And at long last, here is your update. I'm ever so sorry about the delay, again—I know I told some of you that it wouldn't be too long this time, and indeed the chapter was already written, but things came up and I was working and busy and I am a very bad person and left it untyped on my notebook for ages. So there, at LAST there it is. Chapter title is picked after the song by Charlie Winston. Enjoy, hopefully!
"Almost there," Lucius announced, his gaze scanning the landscape out the window.
Cissy looked up, subconsciously leaning more against him. She remained careful, for they were not alone; they shared their compartment with Cassie and Virgil Greengrass, and although she was comfortable with the two of them, she still ought to remain dignified. However, she had mixed feelings about their arrival; she would not be seeing Lucius again before a week, which was more than they had parted throughout the semester, and she was not quite sure of the state she would find her family in. She enjoyed her boyfriend's warmth and subtle scent, gathering her resolve.
"Well then." Cassie stood. She was blushing; had been for a fair amount of the ride, which was unsettling as well as somehow endearing. Virgil and she still seemed a little awkward around each other; they touched by light brushes, as if at random, did not lower their guard. Cissy had been careful not to give the impression that she was watching them too closely, and yet she clearly perceived the faint tension in the air.
"I'd better hurry. I'd like to find Sirius," she said. Rising swiftly as well, she reached out to hug her friend and kiss her cheek. "Have a good holiday!" Then she went straight for the door, knowing Lucius was following. He gently took her trunk from her as they reached the door.
"Subtle way of leaving them alone," he remarked once in the corridor.
Cissy laughed. "To be quite fair, I do want to find Sirius before we reach our family."
"Mmm." Lucius was looking at her, but he seemed lost in another train of thought. "Do you remember when we first started seeing each other—back when I was tutoring you?" he asked pensively.
"Oh, I was rubbish at Vanishing charms."
"But had a lovely frown in concentration."
They chuckled at the memories, then grew serious again. "Would you rather be alone with your cousin?"
"Not until he's left his friends," Cissy responded. She squeezed his wrist lightly, knowing he understood her concern.
More and more students were gathering in the corridor as the train got nearer to the station. They pulled in, and Lucius and Narcissa stood back against the partition, peering through the crowd for a group of noisy first-years. Cissy almost wondered whether they were going to show up, but at last they arrived, apparently standing united again. Though Sirius was scowling, Potter wore a winning smile; but their heads were close together, and Lupin and Pettigrew weren't far behind. They passed the Slytherins without a second glance. Narcissa would have preferred joining her cousin in the corridor, but still she followed, sighing.
"This is where I leave you, I assume," Lucius said smoothly, once they stood on Platform 9 ¾. They shared a sweet and brief kiss, and he put down her trunk. "I will see you soon. Take care of yourself."
"I love you," Narcissa said impulsively. No sooner had the words passed her lips that she realized it was her first time speaking them out loud. She felt her own eyes widening, not sure how to react.
Lucius' answering smile was easy and reassuring. "I love you too, Narcissa," he said, and gave her another kiss before stepping away.
Her mind swimming with her emotions, Narcissa quite forgot about her cousin for the next thirty seconds. When she snapped back to reality at last, she looked around for him wildly. Potter and Pettigrew had gone, and Lupin was still talking to Sirius, but he soon stepped away, throwing her a glance. The boys parted after a brief goodbye, and Sirius, scowling her way, turned and headed in the opposite direction. She rushed after him, hauling her truck behind her.
Her longer legs giving her the advantage, she was soon able to tap his shoulder. "Things are going better with your friends, then?"
"Never went wrong in the first place," he replied gruffly. "Don't mistake your wishes for reality."
"I'm glad for you, in fact, though I can't say I would mind if you made new ones," Cissy deadpanned. "Ready to go home?"
Sirius turned to face her, so abruptly that she nearly bumped into him. She staggered. Her cousin stared up at her, looking less aggressive now and more thoroughly miserable. "No," he said. "Don't want to."
She swallowed. "There's Reg," she said tentatively. "And uncle Alphard—well, maybe."
Sirius opened his mouth to answer, but a hand fell on his shoulder before he could utter a word, making both cousins jump.
"Here you are," spoke the deep voice of Orion Black. Cygnus appeared behind his shoulder, and gave Narcissa a little smile. "Hello, Narcissa, Sirius," he said.
"Let us go. We are all heading to Grimmauld Place," Orion stated curtly. Sirius winced, and his father's mouth tightened into a harder line. The man led the way, while Cygnus reached out to take Narcissa's trunk from her. Not another word was spoken until they reached the secluded part of the station from which they could Disapparate.
