"You're back early," said my mother, opening the door to us. "Had a nice time?" At least she was in a better mood than she had been this morning; I'm not sure I would have been able to stand anymore snide remarks from anyone without causing grievous bodily harm.

"Not really," I replied quietly. "There was a bit of an incident."

Beside me, I felt Draco's hand tighten around mine, his nails biting almost painfully into my skin. He was still overwhelmed by what had happened and it really wasn't fair to discuss it in front of him at the moment.

My mother's dark eyes widened with concern at my words. "An 'incident'?" she repeated. Then she caught sight of Draco- of his tearstained face and the bruises from Lucius' attack.

"Good lord!" she whispered, tearing her eyes away from him to look at me. "What on earth happened?"

"Sir," Draco tugged anxiously at my sleeve. "Please may I…Can I go see my flowers?"

"Yes. Of course you can."

We watched despondently as Draco fled into the house and only when we heard the back door shut, did my mother drag me into the living room by the sleeve. Shoving me onto the sofa, she stood over me, glaring as though it was my fault.

"What. Happened?" my mother demanded fiercely. "You were supposed to be going for ice-cream!"

"We did…but, well, like I said, there was a bit of an incident. Lucius turned up and everything got a bit out of hand," 'Understatement of the centaury!' I sighed deeply, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "To cut a long story short, Draco is to go home the day after tomorrow and Lucius has decided to take complete control over his son's education."

"But that's a good thing, isn't it?" she whispered, lowering herself down into the chair opposite me. "I mean, at least there won't be any danger of that happening again. Lucius would never dream of ever…"

"No, but you have seen Lucius' temper. I must say, I can't decide which is worse; to live in fear of molestation or to know that you will be beaten for the slightest mistake. Which would you prefer, Mother? A threat of danger or certain danger?"

She didn't answer me. She merely looked; her eyes were sad and helpless…and it scared me to see her so lacking in control. As she had been when I was little.

"You know that it isn't like that, Severus," said my mother quietly. "It is far, far more complicated."

"But why?" I pressed, nearly at the point of whining. "I don't see why it should be! Lucius is hopeless as a parent and you said yourself that you aren't comfortable with sending Draco home! Why is that complicated?"

"It is complicated," said my mother slowly, picking her words with care, "because Draco loves his father and no amount of abuse if going to change that. And going by what Lucius was saying the other day when he was here, he genuinely wants to do right by Draco too…he has the theory, but struggles to put it into practise."

She was right, of course, but I didn't want to hear it. After today, I didn't want to hear a single word spoken in that man's favour.

"Well," I spat, standing up. "You'd know all the fine details of bad parenting, wouldn't you? You could write a book of excuses…"

My mother was not in the mood to fight, however. "Stop acting like a petulant teenager, Severus, and sit down," she snapped

I obeyed begrudgingly.

"I am not trying to make excuses for Lucius," she told me, leaning forward in her seat. "But you have to try and understand how complicated and unpredictable the relationship between a parent and their child is. You are not Draco's father, Severus and, as much as you care about that little boy, the relationship he has with you will never be the same as the one he has with Lucius."

"I know but-"

"No, I don't think you do." I had never heard her speak this seriously before and that, if nothing else, was what made me pay attention. "You have had to work to gain Draco's affection and trust, have you not? And you still have to be careful, don't you?"

I nodded slowly.

"Well, surely if things were as simple as you make them out to be, Draco ought to hate his father now, shouldn't he? By rights, Draco would be happy if he never saw Lucius again. If things were that simple."

Regarding my hands, I muttered, "Today Draco told Lucius that he hated him. That he wished he wasn't his father…"

"Draco doesn't have a choice and besides," she smiled a bitter sort of smile, "all children tell their parents that they hate them. And you know what? Not one of them means it. Fear is not the same as hatred, no matter how similar they appear, especially when it comes to families." My mother bit her lip, then said very softly, "I'm sorry for being a rubbish mum. I'm sorry for not trying harder when you were younger."

Her words startled me, making me falter.

" 's alright," I said, feeling exceptionally uncomfortable. "I guess it wasn't your fault."

Smiling a relieved sort of smile, my mother rose. "Thanks, love," she murmured, kissing me on the forehead…something I do not recall her doing for years. If it had not taken me by surprise so much, maybe I would've returned the kiss…but, as it was, I was rendered immobile and could only watch as she wondered off into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

I felt guilty, in a way, that she was apologising and that I had caused her to feel bad enough to do so. But also, I was grateful for what she had said and, because of how much pride she had, I knew that she meant it.

