Oh look, it's me again! Of course I couldn't help myself and ended up writing another part for this fic and I know for a fact that I'm not going to stop any time soon!

This part does come with the obligatory tissue warning (I'm not even going to pretend that it doesn't but maybe one day I might be able to write something that stays happy...) Our favorite ladies also get a little bit frisky (but only a little bit because the minute I started trying to write it my brain started screaming 'no, you can't write sex, you're not 13 anymore, you know what it's actually like. YOU CAN'T WRITE THIS!' at me an I panicked a little!)

Thank you all again for the unbelievable support and all the kind thing you have to say about this fic, it honestly means the world to know that people are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.

A little formatting note for this part: Diary entries are in bold italics and flashbacks are in italics. I hope it reads ok as I felt like I had to differentiate somehow and that was the only way I could think of that might work.

L x

It was over a year after Andrea died that Jess and Kat got round to clearing out the Townhouse's attic. The house had been left to her mother and aunt but both had insisted that Jess and her family should be the ones to move in because they were the only ones living in New York at the time and nobody wanted to sell it. Jessica couldn't turn down the offer, she had loved the townhouse all of her life, had always felt more at peace, more inspired there than she did anywhere else and her family were quickly outgrowing their apartment in Prospect Heights.

Before they moved in they did out all of the major rooms, turned one of the guest rooms into a nursery and let Randi choose her own room and, to a certain extent, how it was to be decorated. They updated the master bedroom so that it was more to their tastes, brought in some of their own furniture and that was that; anything else that needed to be done could be done around them and that was very little.

With two children under the age of three at home and not wanting to miss out on them growing up, Jessica made the decision to move back into her studio on the third floor where she had started off just after graduation, only going into the office once or twice a week and added a desk for Kat where she could write and edit when she was working from home. It was perfect for their family and Jessica was pleased that she could bring her children up in a home where she had always experienced so much love and support.

The attic was on their To Do list from the very beginning, Aunt Cassidy had claimed to never have seen anything come down from the space, only go up and if that was the case that meant decades worth of stuff to work through. It was going to be a big, no doubt interesting, job but with two children and their jobs to deal with it wasn't something which they had the spare time to do. It took Kat's parents taking the kids away for the weekend for them to even consider it and, even after they had agreed they would do it, they spent the first few days enjoying the lie ins and uninterrupted quality time together. When they did venture up into the space Jess spent several long moments unable to do anything but stare at exactly how much was up there and how long it was going to take them to go through everything. There was the expected furniture and stacks of boxes but what Jess was drawn to first was the racks and racks of garment bags.

It wasn't until long after that first venture upstairs, once the hundreds of thousands worth of couture had been dealt with and the furniture sold, that Jess got to the boxes of personal items that she knew they would want to keep in the family. It was in those boxes that Jess found all of the photo albums and journals, she was hesitant at first, about reading anything one of her grandmothers had written, but reasoned that if they hadn't wanted them to be seen by anyone they would have destroyed them rather than storing them and she found herself hungry to know more about a couple who had been so open yet so private at the same time. It was a late night when sleep wouldn't come that she finally cracked, pulling a book at random from one of the boxes and settling down to read, a grizzly Andrew curled against her chest.

I'm pregnant!

Miranda is going to kill me for doing the test too early and doing it without her but I knew something felt different and I just couldn't wait...

Andrea looked at the blue line in the stick in her hand in utter disbelief. They'd done it, on their second cycle of treatment they'd actually done it. They were going to have a baby. She wasn't supposed to do a test for another few weeks and she certainly wasn't supposed to do it without Miranda, but she hadn't been able to help herself. She'd felt strange for days, not nauseous exactly but not right for her, she'd thought about mentioning it to Miranda but she knew that the older woman would have told her that it was probably psychosomatic and would have insisted that they wait until they went to the hospital to do the test.

Wrapping the pregnancy test in toilette paper she shoved it down to the bottom of the rubbish bin and washed her hands, all the while watching herself in the mirror. Somehow she felt like she should look different now that she was carrying a life inside of her but she didn't, she was still just Andy and she wondered when that would change, if it would change. Moving back through to the bedroom she decided against putting on her robe since the girls were out for the night and crawled into the middle of the bed, propping herself up with some pillows, her hand moving to gently stroke over her still flat stomach. Miranda would be home soon, she'd tell her, of course she would, but in that moment she was happy to simply lie back and absorb the moment.

