*OH MY GOD LONG CHAPTER. THIS TOOK ME FOREVER AND A DAY TO WRITE. Please enjoy! We're reaching a head with who Tris is becoming, and who she needs to be, and how she feels about Tobias, as well as her "relationship" with Uriah!*

Chapter 19

Tris POV

Watching her friends go one by one into the Fear Landscape was torturous for Tris. Finally it was just her and Uriah.

"Are you nervous?" Tris whispered, leaning into him for support. She could feel Uriah tense a little at the contact, bur relaxed after a moment and put his arm around her.

"Me? Pfft. Not at all. I'm going to kill this. And so are you." He said, squeezing her shoulder.

Tris nodded a little, and soon enough Lauren opened the door to retrieve Uriah for his test. Tris was alone. It seemed Tris was alone a lot nowadays. Christina had Will. Zeke had Shauna. Peter had Drew and Molly. Even Uriah had Marlene. Tris was just holding him hostage in an attempt to hurt Four and to relieve herself of the crippling loneliness of not having Tobias anymore. She had always had him to talk to when she felt alone, but now she didn't even have that.

She supposed in the end all you had was yourself.

Christina had done an amazing job of making Tris look brand new. Even when she had fought her tooth and nail. It had started with a whole new wardrobe, one that Christina had picked out entirely herself, although oddly enough every piece of clothing seemed perfect for Tris. Even if it pushed the limits of what Tris would normally wear.

Then it was the hair. It practically all went. Christina's argument was that if she was going to be Dauntless, she had to feel and look Dauntless. The long hair was too innocent and pure unless she dyed it dark with various bright, scary, and unnatural colors. She must've known that would scare Tris. The next thing she knew, her hair was being dyed, accentuated, and her bangs were streaked with red and purple.

Then shoes, and teaching how to use makeup and makeup wipes. When morning came, Tris looked like a whole new person. Even if she still couldn't walk in her heels. The thing was, for a second, Tris felt stronger. It was like the person she had felt herself becoming on the inside finally matched the person on the outside. Tris could finally begin to feel comfortable in her own skin—maybe even love herself.

When they went to the dining hall that morning, Tris in all her new glory, Christina anxiously awaited the arrival of Uriah, she wanted to see his reaction. She still thought that Uriah and her were a thing. Tris waited for Four.

After Christina had finally gone to bed for the night, Tris sneaked out to find Tori before she went to bed. She had Tori give Tris a tattoo on the back of her neck. Big enough to be noticeable if you were looking for it, but small enough that it could be hidden by her new haircut, even as short as it was.

IV. Tris couldn't help it. Even if her and Tobias never came to a resolution…she wanted a piece of him with her. Forever. Like they had originally promised each other. Who knew it would all fall apart like this?

Certainly not Tris.

She could barely even admit to Uriah that she missed Tobias. It was a matter of pride. Everyone wanted them to get together again. But…it just wasn't that simple. Why couldn't anyone understand that?

Four had things to-

"Tris." Lauren said, coming into the waiting room. "Uriah is done and they're ready for you."

Tris nodded and stood, trying to stay steady on her feet. "Thank you."

They began to walk towards the simulation room. "I love the new look by the way. Totally bad ass." Lauren said as they entered the room.

Lauren injected Tris with the serum, and told her to go the middle of the platform. Tris made her way to the center, and tripped over her new heels, practically falling on her face. Tris closed her eyes, and tried to hold it together and maintain her composure. So much for the new, strong Tris. She couldn't even walking in her heels. Every girl could do that. She could practically hear Tobias laughing at her. What a foolish little girl she was for thinking he would be affected by the new her. That he would care.

Slowly, the room faded away from Tris and she was now standing in an open field. Tris was prepared when the crows came. They began to attack her violently, and Tris dropped to the ground.

Breathing deeply, she felt around in the grass until she felt metal. Her fingers wrapped around the gun, and then she aimed at the crow attached to her shoulder and shot. Another crow came flying at her, and she shot again. Soon enough, the field was gone, and was replaced with dark room, Tris encased in a glass box. It began to fill with water, and she could feel herself panicking. Her fists thudded against the glass box, convinced she could break the glass like she did in her practice. But it wouldn't shatter.

She could drown. Tris could let herself drown, and accept her fear of control. Try and calm her heart rate enough to let herself die, but she refused. She would regain control. The water was at her shoulders. Tris braced her back and legs against the glass, and started to kick at it. Soon it would be over her head. She kicked again. A crack. Tris took one last large gulp of air, and went under. She tapped at the crack. It got bigger. Another tap. The glass was ready to shatter, she was almost out of air. Tris braced herself again, and kicked one last, hard kick. The glass shattered.

