Chapter Six
Vivien rang the bell before she talked herself out of it. Her head was spinning from the rapid change of events in the last few hours but then it had been little more than a carousel on high speed for days now. She was starting to get good at focusing on the distance to make the world make sense. The tick-tack of high heels clicking across a marble floor was a tiny arpeggio prelude to the sweeping sigh of the door opening.
"I didn't know your profession was in the habit of 24-hour follow ups." The mayor looked surprised by the visit but not the visitor. Maybe there were only a handful of people who'd ever dare to ring that bell?
"My only professional habit is annoying doctors. Beyond that I just follow the chaos principle." Vivien shrugged and smiled. This was the easy part. Banter she could do; it was familiar and comfortable and she never ran out of replies. Plus, she loved matching wit with Regina; the woman's mind was as sharp as her tongue. It was rather like dueling. Now there was a practice she missed!
"Chaos led you here?" Regina kept her hand on the door, a clear indication that Vivien was not going to be invited inside. On the other hand, she hadn't slammed the door or magically blasted her unwelcome caller across the yard. Perhaps she enjoyed the banter too? Feint, lunge.
"You must admit it never seems far from you these days." Parry, attack. It was almost uncanny the way hysteria, destruction and panic seemed to flow around the petite brunette like a cloud. The humor was in the sheer irony of it: a woman so completely in control leaving a wake of pandemonium everywhere she gracefully went. Sadly, Vivien gravitated towards it like a bug to a zapper.
"I am hardly accountable for everyone else's melodramatic need to overreact." Regina was enjoying the dance. Riposte! There was a reason so many fencing terms paralleled communication: conversation, insistence, point, invitation. Stay on your toes, retreat.
"Yes, they're all quite theatrically heading for the town line. I guess you're going to be my only patient for a while." En garde and thrust.
"You do know why they're leaving?" the Queen leaned closer, allowing Vivien to see the wisp of purple smoke that passed through her eyes. Direct. Have to stop cut.
"Of course. I have to hand it to you, Regina; plenty of people can clear a room but you emptied a whole freaking town. Very impressive." Vivien nodded. She was supposed to be scared. The Evil Queen had her powers back and everyone was terrified. That was what Regina wanted. Fear was power and power was safety.
"So why haven't you left?" Ouch! Balestra. The Mayor was getting a little impatient. She didn't like things she didn't understand and right now she obviously didn't understand why Vivien was standing on her porch apparently oblivious to her peril. She was regarding her the way a scientist might look at a rat who'd decided to make a nest in the maze.
"I hate packing." Lake kept her smile steady. Yielding parry. She had thought of leaving. She'd thought of little else since Leroy announced that the town line was the magic door back to life as it was a few days ago. It was only when everyone else had the same idea that she suddenly reversed her thinking. Bloody contrary nature.
"And why are you here?" Regina leaned in again, this time with an edge of obsidian in her gaze. The attack was too direct. In a fencing match Vivien would've just heard her sword clatter to the ground.
Ok, banter over. Crap. She'd been trying to figure that out herself on the walk over. After the stampede out of town hall and the mass exodus of vehicles carrying StoryBrooke's population away Vivien had simply followed her instincts. What was she looking for here? What the hell could she say? The more everyone hates you the more I want to be your friend. You can't be what everyone thinks. I know it. I know because I'm not. I know what you're doing is costing you some terrible price.
Yeah, she couldn't say any of that. Regina had that damn 'lie detector' look in her eyes again. For Sheriff Swan it might've been a born gift but for Regina it was a learned skill. Two kinds of people know lies intimately: people who have heard them all their lives and people who have used them. Vivien had a bad feeling that the brunette was a combination of both. She couldn't tell her The Truth but she had to say something true.
"Everything and everyone has changed except you. You're still Regina. That makes you the only person I feel comfortable around." Lake looked away, cursing herself for her cowardice.
"What is that, some pathetic attempt to pluck at my heart strings? You can stop trying to manipulate me right now, dear. I. Have. No. Heart!" Regina ground the words out through clenched teeth. She went to close the door but Vivien's hand shot out and held it in place. Even with Regina's strength and magic both trying to slam the door she couldn't budge it an inch. Vivien held her ground, anger bringing back the strength she'd forgotten. She leaned in close, making sure Regina would feel the breath of her words.
