I still don't own Chuck.

I understand that there isn't a review function on this site. But I would still appreciate your comments. The worst thing for an author is silence. You can't tell if you're connecting with your readers, if they're getting where you think the story is going or not. And those comments don't have to be praise. Of course, I'd be lying if I tried to say that I don't enjoy the praise. But I actually learn more from the critical comments. Just as long as you're respectful and allow me to respond, you can say anything.

The Mother in Law From Hell

x-x-x-x-x

Josh knew that he was dreaming. He absolutely did. Whatever the good Doctor McDreamy had pumped into his arm last night felt so marvelous. It made almost all of the hurt go away. But then there was that annoying sound again. He knew the sound well. It was Joey's ring tone on his phone. He had heard it a million times. She was always waking him up in the middle of the night when she wanted to talk about her latest date… and how all the guy really wanted was her panties on the floor and her legs in the air… and why couldn't she ever find a guy who wanted to listen to her for ten fucking minutes before trying to get her naked… and how men were all pigs… and come on already. Not this time, Joey. I'm sleeping.

Suddenly the realization hit him and his eyes popped open. He fell all over himself trying to grab his phone off the stand. The text was from Joey's number.

I'm outside in the trunk of a blue Buick.

Josh took a long moment to remember exactly where he was, and to make sure that this wasn't a dream. When he realized that it was real, he went screaming down the hall.

Since that quickly woke everyone up, and Casey and Laura were the only ones not in bed, that meant that there were quickly several people in the main room in their underwear… or, in Sarah's case, a grim look of being ready to fight. The gun in her hand attested to that. Although in fairness, she did have a sheet semi wrapped around her that more or less obscured the good stuff.

When she got into the room Casey was having a hard time physically keeping Josh from running up the stairs after her. But it was Laura who actually tried to talk some sense into him. "Settle down," she said firmly. "Let's take a minute and make sure that this isn't a trap of some kind. We can't help Joey if we get captured ourselves. Why don't you run and get dressed while we try and figure this out?"

Chuck was actually the one who was the most rested. He quickly went to the control panel and fired up the outside cameras. Indeed there looked to be a blue Buick parked in front of the store. Since it was very early morning, it was still dark. There was no one visibly around. But it was also hard to see much.

Sarah had just come back out of the bedroom where she had hurriedly thrown on her shirt and slacks from last night. She still had the grim look and her gun in her hand. Without pausing for conversation she quickly walked over and broke out one of the long range rifles from the weapon's case. Casey knew what she was doing. He was already putting the earpiece in his ear when she handed the rifle to him. "Go through the Buy More and cover Josh and Laura from the roof," she said. "I'll cover them from the OO. That will give us two really good angles in case anybody suddenly appears."

She didn't give her real reason for choosing those assignments, that she and Casey were the best shots. Sarah was completely expecting trouble. She was trying to hide the fact that she was very skeptical that this could possibly have a happy ending. It was likely a trap. But if it wasn't a trap the next most likely thing was that they were probably going to find Joey's body in that trunk. And she didn't want Josh to be the first to see that. "Be very careful," she said, more to Laura. "Laura, take the lead. If she's in there, check for booby traps."

As it turned out, when Laura carefully popped open the trunk, it was easy to see that there weren't any concealed explosives on Joey's unconscious body. She didn't have anyplace to hide them. She was still wearing only her bra and panties. Josh quickly scooped her up and carried her inside and down the stairs. Laura grabbed the DVD that was lying next to her in the trunk with Chuck's name on it.

For a few moments there was a whirlwind of semi chaotic activity. By the time they had Joey in Castle, Ellie was more or less dressed and had taken charge. "Put her on the sofa," she ordered. Laura swept her for bugs while Ellie quickly checked her over. "She's alive," Ellie quickly said. "Her pulse is strong and rapid."

Devon was just taking the blood pressure cusp from her arm. "It's a little high," he said. "Still in the normal range. She looks like she's been tranqed."

Sarah nodded to Chuck to put Castle back into lock down as soon as Casey was back. She was still half expecting an attack of some kind.

