I'm really hoping that I can get back on track as far as this story is concerned. I've totally lost focus. I could kick my own ass for posting it without finishing it first because I knew this would happen. For those of you who are still reading, thank you. It's appreciated and I'm sorry for the slow updates.

Chapter Twenty Four

Merle hadn't had such a hard time sleeping in a long time. He'd helped Cassidy bring in the air mattress and she had sat it up right next to the couch that he would be sleeping on. He hadn't commented on it and she hadn't either. She had laid down and seemed to have no trouble at all falling asleep.

It hadn't taken long for her to wake him up. She tossed and turned and mumbled. She cried out in fear more than a few times and all of this had bothered him but not like the crying had. Huge broken sobs that wracked her frame and led him to believe she was awake but when he had whispered her name she continued on. She'd never cry like that in front of anyone so he knew that she was somewhere else, with someone else, and she was hurting.

And he had felt bad for her. Not just bad either. He felt a sickening guilt for not stopping it sooner and he felt a cold anger towards the men that had used her. But most of all, and the most disturbing, was the feeling of loss. And it was selfish and usually when he was selfish he didn't really give a damn, but right now the selfishness bothered him. Because he wanted her and he knew, especially now, that he'd never have her. Not the way he wanted to have her. And another disturbing fact was, he didn't only want her physically. It was something else. Something bigger than that and obviously something completely unattainable.

The crying went on and on and finally he decided that he couldn't listen to it anymore. He'd rolled over onto his side and dropped his hand, ready to shake her awake and let her get herself together. Instead, as soon as his hand landed on her shoulder her own came up, grabbing hold of his in a vice like grip. She rolled, bringing her other hand up, clinging to him with both hands, pulling until she had the hand trapped against her chest.

But she had stilled. She was quiet now. Her breathing evened out, broken only by the occasional hiccup, a sad sound. After that he had drifted back to sleep. She hadn't woken up anymore and he didn't try to ease his hand away from her. It made him feel good. It made him feel like he could help her, even if it was just a little.

She was up and gone by the time he woke up and he sat there on the couch for a while, rubbing his bleary eyes and letting that depressing feeling come to the surface. What a shitty goddamn feeling.

~H~

Carol was happy to see that everyone looked better this morning. Even Cassidy, who was usually the most foul person on earth in the mornings, looked like she had at least slept well. She was still snappy but that was mostly because she had deemed Michonne her new enemy number one for some reason. That was just Cassidy though. The woman needed someone to hate and she had to get in line for a chance to hate Rick. Michonne was the easier target by far.

The weather was mild so Daryl had a low fire built in the back and that was where Carol did the cooking. They raided all of the houses around them and had a good stock pile of food for the most part but Daryl wanted to hunt and she thought that it was a good idea.

She looked up from the pot of oatmeal that was boiling over the fire and smiled as Judith chased Mercy and few feet before "catching" her and knocking her to the ground. Everyone else watched with small smiles on their faces. Even her own group.

"She hasn't smiled in a long time," Glenn said as he sidled up next to her.

Carol added a good amount of sugar to the oats and then poured in some sweetened milk from one of the cans she had stashed back for special occasions. This group needed fattened up and she knew that Merle would appreciate it. "Something tells me that most of you probably haven't smiled very much in a while. I hate to say it but you look like death warmed over Glenn."

He nodded, a strained smile gracing his face. "I just want you to know that I didn't agree with what Rick did to you. A lot of us felt that way but..." He sighed and met her eyes. "I didn't say anything. I didn't demand for him to go find you. And then we lost the prison and things just... It was bad. It's been real bad."

She hefted the pot off the flames and sat it on the iron patio table before she faced him. "Even if you had agreed with him, I wouldn't ever hold it against you. You got one side of a story. I'm sure a lot of people thought he made the right choice."

Glenn glanced towards where Maggie stood with a few other women and Carol knew that Maggie must have been one of the ones that had agreed and she was okay with that. He cleared his throat and helped her line up bowls. "After the prison we ended up at a place called Terminus," he shook his head. "We thought the Governor was bad? And he was in his own way, but the people at Terminus, they were actual cannibals. I think if I had known that Maggie was pregnant then, I probably would have lost my mind."

Carol looked up sharply. "What?" Surely she had misheard him.

"They slaughtered people like cattle. They ate them. We met Tara and the others there. There were more of us but... well, you know what it's like out there. We escaped Terminus and then we just wondered."

"Are those people still out there?" She asked, her stomach turning at the thought of groups out there actually eating other people.

Glenn shrugged. "We took out as many as we could when we escaped but they're still there. I know they are."

"Do you remember where this place is?" Carol asked, eyes wide and troubled.

