Part One

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness


Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion


Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you?
You've always known
Your heart was on its own


So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love

life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone

I would give anything to be able to say truthfully that Draco wasn't always the unhappy little boy whom I see sitting before me today.

But, he was.

Fear, rejection and discipline have ruled over his life ever since he was a very young child, a constant companion that never strayed far, dominating him in the cruellest ways possible.

I remember there were times when Draco was a baby- no more than six or seven months old, when Narcissa would go out visiting and Lucius would be out on 'business' trips and they would leave him on his own, screaming at the top of his tiny lungs for attention, for somebody, anybody, to come and pick him up.

I regret now, that I was never around much at those times, and when I was, I never gave the baby a second glance. Maybe if I had intervened then, things would be different now…

For the longest time, I never officially met him. I had seen him, though, often enough- a quick movement would catch my eye as he darted out of sight. A shadow would slip from behind a doorframe as he crouched outside, concealed in darkness as he listened to forbidden adult conversation. Conversation that should not be heard by young children. Conversation I wouldn't have thought any boy of that age could even begin to comprehend.

But, then again, Draco has never been any boy…

July 3rd 1985

I rose as Lucius entered- as was proper- and noticed to my surprise, Draco following sullenly in his father's wake. The boy's head was tilted towards the ground, his face hidden by a curtain of white-blonde hair. He would've been a very handsome child had it not been for the hunch in his shoulder, which gave off a very hostile signal.

"Do sit down, Severus," said Lucius airily, waving for me to take the settee from which I had only just risen. Lucius lowered himself into his arm-chair and Draco, instead of taking up the other chair as I had expected, settled himself at his father's feet and drew his knees up under his chin, keeping his eyes firmly on the beige carpet.

"Why am I here, Lucius?" I asked, getting straight to the point. Lucius was renowned for 'beating about the bush', so to speak, so it was simply easier and less hassle to be blunt with him, "What's your ulterior motive for summoning me here this time?" The man looked quite taken aback by my attitude,

"Ulterior motive? I do not like your implications, Severus," he gave me a tight-lipped smile that I returned equally thinly. "Care for a drink?" He knew that I didn't, but he knew also that I couldn't refuse his hospitality. 'Damn him!'

"That would be…nice." I said stiffly, silently preparing myself to die from whatever vile thing he'd decided to spike my drink with this time. I shall never forget the time when he slipped Pepperup potion into my wine…

But instead of fixing them himself or calling a house-elf to do so, it was Draco whom he turned his attention to with a curt, "Wine, Draco."

Scowling darkly, the five-year-old got to his feet and silently moved across the room to pour a honey coloured liquid into two glasses, one of which he shoved roughly into my hand; expression blank, blue-grey eyes looking anywhere but at me.

I took an instant dislike to him and shot Lucius a look that told him as much. Which he must've understood because when it came for him to receive his drink from Draco, a pallid hand shot out like a fire bolt to catch hold of his son's wrist and pull him forwards, spilling half the glass onto the carpet.

"Now Draco, where did you learn to treat guests in such a disgraceful manner?" he asked, voice like black silk, plucking the almost-but-not-quite-empty glass from Draco's unresisting fingers and placing it firmly on the table. Draco, wide eyed though he was, remained silent.

Regarding his son coolly for a moment, Lucius hissed, "Might I suggest improving this attitude of yours, boy? I find it most disagreeable. Now, make your apologies to Professor Snape," he physically turned his son around and gave him a push in my direction.

I felt suddenly awkward as this sickly looking child stood in front of me, his reproach and steely hostility boring into me, yet still he kept his stubborn silence,

"Draco…" Draco twitched slightly at his father's impatient voice but made no other attempt at either movement or speech, "Draco, I am warning you."

"Lucius, it really doesn't matter…" but the older man was in too much of a rant to pay me any heed.

He had got hold of Draco's shoulders now and was shaking him hard. Unresponsive as ever, Draco merely stared up at his father through huge silver eyes as he was shouted at, "Why do you persist with this insolent silence?" Lucius snarled. I was completely forgotten by this point and could only look on as my friend had a one sided argument with his son.

So I decided to blank out for a while.

I sipped my drink as slowly as was humanly possible and contemplated all the different reasons as to why I had been summoned here. The problem with Lucius was that you never knew what he wanted. There was no point guessing because you could guarantee that it would be the total opposite…

Suddenly, an ear-splitting slap brought me sharply back to Malfoy manor, the sound reverberating around my head,

"I am not having this!" I heard Lucius shout at a quailing Draco, "This has been going on far too long, Draco, and it stops now! Do you understand me?"

Silence. Pure and infuriating.

The child was struck again, a vicious backhanded crack that sent him staggering sideways. But no sound escaped his lips, no tears spilled from his eyes. He just stood there and allowed Lucius to hit him.

When he was sure that there was no way of getting any reaction of any sort out of Draco, Lucius sighed in a very frustrated sort of way and turned his back on the boy, growling, "Oh just get out. I'll deal with you later."

Draco, certainly not needing to be told twice ducked his head and ran from the room.

Lucius slumped down in his chair as though exhausted and downed the remainder of his glass in one, "he is the most stubborn creature I have ever met," he muttered more to himself than to me.

It was incredibly tempting to say 'I wonder where he gets that from?' But Lucius was in much too bad a mood for me to risk my life like that. Instead, I voiced my concern, "Lucius," I said slowly, "He doesn't cry."

He shrugged wearily, "Doesn't cry, doesn't talk, doesn't respond to anything. It's been going on for months now. I suppose it's better than how he used to be though."

I raised an eyebrow curiously, "Oh yes? In what way?"

"Well, he was so…what's the word? Desperate, I suppose it was. Yes, desperate. He would follow me around everywhere trying to get my attention. It was getting ridiculous. No matter what I did or said he just kept on pestering me to play with him or to pick him up. And then suddenly it went to the other extreme over night!" Lucius snarled at the empty glass, as though blaming it for all his problems, "I am at the end of my tether with that boy! I have tried everything, but nothing I do seems to get through to him," he glanced over in my direction, "I thought that perhaps you would manage to knock some sense into him whilst Narcissa and I are away."

I was neither amused nor convinced,

"I may have my teaching qualifications," I said stiffly, "but I am not a baby sitter." Lucius smirked and I felt my heart sink to the deepest depths of the Pacific Ocean. I knew from that look that there was no way that I would ever be able to get myself out of that one,

"You are his godfather though," Lucius so kindly reminded me, "and it's about time you started to face up to some of your responsibilities," he smiled serenely and got to his feet, "You've neglected Draco for far too long, Severus."

Thanks to all who have reviewed! Much appreciate!

Lily xxx