Hey guys! Sorry for the late (and I guess last minute?) update. But, as promised, two chapters this month, to make up for my absence of an update last month. Without further ado: Chapter 7.
The initial shock came to her: is it really? Could it be? But why?
No, she knows why. Jeanine would want to save her. Jeanine wouldn't want her to die. But she doesn't believe it, but she wants to believe it, because a part if her just knows it can't be true, that it's all a lie, that none of it is real.
"I love you to the moon and back."
But it is. She knows the raw emotion, she knows the desperate plea of love.
She knows that's not the machine everyone knows, not the cold and heartless being that is well known to be Jeanine Matthews. She knows it can't be the one who nearly killed her, not the sociopathic leader of Erudite, not the woman-scientist that everyone knows will stop at nothing until she gets what she wants, but instead, it's the woman that hid beneath.
A machine doesn't love, let alone knows how to love. But the woman she remembers talking to her, caring about her, doesn't just love, but loves so much. Possibly so much to the point of too much, but it's okay, because Tris would gladly take it.
It's the kind of love someone could get drunk on and still want more of
And so, when she sees the blonde hair and the blue dress and those watery gray eyes beneath lab glasses, she's washed over by surprise and relief and anxiety; what is she supposed to feel? What is she supposed to believe? She didn't even know, and she didn't have time to decide, and she tries to listen but oh she remembers she's deaf right now.
How lucky.
So she just watches Jeanine move in fluid motions around the lab, and lab instruments glint from all around in the artificial light that shines above her. Jeanine is given papers, and Tris is sure those are reports, reports on her health condition and more things she would understand more if only she was taught Erudite things. Jeanine's eyes are calculating, nearly void of emotion, but Tris knows those eyes are not cold and unfeeling, but determined and focused.
But those watery gray eyes don't talk chances and not once glances in Tris' way.
So their gazes never meet, but Tris watches Jeanine as the scenes unfold before her deaf self that lies down on something. (A bed? A metal cart? A mattress? She doesn't know.)
Jeanine goes from her left to her right, from her right to her left, reading papers and absorbing new information, discussing facts and discussing methods, and Tris knows all that by the way Jeanine is, by the way Jeanine talks with so much confidence and superiority as if she never broke down, as if she never grew weak, as if she's still the person she was before this whole she's-dead-but-no-she's-not thing happened.
But Tris knows by the way Jeanine's eyes light up that she's not the person she used to be, and that she's changed more than anyone would ever comprehend.
She's not heartless, or ruthless, or downright unfeeling. She's not the machine she used to be, not the Erudite leader that everyone knew her as. No, this is Jeanine Matthews, not the monster, not the machine, not the antagonist of everyone's story, but simply the woman who is also a scientist who has a heart that loves so much.
He only ever really loved once. He remembers realizing that just before he met Tris.
He remembers how he thought he could never love anyone as much as he loved her, his sister, his elder sister that was only seven years old before her life was taken away by the Erudite, by Jeanine Matthews no less. And because of that he knew he would never love anyone as much as he loved his sister, because his mother only left him and it filled him with disgust, and his father only ever punished him and it filled him with, admittedly, fear.
But Tris came in his life and proved to him that there's someone else that can make his heart beat not for hatred, but for love. Tris proved to him that he had a long way to go, and that revenge and ignorance could never help him solve the problems that plagued him in the darkest moments of the night.
She proved to him, and still proves to him, that no matter what he has gone through, no matter what he chooses to feel, he is still capable of loving someone through everything that's gone wrong.
And he believes all that she's proven to him. Though he can see someone else being proven wrong, just like he was proven wrong, just like Tris proved to him that he can still love, amidst all the betrayal and hurt and pain.
That person may have not even thought about loving anyone before, and maybe that person made herself believe she was not and shouldn't be capable of loving in any way for anything other than her work and field of expertise.
That person, because of Tris, has learned to love again just like he has.
