'It's ok,' Draco told himself, forcing his feet to carry him towards the front door. 'It's on my terms, my choice...' Feeling slightly faint, the boy reached out with a trembling hand to grasp the door handle, warm in his clammy palm.
It took two attempts before he managed to heave the heavy door open, needing to use the full strength of both arms.
Lucius Malfoy stood on the threshold of Number Five Spinner's End, a distinctly uncomfortable expression upon his pale face. As the door was slowly opened, he tried to smile, looking down at his young son.
"Good afternoon, Draco."
"Good afternoon," came the quiet, correct reply.
Draco stared up at his father with wide eyes, almost as though he were a surprise to see him, thought Lucius.
The elder Malfoy allowed his gaze to sweep across the boy, inspecting him critically for any change; He had grow, for one thing, and his hair was becoming too long and unruly... Lucius noticed also, with a pang of guilt, the long, thin scar which ran from Draco's lower ear down to his jaw. Something would have to be done about that, before it became permanent.
"May I come in?"
"Y-yes. Sorry." Draco hastened to obey, struggling to tug the door open wide enough for his father to enter.
The house seemed much smaller than Lucius remembered it; dark and silent. Eerily so. Everything was still.
"Are we alone?"
Although his father's tone was nothing less than amiable, his words sent a shiver down Draco's spine and he was suddenly very glad that Severus was only a little way away in the garden.
"They thought it would be better that way," he responded, not really knowing why he was speaking so softly, but feeling, somehow, that it was the right thing to do. "They said we should have privacy."
"I see."
They lingered awkwardly in the dim hall, each painfully aware of what needed to be said, but finding it impossible to begin.
'It was hard enough,' thought Lucius irately, 'writing it down, let alone saying it out loud...' But it had to be done. Best to get it over with...
He took a deep breath, "Draco-"
"Tea?" As though it were the answer to a question he had been puzzling over for a very long time, a look of triumph crossed the boy's face as the idea came to him.
Lucius nodded, relieved, and followed Draco to the kitchen.
"It took me ages to work out about 'lectricity and such," gabbled Draco as he leant over the too-high work surface, straining to reach the kettle. "But really, it's just like magic trapped inside wires, isn't it? Pretty much the same really..." He filled it with water and then replaced it, flicking the switch before busying himself with looking for mugs, all the while keeping his back to his father.
Lucius placed himself at the table and watched his son work. Dressed in what Lucius recognised as old clothes of Severus', face pink from being too long in the sun, Draco seemed healthy, he mused, and more...alive.
"I mean, I know that it isn't the same," Draco jabbered on uselessly, pouring steam into the two mugs he had found, "that would be silly-"
"Draco,"
"- but really it all ends in the same, like light and heat and such-"
"Draco."
Reluctantly, Draco stopped talking and turned to his father, chewing his lip nervously.
Lucius hesitated, choosing his words exceedingly carefully, then, "Just milk no sugar."
"Yessir."
"So, how have you been?" asked Lucius once the tea had been meticulously brewed and Draco had taken his place at the opposite side of the table.
"I'm okay."
The conversation not to be opened easily; Draco kept his eyes fixed determinedly on the mug cradled in his small hands, refusing to meet the question stare of his father.
How could it be, Lucius wanted to know, that this boy had tried to kill himself only weeks ago? How could it be that this child had been molested right under his nose and how could it be that he, Draco's father, had been oblivious to the entire thing?
"Draco, look at me please," Lucius reached out to touch Draco's hand. As quick as a whiplash, the boy flinched, jerking his hand away and upsetting the tea.
He scrambled instantly to clean up the mess that had been made, apologising frantically as he did so. "Sorry, sorry..."
"Stop." With a quick incantation, the spilt tea disappeared. Lucius spoke quickly this time, before there could be any more interruption, "I never meant for any of this to happen, Draco."
Trembling, Draco finally raised his eyes to meet his father's, a pained expression upon his face. "Then why did it?" he whispered.
For the first time, Lucius really saw the damage that had been done to his son and, also for the first time, Lucius Malfoy felt a true pang of regret. But it did not help him.
"I don't know," came the useless reply.
It was exactly the answer that Draco had been expecting, but that made it no less painful to hear. With a deep sigh, the boy brushed his hand roughly across his eyes, trying to ignore the emotion bubbling up inside him. But it was no use.
"Well, I know why!" Draco burst out angrily. "Because you made Sir leave me, that's why! That's the reason it all happened! It was all because you hated me for liking him more than I liked you! That's why you let Doctor Southard come and why you don't listen and why you hit me so much, because you're punishing me for having someone else care about me and you're jealous!"
Draco stood in the middle of the Snapes' kitchen floor, shaking from head to foot and panting from the excursion of his outburst. "If you'd tried to care just once," he finished unhappily. "I always wanted you to..." 'I still want you to,' Draco's blue-grey eyes- half his mother's, half his father's- pleaded.
This was not, in Lucius' opinion, how it was supposed to be going. He had not come here to be blamed and shouted at by his son! This was supposed to be a reconciliation, not an argument!
But, the elder Malfoy checked himself, the worst thing he could possibly do would be to lose his temper now. The aim of today was to make Draco want to come home and, to do so, Lucius would have to harness every bit of self-restraint he possessed.
"I have only ever wanted what was best for you," he said slowly, for what felt like the hundredth time. "I know and admit that I got it wrong, but my intentions have always been sincere."