He gave her a look like he thought she had lost her mind. "Carol, you don't want to cross these people. You have... hell, you have everything here. This place is perfect. You can't even think of hunting down these-"

She shoved a bowl into his hands. "Eat, Glenn." She said hurriedly as she made a beeline towards Cassidy. Her and Daryl were standing beside the back wall, arguing about something. She stopped hoping the two of them would ever get along. She scooped up Judith on her way by, causing the little girl to squeal. The sound had her stopping in her tracks.

Her first instinct had been to tell Cassidy about this Terminus place and organize her girls to take it out. But she looked down into the child's smiling face and instantly changed her mind. Glenn was right. She had everything she could want here and she would be an idiot to risk it all. There was no reason to keep fighting. Did those people deserve to live? No, they did not. But it wasn't her fight. Her people were safe and that was what she needed to focus on.

She had spent a long time dealing with her demons, searching for revenge when what she truly needed was redemption. She had rediscovered the things that she had thought she had lost. That dead feeling inside was gone. This realization had her throat feeling thick and she swallowed painfully around the lump.

The anger simply wasn't there anymore.

She ran her fingers through the girl's soft hair and then sat her back down. Carl made his way towards his little sister, Mercy trailing behind carrying two bowls. Carol turned slowly, her eyes taking in the faces around her. People huddled in their own small groups, talking in low voices, eating their breakfast. Daryl was standing with his arms folded across his chest defensively while Cassidy stood in front of him, hands on her hips, dark hair gleaming in the early morning sun, giving Daryl one kind of hell or another.

The only people missing at the moment were Merle and Rick, which worried her. Merle was the male version of Cassidy and given the opportunity he would kill Rick. She left the others out in the yard and stepped into the kitchen from the patio doors. She nearly ran into Merle.

"Oh!" She said, letting him steady her with his good hand.

"Slow the hell down, Dummy," he grumbled.

She snorted. "Good morning to you too, Merle. Breakfast is on the table. Did you kill Rick?"

He grunted and stepped around her. "No but it ain't for lack of wantin' to."

She frowned, watching him walk out and head straight for the food. She wasn't used to seeing him in such a foul mood here lately. It was probably the new arrivals. He didn't try to hide his dislike for them and she couldn't blame him really, but she was starting to rethink this whole situation.

She knew that she had seen Rick in the living room with the others so she headed that way. He had to have heard the rest of the house stirring. It wasn't like him to sleep in. He was a lot of things but he wasn't a lazy man.

She found him on the floor, lying behind the sofa with his back to the room, blanket pulled up. "Rick," she said, loud enough that it should have woken him.

He didn't stir. She remembered how pale and drawn he had looked yesterday. How thin he was and for a moment she thought that maybe his body had just given out. She thought that maybe he had died in his sleep and if he had then-

He stirred and her fingers grazed over the knife at her hip, watching carefully. He rolled over and she dropped her hand as he raised up on his elbow. His eyes were bloodshot and, unlike the rest of them, he looked worse than he had the night before.

"Everyone else has been up for a while," she said, seeming to startle him.

He sat all the way up, letting the blanket fall away and she had to avert her eyes at the site of his thin body. Jesus, what had they been through? There was a thin sheen of sweat covering him. "I must have been more tired than I thought," he muttered, reaching for his shirt.

She knelt down, stilling his hand. His skin was hot to the touch and she felt her stomach drop. He was burning up. "Jesus," she breathed, taking her hand away.

He waved her away and eyed her suspiciously. "I'm fine."

"You're sick," she said firmly.

"Yeah, well, I know how you take care of sick people and I-"

The sound of the slap seemed to echo in the cavernous room. "Don't you dare," she growled. Despite what he had done, despite knowing that he didn't trust her and he considered her an enemy to him and the people he loved, the first thought she had had when she had felt his hot skin had been that she needed to find him medicine. Her first thought had been to help him get well so he could take care his family. Her hand stung and there was a print standing out boldly against the paleness of his cheek. He was looking at her with so much contempt that she stood up. Glaring down at him.

"You think you-"

"This ends now," she snapped, cutting him off. "You don't have to trust me and I don't have to pretend that you're anything to me, but this animosity ends. Regardless of how I feel about you, those children need you and I intend to keep you from dying. Neither of us has to like it, but that's how it will be. You can follow me or I can have Merle and Daryl wrestle you into the room I need you to stay in for now. That's your choice, but you will not let your stupidity or your stubbornness stop me from doing what I have to do."

Their eyes stayed locked in a silent battle for a few long seconds and finally he put his shirt on. His fingers were trembling as he worked the buttons but she wasn't sure if it was from the fever or from anger. He stood up. "Where's the room?"

She nodded and led him to the back of the house where there was a small library off the main corridor. There was already a makeshift bed set up in the corner but she couldn't remember who had claimed the room. "Just make yourself as comfortable as you can and I'll bring you something."

He didn't argue. He stretched out on the bed and pulled the blankets back up to his chin. She could see him shivering from where she was standing. She stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her and hurried to the supply of medications that they had stashed in the coat closet.

She would not let the man die. Whether he wanted her help or not. He was going to get it.