--

Draco had remained outside for the rest of the day, not even coming in to eat. My father stayed with him and I watched from the kitchen window as they tidied the garden together. It was odd how much Draco's presence had affected both of my parents; my mother, as you may have noticed, was realising her failures and was, in her own way, trying to make up for them now and my father…I don't know. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it was, but I could definitely see a change in him as well and the two of them seemed to get on remarkably well, especially considering how much my father detested magic and children in general. As such, I was forced to come to the rather unpleasant conclusion, that it was me he didn't like and not, specifically, what I 'was'.

But I really couldn't care less whether he liked me or not. It didn't affect me either way.

--

That night, I lay in bed and stared wearily up at the dark ceiling, counting the cracks in the plaster and worrying. For once, I didn't have a choice to make, I didn't have to fret about making the wrong decision and ruining someone's life…but god, in a way, I wish I did.

It was worse, I think, or at least equally unpleasant to have absolutely no say at all, but even if I could choose an alternative, I had no idea what would be better; I wasn't prepared to go back to Malfoy Manor and, even if I did, it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference…or at least that is what I convinced myself. I could also understand Lucius not wanting to risk taking on another stranger, after William…

Maybe my mother was right; maybe Lucius taking complete control was the best thing…

Or maybe it was the worst thing that could possibly have happened. I didn't know. My whole sense of judgement was confused. Anyway, as I kept being told; Draco was not my responsibility, I should stop worrying about things that I have no power over…

I sighed with discontentment, swung my legs around and strode downstairs. There was no way that I was going to get a half-decent nights sleep, so I may as well be doing something rather than just lying awake with my thoughts.

Plodding into the kitchen, I fumbled along the wall and finally my fingers found the light-switch. Light illuminated the room, making me wince and I stumbled, half-blind, over to the kitchen table only to find that there was someone else already sitting there.

I blinked in surprise, "Draco?"

My godson raised his head; his brow creased with concern and, when he looked at me, his eyes were bright with tears. In his small hands, I could see that he was holding a sheet of parchment, emblazoned with the Malfoy crest. The letter which Lucius had sent me earlier.

"What're you doing?" I asked, pulling up a chair next to him.

"Father said I should read it…" muttered Draco, turning his attention back to the letter. "And I wanted to know why." He sighed and set it down in front of him. "But it just says what he said earlier. Nothing's going to change…it's all just going to stay how it was before." The reality of this fact made Draco physically cringe; sharp front teeth pierced his bottom lip and small hands were pressed over his eyes, hiding the tears from me.

"The only reason," Draco said in a choked voice, "that Dr Southard did what he did is because is so I wouldn't get in trouble with Father so much. And it was all for nothing! Now I don't even have a chance 'cause I don't always understand things at first and Father won't explain things twice, so he'll think I'm being bad and then he'll hit me! I'd rather have Dr Southard!" he said shrilly. "I'd rather have him and he did what he did than have Father knowing everything I do and all the mistakes I make. I don't think I could stand things going back to how they was before and what with you going away to Hogwarts…"

Well, I suppose I had that coming…

"Father's wrong," muttered Draco, wiping his eyes miserably and sitting up. "Thing's aren't going to go back to how they were. They're going to get worse."

"Draco, you can't really believe that," I tried uneasily. "It can't get any worse…."

"Yeah, it can!" he countered, glaring at me. "And it'll be doubly bad 'cause Father'll be really angry for answering back earlier and yelling and such. He'll get me for that, I know he will!"

I couldn't exactly argue with that and I didn't know what I could say to make him feel better. I had done my best, but it still wasn't enough. I was completely out of ideas and I hated myself for being so helpless.

"Well, I suppose the only thing you can do is try to stay out of the way as much as possible. I really don't know what else to suggest," I sighed as Draco looked disappointed. "Your father is stubborn and nothing I, nor anyone else, can say will make him change his mind. I'm sorry for being so rubbish."

The corners of Draco's mouth twitched ever so slightly. "You're not that rubbish, Sir. You could be rubbish-er."

"I couldn't because that isn't even a word."

"But if it was, you would be."

I rolled my eyes. "I can see you're feeling better," I muttered, making Draco grin. "Do you think you could sleep now?"

The smile disappeared from the little boy's face faster than it had appeared and Draco shook his head quickly, making his hair fall in front of his face.

"Why not?"

He looked at me, trying to determine whether or not he should answer, then he lowered his eyes before saying softly, "I keep on thinking about things when I'm in bed and they make me not sleep, so then I think about them even more…I don't like it."

"What do you think about? Dr Southard?"

