Daryl felt Michonne shiver. He wrapped his leg around her, and pulled her in closer to him. As tight as he could get them.
Michonne felt him pull her in, roughly, but she appreciated the action. He was as tightly wrapped around her as he could, his arms and hands as tightly pressed into her skin as they could be. Even though he shaved from time to time, his whiskers were growing back and they scratched the back of her neck as he nuzzled into her.
Daryl was a nuzzler. Michonne had never thought that she would find beard burn on the back of her neck so comforting, so soothing.
Michonne sighed a heavy sigh.
"What'cha thinkin'?" Daryl asked, sleepily.
Michonne hadn't realized he was fully awake. If it had been any other man, anyone she'd known before, she wouldn't have responded with anything besides "nothing", but this was Daryl, and you could say whatever you wanted to say to him.
"I was just thinking about how much I love you," she said.
Daryl smiled, not sure if she knew it or not.
"I love you too, 'Chonne," he said. He was always disappointed when he said those words. He did love her, but the problem was that he still didn't feel they were appropriate. They weren't really what he felt when he touched her. When he touched her, when he smelled her, when he tasted her, it wasn't just "I love you" that he felt, it was something different. He lived her. He breathed her. She was everything he'd ever wanted, everything he'd ever needed, and he hadn't even known it until she'd allowed him to hold her in his arms. How could he put that into words? "'Chonne," he started after a minute, "how long you reckon we been together?"
"I don't know, Daryl," Michonne admitted. "At least a year, but I don't know how long exactly."
A year? Daryl thought about it. Had it only been a year? He couldn't believe that. Michonne must be mistaken. It had been much longer than that. When he thought back in his mind about his life he'd never really felt happy until he'd become Michonne's, and he couldn't believe that all the happiness he felt spanned only a year.
Michonne thought about it. She wasn't sure how long she'd been with Daryl. With the way that things went these days, a year seemed like an eternity, but it really didn't seem that long for the life they'd known before. Maybe it had been longer than that. She wasn't sure.
She thought for a moment about life before all of this and the men that she'd known before. There had been a point, after a while, where they'd just lost interest. There wasn't really much of an explanation, it just seemed like there was a point where they were no longer interested in you. You'd become dull, old news. Daryl had never felt like that kind of man, but admitting out loud that she didn't know how long they'd been together made her a little uncomfortable. She hated to admit to herself that she was wondering, even for a moment, if he might turn into that kind of man.
"What's wrong?" Daryl asked. He felt Michonne tense. He didn't think he'd hurt her, but then sometimes he accidentally caught her hair or scratched her when he never meant to.
"Nothing." Michonne mumbled. Daryl didn't think it had felt like nothing.
"What's wrong, 'Chonne?" He urged.
"Nothing, Daryl, I was just thinking about life before all of this," Michonne said.
"What about it?" He asked.
"I was thinking about people, Daryl, and about how sometimes men get to a point after a while where they are just done with you, where they want something new," Michonne said. Her husband had cheated on her. Her second baby was barely crawling before she'd found him in her bed with another woman.
"You want somethin' new?" Daryl asked, leaning up on his arm, a catch in his voice.
"No, Daryl, I don't want anything new," she said. "My husband…my first husband, wanted something new."
Daryl squeezed her tighter to him, almost cutting off her breath.
"Please, 'Chonne, don't want nothin' new 'cause I don't never want nothin' new," he said.
Michonne smiled to herself a little. He was still thinking that the concern that she had was that she would want something new eventually. He had no idea that this insecurity was her own about him. Poor Daryl…he hadn't realized yet that she too was capable of insecurity.
"I'm not going to ever want anything new, Daryl," Michonne said, "I just hope you don't decide that you want something new later."
"'Chonne, I ain't never had nothin', I certainly don't care if what I got is new or not," Daryl said.
And there it was. That was the kind of guarantee that you could get from Daryl. The most sincere that he had to offer. Michonne didn't take it as any kind of insult. It was the purest kind of promise that she could get. Daryl was hers, and she was his. As long as they lived, whether it was two days or twenty years, that was simply the way that things were going to be.
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"You've got three days," Carol said to Michonne after breakfast. "You need to do whatever you need to do to let me know if you want to go through with this or not."
"Fine, I'll tell Daryl that we need to call a meeting after dinner," Michonne said.
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Daryl was tense. He didn't know what bringing this up to the group would be like. They could react in a number of ways.
"So, we're not saying it's the best idea anyone ever had, or that it's without flaws, but we thought we'd present it to everyone," Michonne said, finally. She'd presented all the thoughts she had on the matter. All the pros and cons that she'd mapped out. Things she recognized could go wrong, and things that could go well, in an ideal universe. She felt like this had been the first time she'd put her law degree to complete use since all this happened. Everyone looked at her a little absently before anyone moved to start offering their thoughts.
