AN: I'd like to post this disclaimer here, since soon it may become necessary.
I'm not a farmer, nor do engage in many of the activities that my characters will be engaged in, that being said, Google is my friend and I have been having conversations (after I explained why) with some people that I know that do/have engaged in these activities (farming by hand, smoking and drying meat in smokehouses, etc.)
That being said, I ask you to hold tight to your suspension of disbelief with minor details. Though I'm trying to be as thorough as I can in making sure I have at least a decent grasp on anything I'll be discussing, there may be some things that are not 100% correct, nor do I claim to be an expert, I'm simply going to do the best I can to bring you the most correct depictions that I am able to provide.
That being said, I hope you enjoy as we continue on.
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1111111111111
It was the first mild days that they'd seen, though it was certainly no sign that spring was upon them. It was a sign, however, that spring was coming. It wouldn't be long before the layers that they'd momentarily shed were layers that they wouldn't need to pull back on when temperatures dropped again.
There was something about the touch of warmth in the air and the first few minor signs that the world was waking up from its frosty slumber that was rejuvenating to everyone. It was like the world was returning to life, starting again after the icy winter, and that made you just feel hopeful, expectant. Even with as bleak as things could be at times, there was some animalistic "self" inside all of them that seemed to sense the coming of spring and respond by feeling more alive.
Michonne wandered over to the area where Tyreese was, with the help of Glenn and Rick, working hard toward finishing the smokehouses they'd been working on. The structures were larger than Michonne had imagined they'd be, each taking up an entire sizable yard of the community. Tyreese must be pretty confident in Daryl's hunting and tracking abilities because he was preparing for quite the amount of meat to be brought in.
Maggie and Glenn had taken some of the younger ones on another run. They'd been doing runs like crazy. The woman and child that Michonne and Daryl had found squatting in her old home, as well as the community that they knew existed out there somewhere, in very close proximity, were just two small reminders that they were sharing this area with an unknown number of others, and Maggie had become fiercely determined to gather everything before anyone else got their hands on it.
Michonne had noticed a certain something in Maggie when they went on runs lately. Each box of supplies she found was like a high for Maggie, it did something to her mood. If anyone so much as mentioned when or if they might move on in the future, Maggie's mood would immediately sink, but each box of supplies they found, each shelf that they filled, would raise it higher and higher.
Michonne was fairly certain that she had an idea what was causing the change. Maggie had begun to associate movement with danger, with death, and with uncertainty. While it was true that they all somewhat related moving on to these things, for Maggie it had become an extreme connection. Everything they had, everything they found and collected, meant more time that they weren't moving, and she wasn't risking that the other groups get ahold of things that could cost them time. Stocking had become an obsession for her, but they all had their obsessions, and hers was harmless. It helped the group and it did insure them a longer "stay" period.
The other groups in the area had become a silent concern for everyone. No one really knew what to expect. They hadn't encountered others face to face since Michonne and Daryl had found the squatters, but they were waiting for the day that it happened. They lived rather openly, burning fires for cooking and heating water whenever they wanted, and the constant ins and outs of hauling things and going on runs could draw the attention of anyone nearby. It was just a matter of time before they had to come face to face with other survivors. No one knew exactly how they felt about the possible future encounters. Michonne felt they were more likely with the weather warming up. Wherever the other groups were holding up against the cold, they might be more inclined to explore the area once they weren't worried about both Walkers and frost.
As Michonne lingered around, watching for a moment the progress on the smokehouses, she was joined by Carol, who was bringing water out to the men. She paused a little longer with Tyreese than she did with the others, quickly pecking him on the lips and then brushing her hand on his arm as she walked away from him and toward Michonne, her smile lingering. Michonne also didn't miss that Tyreese turned as Carol walked toward her and watched her walking away.
"What are you up to?" Carol asked, walking up.
"Just trying to figure out where I'm most useful," Michonne said.
"Probably down at the demo site. Everyone is working like crazy down there. I'm about to take some water down there, I can walk with you," Carol said.
"Sure, I'll help you carry it," Michonne said. She followed Carol to collect up one of the two buckets that she was taking down to those that were already working.
The demolition crews were working like crazy these days. All the land that they'd decided would be for planting had already been cleared, hoed, and was ready to go. This was causing everyone to turn their attention to trying to take down more of the houses and take up more of the streets in that area. It was like they viewed every square inch of possible ground that they could clear as adding a tangible amount of time to their stay, and they were giving it all they had to increase that space as much as possible before it was time to plant.