She thought she was done with the water, when suddenly she fell into a large body of water, waves crashing around her, sending her everywhere. She had to regain control. Tris wasn't afraid of water. She was afraid of losing control. Of being weak. This was the best way to test that. At some point she got her head above water, and she saw a rock not too far away. Tris fought the waves to get to the rock. She reached for the edge, and she was slammed into by wave, sending her flying into the rock. Tris was disoriented for a minute, and then she fought to get on top of the rock again.

Once she was on top of the rock, she started to run, the waves still attacking her violently on all sides. She was knocked off. Tris regained her wits and climbed back on, choking on water.

Tris gasped for air, trying to get her breathing back under control when suddenly the sea scene disappeared, and her body came to a violent and abrupt stop. The moon was blood red. Tris fought to move her arms, her body, anything, but it was to no avail. People came creeping out of the shadows, Peter leading them. Tris looked around, and saw her body was being restricted by ropes. She was tied to a wooden pole, and Tris was standing on a pile of wood. Peter was cackling and carrying a torch. Oh god. No.

Peter lit the logs on fire. "Smell that, Stiff?"

Tris closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No."

He leaned forward and sniffed, the fire beginning to lick at her fingers. Tris wanted to fight, but she knew it was useless. She wouldn't win.

"That's the smell of your burning flesh."

Tris resisted the urge to let out a scream at she felt her fingers burn, her legs in immense pain. Tears stung her eyes. "You know what I smell?"

Tris fought to be heard over the screaming and cackling people. "I smell rain."

She looked up into the sky. There was thunder, clouds swirling in. One drop, then two. Then sheets of rain. The fire sizzled and cooled her charred skin. The scene faded away, and now she was in her room.

If only she could be as strong as Four and only have four fears.

But her room didn't look right. Tris wasn't allowed to have mirrors. No Abnegation was. Her room was filled with them. Tris let out a blood-curdling scream when she saw the man in her window. He was faceless. Suddenly, there was another one, and then dozens of fists pounding at her window trying to get in. Tris felt her heart-rate speed up. She was panicking. She was scared.

Tris forced herself to breathe, and reach behind her, and make a mirror move. It was a closet. She told herself exactly where the gun would be, on the right, just inches from her fingertips. She grabbed it and started shooting. Tris didn't look to see if it hit anyone, she just shot. The glass creaked under the stress of all the hands pounding at the glass and it finally broke. There were mangled bodies coming after her. People missing eyes, sharp teeth. With wide eyes, Tris retreated into her closet and closed the door, trying to hide.

She looked around the closet and saw a door. Quickly, Tris fumbled with handle and crawled through. She was in her upstairs hallway, and smelled something baking. Tris smiled. The scene around her disappeared. For a second, Tris had forgotten she was in Dauntless Headquarters. And Tobias is standing in front of me.

Why is here?

What is happening? Tris could feel her heart beat picking up again.

"Tris, I'm so glad that we worked everything out." He steps towards her. He smiles at her like when they were in Abnegation. Like when they were alone in Dauntless. This isn't the cold and cruel Four, this is the Toby side of Tobias. Tris couldn't help how safe she felt. She smiled.

"We did?" She asked softly. Tris looked behind her to get a bearing of where she was and all she saw was a four poster bed.

Tobias nodded. "We did. I apologized. You accepted. I thank my lucky stars every day that I have you back."

Tris felt her heart swell. "Really?"

Tobias nodded slowly, and then softly took Tris' face in his hands, and began to kiss her. This was exactly like when they kissed before. It was warm, inviting, and tasted of cinnamon. His hands moved down to her shoulders, and then down to her hips, and pushed her backwards towards the bed.

Oh.

He sat her down and his hands moved to the hem of her shirt, and lifted it over her head. Tris could feel her chest constrict. She was scared of intimacy. Tris had been wary of affection her whole life, even more so after her blow up with Tobias but…really? It ran this deep? Tris pushed Tobias back, and covered her face with her hands.

How was she supposed to face this fear?

Tobias kissed her neck.

Tris stopped him, and pushed him back again. "I'm not going to sleep with you, okay?"

Tobias nods. Tris smiled and pulled her shirt back on and stood up. Then she laughed and pushed Tobias up against the bed post and began to kiss him hungrily. IF she wasn't going to get him in reality, then she might as well get her fill here. His arms were warm, strong…

And then he was gone.

Tris tried to fight off the overwhelming sadness that came with his disappearance. The sadness fled as soon as she heard the gun click against her ear.

"Do it." The voice hisses. Tris looked towards the single source of light, and saw her mother, father, and brother all standing there. She felt cold metal in her hands. She never thought a gun could feel so heavy. This was her worst fear, that her family would die and be her fault.

"You have ten seconds!"

