves of nausea through him.

"Sorry Sonny," he heard Gina say, her voice a contrite whisper.

He waved her off, or at least tried, his arm feeling weighted and clumsy.

He allowed his eyes to open a crack, wincing at the bright white of the hospital room. His mom scrambled to her feet to close the blinds, bringing relief to his sensitive eyes.

"Water?"

His sister reached for the hospital issued beige cup and pitcher, pouring him a drink, offering him the straw. He took several long pulls, welcoming the cool water to his parched throat.

It helped alleviate some of the nausea but he still felt close to being sick.

"What—?"

He didn't finish question, unsure what to ask first.

His mom moved to his bedside. "You were shot. Do you remember?"

Sonny gave a small grunt of discomfort, forcing his aching head to concentrate. "I 'member goin' to the docks."

His mom nodded. "That's right."

"And then…this guy came outta nowhere, started firin' at us."

Again, she nodded.

"The boy," he croaked. "Did they find the boy?"

She smiled at him. "Yes, Sonny, he's home, safe with his family."

"And the team—Rollins an' everybody's ok?"

"They're fine," his mom assured. "Your lieutenant stayed until you were out of surgery before she had to go home to her little boy, and Amanda stayed as long as she could before going home to her daughter, but she's on her way back to the hospital now. Detective Tutuola was kind enough to bring us all some breakfast and check on you before he had to go back to the station."

"What time is it?"

"A little after 8," Gina answered, now standing behind their mother, both women gazing down at him with heartbroken expressions.

"Come on now," he grumbled. "Don't look at me like I'm on death's door. I'm not…am I?"

He realized he'd yet to ask about his own condition.

"You were…" his mother's voice broke, and she had to clear her throat before she could continue. "You were very lucky son. God was watching out for you."

When it was clear she was too emotional to speak, Gina added, "Doc says the bullet when through your side, but managed to miss anything important. A half inch more and we'd be having a whole different conversation."

He nodded, but immediately regretted the action. Pain shot through his body, and he really worried he was going to puke.

"Dad took Bella home to Tommy and Naomi, and Theresa's out in the hallway on the phone with her work," Gina explained, unaware of his discomfort.

A quiet knock stalled her though and she moved to open the door.

Sonny couldn't help the small smile that formed when Amanda entered.

"Hey," she greeted quietly, hesitating by the door.

"Amanda, my dear," Mrs. Carisi welcomed her. "Long night, but grateful he's awake."

"Yeah," she agreed, her eyes meeting his.

"Ma, you wanna grab some coffee with me?" Gina asked, making a dramatic nodding motion with her head.

"Oh, yes, of course, coffee will do me some good," she stood, leaning down to kiss Sonny's brow, her eyes tearing up again. "We'll be back in a minute…I love you Sonny."

He could see the pain in her eyes, and with the devotion of a child to a loving mother, he answered back, "I love you too Ma."

The older woman stood, wiping at her eyes, pausing by Amanda to give her arm a squeeze before the two Carisi women left.

He watched her as she stood away from him, watched as she stuck her hands in her pockets, lingering by the door.

"You look like crap."

As he expected, her shuffling ended, her eyes coming to meet his, and expression of shock on her face.

"Me? You're the one hooked up to tall these tube lookin' like death warmed over."

His lips turned up in a smile, and the tension between them broke, Amanda's own face relaxing in mock frustration.

She moved to stand next to his bed.

"You really do look beat Rollins, rough night?"

"Shut up," she said by way of warning. "How are you feeling?"

He grimaced. "I don't really know. Everything hurts and I feel a bit sick t'my stomach, but I also feel like my body isn't really a part of me."

She nodded. "That'll be the drugs."

He frowned. "I don't like it."

She gave him a sympathetic look.

"But you're…you're alright, right?" he hedged.

"Yeah, yeah, absolutely," she answered. "Fin took out the shooter, some thug the aunt hired, and we got Gabe home to his family. No one else was hit."

His head fell back, his eyes closing. He was quickly looking energy. "Good, that's good."

"Hey, I should get outta here and let you rest," she began. "I just thought I'd swing by and see how you're doin'"

She started to move away when he reached up, managing to hook her little finger. He didn't have the strength for much else and if she chose to walk away he wouldn't be able to stop her, but she moved closer, winding her fingers with his, a questioning look on her face.

"I'm glad you're ok," he said, his eyes opened again, intent on hers.

He saw her lips press together, her throat working for a moment, before she answered, "I'm glad you're going to be ok."

Her carefully constructed easygoing façade fell away, and he could see the lines of worry, the dark smudges beneath her eyes, and something deeper.

"'Manda—"

"I was so—"

They spoke over each other, then stopped, neither suddenly sure what needed to be said. They just stared at one another in the quiet for a moment.

Amanda's began to say something, but the door opening interrupted her, their hands dropping as she stepped away.

A nurse and Mrs. Carisi came in.

"Just need to check Detective Carisi's vitals," the nurse explained, and soon he was being fussed over.

He met Amanda's eyes as she smiled, indicating with her head that she was going to head out.

"You'll be back?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll check on you again soon."

And she slipped from his room.

Thanks for reading!