"So, have you and Tyreese said it yet?" Michonne asked when she was walking with Carol.
"Said what?" Carol asked.
"You know, said you love each other?" Michonne responded, smiling.
"No, we haven't said it yet," Carol said. "I don't even know if he feels that way…I don't even know if I feel that way."
"Come on, Carol, it's written all over your face. You look at him like some kind of lovesick schoolgirl, and you know it," Michonne said.
Carol stopped walking and Michonne stopped with her.
"I've never had anyone in my life like Tyreese before. I've known other women that were married to men like him, but I could never imagine it, not with Ed," Carol said.
"So? I've never had anyone like Daryl, and he's never had anyone before, it doesn't mean it isn't real," Michonne said.
"I don't know, I don't want to be the first to say it," Carol said.
"Do you think that saying it will make it not real?" Michonne asked.
"I don't know how he'd respond if I said it," Carol said.
"Well, do you think he loves you too? I mean it's clear to see how he looks at you. He doesn't look at you like someone who doesn't love the person their looking at. Maybe he wants you to be the first to say it. You know, Tyreese could be just as nervous as you are. He might think if he says it first you'll go running away," Michonne said.
"I don't know," Carol said, "it might be too soon."
Michonne picked up her bucket again.
"I don't think there's any such thing as too soon anymore, not when it comes to telling people you care about them. We may not have too many tomorrows left to back up the 'I'll say something tomorrow' mentality, but if you don't feel it, then I guess you shouldn't say it," Michonne said.
"How did you know for sure that you loved Daryl?" Carol asked.
Michonne smiled.
"Well, honestly I was pregnant with Hope before I ever said it, but I think I knew a long time before that. I think I knew I loved him when I realized that I couldn't imagine my life anymore without him in it. I didn't want to imagine my life without him in it," she said.
"Daryl's different than Tyreese, though, I mean it was obvious from the minute that Daryl decided the two of you were together that nothing was going to change that," Carol said.
"And how is Tyreese different? Has he given you any indication that he's any less dedicated to your relationship? He might not be as clingy as Daryl, but that doesn't mean that he's not just as loyal," Michonne offered.
They started walking again.
"Tyreese might still be looking for something better, you know? Something that could be a better match for him. I'm not really what he needs," Carol said. "He could find something better out there."
Michonne stopped again and caught Carol by the arm.
"I, for one, don't think anyone could do much better, Carol. Remember that some of these are your insecurities, and hopefully you'll overcome them one day, but don't put them on Tyreese. I don't think it would enter his mind that there's anything better than you out there, so don't hold yourself back from him just because you haven't worked over some obstacles. You're a wonderful woman, and I think that Tyreese sees that, I think it's maybe just you who hasn't seen it yet," Michonne said.
Carol smiled at her, but she didn't say anything. They continued on in silence to the demolition sight where Michonne quickly went to work with the others, leaving Carol behind, commenting on the progress that was being made and handing out water to those that had already worked up quite a thirst.
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1
Michonne lie in bed that night and told Daryl stories, which she listened to him repeat back to her, with his own little twists. Ever since he'd first seen pictures of the girls he'd wanted to know everything about them. He wanted to know first words, first steps, favorite colors, favorite animals, everything.
At first it had been hard on Michonne to answer all of his questions. Every time she thought of them or talked about them, all she could remember was the last time that she saw them. All the feelings came crashing down on her from the last time that she held them, knowing that they were gone from her forever.
But as she continued to tell the stories of the happier times in their lives, and she continued to listen to him retell the stories, painting them ever so slightly different by inserting himself and telling her what he would have done if he'd been part of the story, it had become much easier to talk about them. Now when she thought about them, it wasn't so much about that final day, instead it was more about all the wonderful days before that.
There were stories about a trip to the zoo, but now instead of just an exhausted Michonne lugging two toddlers around the zoo, barely able to enjoy their excitement through her own exhaustion and resentment at the men in her life that were above taking two young girls to see the animals, there was Daryl there, telling her about how he'd lift them up at the exhibits to see the zebras and the lions, right over the tops of the heads of any inconsiderate tall people that would try to block their view. There were stories of birthday parties, pony rides, and petting zoos, all retold to her with a refreshing Daryl perspective.
