This chapter is a little crazy, but I enjoyed writing it. If you didn't know (I would be shocked if you didn't), in Japan they usually say surnames first. I'm saying that to avoid confusion. Enjoy!

~~~Chapter Thirteen~~~

"Hana-chan!"

She grinned at me. Just at me. She ran her fingers through my black hair, staring into my crystal blue eyes. She hoisted me up onto her lap, and let me feel the strings. It was an ordinary day in the garden. Nice, peaceful. Quiet.

"Show me your special song, Hanako," Mama cooed. I climbed off of her lap and grabbed my violin and bow. I had been working on this song for a while, and I could not wait to show her.

I started to play my song. I thought it was going well. I thought it was beautiful. I thought she would praise me.

But after I heard her quiet cries, I realized that it was not going well. It was not beautiful. And she would not praise me. Never again would she pat my head and pull me onto her lap. Never again would she kiss my cheek and sing me to sleep.

Never again.

That was the day I realized I created the song of death.

That was the day I killed my mother.

I abruptly woke up, and immediately sat up. My head was throbbing. I looked around. The walls were white. Everything was white. Except for the sheets, which had splatters of blood on them.

Is that my blood?

Where am I?

I rub my temples. I remembered. I remembered why everyone hated me. Why I was the rejected child. Why I chose this power.

I am Hayashi Hanako. I had a name, all along. I remembered why I had not remembered.

My memory was wiped. So I would not remember I killed my mother. So I would not understand a thing.

Why am I remembering it now? I do not know. I must have gone insane. This must be an asylum that I am in.

"Hayashi Shizuka?"

I looked up. A lady in a nurse's outfit was at my bedside. Shizuka... Right.

"How are you feeling?" she asked with a smile.

"..."

"It says here you're a selective mute..." she says, voice trailing off. I must be in a hospital of some sort, not some asylum.

"Oh, you've gotten more blood on the sheets. I'll change those right away."

She strips the fabric from the bed. I notice I am in a hospital gown.

"Um..." I mumble. I have to try.

"Yes?"

"Where am I?"

"Why, you're at Tsukino Clinic. You had passed out at Heavens Arena. A young boy carried you here... Ah, Killua-sama," the nurse explained, adjusting the new sheets that now covered me.

"Do you know who I'm talking about?" she inquired. I peeked at her name tag. Ayumi.

"Oh... um... Yes," I murmured.

"That's good. Please get some rest-"

Ah! Um... uh..." I blurt, gripping the fresh crisp sheets.

"Yes?"

"Where is... Killua?" I croak. I do not know why, but I need to see him.

"I'm sorry miss, I'm not sure..."

"I... I need to see him! Now!" I start to get out of bed, but she stops me and forces me back in.

"No, I... I have to...!"

"You need to rest, miss! Please stay in your bed."

Ayumi-san bows, and then leaves.

I start to cry. I sob and sob. I open my mouth, wanting to scream, but the noise will not come out. I do not want to be alone again. I do not want to be alone, ever again.

But that is not how it works.

I do not want to be stuck on a bench bawling, waiting for someone to come. I need to get out of here.

I wipe my eyes and quietly slide out of the bed. My bare feet touch the cold sterilized tile. I cringe as the IV tugs at my skin. I tightly shut my eyes as I pull it out. The pain is tolerable, but it stings. A lot.

I glance around for my clothes, and spot them on one of the counters. My shoes are by the door. I peel the gown off of me and quickly change into my clothes. Every part of me is shaking, but I do not have time I waste. I need to find everyone.

After pulling my boots on, I turn and look at the window. One step at a time,holding onto everything I can, I make my way to it. This clinic must be ridiculously small. I am not that high up.

I unlock pull at the window, trying to get it open, but my muscles are not responding. If I try any harder, it hurts.

I take a deep breath, and yank on it really hard. It pops open, and I pant heavily. I am still shaking, but that needs to be the least of my concerns. I position myself and sit on the edge. It is not that high of a jump, but I am still scared.

Just do it already.

I push myself off and I fall. I land on my feet, but the shock sends a jolt through my body and I topple over.

"Damn, that hurt..." I mutter, using all of my strength to get up. I easily spot Heavens Arena. It looks close, but it is far.

"You have to hurry... Just... Just run..."

I take off, ignoring the pain, ignoring everything. I need answers. I need a proper explanation.

Why can I not remember what happened at Heavens Arena? The nurse said I passed out. Why was there blood, then? I just cannot recall. Why can I not remember!?

I start to trip over my own feet. Pulling myself up again, I continue.

You are almost there. Keep going. It will be over soon. Keep going! Keep going!

Through twisting alleys and narrow paths, I find my way to the steps that lead to the entrance of Heavens Arena. I catch my breath at the bottom of them.

Hanako. That is your name.

I get on my hands and knees, and climb these filthy stairs. I have no more energy, but I am almost there. I do not even want to see Killua. I just want to get to my room. I want to take a bath. I want to sleep.

I push through all the people, despite their scoldings. I just catch the elevator.

"200th floor?"

"...Yes."

I impatiently tap my foot as I watch the numbers rise and rise. The attendant does not even look at me. My clothes are stained with blood and my hair is a mess. I would not even look at me.

I rush out and hurry down the hall. Instead of going to my room, I stop at Killua's.

And I knock. Not briskly. Just a few small knocks.

Moments later it opens.

"What- What the hell are you doing here!?" an angry Killua yells.

"Shut up." I push him out of the way and enter his room. And I start pacing. Pacing and pacing.

"You should be at that hospital. You should be recovering. You should be away from me!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I scream, pulling my hair, "I cannot take this anymore. I am going insane. Just shut up and listen to me!"

He shifts his weight onto his left leg. "I'm listening, then."

I take a deep breath. No more stuttering. No more mumbling. Just talk.

"I... remember my childhood. I remember why my family hates me, why I was the outcast," I begin. His eyes are wide, and he opens his mouth, about to speak, but he stops.

"My name is Hayashi Hanako. And I killed my mother."

••••••••••

And we'll stop there for now. It's about to get even more crazy... Sigh. I can't wait, haha.

I watched, like, the first 3 episodes of this anime called 'Sunday Without God'. I have never cried so hard because of anime, wow. I cried during the first episode, too. If you like a good tearjerker, go check that one out.

Love you guys! Thank you sooooo much!

I finally planned out the ending. You guys will like it.

Later!