"And I have no soul. So stop trying to scare me." Lake brought the hard reality into the open like a cold splash of water. This time she didn't look away. Regina wanted her scared and it wouldn't work. Regina had lost a piece of herself; well, so had Vivien and she was pretty sure the piece she lost was worse. At least hearts could be restored. Souls were a lost cause to anyone but a dishonest priest.
Regina must have known all this. Or perhaps she saw it in the determination of Vivien's face. With this admission came the knowledge that they were equals in iniquity. There could be no judgment, only empathy. Without a word the Mayor stepped back from the door, allowing Vivien to step inside. In the immaculate marble entryway the click of the door closing echoed like a gunshot.
"Who are you?" Regina had her arms crossed in her typical defensive/demanding stance. How honest to be? A part of Vivien was screaming to tell her story, to let at least one person know who she was. Why not confide in the one person whose sins were almost as bad? She longed to lighten herself of the burden of secrets. I don't know why I'm here yet. The cold thought sobered Vivien. She had to work out the why before she started giving away the who. For all she knew the curse had brought her to this world to resume some evil purpose. Hell, maybe her mistress had wanted this all along.
No, telling her story wasn't an option yet. Regina's curiosity, however, had a dangerous glint of threat underneath. Any lies or deceptions and the scientist would get answers out of this lab rat by dissection.
"I'm someone who knows what it's like to be labeled the villain." Vivien finally gave away that much of her herself. She was getting good at this truth without Truth style of confession. Regina weighed this statement as well, calculating if it was enough.
"It can hardly be called a label when it's your identity." She finally dismissed the hurtful title with a casual smirk and turned to head into the study. Vivien sighed inwardly, both in relief that Regina didn't press the matter as well as sadness for the hint of resignation in her words. How long could you listen to people call you evil before you believed it?
"There are certain freedoms to not having to measure up to standards of good," Vivien agreed as she followed, "But villainy has its own requirements too. I personally found it a bit tedious; always having to kill small animals, inhaling all the smoke from burning villages and torture all hours of the night! I hardly ever got my beauty sleep."
Regina's laugh was so melodious it was shocking. Had ANYONE ever heard that? Not the evil chuckle or scornful sound she used day to day but the true ringing expression of good humor that had just graced the air. It made Vivien feel like she'd just won a prize.
"I like the smell of burning huts, personally. I did hate how dark the castles always had to be. Impossible to keep them clean when they're shrouded in so much shadow. And the dungeons were positively unsanitary! I think I killed all my prisoners just so I could avoid going down there." The mayor smiled and poured two tumblers of amber liquid, handing one over to Vivien.
Lake glanced around the room she was in, full of light from all the windows and so spotless that every surface gleamed. She was glad that they had come to this world and she had learned terms like OCD because it was the only way to describe Regina's standard of cleanliness. She could smell the apples before she tasted the liquid on her tongue. The sharpness of the alcohol was cut by the fragrant flavor. She might even take this over whiskey.
"The dress code wasn't all bad though. I much prefer black to pink." The image of Glinda still hovered in the back of her mind and made her shudder.
"True. I rather miss all my leather. These power suits seem a bit tame by comparison." Regina's mind was far away, lingering with chain mail, leather pants and sweeping cloaks. Vivien glanced over the Mayor's current garb. She was wearing a dark skirt and silk shirt that might've been harmless on anyone else but on her seemed to blend bitch lawyer, S&M and an IRS audit. Scary enough to me.
"I think the worst of it was the way everyone assumed being bad meant you didn't care what anyone thought. They had no idea that controlling their opinions became a full time job." Vivien sank into a couch, suddenly weary from the memories. Regina sat across from her, lounging in a wingback chair with regal poise. Anywhere she sat became a throne.
"Lose their fear and you lose everything. It's all about image." The brunette agreed, words that sounded like a lesson she'd learned by rote. Who had forced her to repeat that line until it fell from her lips so instinctively? Did the Mayor know that her lip twitched ever so slightly as she echoed those ancient words? Perhaps she'd once found the lesson as distasteful as Vivien did now.