That was where Miranda found her on her return from the magazine an hour later. All the tension she had been carrying from the awful day she had had seeping away at the sight of her wife, in just her underwear, curled up in the middle of their bed looking perfectly relaxed. Dropping her coat and her bag in the doorway she made quick work of her shirt and slacks as she crossed the room so that by the time she slid her body over the other woman's only underwear was in the way of full skin to skin contact. As she pressed their bodies together Andrea's eyes fluttered open and the blinding smile she received was enough to melt away any remaining tension she was holding in her body.

"I should let the girls go on sleepovers more often if this is what I get to come home to," she purred, stroking her fingers down Andrea's neck and across her clavicle, thrilled that she could still raise goose bumps on the younger woman's skin with the barest touch, "You're exquisite."

"You aren't all that bad yourself," Andrea smirked, her hands moving to graze up the thighs which bracketed her hips, moving until her fingers until they slipped under the edges of Miranda's underwear, "I..." whatever she was about to say trailed off as Miranda's mouth descended on her neck at the same time as questing fingers slid into her bra, all she could do was groan, her fingers tightening where they lay on the older woman's skin.

Miranda's mouth didn't stay where it was for long, moving to the brunette's mouth and initiating a kiss while her hands continued to move over her breasts and stomach, picking out every point which she knew made her wife squirm and hitting them all in quick succession. By the time they broke apart, panting against each others faces, Andrea had Miranda's bra off and Andrea's underwear was being pushed down her thighs.

"Want to know a secret?" Andrea whispered against Miranda's mouth and the older woman shivered, capturing those lips again for a long moment before pulling away and regarding her wife with twinkling blue eyes,

"Always," she smirked and as her fingers found Andrea's heat, felt exactly how ready she was for her, she groaned.

"We're having a baby Miranda," Andrea watched the older woman's eyes flash and darken as the words filtered through,

"You're having my baby, my baby is inside of you?" she groaned and Andrea chuckled, reaching up to cup her cheek and bring their foreheads, their eyes, together.

"Your baby Mira'" she said quietly, "You got me pregnant." She gasped as two strong fingers filled her, starting up a maddeningly slow pace, Miranda's eyes almost black with want. Andrea found it equal parts adorable and arousing that the thought of her carrying their baby had such an effect on her wife and she was more than happy to reap the benefits. By the time she came it was almost a relief and she allowed herself to be pulled, boneless, into her wife's arms as loving kisses were peppered all over her face and hair.

"I love you," Miranda murmured over and over again, "I love you so much."

Jessica closed the diary with a sad smile after she had read a few entries where her Grams wrote and wrote about how excited they both were about the baby, about telling the twins. She had to make herself stop before she came to what she knew was coming. There had never been a third Sachs-Priestly child which meant at some point her grandmothers had lost the baby. Knowing her Grams she knew she would have written her way through it but she knew that she wasn't ready to read that, not yet. Tucking the book down the side of the armchair she eased herself up, careful not to disturb Andrea now that he was finally sleeping. Tucking her son into bed, she pressed a kiss to his forehead and switched on the nightlight before slipping out of the room in search of her wife, she felt the need to have the other woman close and hoped she was nearly finished with the work that had kept her chained to her desk since she had come home from the office so they could go to bed and try and get some actual sleep.

It was a few weeks until she felt ready to read further and had the time to do so. Andrew becoming mobile was really keeping them all on their toes and that added to a commission to complete and Kat's parents visiting they were all exhausted.

The night after Kat's parents had left, after a full day of lazing around and watching movies and the kids tucked up in bed, Jess grabbed the journal from where she had left it the last time and went in search of Kat who she found curled up in their bed with a book. Getting comfortable and with Kat's head on her shoulder, she cracked the book open and was pleased that she had stopped where she had the last time and that Kat was close enough to touch, she got the feeling she was going to need a hug at some point.

It's been a few weeks when usually I don't miss a day but I haven't known how to put what has happened or how I feel about it into words. I still don't think I'm ready but my therapist has suggested that this might help and at this point I'm willing to try anything to try and make all of this even a little bit better...

Miranda was in the middle of a run through when her phone began to ring on the desk, aware that they were running behind already she silenced the call and turned her attention back to her staff. When it began to ring again immediately Miranda flipped it over to check the caller id, seeing her wife's name she held up her hand to stop what Nigel was saying and answered. She and Andrea had an understanding that if either of them didn't answer the phone it was because they were busy with something and if that was the case they wouldn't bother the other until they let them know they were free, for Andrea to call her back she knew there must be something wrong.

