[Hanna's POV]

"Hey babe…miss me?" Paige said as she pulled Emily in for a kiss.

Hanna positioned herself so that she was hidden from the door and slid her original dress back on. As she recognized the voice, reality began to set back in. She and Emily had fallen back into an old habit, but things were different now. She was with Jordan and Emily was with Paige. They shouldn't be in this situation, they shouldn't be doing this.

Hanna gathered from conversations with Emily that Paige knew Emily was staying at the loft, but she was unsure if Paige knew that Hanna was there too. Hanna wondered though how Paige felt about it, if she did in fact know, or whether Emily was hiding it from her.

Not wanting to add any additional drama to the already confusing night, she quietly tip-toed towards her room. Just as she was about to shut the door, she glanced back and saw Emily and Paige kissing. Hanna couldn't help herself, she watched the embrace until it became unbearable. She shut the door as quietly as she could and pressed her back against the door closing her eyes.

Hanna's heart sank and she felt sick to her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was guilt from having just cheated on Jordan or jealousy from knowing Paige was now kissing Emily, not her. She rested back against the door trying to control her emotions.

Why did this hurt so much?

As she climbed into bed, she reached for her phone to see if Jordan had called back, but he hadn't. It was late but she thought maybe he'd still be up, so she tried him again.

"Hello?" Jordan said dully into the phone.

"Hey! Did you get my message from earlier?" Hanna asked, surprised that he hadn't called back and that he didn't sound all that excited to hear from her.

"Yeah. I did." He said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, okay...why didn't you call me back? You can't still be at the office…" Hanna responded, trying to figure out why he wouldn't have called.

"Because I wasn't quite sure what to say." He replied shortly.

"What do you mean?" Hanna asked, now very confused.

"Well, one of your shower gifts was delivered to the apartment tonight. There wasn't a card, so I opened it so I could figure out who it was from…" Jordan began.

"Oh, no big deal. I don't care that you opened it. It's actually better that you did. It'd be embarrassing if whoever sent it was at my shower this weekend and I didn't say anything." Hanna rambled on, not realizing there was more to what Jordan was trying to say.

"Hanna…I'm not trying to apologize for opening it…" Jordan said, frustrated. "It's what the gift was that I'm trying to talk to you about."

"Ok, well what was it?" Hanna replied, still clearly confused.

"It was a scrapbook that someone made for you of your life." Jordan responded with an edge to his tone.

"Ok…and?" Hanna asked, too emotionally exhausted from the evening's events to realize why he was upset.

"And it shows your whole life before me." Hanna suddenly sat up a little, feeling a panic spread through her chest, listening to Jordan speak. "Your life which apparently had a LOT to do with Emily." He paused then, Hanna could hear some shuffling in the background, like a page turning. "There's exactly one page with you and Caleb.. and about 20 with you and Emily. As a couple..." He paused and silence hung between them. Hanna didn't know what to say or how to apologize.

Jordan cleared his throat before he continued. "Hanna, were you ever going to tell me about her?" Jordan asked, sounding both frustrated and defeated. Hanna couldn't blame him, after all, she had been lying to him for their entire relationship.

"Oh…" Hanna responded, not sure at first of what else to say. "Jordan, I-I was going to tell you. It was just never the right ti-"

Jordan interrupted her sounding incredulous. "Really? In the 4 years there was never a time you could have told me? What about in the beginning when you were heartbroken in London? What about when you went to dinner with Caleb and I assumed he was the one you had loved? Or even a recently when I met Emily for the first time? You should have told me the truth Hanna. I deserved to know who really left you heartbroken in Europe. I deserved to know. Honestly, any of those times would have been better than finding out this way."

Hanna didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to comfort him. She felt even more sick. She knew time had been running out on telling him. Sarah/A/whoever had put her on a clock and she missed the deadline. Now he found out from someone else and she couldn't fix it.

"Jordan, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry." Hanna said as tears began falling down her face.

"Just tell me this, do you still love her?" Jordan asked harshly.

"No." Hanna lied. She closed her eyes feeling the weight of yet another lie.

Hanna knew lying is what got her into this mess in the first place, but she couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him that just minutes earlier, they had been kissing and that if Paige wouldn't have shown up, they would probably be making love right now. She couldn't tell him that Emily felt like home, that Emily was the table, that Emily was the thing she couldn't let go. She wasn't brave enough, she was a coward. The truth was, she couldn't lose him. It wasn't fair to him, but she needed him. He was her rock and she needed that in her life.

"I don't want her staying at the loft anymore." Jordan said simply. He didn't have to say it, but he basically proposed an ultimatum. It was either him or Emily.

"….Okay." Hanna accepted his demands quietly. She didn't have it in her to fight him anymore, she was exhausted. The day had drained her and while everything about her was raging against the ultimatum, she was too tired. While she knew it'll be tricky to essentially kick Emily out, maybe it would be for the best. Clearly they need some distance right now.

"Thank you…And look, I don't think I can make an appearance at your shower this weekend. I know I said I would, but I have some work to do in the city and I don't have the time to drive back and forth." Jordan told her, half truthfully. He knew she wouldn't protest, even though part of him wanted her to.

"Okay. I understand." Hanna responded softly. She knew he was getting busier with work, but deep down she knew that he hadn't forgive her yet and he wasn't ready to see her until he had. However long that might be.

"It's been a long night, I think I'm going to get some sleep." Jordan said, sounding just as emotionally exhausted as Hanna felt.

"OK good night." Hanna responded, unsure if she should say anything more.

Just as Hanna was about to hang up, she heard Jordan speak again, "I love you."

"I love you too." Hanna replied softly before hanging up.

She did still love him, but it didn't change the fact that she still loved Emily. She would probably always love Emily. But that didn't mean that they were right for each other. Emily and Hanna had their shot before and it didn't work. That should be enough, right?

As much as Hanna tried to rationalize the ultimatum that Jordan presented her with, the more she struggled with it. She told him she'd have Emily leave, but how could she actually kick her out.

Paige was back in town and maybe Emily will go on her own and stay with her. Hanna thought to herself, before feeling jealousy creep up again.

Ugh, this is going to be a long night…