Ellie quickly felt around her face which was swollen almost beyond recognition. "I don't think that she has any broken bones," she said. "It just looks like a bunch of deep bruises."

Devon gently lifted one of her limp hands in his. "Her wrists are a bloody mess," he said. "She must have been struggling against cuffs for a while.

Ellie was still feeling around her face. "She has a cut on her lip that is going to need a few stitches," she said.

Devon pointed to the numerous marks on her stomach. "What are these? They almost look like burn marks of some kind."

Sarah knew exactly what they were. In fact she knew exactly how she had received all of her injuries. Laura just beat her to the punch a little in getting the words out. "Tazer marks," she said sadly. "She's been tortured."

Josh was immediately heading for the stairs.

Sarah already knew, but she called out to him anyway. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Somebody is going to pay," he said.

"Josh, stop right where you are!" she shouted. "Right now! That is an order." Of course retired agent and now civilian Sarah Bartowski didn't have any standing to issue any order to a CIA Agent. But he obeyed anyway."

Sarah went to stand in front of him and put her face directly into his. "Damn it, Josh," she said angrily. "I understand what you're feeling. We all feel that same exact way. But we can't go off half cocked. You don't have a clue who specifically did this or where they are. What are you going to do, hitchhike to Russia and take on Alexei Volkoff by yourself? The last thing we need right now is to be worrying about finding your body in the trunk of a car."

Josh just looked at her.

Sarah softened her voice. "Do I really have to order you sedated and restrained?" she asked softly. "Trust me. I will unless you can convince me that you're thinking rationally."

Josh thought about it for a moment, then hung his head. "Yes, ma'am," he said softly. "I was out of line. I'm sorry. I'm a little emotional right now."

Sarah sided into him affectionately. "Of course you're emotional," she said. "I would expect nothing less. There would be something wrong if you didn't want to make someone pay. But right now, I expect you to do what's best for your partner. And currently that is sitting next to her holding her hand ready to comfort her when she wakes up. Justice will happen. But that is tomorrow's problem. Agreed?"

"Yes, ma'am," Josh said with a sigh. "Totally agreed. I'm sorry ma'am."

Sarah smiled at him. "Don't be sorry. Care to tell me why you're calling me ma'am?" she asked.

Josh actually smiled a little. "Isn't that what you're supposed to call civilians?" he asked.

x-x-x-x-x

There really wasn't all that much to do medically for Joey except to get her into bed and make her as comfortable as possible until she woke up and could talk to them about what hurt. Ellie put four stitches in her lip. Devon cleaned the wounds on her wrists, put some antiseptic on them and wrapped then in a bandage. He then dabbed some of that same antiseptic cream on each of her numerous burn marks.

The good news was that it looked like she had survived an ordeal that was horrible beyond belief. The bad news was that she was a mess. She would need some serious healing time. And who knew what this had done to her mentally? Something like this would finish most agents.

But she was alive. And for Team B, that made the second sure death that had been miraculously turned around in as many days. So for now anyway, relief simply trumped any other emotion. There would be no funeral to plan, at least not today.

There really wasn't a dry eye in the place.

x-x-x-x-x

Everyone with the exception of Josh and Joey were sitting in the main room talking about immediate next steps when Laura remembered the DVD. She popped it in the player. Even without the flash, Chuck knew immediately who the man was that was talking with a silly grin. Who else could it be?

Hello, Charles,

It's a shame that we have to meet like this. We actually have met before. You probably don't remember. You were only six.

It's funny. As angry with you that I am, I'm also proud that you've obviously followed in the family legacy. And even though you're with the CIA and therefore my enemy, what kind of step father would I be if I just killed you?

I really don't have anything against you, Charles. My beef is with your father. So I'd like to propose a deal… something like a truce, if you will.

You and your team stop pursuing me, and I'll stop pursuing you. That sounds fair to me. You have the death of Fulcrum that you wanted. I have the human Intersect that I wanted. We'll begin his training in just a few days.

