My dearest Juliet,

It has been so long since I've used pen and paper, I pray that you will be able to read my words, for I cannot bear to have left them silent for so long. I hope that you will read this letter, and comprehend my eternal thoughts that ring truer than any song that ever left your sweet lips. I know now, that back then you only ever sang for my ears alone. Oh, my beautiful Juliet how I miss your voice.

I am so sorry I left you. It has been many years, and you are most likely a mother and a perhaps even a grandmother if your children are as lusty and lovely as you were, loved deeply by your family and friends because I cannot imagine any other fate for one so lovely as you. Perhaps you do not even remember me, or you wish you had never met me, for not a day goes by that I do not wonder if your life may have been sweeter without my presence. However I know that mine would be none as joyous, for my time spent with you had been the happiest of my long life. How I wish I could have grown old with you, protecting your sweet innocent eyes from the terrors this world had already wrought on you.

I am so very sorry Juliet, but I cannot keep quiet any longer.

I miss your smile, the sweet scent of your hair after you shower, the way my name would float from your lips as if sent from Paradise, and the feeling of your body quivering beneath mine as I brought you pleasure that you had not known before me. I miss you Juliet, I miss you the way that the flowers miss sunshine and rainwater, the way a man misses the one woman he was ever destined to love.

I owe you so much, my love. Without you I would never have the position and the strength I have today. But it came at the terrible cost of losing you. I admit to you that I abandoned you out for fear; a desperate fear for your safety because of the many dangers harboring a Vampire lover could bring you. I believed that if I were to leave you and return home to Vampire Mountain you would be safer, and able to lead a normal life. I was unsure of my own ability to protect you.

I regret this decision every day.

The first few weeks, waking up without you, I had to resist the urge to run back to you, to burst open your doors and scoop you into my arms, but I knew that I couldn't. I knew somehow that you would hate me forever, that leaving you had ruined the only chance I ever had at real happiness. I am a fool, a desperate, sad fool for hoping you will read this and forgive me, because I know how fragile your trust was, and I know undeniably that I broke it. But this is the last shred of hope I can have, because I know one day I must lose you completely to the freedom of death, if I have not already.

You will not see me as I deliver this letter to your home, the manor house where you grew up with your father, a man I never met but respect deeply. I know you will never leave that place, it is the only home that will ever feel safe to you, and for that I am glad, because as I leave this I will see you, and I know that you will be just as lovely as the day I first met you.

You called me your 'stalker' once, and I suppose you can call me that again, but I cannot deny my need to see your face, no matter your age. I will always remember you as the beautiful, intelligent, sneaky woman who stole my heart the first time she looked into my eyes, unafraid. I will never forget those final hours we spent together, for it was pleasure the likes I had never experienced, and never will again.

Juliet, I still love you. And I always will.

I wish you all the love and luck in the world. My heart will be yours for eternity.

Mika ver Leth

Vampire Prince

Chapter Twenty-One

Effing Up

He stared at the crumpled parchments in his hands as if they were the last will and testament of someone he held close. It had been fifty years since he left her, twenty since he had wrote this letter and made his way to the old manor in Romania, only to find warning signs leading up the road and a pile of rubble from what looked to be a very large house fire. He had tossed the letter to the wind, instead digging through the decades old piles of soot and trash hoping for some sign that she'd made it out alive. He found nothing.

Solemnly he went to the police station in the now bustling town down the road and inquired about the fire. They had few records on it, but what they did have was confirmation that the fire had broken out sometime in the night in the '50's, but nobody had noticed until a local man visited to check on the occupants and discovered it. They recovered a woman's remains from the rubble, later identified as the owner of the home, a Miss Juliet Anderes.

There had been no one to contact regarding her death, as she had no family and only one close friend, the owner of a local bar that has since shut down. He was the one who discovered and identified the body. There had been talk of renovating the property into some sort of museum, but it was all tied up in courts and had been for years.

That was the night that Mika ver Leth howled his pain and his heartbreak to the stars above, vowing never to love again, never to care for another person for as long as he did live, because the pain of losing them was far too great.

