Alright so, to remind my readers, this is fanfiction. I am not a published author nor do I claim to be the best of writers, so there are probably going to be plot-holes within my stories. I am trying my best to make everything connect and make sense. If someone comments on it, I will address it the best I can within the next chapter.

On a better note, it has been almost a whole year since I started this story! I am so happy it has gotten as far as it has. Thanks to everyone who has read it this far and kept with it! (Also thanks to those binge readers who started much later into it and caught up to now).

SPOILER ALERT

For this chapter, it takes some stuff out of the manga and so to avoid totally quoting the original content (which I give the original author full credit), I have edited some of the dialogue to make it short and concise to make it go faster.

So for those of you not caught up with the manga, there may be some spoilers!

Erwin

My eyes felt heavy as I tried to open them. Slowly at first, and then the realization of where I was settled in. I blinked. I felt something was missing, but what? I found I was lying on a bed, staring up at the ceiling. The curtains over the window were shut, blocking out the faded sunlight. My body was sore and numb, but it felt almost like a comfort, an oddly familiar feeling.

However, I felt different somehow. I was unsure if it was the forgetfulness of where I was or the nagging feeling that something was missing. I tested my feet first, moving them experimentally, then my legs, my neck, and then finally my arms. Or rather, arm. Oh. That was what was missing. I stared at my right side, expecting to see another limb, but found none. Nothing but a bandaged stump. Yet, finding that my arm was gone did not get rid of the nagging feeling of something being absent. Why not? What else could there be?

The door at the far end of the room opened. A dark skinned woman walked in, balancing a pitcher of water in one hand and a cup in the other. A book rested behind her arm, pressing against her body. Her name immediately came into my head.

Espyon.

How I knew it, I was unsure. Again, I felt something was off about this place. My memory was slowly coming back to me. The expedition outside the walls had been a success, but also a failure with the loss of many lives. Typical, except for the success of retrieving Eren.

Espyon looked at me with large brown eyes, seemingly surprised at my alertness. "Oh! Commander Erwin!" she exclaimed. "You're awake!" She walked over to the left side of the bed and set the objects in her hand on the nightstand. "Would you like to sit up?" she asked, looking down expectantly for a reply.

I nodded. "Please." Espyon pulled the blankets down to my lap, out of the way. She slipped her arm behind my back, helping me sit up. I could do it on my own, it was just more difficult with one arm and my body felt uncomfortably stiff. I leaned forward while she adjusted the pillow behind me. I leaned back into it and sighed heavily, sinking into the cushion and feeling unusually exhausted from the effort of sitting up. Espyon then handed me a glass of water. I drank from it gratefully.

"How are you doing?" Espyon asked, once I had set the glass down.

"As well as one can with a missing arm," I replied. I glanced at her, looking her over. Didn't something happen to you? The words hung on my tongue, but did not find a way into my voice. What happened to you and why do I feel so guilty?

Espyon chuckled. "I suppose I'll take that as 'good.'"

I nodded instead of replying. Silence passed between us. It was not an awkward, empty silence, but rather, a comforting one. It was a highly familiar sensation, especially with Espyon's calm presence in the room. Sitting in the silence made me realize that I did not remember many details from the expedition outside the walls. I creased my eyebrows, puzzled as to why I could not remember much. As far as I knew, I did not hit my head on anything. I felt my head for any bandages to make sure, only finding I needed a shave.

During the silence that had passed, Espyon sat in a nearby chair and began to read the book she had brought with her. I observed how she curled up on the small wooden chair, the book resting in her lap. She did not look very muscular, like many of the women in the Corps, but she was mostly legs, adding to her height.

"Espyon," I said, breaking the silence and her concentration, "could you do something for me?"

She immediately perked up. "Yes, Commander?"

"Relay something to me," I started, trying picking my words carefully. "What exactly happened out beyond the walls?"

Espyon creased her eyebrows and suddenly appeared at my side with her hand to my forehead. "Commander, are you feeling alright? You don't have a concussion do you?"

I shook my head and waved her hand away. "No. Just missing a few details."

She sat down on the mattress, still looking worrisome. "What do you remember?"

I told her I remembered leaving the walls, finding Eren, and losing my arm. That was all. It felt so empty of a memory, but I knew there had to have been more. As I continued to look at her, a flash of clarity entered my mind, just in images, but enough to tell me part of what I had forgotten.

Espyon had died.Saving me.

Where did these images come from? How come Espyon was still alive? She was bitten in half for Christ's sake. Nobody could have survived that.