Draco stared with pure incredulousness at his father. "How can you say that?" he whispered, "How can you even believe that?"
Lucius' patience was beginning to wear exceptionally thin. "Because it is true, Draco!" the words came out much sharper than he had wanted and he closed his eyes a moment to calm himself. "I wish that I could change what had been done, but I cannot," Lucius continued after a while, leaning forward to look Draco directly in the eyes, despite the resistance he could see there. "All I can do is to try and not repeat the mistakes in the future. And I can only do that if you are willing to give me another chance." The question was left to linger in the air, like smoke after a candle has been extinguished. But Draco did not respond.
He had not expected to become so angry so quickly, to feel so resentful. He had expected to feel pleased to be able to spend time with his father without having to worry about getting into any sort of trouble. Disappointment was forcing Draco to question everything he had thought he wanted; Even if things were to change at home, he still wasn't sure that he wanted to be there. Like his father had said, you cannot change what has already been done, and there were too many bad memories at home for Draco to be able to go back and start again.
With a growing fear, Lucius watched as doubt crept across his son's face; Draco was slipping away from him. This would not do at all. Although he had been half-prepared for the possibility that Draco would be reluctant to come home, he had not prepared himself in the slightest for the prospect that he would be completely rejected. This was not something that he could allow to happen.
"I promise you that it will not be the same," said Lucius, fighting to keep the desperation from showing in his voice. "I want to do better, to be better..."
And, at that moment, he meant it with every single part of himself.
"I'm sorry. I can't."
Numbness shot through Lucius' body, making the man reel inwardly.
This was not what was supposed to happen!
Draco watched his father absorb what he had said with increasing nervousness, almost backing away as anger flashed across Lucius' features. 'But it will be okay,' he assured himself, unconvinced. 'This is still on my terms...'
"I-I'm sorry," he repeated hesitantly, hoping to diffuse the explosion that was sure to be coming.
A stony silence was all the boy's apology was met with.
Finding the atmosphere suddenly unbearable, Draco rose quickly, trying to excuse himself, "I'm just... I'm just going to get S-"
"Stay where you are."
Draco sat, wide-eyed and tense.
"You owe me, Draco," hissed Lucius, his face hard with anger.
The boy winced at 'owe', his heart picking up pace. "I-I don't-"
"Yes you do. I could have had Severus thrown into Azkaban like that-" Lucius snapped his fingers, "- and I am still entirely within my rights to do so."
Draco paled, horrified and sickened by what he knew was coming.
"And so," his father continued with an out-of-place smile, "I shall make a deal with you, Draco; agree to come home and I won't send the aurors after Severus."
Not understanding how the situation could be turned with such abruptness, Draco tried to plead, "But...but in your letter, you said-"
"I stand by everything I said," Lucius interrupted smoothly. "It is entirely your choice. I hoped that I would not have to mention this specific... clause, but, nevertheless, it is still up to you."
Confidence and control had slipped through Draco's fingers without him even noticing, leaving only the all too familiar feeling of helplessness which was gradually draining him of all energy and fight. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, the boy wondered to himself wearily, if what the letter said was true... It would be a little bit better at least. Bearable.
"Well?" Lucius pressed. "Have we an agreement?"
Draco swallowed hard and then forced himself to nod.
His father smiled and rose serenely. "Good, I am glad that has been decided." Lucius held out a hand to Draco, "Come, let us go tell Severus the good news."
The boy neither smiled nor took the offered hand. He felt empty and angry with himself and didn't want to move anywhere.
The smile faded from Lucius' face and the man knelt down suddenly in front of Draco, grabbing his son's thin harm. "Now you listen to me," he hissed, an inch from Draco's face, "unless you start trying to be positive about this and stop acting like the wounded party, that letter will have left my desk and be on its way to the Ministry before you can blink, do you understand me?"
Draco glared at his father, his indignation such that he barely felt the pain in his arm. "Fine."
"No not fine." Lucius' long fingers tightened, making Draco wince. "You will put a smile on your face, you will assure them that you do want to come home and you will swear on your life that you are happy. You will never give Severus a reason to interfere again, Draco, do I make myself clear?"
"Yes!" the boy whimpered, pulling desperately at his father's hand. "P-please..."
And Lucius released him, expression softening. "I will not stop you seeing him," he promised Draco. "And I did mean what I said in my letter. But I cannot have you running off to Severus every time things get a little bit difficult, you see?"
Draco nodded tearfully, looking down at the small bruises that had blossomed on his arm.
"Come on then."
And this time, wiping his eyes, Draco obeyed.
We shook hands, Lucius and I; both, I think, relieved to have been able to mend the friendship. I very much looked forward to being able to spend time with him just as friends, rather than as his employee or as an enemy, as I had definitely become. It would be nice to be able to be able to visit Malfoy Manor without having to worry about Draco. The concerns I had had for my godson prior to Lucius' visit diminished completely after he had left; he was sincere in his promises and his regret and there was no doubt in my mind that Draco would be happier at home now.
We agreed that Draco would stay at Spinner's End until late August, to make the most of the time before I left to start teaching at Hogwarts and, after that, he would return to Wiltshire. My mother made Lucius promise again that Draco would be allowed to come back for a weekend every fortnight and that Lucius would be sure to ask for some time off from fatherhood, should he need it. Lucius promised and, for once, I believed him.
A weight had finally been lifted from my shoulders and, now, I could leave for Hogwarts with a clear conscience.
A/N: :) A bit longer this time! x