My Uncle
My uncle. My legal guardian. Forty-something. Slightly balding. Flannel clad. Baseball cap of the backwards variety. Day old stubble. Business owner. Self-sufficient loner. Unselfish. Loving. Caring. Big. Burley. Gruff exterior. Soft interior. He was so many things. I could describe him forever. He was a complicated, but simple man at the same time. There were times he reminded me of my potential step-fathers. It took me a long time to trust him, but eventually I did.
He constantly wanted what was best for me. He wouldn't let me slip through the cracks. I hated him for it at first. It was so overbearing. So foreign. He told me what not to do. He asked me where I was going. I never had anyone to answer to until that point. With the bad came the good. He made me more accountable. He made me stop smoking, a feat I couldn't achieve on my own. If I stole, he made me repay. He was a good guy doing the best he could and that's more than I can say for my mother.
It was hard for me to believe he was related to my mother. They grew up together. They should be alike. They were far from it. My uncle never told me to go away. He always listened. He always offered help. He fed me. He didn't hit me. He asked how I was doing in school. Made sure I attended. Did the work. Didn't get into too much trouble. He was there for me like my mother never was. He cared for me like my mother never could. I started to rely on him.
We weren't similar. I loved to read books. My uncle read magazines. I liked to take the easy way out. My uncle worked hard. We struggled to find middle ground. When we found it, nothing stopped us. The people in this town became our bonding point. The dictator and his right hand man. The gossip queens. The bagboy. The coffee junkie and her daughter. This town was full of crazy people who needed to be mocked and we mocked them. Sometimes silently. A nod here. A shared look there. But it brought us closer together.
My uncle's good qualities started to rub off on me. Perhaps they were forced onto me. I started working hard, harder than him, but at all the wrong things. I would read like crazy, but nothing for school. I would work hard, but not for my uncle. I pushed him away as I tried to emulate him. To become more like him. To become a better man. Someone who helped others. Someone who could be relied on. It worked to an extent, but it was never enough. My past was too extensive. It was ingrained in me. The more I tried to break free, the more I got sucked back under.
My uncle never gave up on me, but his support wasn't enough anymore. Not when I got to know her. I think I fell instantly. Every time I tried to get up. To run away. She pushed me back down. I didn't mind. I felt as though I belonged at her feet. Serving her to the best of my ability. I started trying for her, but it still wasn't enough. She didn't seem to care. Although she wasn't mine. I knew one day she would be.