Espyon was staring at me blankly. "Sir, I'm going to let you rest for a while…" Her voice trailed off, noticeably concerned. I noticed her fingers brushed lightly over my hand, lingering there for a moment before she turned and left the room. I was even more confused. Was Espyon not there by my side during the excursion? Did she not remember I had finally allowed her on an expedition? Nothing seemed to make sense.

Since I was now alone, I decided to sort through what I remembered. It was not much, even for my excellent memory. I frowned, realizing that I was missing more than just my memories from the previous expedition. I seemed to have been missing memories for several months, possibly as much as a year's worth of memory. What the hell happened?

I was unsure of when I fell asleep. I was still leaning back against the headboard when I did. I dreamt I was sitting at my desk in my office, filling out a report of some kind. Espyon sat on the floor while she sorted through files. Every so often, I would look up from my work and watch her as she strategically sorted the unorganized files. (Some cadet had decided they did not have to sort these files, in which case they were wrong.)

I rubbed my chin and sighed heavily, tired of the tedious work (even in my sleep I could not rest). It was silent in the room, save for the occasional glide of paper and clearing of a throat. Suddenly, Espyon was not sitting on the floor, but instead a different woman. I was struck by her sudden appearance and her calm beauty. She had honey colored hair falling just past her shoulders. Her blue-gray eyes were staring back into my own blue eyes. She wore a Survey Corps uniform and 3DM gear straps, but I had no recollection of her name or who she was. She smiled sweetly and stood up, smoothly making her way behind my desk.

I made no effort to stop her from approaching me. In fact, I welcomed it, closing my eyes to drown in her company. I welcomed her touch and her closeness and the sweet intoxicating scent of her perfume. I felt her hands caress my face, making me open my eyes and look into hers again.

"Erwin," she said softly. Her voice sounded smooth like silk, her mouth forming my name in an attractive way. "Please, don't forget what you came here for. Don't forget me." Her lips felt soft on my own.

I did not want her to leave. "Oh, but who could forget you?" I heard myself say before kissing her again.

"You already have," she said miserably, her voice choked, instead of sounding silken.

Immediately I felt awful. I had broken this woman's heart, but I was unsure of how I had accomplished that. I moved some of her hair away from her face and tried to hold her in a closer embrace, but something was between us. I looked down and saw a baby in her arms.

"I wish he looked like you," she muttered forlornly, "but he's perfect anyway." She got on her toes to kiss me once again, leaving me breathless and confused.

When I awoke, I could imagine I could still feel the woman's lips pressed against mine. Her name came out with my next breath.

Ariadne.

Memories of being with her came flooding back. All of the memories with missing pieces were suddenly whole. Only, I was still confused. Where was she now? If she was once here, why not now? And what about the baby? Was he my son? My thoughts were soon interrupted because Levi and Commander Pixis had walked into the room followed by Pixis's subordinate and Espyon. Ariadne was forgotten for now.

Almost immediately after they were settled into seats, they began to tell me what had been happening since we returned from being outside the walls. As a precaution for a wall breach, all of the citizens were moved beneath the Interior. They had only been down there for a week before all hell started to break loose. People stooped so low as to nearly kill each other just to survive. What would have happened if it was for real instead of a drill?

"I'm sorry, Erwin," Levi apologized in one of his rare moments of sympathy. "You've finally recovered enough to be able to talk. We had to convince Espyon to allow us in here."

Espyon rolled her eyes. "All you had to do was ask," she muttered, uncharacteristic to her normally calm demeanor.

Levi crossed his ankle over his knee, leaning back into the chair. "Anyway, I'm sure just hearing about this past week makes you want to go back to bed," he said, pretending he did not hear Espyon's comment.

I shook my head. "I've slept enough," I told him. "Continue."

Levi's eyes lingered on my bandaged stump. "Sucks about your arm," he said.

My eyes followed his and looked down at my arm as well. I scoffed. "How many men and women you suppose I've sacrificed to Titans? An arm is a small price to pay for that. It just went to hell before the rest of me did. Only then will that debt be totally paid."

"Well said," Pixis said, pretending to raise a glass. "Mind if I join you in hell when that time comes?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but Levi cut me off. "What are you talking about, old man? You haven't had enough to drink yet have you?"

"I would absolutely love a drink right now," Pixis replied. "However," he said, eyeing his subordinate, "the alcohol has been confiscated. And somebody's determined to keep me around till the bitter end."

I laughed lightly. "Seems like she's a highly exceptional assistant," I complimented, glancing at Espyon.

A knock came at the door. "It's probably Hanji," Levi stated. "Come in!"

"Excuse me," Hanji said as she entered the room. Behind her was a cadet. His head was shaven and he was much shorter than Hanji. The two of them saluted. "Excellent, you're here as well, Commander Pixis." Pixis nodded at her. She continued. "I'm here in regards to a recent incident." She gestured to the cadet beside her, "This is…"

"Cadet Connie Springer of the 104th!" the young male announced.