Draco nodded, subdued. "Yes. Being in the dark always reminds me of him. And then I think what would I do if Father were to try and do what he did. What could I do? And I know that you say he wouldn't, but what if he did? You said yourself that you can't stop Father from doing anything and what if he did that and wouldn't stop?"

"He wouldn't," I said, more than a little fiercely, making Draco jump slightly at my tone. "Your father, as hard as it is to believe, honestly wants to do the right thing for you. As much as it may seem that he hates you, he does love you Draco, but he doesn't show it very well."

But, far from being reassuring, my words only served to scare Draco further.

"I-I don't want him to l-l-love me…" he stammered, looking alarmed. "I don't want anyone to! I-I heard it when…when you said that y-you loved me b-but I didn't want t-t-to believe that you…that you meant it…"

"But why wouldn't I mean it?" I asked, certain that I was missing something. "Of course I did! Of course I meant it!"

Draco was silent for a moment, struggling to make sense of this. "Is…is that w-why brought m-me here?" he asked tremulously, unable to look at me directly. "Because…because you l-l-love me?"

"Yes…Draco what on earth's the matter?" He had gone deathly white and, when I reached out to touch him in concern, he was as tense as a bowstring.

At the feel of my hand on his shoulder, Draco shuddered and pressed his lips together so tightly they almost turned blue. I could see that he was desperately trying to keep control of himself but for the life of me I couldn't think why.

"Dragon, what's wrong?" I asked again.

"Why?" Draco managed to choke out, head turned deliberately away from me. "You said…you said I-I-I didn't have to…that h-he was wrong…" He was past the point of tears now and his voice was shrill and frightened. "Th-that's why you c-came down isn't it? Y-y-you're going to…to…"

"What?" I implored desperately. "Draco you aren't making sense!"

"You're going to do what he did!" His words came out so fast and so high-pitched that at first I could not understand what he said. But then it became all too clear.

"You think that I'm going to rape you?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice calm. "What brought you to that conclusion?"

Draco eyed me warily, shoulders hunched. "You said you loved me…and that's why you brought me to your house so you could…so you could…"

"I think," I said slowly. "That we have got our wires crossed somewhere along the lines. Now here's the plan; I am going to make us both something to drink, then we are going to sit down in the living room and sort this mess out, okay? Draco, is that okay?"

But Draco couldn't speak. He sat hunched in his chair, staring numbly down at his lap as still and as unresponsive as a china doll.

Sighing, I flicked the switch on the kettle. Tea, even if it didn't solve anything, at least made every situation easier to handle.

--

Draco was as docile as a dog on a lead as we moved into the more comfortable living room and sat down stiffly on the sofa- perched right on the edge of his seat. He didn't even flinch when I took the place beside him, the only indication he was actually fully conscious was that his eyes kept flicking to me, to make sure he knew exactly what I was doing and, more importantly, what my next move was going to be.

How did we get here? I questioned myself despondently as I watched him watching me. How can everything be perfectly fine one moment and disastrous the next?

"Talk to me," I ordered firmly so that he could not ignore me

Draco ignored me, pulling his legs up onto the sofa to create some sort of a barrier between us.

"Talk to me," I said again, sharper this time and I reached over to push Draco's feet back onto the floor. He winced as his bare feet struck the ground, recoiling slightly. But at least I now had his full attention.

"If you're going to," whispered Draco miserably. "Just do it, Sir."

That last sentence cut surprisingly deep; before, I don't think it had actually clicked in my mind that he was talking about me. That he thought I was going to do those terrible things to him. But he did, despite everything that we had been through together, Draco still didn't trust me enough not to hurt him.

The hurt and the disappointment caused my throat to constrict and my heart to ache.

"Do you really believe that I would?" I asked softly. "Is that really what you think of me?"

Silver eyes searched mine as though trying to see my true intentions and then, so quietly I could hardly hear him, "I-I don't know…I guess not…B-but you s-s-said-"

"That I love you, yes I know that. But please," I was almost pleading with him to explain to me. "How does that mean I would do that to you?"

But I knew the answer before Draco even opened his mouth.

"Dr Southard?"

Draco nodded tearfully. "Whenever he did something and I tried to say no, he'd say 'Don't you want to be loved?' and…and that night when he did it really bad he said…he told me that that's what people do when they love one another…" At the memory, Draco trembled and a tear rolled down his nose, splashing onto the carpet.

"It's not true, Dragon," I edged closer to him, slowly so as not to startle him. "He was wrong to do what he did. Completely wrong. I have told you that already."

Wiping first his eyes, then his nose, my godson raised his head, still looking sceptical. "So, people don't do that when they love someone?"