As Michonne listened to Daryl's versions of the stories that she told him, listened to how he reshaped them in his head in to what they should have been, she slowly started to really understand how Daryl's imaginary family could have pulled him through a lot of bad times in his life. It really was nice to get inside the world that he painted. She could even imagine herself there and, though she wasn't ever much of a cook, she could see herself serving her family some elaborate meal at dinnertime where they'd all sit and laugh and talk about their day. His family, the one that he spent time with in his head, was a family that was built entirely on love. Everyone loved everyone, and everyone was happy. He simply wouldn't allow it to be any other way.
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111
Carol had been starting and stopping all night like she was going to say something. Tyreese wanted her to just say whatever was on her mind, but he had no idea what that was, so he was trying to be patient and let her work it out for herself. Finally, she started again and then stopped and he couldn't take it any longer.
"What's on your mind, Carol?" He asked. He felt her sort of flinch, and he hugged her a little. "Easy, Carol," he said in a soft voice, "what's going on?"
"Nothing," she said, "it's not important."
"Whatever it is, it's had you sighing for at least an hour, why don't you just tell me what it is and we'll talk about it, even if it's not important," Tyreese offered.
"I was just…" Carol started, "I don't know if you…"
Tyreese laughed a little.
"Spit it out, Carol, just don't think about whatever it is and spit it out. We'll work out the bugs once I know what's got you so uptight," he said.
"I…," Carol paused again and took a deep breath, "I think I love you," she blurted, finally. She closed her eyes, involuntarily flinching a little.
Tyreese was quiet, trying to process what she'd just said, and trying to process his own feelings. He hadn't thought about whether or not he loved Carol, or even what it meant to love someone new in this world. Everything these days happened so quickly, life happened quickly, death happened quickly, perhaps it was only natural to think that love would happen just as quickly as anything else.
Tyreese was only certain that he had loved one woman in his life before all this happened, and that had been Lizzie. He had loved Lizzie more than he'd ever thought he could. There had been women before her, and there had been women after her, but none had ever had the impact on him that Lizzie had.
One thing he knew for sure, Carol was unlike any of the women he'd ever had in his life. He'd always been attracted to strong, independent, powerful women. Lizzie had been that kind of woman. She'd taken control of situations, taken control of him, and he'd loved that about her. He had often thought that's why he was attracted to Michonne when he'd first joined the group. She was the kind of woman that took control of a man, the kind that let a man know that if she gave him the reigns, it was of her own choosing, not because he had any real control. Carol couldn't be less like that if she tried to be.
Carol was a strong woman, of that he had no doubt. If she hadn't been strong, she wouldn't have survived this long without cracking underneath everything. The world before would have cracked her, the scars on her body were a written testament to her strength, and the world since, especially with the burden she quietly carried as she tried to pull the weight of three or four women, surely would have broken her. She was strong, and she'd been, to at least some degree, independent, but she wasn't one to take control of any man.
Carol was soft and gentle. She was coming more into herself with Tyreese, but there constant reminders that she was battling demons he wasn't sure he wanted to know about, but to him the important part was that she was battling them.
Carol was fragile in his mind. He'd often told her that she was too thin. She needed to eat more. He could feel more of her bones than he was comfortable with, and no matter how hard she hugged him or held him when they were alone together, he always restrained himself from holding her equally as tight, afraid that he might hurt her, or might break something. She seemed that fragile to him.
Yet there was something about her, and something he felt toward her that he'd never felt before. He felt like she needed him, and he wasn't sure he'd ever known a woman that needed him. She had started to trust him, and part of that trust was that he'd protect her, that he'd keep her from being harmed. He didn't know, exactly, what she thought he'd protect her from, it wasn't Walkers, but she seemed to think he'd protect her from something.
He didn't know if it was love, exactly, but he'd come to savor certain moments. In particular he'd come to savor the times that she fell asleep on him most of all. It was then that she was the most vulnerable, a state he knew frightened her, but she felt safe enough with him to fall asleep right there with her head on his chest. Maybe that's what love was in this day and age, maybe love was enjoying the feeling of knowing that someone who had once been frightened by you now found your presence comforting enough to sleep, lying softly against you.
"I'm sorry," Carol stammered, "I'm sorry…"
Tyreese was snapped out of his thoughts.