"His hometown is the Ragako Village, the one that we've been investigating," Hanji explained. "He joined our investigation since he knew the area." Hanji cleared her throat, glancing at everyone in the now crowded room. "Let me explain," she said, scratching the back of her head, "From all the evidence we gathered at this sight, and despite the lack of blood considering the explosions from within the homes, we have not found any of the residents from the village."

As Hanji spoke, Connie seemed to be getting more and more agitated. From where I sat upright in the bed, I could see him shaking slightly, his eyes wide. "Furthermore," Hanji went on, "the same amount of Titans numbered the same amount of people from within the Village." She took a deep breath. "Thus, judging from that information, we can easily say the true form of the Titans…" she hesitated, "…are the people from Ragako Village."

Connie looked as if he were about to throw up. "In other words," I said, breaking the tense silence that had fallen in the room, "Titans are actually humans."

"Right now we don't have enough evidence to support that all Titans are like that," Hanji replied. "But if that's true, that explains why the weak spot would be at the back of the neck."

At this point, I stopped paying attention. The conversation had continued with everyone else but me. This information had finally settled within my brain with the possibility of all the Titans I had killed had been human. I felt horrified, but somehow, I felt as if I already knew that information. I knew Eren and several others had the ability to turn into Titans, but it had never really occurred to me that all of the Titans could have been human. I realized this labeled me as a murderer. Oddly enough, I did not feel remorse.

"Erwin?" I did not hear my name the first time, I was too engrossed in my thoughts. "Erwin…what are you smiling about?" Levi's voice pulled me back to the present. I blinked. I had been smiling?

"Nothing," I eventually replied.

"You're creepy," Levi commented. Pixis snorted despite the situation.

"Nothing I haven't heard before," I retorted.

The conversation that followed was nothing more than making sure Eren and Christa were where they needed to be. (Which was in hiding). We made sure it was clear that the (mostly true) theory of Titans being humans would be kept a secret for now. Once the conversation seemed to have calmed down, Espyon ordered everyone out of the room so I could rest. Despite my protests of feeling alright for company.

Although, once everyone did leave, I realized how exhausted I truly was. I leaned back on the headboard of the bed again. Espyon sat back in her chair, book opened in her lap. Once again, I looked her over, flashes of her death dancing in my memory. What the hell happened?

I decided it would not be good to ask about her supposed death, so instead, I asked about Ariadne. I had plenty of memories to tell me that Ariadne and Espyon were the best of friends.

"Espyon, where's Ariadne?" I expected her to say something about her working with Hanji or her studying German to build her vocabulary, but instead, Espyon looked at me with a blank, confused expression.

"Who's Ariadne?" Espyon asked, with genuine interest.

Flabbergasted, I stared at Espyon in disbelief. "What do you mean, 'Who's Ariadne?'? I figured you of all people would know who she is." I did not understand why I was getting so upset. This was not like my normal self, but why did she not remember? "You did train her after all."

Slowly, as if careful of a growling animal, Espyon closed her book and stood. "Commander, sir, if you would like, I can check the records for anyone with that name." Always docile, Espyon.

I sighed, irritated. "Yes, please do."

She nodded and swiftly exited the room, leaving me alone. After a long time, Espyon returned, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Commander Erwin. There was no one with the name Ariadne. I checked all of the records."

"Never mind then," I said quickly. "Just forget about it. It's not anything important anyway."

She looked at me with concern, her mouth pressed in a thin line. Quietly, she came and stood by my side. "Would you like to lie down?" she asked with a small voice, apparently still wary of my sudden mood change.

"Certainly," I replied through my teeth. With some difficulty, I managed to lie down. I did not realize how much I had used my arms to sit up and lie down. My stump had also begun to ache. I had heard of phantom pains before and I definitely felt them now. It was excruciating, but I did not let it show. I assured Espyon I would be fine and just needed rest.

I did not mention Ariadne to anyone else again. I eventually remembered the dream I had had of her, but her words confused me. They tumbled over and over in my head. I felt the urgency of her voice, her wanting me to stay with her, but I had no idea where she was. I never forgot her, but I never talked about her either. She was a secret among many others that I kept.

I continued on with my duties as Commander, even with my arm missing, they did not dismiss me from my job. Little did I know that I would be working another year before I felt a pull in my chest. It felt small at first, like a weak muscle cramp, but soon grew more intense. Espyon panicked, thinking I was having a heart attack in the middle of a battle.

It was not until I woke up staring at a speckled, tiled ceiling that I realized what had really happened.

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