As they landed before the house, Narcissa squeezed her father's hand tight, slightly dizzy as always. He turned his head slightly to the side, and threw her a look and the crooked edge of a smile; but already Orion was marching Sirius inside.
"Ready?" Cygnus said under his breath, with a weary chuckle.
She sighed in response.
They could hear Walburga's booming voice just as soon as they walked in. She was, apparently, giving orders to the family house elf regarding Sirius' luggage, but her fierceness and shrill tonality betrayed different concerns. Cissy could see her shove her eldest son slightly towards the upper floors, and he scurried away without a second glance, stomping on the stairs. There was a small silhouette half-concealed in shadow, hovering and observing. "Hi, Regulus," Narcissa called.
Her youngest cousin turned to her, seemingly surprised that she had paid attention to him at all. On impulse, Cissy walked towards him and hugged him tight. She could feel him stiffen under her embrace, obviously puzzled. But he was the only member of the family who wasn't a source of worries or entangled in complex politics, and it abruptly struck her how very grateful she was for that simple fact.
He gently pulled away.
"You've grown," she said, smiling to disguise a bit of embarrassment. "Where are the others?"
"All gathering already," came another voice from behind Regulus. "Welcome home, sister—well, I say home as a manner of speaking, I suppose."
"Bella!" Narcissa cried, and launched herself at her sibling. Once more, she was taken off guard by the fervor of her own reaction; she realized she really had missed her family, despite the constant concerns that came with staying with them. She also realized something so very peculiar: she was worried, and quite aware of the difficult ordeals yet to come, and still she did not feel as frantic, as helpless and breathless as she once would have. It was as though she were stronger somehow, more adult, more prepared to face anything that might come her way. She smiled a little at the hint of newfound confidence.
"My, Cissy, now that was a greeting," Bellatrix said with a flippant laugh, but her arms were tight around her. Narcissa drew back to look at her, dark mane of hair, pale, beautiful face, dark glinting eyes. Same as ever, and that was soothing.
"How have you been?" she asked.
"Why, pretty good. Let's not remain standing there. Walburga is going to come back with a fury."
"Quite right," Cygnus said from behind them. "On you go, then."
They headed upstairs to the great drawing room. Narcissa could see Regulus hesitating in the doorway, but eventually he slipped inside along with the rest of them. Arcturus Black was already sitting there with Orion, who had probably joined him as soon as he entered the house, Druella and Melania. Cissy remarked that Rodolphus Lestrange was not present, although Bella, from what she had gathered, would be staying at the house just like the rest of them. Apparently his presence had not been deemed necessary or appropriate, when the family was to deal with the matter of their rebellious young heir.
Narcissa and Bellatrix settled on one of the sofas. Save for a few curt greetings, silence reigned inside the room, and they all simply waited, aware of the tension that filled the air with a crisp buzz. After a while the door flew open once more, and Sirius walked in, slightly pale and scowling, Walburga on his heels. Pollux and Irma were also just arriving. Arcturus stood, glaring down at his grandson with a fearsome eye.
"My boy," he said, voice low and dark, "you are well aware of what it means to be a Black. Do you feel that you have lived up to that great legacy?"
Narcissa thought she heard her father sigh, but she could not be quite sure. Apparently there would be no delay before conflict ignited, though it would certainly not have helped much. That scene could probably not be avoided anyhow. Bellatrix was looking grim, and Sirius raised his chin, with a hint of defiance. "I did nothing wrong," he stated. "The Hat sorted me where it thought I belonged. I didn't choose it."
"Nothing wrong?" Arcturus repeated. "Nothing wrong, when you adamantly opposed the idea of being Sorted again? Nothing wrong, when you openly disobeyed your parents, disregarded your elders' warnings, failed to answer the letters you received from the family? The nerve of you is extraordinary indeed, boy!"
Arcturus had not raised his voice—he had not needed to, it carried with chilling strength and perfect clarity; Narcissa's stomach was in knots, and Sirius' attempts to appear unimpressed were to no avail. And still she could not shake off the conviction that whatever impact the family patriarch may achieve over the boy, it would not be sufficient to drive him off his path.
As though they had been sharing the same thought, Cygnus spoke up. "I believe we are all aware of how serious the situation is," he stated. "With all due respect, Arcturus, perhaps we already ought to discuss what should be done now, so as to deal with it in the best way possible."
Arcturus nodded solemnly. "So we might."
He turned to Sirius again. "First, you will tell me the truth. Whose company have you been keeping during those past few months?"