"I used to secretly feed a stray kitten that lived on the grounds. He would wait by the kitchen door after the servants were asleep and I would sneak out and play with him." Vivien leaned forward and confessed. Why hadn't she ever bought a cat in this world?
"What happened to him?" Regina must've heard the melancholy beneath the words. Lake took a swallow of cider. My mistress found out and killed him.
"He ran away." Vivien shrugged and didn't elaborate. Regina took a sip of cider contemplatively. Lake knew that the Mayor recognized her lie. What she couldn't fathom was why the suspicious woman didn't press her further. Perhaps she was familiar with the flavor of that particular falsehood. 'He ran away' concealed a very specific pain. It was always loss.
"I attended every birth in the families of my servants. As a midwife. They all thought it was to cast spells or protect my investments," she quirked a hint of a mischievous smile, "I just loved getting to see when the children opened their eyes for the first time. The whole world is possible for them in that second."
Vivien stared. The Mayor's expression was almost beatific. How many children had she held before she finally had one in her arms that she didn't have to give someone else? How many children might she have had if she hadn't been forced into this role?
"Too bad you couldn't have seen that with Henry."
"With Henry it was different. I didn't need to be there for his birth. I prefer not to think of it in fact, seeing as it was a prison infirmary. He was asleep the first time I saw him. He was fussing in his dreams so I picked him up and when he woke and opened his eyes," Regina paused, far away, "The whole world was possible again. For both of us."
Vivien wasn't an emotional person by nature. It was just that the last few days had been a total roller-coaster. It was a combination of new experiences, weird thoughts and a lot of late nights without sleep. That had to be the reason she felt like crying for the second time today. It couldn't possibly be because a wave of emotion more violent than a tsunami accompanied Regina's words. The nostalgic happiness of her words was at war with the sad reality in her eyes. Nothing had turned out the way it was supposed to.
"How's he handling all these changes?" Lake instinctively looked up at the ceiling as if either of them had x-ray vision to see what Henry was doing at this moment. Well, Vivien knew she couldn't see through walls but she had no clue on the scope of Regina's powers.
"Henry is a very intelligent boy. He'll adjust." The queen's brighter, fixed smile came back into place; the smile that said everything was fine and she was in total control. Bullshit.
"So he's furious and not talking to you." Vivien translated. Yeah, nothing like seeing your mom almost kill your grandfather and then set fire to the town hall. StoryBrooke's city logo did need some updating.
"He's upset about Miss Swan and Snow White." Regina scowled. The recent events had been frustrating for her, which meant she hadn't been in control at all. Mobs, wraiths, revenge and a son on the verge of puberty – no wonder she'd sought the refuge of magic, nothing else could fight all of that at once.
"I heard about that. What happened?" Vivien set her drink down and leaned forward. The cider was delicious but it was too good; she was starting to feel relaxed and that was dangerous. Conversing with Regina was not a time to let her guard down. Particularly not when the queen looked as agitated as she did now. She was trying to make sense of the events as well.
"She pushed me out of the way. Miss Swan had helped me get the magic working and I was so surprised that I wasn't watching the Wraith. She knocked me down and away from its path. I thought she had safely dodged as well." Regina glared into the distance. She hated Emma Swan too much to admit she was grateful to her or worried even slightly about her. Hate was easier to control. Far more productive too.
"So the Wraith got her." Vivien frowned. She knew, in absolute terms, that no Wraith could hurt someone unmarked. Which meant it couldn't have harmed Emma. So wherever she was, she was safe. To a given value of safety.
"And Snow White chased after them. She couldn't bear to be separated from her daughter." Regina rolled her eyes a little. She obviously thought such heroics to be overly theatrical.
"You'd have done the same." Vivien realized she should've included more qualifiers in that sentence. Regina's brown eyes lit up like burning coal.
"I wouldn't lift a finger to help that meddlesome woman." Her lips snarled and Vivien didn't doubt that Regina believed her words. So it wasn't really worth pointing out that Lake herself didn't believe it for a second. Vivien could just feel that at some point Emma was going to end up owing her life to the Evil Queen. She simply doubted either of them would ever acknowledge it.
"I meant for your child. Snow went after her daughter; you'd do the same for Henry. Hell, you'd do that and more." She held up her hands in surrender, coincidentally readying some deflecting magic if necessary. Regina settled back, off the offensive. She took a sip of cider to cover her chagrin over how quickly she'd leapt to the wrong conclusion.