That is how he became the cold, indifferent, calculating Prince that his people had come to recognize him as. He had not thought of her since that night, in the cold rain sitting among the torched belongings, decaying under the weight of thirty years of weather and animals. Where he found one of her small flat shoes and wept openly into the sky, his soul burning like the building that housed his beloved had so many years prior. The wind whipping up his forgotten love letter and depositing it right in front of him like some sort of torture implement. Until now, she had been blocked from his mind like a terrible abusive memory, when in fact it was the warmth and love and regret those memories brought him that made him so very miserable. He hated himself for choosing Vampires over happiness, something he strictly denied himself, until the boy came.

Darren Shan had hope-filled eyes that reminded him so much of Juliet, the Prince was beginning to believe he was the reason those repressed memories had begun to resurface. The boy exuded a quiet confidence he had not felt since the first time Juliet had danced for him, her lithe body moving in time with a passing jazz musician they had walked past in the small town, the movements so vivid and sensual that he had to drag her into an abandoned alley so that he could take her roughly and erotically against a wall. Darren was so sure of himself and his own abilities, even when he knew he would fail, he tried over and over again just to be recognized. Mika would never admit it to the runt, but he respected him deeply. And that is how he found himself teaching the boy about Vampire lore, about past Generals and Princes, and their culture, all while his sire, Larten Crepsley, ever the mindful mentor, watched.

That is how they ended up in Mika's personal halls, looking for a piece of parchment that depicted a 'Family Tree' of sorts, from some of the earliest Vampires. The boy was helping him look through his many papers (many being far too few for Mika's standards, he was one of the few Vampires who openly endorsed writing things down rather than keeping them alive by spoken word, because memory, as he knew all too well, is a fickle mistress), when Darren pulled out the dusty, water stained and soot covered piece of paper believing it to be just as old as the one they sought. Mika didn't even notice the mistake until the boys happy chattering disappeared and Larten himself moved to take the parchment from him.

Mika recognized the pity in the young Princes' eyes. He snatched the paper out of Lartens' hands and quickly shoved it back into the drawer that Darren had pulled it from. His hands were shaking, the black leather gloves he had grown so accustomed to wearing were suddenly confining and hot and all he could think of was taking them off and stretching his fingers and for some strange reason, scratching at his own hands. His temple throbbed, and his eyes stung with long repressed tears. Mika was not one to take pity well, even less so when it was something that hung so heavily on his heart and mind.

He was going mad. Had been for months now, since Darrens coronation. His meandering mind was less reminiscent and more erratic with each passing day. The only times he could concentrate were with paper in his hand and battle plans on the war board.

"Mika-"

"Do not." He interjected roughly. Larten made a move to lead the boy out of the room, but Darren shrugged him off.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have read that… I-"

There was a loud crash as Mika slammed both of his fists on the heavy desk, rending the ancient wood into splinters. Darren stared wide eyed at the elder Vampire, and Larten merely glanced warily at his Prince, neither were quite sure what to say or do, and fleeing seemed oddly wrong.

Mika shook his head numbly and chuckled, staring at his broken desk, "It doesn't matter now Darren. Let us… forget about it. Do not bring it up again." He stared straight into Darren's eyes and the young Prince cringed. There was something frightfully empty about Mika's eyes. His thick black hair fell lank in front of his face, in need of a serious trim. His entire posture looked pained. All Darren could do was nod in response.

The elder Prince nodded back gruffly and shakily removed his gloves. "Here," he reached for a piece of paper sitting within the stack he had been sifting through, which now sat askew on the stone ground. "This is the chart I was looking for. Come, I will explain it to you." He gestured for the hall, Larten and Darren both backed out and made room for the Prince, but as soon as he was in the hall, Mika straightened his back and his face took on its normal piercing form.

"Pay attention, boy. I will not repeat myself." He snapped. Darren shook himself out of his confusion and followed his fellow Prince closely. "Come, Larten. I know you could use this information as well."

Mr. Crepsley was an expert at hiding his facial expressions, but it was hard not to scowl as Mika ver Leth blatantly ignored his own feelings. However, the elder Vampire followed in suit, doing his best to mind his own business.