Sirius hesitated. "I'm not going to abandon my friends!" he affirmed, but his tone lacked the confidence he had visibly been trying to manage.
He flinched and almost cowered under Arcturus' gaze. "I demand an answer," the patriarch stated calmly.
Sirius stared down at the floor. "James Potter is my best friend," he muttered.
Narcissa could see a few of them relax ever so slightly. "Pure family, despite their regrettably liberal ways," Arcturus said. "You could have done much worse. Any others?"
"Of course there are others. I get along with every Gryffindor of my year," Sirius replied loudly, finding his courage again.
Walburga made a sound of anger and dismay, but she remained quiet as Arcturus turned around and focused his gaze on Narcissa. "Have you seen your cousin keep the company of anyone other than the Potter boy, young lady?"
"There are Lupin and Pettrigrew," she replied. "Both of them come from wizarding families, but they are not very pure. The four of them are always together. Potter and Sirius seemed closest indeed, though."
Arcturus nodded solemnly. "Thank you."
"My son will not associate with the lowly and the mediocre," Walburga hissed. "I will not allow it."
"The friendship with the young Potter can be acceptable, if to be treated with caution," Arcturus responded calmly. "They are respectable enough.
"However, the other two will have to be relegated to the periphery of your acquaintance, where they belong. It is to be hoped that boys of your upbringing will require little prompting to prefer each other's company to the one of common individuals, anyhow. James Potter and yourself will understand each other."
Sirius briefly met Narcissa's gaze. The girl was sitting frozen there, watching and listening, feeling very unsure. She had meant to warn the family that she feared Potter's influence over Sirius, and its possible consequences; however, she was aware it was proving difficult enough to keep the boy under control already, and she certainly did not wish to worsen the situation. Catching her cousin's eye, she gave him the tiniest nod, reaching a decision despite her still feeling very unsure. What she knew was best kept to herself for now. She could still share her concerns with her father later, if necessary, and he would tell her what to do.
"Sirius," Arcturus went on. "Over the holidays, we will ensure that you have the occasion to rekindle acquaintances with members of good society, whom you should have shared a house with. Doubtlessly things can be arranged so you can stay at one or two proper families' at least. During those times, you will show proper behaviour and live up to the honourable name of Black. Then your reputation will, hopefully, be slightly improved, and once back to school, you shall lie low and keep to those of your friends whose blood status befits your rank. Is that understood?"
Sirius was looking furious, but he kept his gaze lowered. "Yes."
"Very well," Arcturus said. "Now, let us have dinner."
While the family moved as one to the dining room, Narcissa kept her eyes on Sirius. She was wary of the rebellious thoughts her cousin might be entertaining beneath the cloud of his dark expression, and she knew that she was unlikely to find an occasion to talk to him alone before the evening was out. That was a shame; her keeping quiet about his suspicious activities at school might have softened him in her favour. Then again, he might just also be irate that she had divulged Lupin's and Pettigrew's names, she thought dismally.
At the dinner table, the conversation began on school results. Thankfully, Sirius' were satisfactory enough; though he seemed to have adopted quite the lazy attitude in Narcissa's opinion, he was visibly gifted, and it showed. Narcissa's hard work was also praised. Naturally, her grandmother Irma inquired of her prospects soon after. Cissy saw Sirius scowl into his plate while Druella waxed lyrical about handsome, elegant Lucius Malfoy and his obvious attachment to her daughter. Though Druella would never have dreamed of lacking the appropriate discretion for a woman of her class, her enthusiasm was still openly displayed, and Narcissa smiled to herself. By her side, Bellatrix looked rather unimpressed; but it was even more the case for Cygnus, a fact which quite troubled her. She had been sure that her father would be very pleased indeed by the combination of a most promising family alliance with her personal happiness; his lack of reaction unsettled her a little.
Soon enough the men started discussing politics, and Narcissa could focus on nibbling her way through the meal in peace. She was sitting across from little Regulus, and Bella opposite Sirius; all of the cousins remained properly silent, being only required to eat and sit straight. Boredom was inevitable, but Cissy kept herself occupied by observing the faces that surrounded her, as subtly as she could.
She soon noticed that her sister was looking tired. Bella had always possessed a very energetic aura, and that had certainly not changed; however, her eyes were darkly ringed, and there was tension in her shoulders, the way she moved and carried herself. Narcissa bit her lip. Her sister's letters during the school term had been few and far between, as usual, and rather evasive; but she often commented on being very busy, and concluded by commanding Cissy not to worry. Obviously it was no social obligations that proved to play so demanding a part in Bella's life.