"I'd do anything for Henry. I just wish he could see that. He wants nothing to do with me. I even offered to teach him magic." She adjusted a piece of hair that had fallen into her face during her flare of temper.
"Magic." Vivien's fingers went numb.
"I thought he would leap at the chance since he's so fascinated by the world we came from." An irritated sigh.
"Magic. You offered to teach him magic." Vivien repeated the phrase again, trying to force the words into a different meaning.
"Even simple parlor tricks have their uses." Regina shrugged and waved a hand, levitating the bottle of cider over to top up both their glasses. Now Vivien did need the drink, desperately. She took a long gulp, letting the alcohol burn away the words that were trying to claw up her throat. She was clenching every muscle, near trembling, trying to keep control and not explode. She could see it so clearly, the anger bursting out and blowing the nonchalant mayor across the room. She felt the rage cracking her self-control and tiny sparks of magic were flaring everywhere in her mind.
"Regina," she paused, waiting for civil words to surface, "Have you lost your mind?"
"I beg your pardon?" that arched brow again, the Queen wasn't a fan of criticism.
"Magic? You want your son to learn magic? He's eleven!" she couldn't keep the disbelief out of her voice.
"Young, I know. But as I said, he's very intelligent. I'm sure he'd learn quickly." Regina allowed her pride to slip through. Henry might not be her blood, but she'd definitely fashioned his mind and it was as fast and skillful as any adult.
"Is this what you want for him? This life you have? Because this is what magic would do!" Vivien was on her feet; she knew her voice was rising but she couldn't stop it, "You know what magic does to people! You know what it costs! Do you want him paying the prices you've paid?!"
"Don't you dare presume to know what I've sacrificed." Regina rose to her feet with the slow menace of a lion.
"And why? Because magic is hungry and selfish and wants absolute control. Because anything that gets in the way is destroyed! Magic is worse than a crutch, Regina, it's a damned addiction!" Vivien wanted to grab the woman and shake her. How long had it taken her to learn that lesson? It had come to her so late, after so many sins. Magic wasn't just a power, it was a force of nature and such forces have laws. The more you fought them or sought shortcuts or thought you were cheating the world, the harder the punishments came back upon you. Magic was a hungry animal that grew strong on the minds and might of its users.
"Only for those who can't control it." Regina's contemptuous glare was worse than a blow.
Vivien stepped back, stunned. How dare she? The upstart bitch! The swell of fury and pride almost ignited a spell in her fingertips. Teach her a lesson! Lake shook her hands out, snuffing the magic. The words in her head weren't her voice. It was the petty, arrogant and vengeful tones of one that she'd sworn she'd never become. She knew where that route led. She closed her eyes, waiting for her thoughts to become her own again. When she opened them again even Regina's satisfied smirk didn't bother her.
"I'm sure that's what you want to think. That's what all of us think, that we're in control. You're not, Regina. When have you not used magic to fix your problems? Look at your life. Even these last few days! David says something upsetting and you nearly use magic to kill him. Henry doesn't want to live with you? You use magic to force him! Hell, if there was a spell that would make him love you, you would probably use it."
"How dare you-!" Regina's hand was moving, charging a spell. Shit. Vivien was definitely getting through, but she was not getting the reaction she wanted.
"Your magic scares him, Regina! It scares everyone! Why would you want to do that to him?! Feared or loved, Regina; you can't be both!" Vivien was talking faster now, hoping she could hit the right part of her audience's soul before she got blown out a window.
She sensed the blast right before it hit. She could've deflected it or at least put up a shielding spell to absorb most of the force but instead let it cannon into her. She was barreled backwards over the couch and straight across a tastefully decorated table before she hit the wall. She was face down in a tapestry that had fallen with her, ears ringing but still whole. Damn. Haven't taken anything like that in a LONG time. She'd definitely underestimated Regina's power.
Ridiculously tasteful high heels clicked into view beside her head. Lake rose up on one elbow enough to look up at her attacker. Regina was frowning down at her, another spell already charged and crackling in her fist. She looked like she was about to squash a cockroach. It was such a quintessentially 'Regina' expression that Vivien couldn't stop herself from smiling. The woman was almost a caricature of herself.