"Well…" I hesitated, suddenly realising that I was going to have to give Draco The Talk. Oh sweet Merlin… "Well, they do, but it's a different kind of love, Draco. Entirely different. Understand?"

Draco stared at me blankly. "No…"

If the situation hadn't been so serious, I would've sworn that Draco was being purposefully unhelpful.

"Well," I seemed to like that word… "There are three kinds of love-"

"Three?" Draco repeated with surprise. "How can there be three?"

"If you didn't interrupt me," I said coolly. "I would tell you."

Draco bowed his head quickly. "Sorry Sir."

"As I was saying, there are, I think, three kinds; you can love someone in your family, like you father. There's friendship, like us. And then there's…" I searched hopelessly for the right words, feeling excruciatingly uncomfortable. " 'Grownup love'," I finished lamely, wishing that the proverbial ground would open up and swallow me. "Like your parents."

"Oh," Draco's eyebrows knotted together was he tried to get his young mind around that notion. "So…so what was Dr Southard? 'Cause he said what he did was love and wasn't family or friends and I'm not a grownup."

I drank down my whole mug of scalding tea in one before I tried answering him.

"Dr Southard…I suppose, in a way, he was telling you the truth when he said that that's what people…adults do when they are in love with each other. But what he did to you was in no way shape or form 'love' because, for one thing, you didn't want him to do what he did and for another, you're just a little boy, Draco and no one should be doing that to you. They shouldn't even think of it. I know that, you father knows that but some people…some people think they can take advantage."

"Advantage?" Draco repeated questioningly. "What's that?"

"It means he thought he could make you do whatever he wanted because you're a child and your parents…" I stopped myself quickly, afraid of upsetting Draco again. But, by his sigh, I knew that he knew what I was going to say.

"Wouldn't notice," Draco finished despondently, leaning far over to place his mug on the table. "If you hadn't come back, they still wouldn't have noticed and it would still be happening…thanks."

"No problem," I lied, smiling. "But Draco, seriously," He looked up attentively. "If this ever happens again, if anyone- and that means anyone- tries to touch you in a way you don't like, you run. You don't try and talk them out of it, you don't wait until it's too late, you run to somewhere safe and you tell someone you can trust. Do you understand? Do not do what you did today because if I was going to do that to you, you certainly gave me the chance to do it, didn't you?"

"Yes Sir. But where do I go?" he asked, suddenly anxious. "If it happens at home, what do I do? I don't know how to get anywhere."

Good question…I thought about this for quite a while; my first thought was to say 'Get to Hogwarts'. That was, undoubtedly, the safest place but then again, it was practically impossible to reach on one's own and the journey would be far too dangerous for Draco to make on his own.

"Tell you what," I said slowly. "Let me just go and get something a second…"

I rose and made my way briskly upstairs first to the spare room to grab twenty sickles out of my coat pocket and then into my own bedroom in which I was sure there was some old stationary I had left over from school holidays.

Sure enough, after rummaging through the draw in my bedside table, I was able to find sheet of paper that hadn't been stained and an envelope. I swiftly scrawled- 5 Spinner's End, Suffolk. Straight to the door please. Severus Snape- on the paper and stuffed both it and the twenty sickles into the envelope.

"Here," I said, handing it to Draco, who took it wordlessly. "You run, you find the Knight Bus- which will always come to you- and you give this to the conductor, who will bring you here. Keep it in a very safe place," I stressed. "But not so safe you can't find it again and only use it in emergencies. Have you got that?"

Draco nodded, fingertips brushing almost tenderly over the envelope. "Thank you Sir."

"Think you can sleep now?"

This time, Draco managed to smile. "Yeah. I'm tired." He slid of the sofa, wobbling somewhat with tiredness. Then, with a slight awkwardness, he stepped up and hugged me briefly, before darting away with a quick "Goodnight Sir."

--

A/N: Well, that was a long chapter...I'm pretty sure I have something more to say, but I can't quite remember what it was...humm...oh yes, has everyone seen the new Draco pics from HBP?? HEART!! Go to mugglenet immediateky if you haven't. Also, I'm writting a new fic entitled 'Summer at Spinner's End' and it's about Lucius going to stay with Severus for the Easter holiday during their second year. There's no major angst or anything, but it concentrates on the friendship between the two of them if anyone's interested. And with that, the shameless plugging is over :D

And thankyou for all the great feedback (and the peanut) for the last chapter :D Peanuts are appreciated and I shall distribute pieves of my gran's chocolate (of which I have an imaginary ever-lasting supply) to everyone who reviews.

Ugh, I am shameless...shrug.

Love Lily xxx