"Well, you haven't had problems having kids before, and I haven't felt like Hope was exactly that much of a stress to everyone," Rachel said. "There was that situation with Hershel, though."
"That wasn't Hope's fault, entirely," Carol said, feeling the need to intervene. "Being overcome by a herd can happen, and it didn't help that none of us were armed. That had to do with being too comfortable more than anything." She glanced at Maggie and Beth, wondering how they'd react to the discussion.
"If we had to go on the road while I was feeding, I'd ride in a car," Michonne offered. "I do recognize that it was wrong to do otherwise now, and I'm deeply sorry for that." She cast a glance at Maggie, and then at Beth, but neither looked at her with accusation.
"I guess it doesn't really matter what we think about it," Glenn said, "if you want to have a baby, that's your business."
"No, it's not," Michonne said. "If I don't make it through the birth…" she paused a second, feeling Daryl squeeze her thigh, that was a possibility that she was aware of but he was strongly trying to ignore, "then someone is going to have to help Daryl. If something happens along the way and Daryl and I don't make it, then the children will need someone to take care of them, and that means two instead of just Hope," she offered.
"Carol will take care of them," Maggie offered.
"I may not always be here," Carol said softly. "Clearly, I'd take care of them as long as I could, but I may not always be here."
Some of the group looked struck, Maggie included. The idea of losing them all had been something that she clearly had never thought of. There was a moment of silence.
"Well, I don't intend to have any children," Maggie said, "so Glenn and I would take care the children if something happened."
After a moment Glenn intervened. "Maggie, I hate to be negative, but what universe are you in where Michonne, Daryl, and Carol don't make it, but we're still here to take care of the kids?"
Glenn looked deflated at the moment.
"It could happen, Glenn," Michonne said. "There are a lot of things that could happen. Maggie, we're happy to know that you're with us and willing to offer your services."
"If we were here, I'd help," Stella offered. Dominique nodded.
Many of the people didn't have much to say, but they did nod some sign that they were fine with the plan.
Michonne drew a breath, and put her hand on Daryl's leg.
"What about you, Rick?" she asked after a second. He'd been silent the entire time.
Rick was quiet for a minute.
"Am I going to say it's the best idea we've had so far? No, I'm not going to say that. I don't think it's a great idea to bring more lives into this, this world is too unpredictable and we don't even have a doctor. I will say, though, that if you decide to go through with the plan then I'm not going to stop you," Rick said. He looked at Daryl for a minute. "Daryl wants a family, and if you're willing to put yourself in this position to do it, then I'll support the two of you. We already have Hope, and we have Judith. If you want to try to add one more to the mix, and everyone else is on board, then I'll deal with it, but ultimately it's the two of you who have to decide if you're willing to take on all the risks."
Michonne let out the breath that she realized she was holding.
"Is anyone opposed, then, to the idea?" She asked.
"You could die," Carl said, suddenly, "you could die like my mom did."
Michonne's face softened.
"Carl, I know that's a risk. We're hoping, though, that since I haven't ever needed a caesarian section in the past, I won't need one now," Michonne said, trying to soften her tone. "I'm going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening, but I do know that anything is a possibility. I just have to hope it doesn't happen."
Carl looked pensive for a minute. Michonne looked at Rick, but there wasn't anything more in his face than in anyone else's.
Carl didn't respond to her, though Michonne offered him a few minutes to speak up.
"Anyone? I want to make sure that you're all as with us as you can be," Michonne said again. Daryl was silent beside her, as she had requested.
No one protested, all of them shaking their heads, some with more conviction than others.
Michonne took a deep breath.
"Thank you," she said. "Then I guess we'll be trying this in the next few months."
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Carol was out of sorts. Tyreese could tell that much. She'd responded to him, but it had all been halfhearted, and he knew she wasn't really with him.
"Where are you?" He asked after a while.
"What?" She asked in the darkness.
"Where are you?" He repeated. "You're not with me, so where are you?"
"Nowhere," she said, "I'm just here."
"No you're not. What are you thinking about?" He pressed.
"Everything." She responded. It was the most honest answer she could give. She was worried about so much. She felt responsible for so much, and yet she felt that all she was responsible for was out of her control.
"Talk to me," he said.
"I don't know what to say," Carol said, "I'm worried about the spring. If the harvest doesn't make after we plant, people are going to look at me. I'm worried about the baby, if I mess up, if something happens, I could lose my best friend, and Daryl would never forgive me, I'm just worried."
Tyreese hugged her.
"None of this is your problem," he said, "you can only do what you can do. You're just human, and no one is going to hold that against you. I won't let them."