As a show of good faith, I've returned your teammate in one piece. You have to admit, that's a good strong gesture on my part. I can't tell you how impressed I am with your Joey. She took everything that your mom threw at her. Not many people can say that. I'm including a recording of her session so that you can see for yourself just how impressive she was. Tell her that I would enjoy seeing her again sometime under happier circumstances. I wasn't kidding when I told her that I'd like to be friends.

Anyway, Charles, this is a rather odd situation that we find ourselves in, isn't it? Your mom would love to see you and your sister, more than she will admit to me.

I can tell.

When you love someone, you get to know them in a way that words can't express. And yet she is dreading it at the same time. I can imagine you both feel sort of the same way. I'll leave that ultimate decision up to you. But I would love to have you, your lovely new wife, your sister, and whoever she is dating as my guests some time. I promise you'll have a good time. Russia is very historic.

I think that I've acted in good faith here, Charles. I really don't want to end this with a threat. But make no mistake. If we ever run afoul of each other again, the fact that we're family won't matter nearly as much. The next time it will be Sarah who Agent Frost will be dealing with. And the ending won't be nearly so happy.

But enough of this gloomy talk. We're going to be friends. After all, we're family.

Have a nice day.

x-x-x-x-x

Josh had never been so mentally exhausted in his life. He had all but given up hope of ever seeing her again. He wanted to hold her hand. But they both looked so damaged. The last thing that he wanted was to hurt her any more than she already was. So he settled for resting his hand on her arm. He was barely touching her. There wasn't much of a place on her body that wasn't bruised or swollen… or covered with tazer burn marks.

Suddenly Josh could feel Joey firmly grasp his hand. "You really look like crap," she said. Her voice was faint but she still had that unmistakable twinkle in her eyes. "How much have you slept since I've been gone?"

"I look like crap?" Josh asked incredulously. "Look who's talking. You look like you just went fifteen rounds… with a meat grinder."

Joey had missed that smile so much. "Oww," she groaned. "Don't make me laugh. It hurts too much."

Josh just looked at her for a long moment. When he could finally get the words out, they were no more than a whisper. "I know," he said. "I'll go get the doctor. You don't have to be in pain. I also think that Sarah wants to talk to you for a second to quickly debrief."

Joey looked at him standing there trying to blink away tears for a long moment. She squeezed his hand with all of what little strength she had. "Stop doing that," she said. "It's all over. I'm going to be fine. If you start crying, then I'm going to start crying, then you're going to start crying even harder, then… well I think that you get it. We always knew that this was a possibility, right? It's part of what we signed up for."

Josh stood up to go get her the help she needed.

"Nobody signed up for this."

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah hadn't even sat down yet before Joey was reaching for her hand. Her eyes were quickly filling with tears. Sarah assumed the obvious. "You're in too much pain," she said. "Let me go get Ellie. We can talk later."

But Joey's emotional pain was currently much worse than her physical pain. She had a firm grip on Sarah's hand… and wasn't letting go. "I'm so sorry," she said.

Sarah was moved by the heartbreak in her voice. So she sat back down. "Why on earth would you be sorry?"

"I cracked," Joey said with a sob. "I told them everything. I understand that you're pissed at me."

"I know," Sarah said. "The bastards sent us the tape of your interrogation. We've already watched the whole thing. And you're damn right I'm pissed at you. Incredibly pissed."

"I know," Joey said as she turned her head away. "I was hoping that they would just kill me."

Sarah was very careful not to do anything to hurt her. So she just took her free hand and rubbed the hand she was holding gently. "Listen to me," she said firmly. "Joey, you're not in the academy practicing pretend interrogation scenarios any more. Yes, I get that you have a duty to withstand some torture. That's expected. But no where near what you did. You allowed yourself to absorb far too much punishment. That's why I'm pissed at you."

Joey turned to face Sarah in surprise. "But I talked," she said. "I gave you up."

"Everybody talks," Sarah said softly. "That's a given. Do you really think that they couldn't get me to talk? Nobody can withstand that kind of pain and fear for very long. Joey, she was about ready to start breaking your arms. Do you really think that I give a fuck about the things you told her? Or look down at you in some way? That's pretty silly. That's not what this is at all. I just need to know exactly what they know so that we can use it to defend ourselves. Is there anything you told them that wasn't on the tape? Does she know that Chuck is an Intersect?"