"It's okay, Tris." Caleb spoke softly. "We understand. Just do it."

"No." Tris could feel tears pricking at her eyes. Her throat was thick with emotion.

"Ten! Nine!

Her father smiled at Tris softly. She had never seen a soft look in his life. "You have no other option."

"Eight!"

"Tris," Her mother said, smiling. It made her heart hurt. Her mom's smiled reminded her of love. Of home. "We love you."

"Seven!"

"Shut up!" Tris shouted, lifting the gun, pointing at her family. She could do this. It wasn't real. It was just a simulation.

"Six!"

They wouldn't want me to die for them. They'll understand. It isn't even real. Tris' hands get slippery from sweat, she could feel the gun moving in her hands.

"Five!"

She could do this. She had no other option. Tris could only focus on one thing: The threat to her life.

"Four! Three!"

Tris needed to think. A memory surfaced, from a long time ago. One night, while her and Toby were laying in the field talking, he had been talking about Dauntless, about bravery. What had he said?

Selflessness is a lot like bravery.

"Two!"

Tris dropped the gun, it landed with a thud.

"One!"

Tris closed her eyes and she heard a gun shot.

When Tris opened her eyes, she was back in the simulation room. She was breathing hard as Dauntless leaders came out smiling, Lauren and Four behind them.

"Congrats, Tris!" Lauren said.

Eric sneered, clapping her on the back. "Congratulations. You passed."

Max, a Dauntless leader, handed Eric a small box. It contained a colored serum, and a needle.

"It's just a tracking device that only gets activated when you go missing. A new Dauntless precaution. Everyone is getting injected today."

Tris nodded and let Eric inject her with the serum, even against her better judgment. After, everyone filed out, except for Max.

"Tris, wonderful job. It's not often we see seven fears. The lowest in recent history is four."

Tris nodded. "Hopefully I'll be down to six soon."

Max laughed a little. "Then I'll be calling you Six from here on out. Tell me, what are you looking to do once you're initiated?"

"How do you know that I'll be initiated?" Tris challenged.

"You only had seven fears, you were out the fastest, and you were already in first place. You're getting initiated, Six."

Tris smiled and laughed a little. "I suppose you're right. I mean, I think training initiates would be nice, but that's only part of the year."

Max nodded. "You would be a good trainer, you've experienced both being a the top and the bottom. Plus being from Abnegation helps, you're selfless."

"Only a little." Tris forced a laugh from her lips.

"Let me cut to the chase, Six. How would you like to be a Dauntless leader-in-training?"

Tris stopped short. "I'm sorry? What about Peter?"

Max shrugged. "Peter is good, but you're better." When Tris didn't respond he said, "I'll tell you what, surprise me at Job Selection, okay?"

And with that Max disappeared.

Tris could be a leader. She could be on the inside, fighting for Divergents to protect them, not hunt them. And she did it without anyone. This was all her. Tris laughed and ran for the dining hall where all of her friends were celebrating.

"Guys!" She shouted over the clamor. "You'll never guess what—"

"Hold on!" Christina said, "They're posting rankings!"

Tobias and Lauren stood at one end of the hall and stuck the final rankings board on the wall.

"For those of you who made it in," Lauren said, "Congratulations! Welcome to Dauntless! Job Selection will be tomorrow!"

"And for those of you who didn't" Tobias said, in full on Four-mode now, "You have two hours to pack your things and leave. That is all." He turned on his heel and left. Tris grinned. The rankings went as follows.

Tris

Uriah

Lynn

Marlene

Peter

Peter stays. At least he wasn't first. Or second. Tris grinned to herself as she read the rest of the list.

Will

Christina

Eight through ten were Dauntless born that Tris didn't know, and eleven and twelve were Molly and Drew. Thank God they were leaving. Everyone around her was celebrating. Uriah was going around hugging everyone, and Christina and Will were kissing very…passionately. Too much for Tris' taste. Everywhere she looked people were happy and excited. Tris caught Tobias' eyes on her. She wasn't sure what that look was, but it was enough to set her on edge, to make her body tingle and come alive. She wasn't ready for that.

"Tris!" Uriah shouted, lifting her and hugging her tightly, spinning her around. "Congratul—"

And then Tris kissed him. She kissed him long and deep. Over Uriah's shoulder, she saw Tobias' face go slack. She wasn't even sure what had come over her.

Uriah pulled away with a smack of their lips and hissed, "What the hell was that, Tris?"

She had two options: Be flustered like a little girl and apologize, or being strong and Dauntless. No reservations, no going back, no apology.

"Call me Six, Uriah."

*Please give me some love for this new REALLY LONG chapter! It's the longest one yet! If you're lucky, you'll get chapter 20 tonight which is Candor/Dauntless...enticing? All my love, always, Rosaline*