"Darling?"

"Miranda," there was a tone to the younger woman's voice that made Miranda's blood run cold and she waved that staff out of the room, pleased when they took the hint and left her alone,

"Darling where are you?"

"The hospital, Miranda I know you're busy but please..." Miranda was on her feet and out of the door in a flash, calling for someone to have Roy outside without breaking stride and without waiting around for her coat and bag.

"I'm on my way darling, tell me what's happening, are you ok, is the baby ok?"

"I. I don't know," Miranda was pleased she was alone in the lift as she was unable to stop herself leaning heavily against the wall and closing her eyes against the sting of tears, Andrea sounded so small, so utterly terrified and it broke her heart. When the lift doors opened she practically ran across the lobby no longer caring who was watching, just needing to get to her wife as quickly as she could.

"I'm getting in the car now darling ok, I'm coming."

Miranda tore through the maternity ward like a woman possessed, pleased when everyone was sensible enough not to stop her movement until Dr Patricia Bennett stepped in front of her and carefully steered her into her office.

"Where is she?" she demanded, the editor in chief very much in residence as she tried to hold herself together until she knew exactly what was going on.

"I need you to calm down first Miranda," the doctor told her, and it was only because they had known each other since Miranda's pregnancy with the twins that she got away with it, "the nurse is in with Andrea, take a few deep breaths and I'll take you to see her, you need to be prepared though."

"The baby?" she asked quietly and her heart broke apart at the minute shake of the doctors head, "What..."

"I'm sorry Miranda, Andrea has suffered a miscarriage. We've sent off some bloods to be tested but there's a high chance that they wont show anything, unfortunately often these things happen and there is no explanation for them. Andrea has lost a fair amount of blood since she came in so she's going to e a little woozy but as soon as she has another bag of fluids and platelets on board she's free to leave. I'm going to say this to Andrea too but I'd like to suggest a therapist for both of you. This is a really awful thing that has happened and although it hasn't physically happened to you like it has to Andrea it is still your loss as well and it's important that you both work through it."

"As much as I appreciate you talking me through everything Patricia," Miranda said quietly, clamping down on her desire to cry, to throw up, to curl up in a corner and deny that any of this was happening, knowing that she needed to be strong for Andrea, "I would really appreciate being taken to see my wife. Now."

"Of course Miranda, come with me." Miranda allowed herself to be led out of the room and a little way along the corridor to a side room that a nurse was just stepping out of, "I'm just going to leave you two together, you know where I am if you need anything, otherwise I'll pop back along in about an hour and see how the fluids are going,"

"Thank you Patricia,"

"No need to thank me, now go on, your wife needs you." Miranda gave a brief nod, took a deep breath and pushed the door into the room open, letting it close quietly behind her. Andrea was sat in the centre of a larger than usual hospital bed, her knees pulled up to her chin, she was white as a sheet and although her eyes were fixed on the window Miranda knew for a fact that she wasn't seeing anything at all.

"Darling?" she said gently, moving further into the room and settling on the edge of the bed. She watched her wife blink a few times, turning so she could look at her, with a sad smile she reached out to take the other woman's hand only to have her flinch away, shaking her head/

"Don't Miranda please, I can't, not yet, not here." Andrea's voice sounded rough, her face blank and unchanging, but her eyes told Miranda everything she needed to know and she understood perfectly, "I'm sorry."

"No, I understand, but I'm right here ok darling, I'm not going anywhere."

In the end it was two hours before Andrea was deemed physically well enough to be released and they were given a laundry list of do's and don'ts and things to look out for. Miranda was pleased that Andrea allowed her to support her out to the waiting car but as soon as they were settled inside the distance returned and Miranda spent the journey staring out of the window and fidgeting with her fingers to stop her from reaching out.

The townhouse was quiet and Miranda was pleased that the girls were with their father that week. They had told them that they were seriously considering trying for a baby but not that they had been expecting and in light of what had happened that day, Miranda didn't think she would have been able to talk to them about it without breaking apart, and she knew Andrea would be in no fit state to deal with them right away.

As soon as they were through the door Andrea disappeared, albeit slowly, up the stairs and for the moment Miranda allowed it, knowing that the other woman would want to get out of the hospital scrubs she had been given to wear home and probably have a shower and she had shown no desire to be near to or to speak to Miranda yet. She understood, or at least she was trying to, quite sure that if the same thing had happened to her she would shut down too, but it was difficult to watch knowing how much her wife was hurting and not being able to do anything to fix it.