"What?" He said.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I guess it was too soon, I didn't mean to upset you."
Tyreese realized that he'd been silent too long and she'd misinterpreted the silence for him being upset by her declaration of love.
"I'm not upset, Carol," he said. "I was just thinking. I was thinking about how different you are from the last woman that I loved."
Carol raised her head up, and though it was dark, Tyreese could tell that she was looking at him.
"So you…" she let her voice trail off, but she didn't move.
"Love you? Yes, Carol, I do love you," Tyreese said. "You just made me think of my wife, and I guess I got a little lost for a minute."
"You were married before?" Carol asked, sinking back down against him. She was so soft against him. He smiled and rubbed her back.
"Yes I was. Her name was Elizabeth, but I called her Lizzie because she hated when anyone called her Lizzie, but she liked it when I did," Tyreese said.
"Did you lose her when this all started?" Carol asked softly.
"No, I lost Lizzie a long time ago. After that, I spent most of my time looking after Julie. I had my hands full with her. There were a few women after Lizzie, but none of them meant much," Tyreese said.
"Who was Julie?" Carol asked.
"My daughter," Tyreese said.
"You didn't tell me you had a daughter," Carol said.
"No one ever asked," Tyreese said.
He waited quietly for a minute for her to ask about his daughter and if he'd lost her when it all started, but Carol didn't ask. He knew she was sensitive about asking too many questions about life before.
"Lizzie passed away from cancer when Julie was little. I did the best I could with the girl, but I lost her when all this happened," he said. He knew she wouldn't ask him for details, and for that he was thankful.
"So you were a single father?" Carol asked.
Tyreese chuckled a little. "Yeah, I guess that's what you could call it," he said.
Carol knew there was something of a caretaker in Tyreese. He was very delicate with her, very aware of her feelings and what she wanted or needed. Maybe some of that had come from raising a child on his own, or maybe it had been what had helped him raise a child on his own. That was a chicken and egg question, and Carol knew it was of very little importance. She realized then that she knew so little about his life before, and she felt bad at first. Then she thought about it a little more. None of them really knew all that much about each other's lives before all this, they knew some of the details, but only the ones that they chose to share. There was a lot that he didn't know about her, though he either knew or suspected some of it. Still, no matter what she knew or didn't know about his life, she was certain of her feelings for him. He'd said he loved her too, and she wanted to believe it, wanted to believe it more than anything else that she'd heard in a long time.
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 111
Michonne finished feeding Hope after Beth found her, declaring that the baby was putting up more than a fight for milk after she'd eaten what solid food they could get her take for lunch. She returned the baby to Beth's care and went in search of Daryl, whom she hadn't seen for most of the day. She found Daryl over by himself, fashioning a pile of wire contraptions and wooden contraptions.
"What are you doing?" She asked, sitting down in the dirt near him.
"Makin' frames and stakes," he said, matter-of-factly. "Some of what Carol's gonna try to grow won't get there on its own, it's gonna needa lil' help so I'm makin' some stuff to help it out."
"Well aren't you handy?" Michonne said, smiling at him as he bit his tongue slightly, bending some wire into place.
"Just think about it, 'Chonne, pretty soon we'll be growin' most of what we need right here, and we'll be able to pick it an' eat it, an' we won't have to worry so much 'bout how much we got us in storage 'cause we'll be storin' up all kinds of stuff," he said, still not looking at her.
"You're right, Daryl, we'll be growing a lot of things," she said.
"You growin' us nothin' yet, 'Chonne?" Daryl asked.
"I don't think so, Daryl," Michonne said, "but you'll be second, or probably third to know when I am."
"Why I gotta be third?" He asked, still not looking up from his work.
"Carol's got a way of smelling these things out. I imagine it'll be like it was with Hope. She'll be the first to know, then she'll let me in on it, and then I'll tell you. Either way, you'll know as soon as I do," Michonne said.
"I reckon that's good enough for me, 'Chonne, but I hope it don't take too long," Daryl said.
"Be patient, Daryl, I already told you that I'm not a gumball machine," Michonne said. She got to her feet, and started to walk off, stopping to ruffle his hair. He grabbed her leg and kissed her on the thigh.
"I know that, 'Chonne, don't you worry," he said.
When he let go, Michonne walked toward the demolition crew, ready to help them add a few more feet to the land that they saw as their salvation.