Narcissa wondered whether the family had given up altogether on its attempts to steer Bella away from this cause of hers, focusing instead on the more pressing matter of its heir, or whether the subject had merely been postponed, to be broached again later. She was not sure which option she found preferable; of course she wished to avoid any more tension, as much as possible, but Bella's activities could not be simply overlooked. That was something else she could discuss with her father in good time, she told herself.
Come to think about it, it might be because of the peculiar situation that none of the ladies had inquired yet as to whether Bellatrix and Rodolphus were planning to shortly produce a heir. The idea seemed a little shocking to Narcissa. She could not picture her sister as a figure of motherhood, try as she might: she was too rash, too restless—protective, surely, but not very caring. However, she would have to give a heir to the Lestrange family eventually, regardless of her preferences and character, and at age twenty she could very well have started thinking about that. But how could she dream of bringing up a child whose two parents would be engaging in illicit activities—fighting a war, even, as Bella put it? Obviously she would have to stop—which might be a reason for her to reject the idea… But should a baby be conceived anyway, he or she would probably be the reason their mother had to step away from the front lines. Cissy hoped with slight anxiety that should that come to pass, her sister would not resent the baby.
She pondered the possibility of becoming an aunt. Although she had been six at the birth of her youngest cousin, she had little memories of being around very small children. She had always been the baby sister; and motherhood had always been a mandatory, but faraway part of her future, one she rarely considered. She knew that she would marry and bear a heir, and that was that. Even now, she shied away from that train of thought, as the idea of having full responsibility over a small human being, who would entirely rely on her love and guidance for years, felt very much overwhelming. But a nephew or niece… she had never considered it much either, and found herself softening to the notion. She could be important in the child's life, watch him or her grow up. It might prepare her for doing her own parenting one day.
"Cissy, in the clouds," Bellatrix murmured in her ear, making her jump slightly. The meal was coming to an end, she noticed; immersed in her thoughts, she had paid little attention to what she was eating, or what might be going on around her. That may, after all, have been preferable.
Arcturus stood, thus granting permission for all the others to do so as well. The men retired to Orion's study, to discuss politics, or so Narcissa gathered, distracted as she still was. Druella seemed to have heard all she wished of her youngest daughter's term, and was now engrossed in conversation with Irma. Cissy turned to her sister and cousins. Sirius made to scurry away, but Walburga grasped his arm as he passed her.
"Not so fast, young man," she said in a low voice. "You heard your grandfather. We must discuss how best to put your holidays to use so that your reputation will not suffer too terrible damage. With me, if you please."
Scowling, he complied. Cissy noticed that Regulus' eye was trailing after them with a slightly concerned look. The youngest of the family appeared at a loss for what to think about the whole situation, and she slipped towards him. "How have you been, Regulus?" she asked. "Not too lonely at home?"
He jumped a little, turning his gaze to her. "No, thank you," he said. "That was quite all right."
Cissy pursed her lips. "I've been there before, you know. I was the last to go to Hogwarts." And she had had two sisters—she suppressed the thought with a wince.
"Yes." He hesitated. "But I'm all right. I've been reading a lot."
"Interesting books?"
"Oh yes. My father owns many."
Regulus looked away, and Narcissa had a distinctive feeling that no matter how uneasy he might feel about the whole affair with Sirius, he was determined to pretend. She suspected that for him, it seemed safer than having to take a stand, pick a side more or less clearly. At such a young age, indeed.
"All right," she murmured. "You won't have long to wait anyway. A few months."
Regulus nodded and had a small smile.
When Narcissa left the room and made for the chambers on the upper floors, she found Bellatrix waiting in the stairs, casually leaning against a wall. The sisters did not speak at once, just moved together until they arrived to the room that was to be Narcissa's, adjacent to Bella's. The eldest flippantly sprawled upon the bed, while Cissy preferred to perch on the edge of an armchair.
"Well then," Bellatrix drawled. "Good term, good grades, good everything."
"Quite so," Narcissa replied coolly.
"Well, has anything of interest been going on?" Bella rolled to the side and eyed her.
"You would know if you'd deigned writing more than one letter in four months."
A groan, then a grin. "Two, if you please."
"Two it is, then. Quite the impressive number, you will have to admit."
"As though letters entailed more than idle small talk most of the time. One cannot talk properly in a letter. Who knows whose hands it might end up in." She stretched. "What's this I heard about you and old Malfoy?"