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Darren collapsed onto his hammock, Harkat sauntered in after him. Though Darren had been crowned a Vampire Prince, he shrugged off their insistence for bigger chambers. He told them "I'm still in training for most of this stuff, I don't really deserve all the perks," Earning him a lot of respect from many of his elders. Instead he remained in his shared room with Harkat, their friendship had only grown stronger throughout the entire ordeal.

"I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life, Harkat." The Prince said, turning to look at his disfigured companion.

"How so?"

Darren sighed and leaned up, sitting in place as the hammock swung idly. "Well I can't explain everything, but I read something personal of Mika's." Harkat stared at him blankly. "Very personal."

"He didn't harm… you?"

Darren shook his head and gulped. "I think he wanted to." Harkat climbed into his own hammock and laid back. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Darren finally admit what was on his mind.

"I want to help him."

Harkat shook his head. "He is not… so forgiving that he would… open up to you… after that."

"But what if he does?"

"You're counting your… chickens."

Darren blinked, at first not understanding the analogy. "Harkat, if I can help Mika through his personal problems, then he'll be nicer to everyone. Don't you want that?"

Harkat let out a growling sigh. "Darren… you are not an expert on personal… problems. You're acting… childish."

"It's childish to want to help someone?"

"It is when they do not want your help."

The two roommates turned, shocked to see Mr. Crepsley standing in their doorway. "Darren."

"Mr. Crepsley." He smiled weakly. After leaving Mika's lecture, Larten had given Darren a stern warning to mind his own business in regards to his fellow prince.

Darren sat up,"Mr. Crepsley you can't honestly think that Mika is happy the way he is?"

Larten leaned against the entrance to the room. "I do not presume to know how he feels, and neither should you, Darren." He cast his eyes downward. "Mika ver Leth is a complicated Vampire. A well-respected one. Perhaps he is not at his best right now, but there is no reason to think that he needs your interference into his personal affairs."

Darren openly rolled his eyes. "So he's complicated and important. So am I. So are you!" he pointed accusingly at Larten, whose own sorrow from the death of a loved one had hung heavily over him for the past few months. Darren knew his mentor's eyes would never smile and crinkle the exact way they used to. He was coping well, considering. "He's feeling something… really deep, Mr. Crepsley. I think you know better than anyone that he's not acting

The orange-haired vampire's steady gaze never wavered, but Darren saw him flinch, if only for a half second, and immediately he regretted bringing it up.

Larten took a deep breath and blinked very slowly before turning. "I am going to say this one last time, Darren. Do not go poking your nose into the affairs of others. This is some of the best advice you will ever receive, especially in the Vampire world. We live a long time, and secrets are not uncommon among us. Pain and loss are not uncommon among us."

He left without another word.

Harkat watched Darren, who continued to sit with his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth creased in a frown.

"You should listen to him… Darren."

The young Vampire shook his head and sighed. "I should do a lot of things." He turned to Harkat, "But all this time I've been a vampire I've learned to listen to my gut over the advice of elders, and it's worked out pretty-"

"Horribly. I remember… you nearly drowned listening… to your gut."

Darren winced and chuckled at Harkat's interruption. "Well… maybe. But I'm still alive and I want to help Mika. So that's what I'm going to do." He lay back with a triumphant smirk on his face.

Harkat simply nodded. "Darren?"

"Harkat you're not going to talk me out of it."

"What if this ends… terribly?"

"What could be worse than Mika ver Cranky?"

"Mika ver… Killed Darren Shan… for snooping."

Darren blinked, unsure of what to say. Then he heard Harkat chuckle brokenly and he rolled his eyes. "Not funny Harkat."

"You say he needs help… you should have… nothing to be afraid of…"

"Yeah… he needs help." Darren smiled.

"But that doesn't mean… he wants it."

The smile vanished from Darren's face, and suddenly he realized what he had really taken on; getting Mika ver Leth to open up about his personal life. Somewhere a cold wind blew and hit Darrens spine, sending shivers through him.

He just hoped he came out of this with all of his limbs intact.

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Zoltar: Recommended listening; Boys2Men- 4 Seasons of Loneliness and Doin Just Fine, Bana- Half Pain