"No," Joey said in surprise. "She never asked about that so there was no reason to volunteer it. She really wanted to know how Chuck became a spy, things like how he was recruited and where he trained… and I didn't know. I've only known him for a couple of weeks. She eventually seemed to accept that. She was much more interested in you. She's plainly heard of you. She kept asking if your marriage is real. She seemed very skeptical. She was also interested in Chuck's sister but I've never met her so I couldn't answer any of those questions. Sarah, is that bitch really Chuck's mom?"

"Careful," Sarah said with the beginning of a smile. "You're apparently talking about my mother-in-law." Sarah's smile grew even broader. "It's sort of a stereotype that lots of women don't get along with their husband's mother. I think maybe I'm ready to take that stereotype to a whole new level. She's looking pretty much like the mother-in-law from hell."

Joey could no longer blink away the tears. "So you're not disappointed in me?" Her voice was so soft that Sarah had to lean in close to hear her.

Now it was Sarah's turn to blink away some tears. "Disappointed in you?" she asked. "Joey, is that really what you think? Why would you possibly think that? The truth is I'm so proud of you that I could start bawling sitting right here. First off, I had given up hope of ever seeing my friend who I love alive again. I'm too grateful to feel much of anything other than pure relief. Sweetie, I just watched you face down one of the scariest people on the planet, and live to tell about it. I'm not sure that Alexei Volkoff has ever been called a pervert to his face before. So now your only concern is to rest and get yourself healed. You can consider that an order. And I expect once you're back on your feet, you will practice around the clock until you and Josh can give us a competitive volleyball game. You probably don't know this, but I'm now officially retired. I'm going to be spending a lot more time doing things like playing volleyball. I'd kinda like you to be on that beach next to me. I'd like it even more if you could actually carry your own weight. Understood?"

Joey's tears turned into a grin. "Yes, Ma'am," she said. "You are definitely going down on the sand. Maybe some tequila will even come into play and I'll be you who needs to carry some weight. No fair Chuck using the Intersect. You also owe me a real party on The Enforcer where I get to really drink you on your ass without some creep trying to get into your pants."

"We'll see who ends up on their ass," Sarah said as she stood up with her own grin. "I don't think you realize how competitive I am. I promise to practice drinking tequila shots so that maybe I can give you an honest contest. That seems fair to me. I don't like losing. The question of whether using the Intersect's considerable volleyball skills is playing fair or not is sort of a grey area, isn't it? And for the record, I've been successfully fending off the creeps trying to get into my pants since before you were wearing a training bra. I'm afraid that being a civilian probably isn't going to change that all that much."

Joey furrowed her brow in faux deep thought. "I don't think I've ever worn a training bra," she said. "Tell me. What does it feel like?"

That predictably got Sarah laughing. "Like you think I would know," she protested. But then she got a little more serious. "Talk to Josh," she said. "We had to physically stop him from going after Volkoff. It was sweet. But the last thing we need is to be worrying about finding his body someplace."

Joey's smile turned relaxed. "Don't worry," she said. "I know exactly what to say."

"Good," Sarah said. "I'll go get Ellie."

x-x-x-x-x

Jennifer Bowles knew that she was in serious trouble. She had pissed him off. That was never a smart thing. Not only that, thanks to Mary, she had lost all of her leverage. She could no longer deliver Alexei an Intersect. He already had Bryce Larkin in one of his cells. She didn't even have the protection of Fulcrum any longer. It wasn't a good position to be in. And now he wanted to see her.

This couldn't be good.

Almost the instant she opened the door, she knew this wasn't going to go well for her. Mary's smug look told her that.

"Well, Jennifer," Volkoff said. "It looks like your fortune has changed a bit since our last conversation."

Bowles knew that she had better eat some crow. So she turned to Mary and tried to put on a friendly smile. "Thank you for your help," she said. "That worked out really well, didn't it?"

No sale.

"Here is the deal," Volkoff said with something of a leer. "Your Fulcrum has ceased to exist. Do you want to go back to the states and face a pissed off CIA?"

