"The Mistaken M. Jones"

8. Who I Was

March 2012 – Lima, Ohio

This could be construed as a bad idea, and Sugar knew it. She knew it, she ignored it, she went for it. The way she saw it, she wasn't breaking any rule. Long ago, on those very last moments where she had still been Padra, the Doctor had told her as explicitly as could be, that her safety hinged on her ability to stay hidden, and that meant that she could tell no one who she had been or where she came from. From the moment she was handed over to her new family, Padra no longer existed, only Sugar Motta.

But Miss Harrison… Gemma… she was the Doctor's companion. She knew him… her… She was part of the team, and she knew all these things, about space and time travel and aliens and all those things. And going by the fact of their one interaction when she'd been little, she knew who Sugar really was. By all those counts, if there was anyone she could speak the truth to, it was the fake substitute.

The reasoning went that, if she pointed out to her that she knew exactly who she was, then maybe, just maybe, it would convince Gemma to tell them what was going on.

She knew that Artie wouldn't approve. For some reason, he was hell bent on them not disturbing Gemma, and to some point she guessed she understood why that was. But even then, some part of her felt that this was something that needed to be done. The Doctor had saved her life once, made sure she had a shot at a future. It was the least she could do, if something was happening in her school, for her to help him, help his companion… her companion… Whenever she thought of the one Doctor who was a woman, it had a combined effect of making her head hurt at the possibility, and making her imagine the Doctor, her Doctor, dressed as a woman, and that was in itself the funniest and most disturbing thing.

Now then, this was all she had to do. She would find Gemma… Miss Harrison… and she would find some reason to get her alone. She could think of plenty of reasons and they would all be absolutely logic. After that, she could say what she had to say, hoping the fake teacher would do the right thing.

"Miss Harrison!" she called out from down the hall, before the woman could go into the teachers' lounge. She watched her stop and turn at the sound of the name, and then her eyes fixed on Sugar, following her approach. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked.

"Can it wait? I have a…"

"It can't," Sugar shook her head. Gemma looked to be considering her options.

"Right, alright, so what's the…"

"Oh, no, not here. In private," Sugar specified. For a moment, she thought maybe the woman was on to her and wouldn't follow, but she did, so they went into the choir room, which was empty, and Sugar shut the doors.

"Is everything okay? Did something happen to you?" Her voice had grown concerned, and Sugar shook her head.

"It's nothing like that," she promised.

"So what is it then?" Gemma asked, and Sugar took a breath.

"I remembered something the other day, something from when I was little," Sugar started, and she tried not to stare too hard at the substitute, but she just couldn't help wondering, if maybe she would figure out what she was getting at.

"What did you remember?" Gemma asked, and Sugar smiled.

"You. I remembered meeting you."

"Me?" Gemma chuckled. "When you were little? I don't think that I…"

"It was on the Great Jade Moon, in the inn, and you came. You had a robe or something, and it had a hood. And you sat with me and you were nice, and you told me things, things I'd need to know."

"The Great Jade… Sugar, are you feeling okay?" Gemma asked, reaching up her hand like she would feel for her temperature.

"I told you, remember? You liked my name, and I told you how it was a kind of sugar. That's how I figured it out, what to call myself when I'd be with my new family. You said your name was Gemma."

"Wait, you've been talking to Artie Abrams, haven't you?" Gemma frowned, looking at her. For a moment, Sugar felt all her hopes fulfilled.

"Yes, that's right," she beamed. "He told us all about you, that's how I remembered."

"Sugar, you can't go believing those stories. Artie is very creative, but there isn't…"

"I'm not making it up!" Sugar hadn't realized she could get so frustrated so fast. But she was standing in front of the woman, looking into her eyes, and nothing was going through. Gemma just stood there, and she acted like none of what Sugar said was true. "We know who you are, and we know you're here for a reason, so why won't you tell us?"

"Maybe you need to go home for the rest of the day, get some rest…"

"I don't need rest, I just need to talk to someone, and you're the only one I've got around here. You have no idea what it's like, what I've been through. My parents died, and I barely had time to mourn them, because I had to become someone else, in a strange place, where I couldn't tell anyone about what I'd seen, or what I was feeling. I have to keep being happy, silly Sugar, because If I'm ever who I used to be, there are people who might want to hurt me? It's not fair," she felt herself just toes off the edge, right on the verge of falling headlong into despair.

Gemma looked at her, quiet, and then she moved forward and hugged her. Sugar didn't even care anymore, and she hugged her back, her cheeks splashed with tears. She hadn't been so open with anyone, not like this, for so long. And now that it had happened… Gemma pulled back, looked into her eyes with a sad smile.

"I wish I could be who you need me to be, Sugar." She wanted to push her away, but she didn't have the will to do it. So instead she stood there, let the woman cup her cheek with her hand. "But you know, if you do need to talk to someone, my door's always open. I'll be here the rest of the year, you know?" She was trying to be encouraging.

All Sugar felt though was a new despair. She was right where she'd started, and Gemma was still denying being anything more than the substitute teacher. Sugar had tried to help, and she'd failed.

TO BE CONTINUED (TOMORROW)