"We have been seeing each other since the summer," Narcissa pointed out. "That is hardly burning news."
Bella sat up. "And you are invited to his place over the holidays."
"Why yes, I am." Short and to the point.
Her sister was frowning unhappily. "Don't go become a Malfoy on us," she groaned. "You were always such a golden little princess. This family would make you thoroughly unbearable."
"Thank you very much for your faith in me."
"And Lucius Malfoy. Always so smooth, so slippery. I never understood what you could see in him. He is nothing but masks, and politeness, and clever, elegant words, but I wonder if there's anything at all underneath."
"Well, perhaps you wouldn't know. But I know him and he makes me happy," Narcissa said curtly.
She very much wished for this part of the conversation to be over, but her sister stared straight into her eyes. "Can he really?"
She felt her face flame. "Yes." Her voice would not crack. "Lucius helps me. I feel a lot stronger with him at my side than I have ever been before." Or since she had grown and left the merry lands of childhood, anyhow.
She regretted those words, so very close to a confession of weakness, almost as soon as they had escaped her mouth, but Bella slowly nodded. "You rely on him," she said. "Do be careful. Don't leave your heart in anyone's hands."
Narcissa swallowed. "Only the deserving."
"No. Even the most deserving can rip you apart."
Her sister's hands were rigid claws at her sides, around the bedsheets, she suddenly noticed. "Dependency is weakness."
Now Narcissa's pulse had become painfully fast. She wished there weren't such tension whenever she talked to her sister, conflict ready to burst or so many things left unsaid, merely implied. "How is Rodolphus?"
Bellatrix blinked. "What?"
"I asked about your husband," she repeated.
"Oh. He is well. Quite well. Sends his regards, but it seemed best if he kept away, left us Blacks together to deal with our family affairs."
"Indeed." She paused. "Is there still… conflict, in the family, over the activities the two of you are involved in?"
"The subject is hardly breached anymore. Handling Sirius has become the priority. They have realized that I am adult and married, and that the family may not choose my loyalties for me."
Narcissa bit her lip. "You are still… very much implicated, then."
"Indeed, sister, I am." There was a dangerous edge to Bella's voice now.
"Why?" she asked. "What does this bring you? Explain me."
Her sibling hesitated. She slowly sat up, and looked her straight in the eye. Her lips parted, and she shook her head. "You wouldn't get it."
Narcissa growled low in frustration. "You'll never know if you don't try."
"It makes me feel alive," she said, the words coming fast and harsh, all of a sudden. "The purpose. The power. It made me feel, for the very first time, like I had some agency over my life. Like I could change things. Like I could be great. Respected, and feared, and remembered. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. My passion, my faith are fuel to our decisive fight. And I'd give anything to win this war we've started, Cissy. I'll fight with every last ounce of strength, every last drop of my blood for the cause."
As she spoke, her face had flushed earnestly, and her eyes glowed. But Narcissa felt as cold and helpless as her sister found power in the fire. She had long stopped believing that she could, by any play of their affection and her influence, make Bella stop. However, the latter's passion had always seemed quite foreign, and to touch it with the tip of her finger and find it so wide, so deep and searing hot was quite the shock indeed. She struggled to conceal that as she watched the exaltation drain from Bellatrix's features—as they turned to steel.
"See," she uttered icily. "I told you so."
Narcissa shivered. "No, I understand," she lied. "It's so very important."
"And it makes you frightened." She nodded. "Quite right. Well, never fear. I can keep myself safe."
"What about him, then?" Cissy dared.
"Who are you talking about?"
"Your leader." She hesitated. "The man you call the Dark Lord."
Bellatrix's face twitched. "Yes. What about him?"
Narcissa shrugged a little awkwardly. "What is he like?" she tried. "He must be quite the impressive personality if his cause holds such weight to you."
"He is a very great man," Bella said curtly. "The most powerful wizard I've ever known. The most powerful, perhaps, to have ever walked this earth."
Narcissa was careful to keep any doubt or derision from her face. "I see."
Bellatrix was fidgeting now, showing signs of impatience. "I'll leave you to unpack," she said. "We'll have all of the holidays to talk if needed."
"Yes," Narcissa agreed. "I'd like that."
Her sister did not comment. She rose swiftly and made for the door, and as she walked by, Cissy leaned in to catch her wrist.
"Goodnight, Bella," she said. She stretched up to kiss her sister's cheek.
"Goodnight," the latter murmured in return, before gently breaking free.
The door clicked closed behind her, and Narcissa sat still, her head full of a swirl of tumultuous thoughts.