"Of course not," Bowles said.

"Then let's get one thing straight," Volkoff said. "I now own you. Agreed?"

"Yes." Her voice was so faint that she could barely be heard.

"And if I own you," Volkoff continued, making absolutely no effort to keep the gloating from his face. "That means that Mary here also now owns you. Agreed?"

"Alexei…" Bowles stammered.

"Agreed!" Volkoff interrupted firmly.

"Yes."

"Good," Volkoff said. "There is a little matter between you that Mary would like to discuss. It happened in Paris some years ago. Do you remember?"

"Yes."

"Good," Volkoff said. "It's time to wipe the slate clean." He turned to Mary.

"My love, you may proceed."

x-x-x-x-x

If Steven was tired from his new bride putting him through some serious wedding night activities last night, it was more than overcome at the pure geekiness of all of the technology on display inside of Castle. Devon offered to take his future father-in-law on a tour… until he caught Ellie's glaring evil eye. It was quite lucky that Sarah was able to contact them using Joan's CIA email. Beckman hadn't turned her or Chuck's CIA credentials off yet.

But even the joy of looking at new technology didn't last Steven very long. Once they played the tape and he saw Alexei Volkoff's face, any fun time quickly ended.

His jaw noticeably tightened when Chuck asked him about what Volkoff had said about his meeting him when he was five. It was left for Joan to softly tell them the Reader's Digest version of the sad story of his dad coming home expectantly that fateful day.

That quickly ended whatever giddiness was in the room from having Joey back. And even that paled compared to watching the session of Joey's torture. Joan was eager to get a good look at this Mary that she had heard so much about. She was making no effort to hide the fact that she was more than a little jealous. And she definitely got her good look. But she didn't last very long at all watching Agent Frost at work before she was in the bathroom, giving up her breakfast.

Ellie was a doctor. She was used to seeing gross, shocking things. Even she was feeling a little green around the gills. But it was more the shock of seeing her mom so incredibly ruthless that had her crying. It actually had her maybe even rethinking her position on Dad and Joan. But for right now she had a question. So she turned to her dad. "He said that his beef is with you," she said. "So what is his beef?"

Steven just looked at her sadly for a long moment. It was finally left for Joan, who had recovered a little from her giving up her breakfast session, to answer. "He wants the Intersect," she said, clearly trying to figure out a way to be sensitive to the fact that she was about to speak not so flatteringly about her mother. "That's why your mom stayed with you for as long as she did. She was just staying close to him while he was finishing his research. Alexei Volkoff and your mom, for a few years before they got caught they were… um… they were…"

"Fucking?" Chuck finished her statement in disgust.

"I'm very sorry," Joan said. "I know how hard it must be to hear about your mom like this… but yes. Volkoff rarely leaves his fortress in Russia, so their bedroom activities almost always happened there. It was actually Ted Roark that your dad caught her with that sad day. Apparently she gets around. They had something of a triangle going for a few years."

Ellie was obviously confused. Of course that could also be said of everyone. "What does dad have to do with the Intersect?" she asked.

Joan's smile belied the mood in the room. "He sort of invented it," she said. "The CIA stole it from him and fuc… um, they messed it up.

"Oh my God," Chuck said as what she was saying sunk in. "He is going to come after you. He has Bryce. Once he starts to degrade just like I did, he'll be desperate to fix him."

There wasn't much better that Steven could have possibly heard than the concern in Chuck's voice. "Don't worry, Charles," he said. "I've been dealing with Alexei for twenty years now. I'm safe."

It was Ellie who registered the protest that everyone felt. "Sonofabitch," she said angrily. "They're not getting away with this."

There was a lot of silence in the room as they looked at each other. Finally it was surprisingly Chuck who took charge. He was still clearly affected by watching his mom so ruthless, and the story of her betrayal, but most of all Volkoff's threat against Sarah.

"We're all tired," he said. "We've been through a lot in the past day. It's not a good condition to be in when deciding what to do. Let's all take a few hours, take a nice nap, then we'll come back here, have some dinner, and talk about what to do."

"Maybe we can make some smart decisions for a change."

x-x-x-x-x