It's obvious how Jeanine's changed, how the steely woman is not so steely anymore. She's not filled with bitter intentions or unfeeling words any longer. Jeanine Matthews is not, anymore, the sociopathic leader of Erudite that they used to know, but instead a woman who hides behind a mask, a woman who loves so much, too much, that it can be seen in her eyes how the cold has turned into warmth.
And, just like him, Jeanine changed because of Tris.
6:00 pm
As much as he tries, the image of the girl he knew, of the angel in gray rags he knows as his elder sister, of the seven-year-old girl who was killed without fault remains in his mind, at the back of his mind, and the throb of an old hatred for Jeanine Matthews beats at the bottom of his heart.
He should get to Tris now. It's getting late, and the skies are growing dark.
So he stands up and off the bench and heads back into the building just as the first drop of summer rain falls on Erudite ground.
"Her deafness is, so far, by our knowledge and research in the database, permanent and not possible to cure."
"There are theoretical ways we can do this, though it has less than a ten percent chance of being successful."
"The greatest risk would be the possibility of permanently damaging her nervous system, putting her in a permanent coma-like state. She feels nothing but can speak and think like a normally healthy person, but, in layman's terms, she won't be the same."
By the time all the reports were relayed to her, Jeanine had already laid out the plan she knows would be best to perform on Beatrice. With how permanent Beatrice's deafness is, all the risks seem to be worth it at this point, though most methods, even the one Jeanine had in mind, had less than a fifty percent chance of success.
So why take the risk?
For once, Jeanine doesn't lie to herself. For once, instead of reasoning out that it is for research, it is for the 'good' of the city, it is for the future generations, she confesses that yes, this is for Beatrice, to give Beatrice a good life, to lift a burden from Beatrice's shoulders.
This is all for Beatrice, all the risk, all the pain, all the worry and anxiety, for Beatrice, and only for Beatrice.
And what if the risks aren't worth it? What if the method cannot cure the deafness Beatrice now possesses?
"Inject the serum."
Jeanine has laid out more than one plan, of course. She isn't that foolish to only cling on to one method.
And so she watches the serum of green liquid be injected into Beatrice, the needle puncturing soft and delicate skin while Beatrice's eyes disappear beneath her eye lids. Beatrice's eyes shut close, tightly, strongly, as if absorbing the pain of such a poison injected into her.
"Excuse me, sir, you are not allowed in here."
"Sir, only authorized personnel are allowed in here."
"Sir-"
"Sir-"
"Mr. Eaton-"
"What are you injecting into her?"
Jeanine doesn't look back and neither does her gaze soften. She knows that voice well, though it surprises her how it is not laced now with malice or threat, but instead, urgency.
The syringe is now empty of the green liquid. The needle is taken out, and the soft skin bounces back to position.
"A modified version of the fear serum."
"What?"
She turns to face Tobias, no longer the little boy she remembers. No longer the little boy she hurt that day, but the man Beatrice fell in love with.
"I created modifications on the fear serum to jolt awake the part in Beatrice's brain that controls her hearing. Based on the reports, the shocks done to wake her up ruptured that part of her brain, though not seriously enough for her to hear completely nothing. She hears a high frequency noise with a constant tone for as long as the time she woke up, and so I modified the serum to jolt that part of her brain and at the same time distract her from whatever necessary procedure we must conduct."
"What procedures would be necessary?"
In the background, Jeanine can hear the other scientists retreat into the observation room. There, she's sure they watch Beatrice's hallucinations induced by the serum, as well as observe her brain.
"If the serum cannot work alone, a delicate operation that may take a few hours to execute. The risks are high, but success is worth it."
She looks up into Tobias' eyes and she knows he understands what she's talking about. This operation—these risks they re taking—may not be beneficial for the future generations or even the Erudite database, but if it can cure Beatrice's deafness, then all the risk and anxiety and worry would be worth it.
All they both want is for Beatrice to be okay. That, more than anything, is worth more than any risk either of them would have to take.
"Is there something I can do?"
"You may help out her brother in the laboratory if you wish."
"Okay."
She watches Tobias exit the glass door, and she follows after him. Behind her, Beatrice lies in a thin mattress as if asleep, the modified fear serum coursing through her veins.