I Will Not Say Goodbye
His world crashed down around him that day, everything he'd been, everything he'd stood for changed in the blink of an eye. He wasn't anything more than empty, broken, lonely, hoping that it would all change, but he knew better. She was gone and nothing was going to bring her back to him. He knew he was supposed to be strong; he had to find a way to carry on, not just for himself, but for the group. He wasn't doing them any favors right now, but he didn't want to feel better and he didn't want to not remember. He always saw her face when he closed his eyes, saw her around camp, and saw her every time he looked at her sister. He would laugh with them, but then he would cry when he was alone. He would do whatever he could, but he refused to say goodbye.
Rick and Michonne kept telling him that time would heal his broken heart but every day without her around the pain just got more and more intense until he felt like he was suffocating from him. Every day the sun came up and set again but he was a broken mess, fading away, waiting for her, hating himself for missing her so damn much and praying to a god he didn't believe in. He wanted to believe that if he kept holding on to those days he had her all to himself that he could keep his heart from knowing that she was really gone. Maybe it would lessen the pain. Every day he swore, he prayed, he relived every day he'd spent with her, the good and the bad, every little moment they'd been alone together. He took all of the blame, shouldered it, when he was alone in the woods, hunting and the pain became too much he would scream out her name. He tried to do everything he could to move on.
But he would not say goodbye.