"Severus? " I called in to the entrance hall once I came house seemed empty. I got used to Severus´ place quite quickly but everytime I was left alone in there I found it too huge. The walls were so high and the nice spacious room only reminded me how lonely I was.
No, of course I wasn´t lonely, I had Severus and he was all I needed. But when he was gone I couldn´t help realising how I can´t live without him.
I sighed and went to the kitchen to make some tea. I then sat in a comfortable arm chair in the living room with a cup of tea in one hand and a book in another. I loved the smell of the green tea Severus stored in his kitchen. He would always tell me I wouldn´t sleep after drinking it but it didn´t work for me at all.
Actually, when he finally arrived he must have found me sleeping in the armchair with a book opened on one of the first pages.
He stopped at the doorway and watched m efor a moment thoughtfully. He then came closer and kissed me on my forhead. I woke up and looked at him confused.
"Good morning, darling. Or better say evening. " "Where have you been? " "I had some business to get solved…" I raised an eyebrow. "Why can´t you give me a straight answer? " "Because it´s nothing of a great importnace. " I sighed but let it go, in the end. The fact was that Severus kept going after deatheaters that cursed me that horrible day I tried to forget.
"I´ll get myself a cup of tea, would you like something? " I shook my head in no and watched him leave for the kitchen.
Then I decided to follow him. He was turned to me, pouring water into a kettle.
I don´t know what it was that made me start that conversation, however I did.
"Severus, do you really love me? I mean…this isn´t just something temporary, is it? "
He immediately turned to face me with a questioning look. "You know very well how I feel about us, sweetheart, don´t you? It´s not like I didn´t tell you five times a day…"
"Thanks for avoiding the concrete words…"
"Oh God! Hermione! " he said exhausted with a rising voice. He got closer to me and looked into my eyes.
"I love you. I always have and I always will and there´s nothing and noone that could change anything about it. The day you came into my home was the best day and the worst day of my life…It meant I can fall asleep holding you tight but it was also the day…"
He shut his eyes for a moment. Like he didn´t want me to see his pain. I took his hands into mine and then hugged him tightly. I leaned to his face and whispered: "I want a baby. I want a baby with you. "
He looked at me and I wasn´t able to read his expression. "Hermione, there is no such pain comparable to the one I experienced when finding out we lost our baby. But…are you sure? I mean, it wasn´t planned last time…"
"She. She wasn´t planned. It was her, our little girl that died that day…" I rezisted, bitter in my voice.
"Bloody hell, yes! It was a girl Hermione and nothing will bring her back. Not even another child. "
I looked at him with hurt in my eyes. He didn´t want to have a child with me. He would accept our baby but it wasn´t what he willingly wanted. At least not now, or not with me. Perhaps not ever.
"It´s not about replacing anyone…Don´t you think I know our child isn´t replacable? The thing is I wanted a baby and I wanted to have it with you. Being pregnant made me realise I´m actually ready for that, but there´s no point in talking about it when…"
He leaned to me and kissed me. He then broke the kiss and gazed into my eyes once again. "I love you and I want whatever you do. If being mother is what you wishes we might try for a child. All I want is you being happy. That´s all. I´m not sure I´ll be a good father but I will do my best to be at least…acceptable. "
"You don´t have to try. If you give our child half of the care you give me, it will bet he happiest baby in the world…"