"So go ahead. Prove just how wrong I am." Lake smirked, then laid her head back down and closed her eyes. She waited for another blow. It would take several to actually kill her. One of the perks of being enslaved to magic, it liked to preserve its allies. The seconds ticked by and eventually she couldn't hold her breath anymore. Slitting one eye open she peered up at the woman who had the power to kill her. Regina was gazing at her in irritation mixed with epiphany. The magic threat was gone.
"If you hate magic so much," Regina's voice trembled with the effort of her restraint, "Why didn't you simply leave? Go to the rest of this world. There is no magic there. You can flee and never see it again."
Vivien nodded, but felt a bit of broken glass cut her face so she stopped moving immediately. The same thoughts had gone through her mind as she'd watched the exodus. She didn't totally understand her own reaction until now. Laying at Regina's feet, her body still throbbing from the buffet of magic, the pain had finally forced her to be honest with herself.
"I love being Vivien Lake the PT. Its the closest I've been to happy in as long as I can remember," she had to close her eyes for a moment because she'd be damned before she'd cry in front of Regina, "But I don't want that life anywhere else. I want to take care of the patients I've treated for 20+ years. I want to work in that tiny hospital and curse Whale and occasionally go to Granny's for a greasy dinner and pretend to not recognize everyone by their injuries. I want to help Lille with her feet, Granny's sciatica; hell, I even want to help Gold with that damn limp, no matter who he is. Do you get it, Regina? I don't want to be Vivien Lake anywhere else. Its who I want to be here."
Regin knelt down in order to keep a closer eye contact, scrutinizing every inch of Vivien's face.
"You were brought here by curse." she reminded the injured woman with much the same tone as people use to point out that someone is drooling on themselves.
"And so were you. Were you unhappy?" Vivien realized she was smiling again. Smiling because she knew she was safe. Smiling because she knew Regina had just proven herself to be better than the evil everyone ascribed to her name. The sound of footsteps on the floor above them distracted both women's attention. Henry was moving around.
"Can you move?" Regina's worry was obviously more for her son than her victim. He'd been traumatized enough, no reason to find an injured woman in his mother's study.
"Yeah." Vivien pushed herself to her hands and knees, noting every stab and shot of pain that radiated through her body. She definitely was going to have to strengthen her shielding spells. Unexpected hands appeared at her arm and shoulder, gently helping her to her feet. For a sorceress of such malevolent power, Regina had a surprisingly delicate touch. The evil Queen helped her to her feet and carefully checked for lingering injuries.
"Miss Lake, Vivien, I am," Regina's eyes fell to the floor for the first time that the therapist could ever remember, "Sorry. I overreacted. It has been a stressful few days."
"For everyone. Just think about what I said." Vivien nodded, a silent pact passing between them that the previous violence would never be brought up again. Vivien had learned that Regina had enough power to kill her; Regina had learned that Vivien could take it. From the ashes of a petulant argument rose a new mutual respect.
"You had better go." Regina demurred, hearing Henry's feet on the stairs. He was either coming down to rant at length about the villainous tyrannies and moral failings of his adoptive mother or just to ask for dinner. Either way, an audience wouldn't help. Vivien quickly followed Regina to the door and only paused as she was on the porch.
"One evil bitch to another: if you need me, you know where I am." Lake smiled and gave her a wink. It made her aching ribs feel better to see the way Regina returned the carefree smile. She even laughed a little.
"Indeed, Miss Lake. That is the only thing I know about you." Regina nodded appreciatively before closing the door. Vivien limped to the sidewalk and began her slow walk back home. Regina might not have conceded defeat but Lake knew for a fact she'd won. She knew because the Mayor didn't kill her. The Evil Queen doubted and feared magic as much as any sane being should. Which meant that Henry was safe for a while longer. And maybe Regina would be too, someday.
Vivien paused at the edge of the main street, surprised and elated to see the returning caravan of cars. Apparently everyone else had come to the same epiphany as she herself. No life, cursed or otherwise, could be better than the one they made here in StoryBrooke. What to preserve, what to forget, what to correct; it was all up to them. It was up to each and everyone to decide which version of themselves was most true. Vivien felt her first taste of peace in days.