Remembering the doctors words about making sure Andrea ate something and took on plenty of fluids Miranda headed for the kitchen to throw something together. She didn't for a second think that either of them would manage to eat anything that day and the only fluid she wanted was a gallon of scotch but she needed to do something to keep herself busy, to stop herself thinking.

When she'd finished preparing a plate of fruit and a pot of lemon ginger tea she took a deep breath and headed up the stairs, knowing that she couldn't and shouldn't avoid what was to come any longer. She found Andrea curled up on their bed, her wet hair pulled up into a messy bun, her body covered in a pair of leggings and a North Western hoody which she knew she only ever wore when she was feeling utterly terrible. The younger woman barely reacted when she entered the room so she left the tray on the bedside table and slipped into the closet to change out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable. She tried her hardest to ignore the bag which contained Andrea's ruined clothes, she would have happily left them at the hospital and allowed them to be incinerated, but, on auto pilot, Andrea had clearly picked them up with the rest of her things, Miranda would make sure they were dealt with, but that could wait until later. She was surprised but pleased when she wandered back into the bedroom and Andrea was sitting up, sipping a mug of tea, she looked washed out and exhausted but when she looked up as Miranda crossed the room she could see a small spark of her wife lingering in her eyes.

"Hey," she said quietly, sitting by the younger woman's knees and reaching for her own drink, "At the risk of sounding utterly ridiculous but also at a loss as to what to say, how are you feeling?"

"I don't know," the younger woman said honestly, "Aside from exhausted and sore, I have no idea about the rest."

"That's understandable darling," she reached out then and was rewarded with Andrea's hand holding strongly to hers, "but if you can eat something you can take one of the pain pills that the doctor prescribed."

"I don't think I can." Andrea said quietly, "Could you. I. Can we just curl up for a little while. Please?"

"Of course sweetheart," Miranda gave her hand a final squeeze before letting go so she could move to her side of the bed, propping herself up with some pillows she held out her arm for her wife. Andrea curled into her immediately, burying her face in her neck and clinging to her tightly, Miranda hummed quietly and stroked her fingers over her back, when she felt tears begin to soak through her jumper she pulled the younger woman closer and pressed kisses to her forehead.

I've got you darling, you're ok, I've got you."

I think what made me realise that things really weren't going as well as I wanted to think they were, was finding Miranda in the closet crying. Without me knowing, and against her better judgement she said, she had started gathering a few things for the baby. It was mostly a few cute baby grows, a little hat and a teddy but I think with everything that happened it slipped her mind or she'd decided not to think about it. She'd gone up to clear out for the new season and she'd been gone for a while so I went looking for her, I've been finding it hard to be away from her for too long recently, especially when I know she's in the house somewhere. I found her sat on the floor in the middle of the closet, her knees hugged to her chest, sobbing her heart out surrounded by baby things.

Since the day it happened she'd held it together so that I didn't have to and maybe I should have realised it earlier, but finding her like that told me all I needed to know, she wasn't coping and, as I crumbled beside her and pulled her into my arms, I realised I wasn't coping half as well as I kept telling myself I was either.

We decided that night that both of us needed to see a therapist and neither of us could do this again.

Jess pressed the book closed and took a few deep, steadying breaths, wiping the tears from her face. Kat had long since fallen asleep beside her and she pressed a kiss to her head before quietly slipping out of the room. She went to Randi's room first, padding carefully across the floor and lowering herself onto the edge of the mattress. She watched her sleep peacefully for a few long moments before kissing her forehead and slipping out to go through the same routine with Andrew. There wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't thankful for her babies, her miracles, but knowing what her grandmothers had been through only to come out heartbroken made her want to hold her children tight and never let them go. As she slid back into her own bed and curled around her wife she sent a silent thought to the two women she had looked up to all her life, two women who's strength continued to surprise her and make her strong and who she wished she could hug one last time.

AN: So, I've changed the format of this because I didn't want to stop writing in this universe but I didn't just want this to turn into a story about Jess and Kat and their family and loose the Mirandy which is the reason we are all here in the first place and I plan to keep on writing in the same vein. That said are their any points in the couples history that anyone is eager to see? Any suggestions for points to flashback to would be greatly appreciated and I'll try and keep the next part a bit more cheery...maybe.