Max felt as if she were vibrating, as she meshed her fingers tightly into Chloe's. If she could step back and pause for a moment, she might laugh at how excited she'd let herself become, over nothing more than a school dance; an incredibly common occurrence.
For normal people...
She couldn't properly explain her excitement; the lights seemed crisper, the colors more vivid against the darkness. The moon was bright, shimmering with a silvery luster. In this moment, the End of the World Dance at Blackwell Academy was all Max needed or wanted, other than the girl at her side.
Just give me this. Of all the things you've denied me, Life. Give me a magic night with my girlfriend, and I can live forever on the memories.
"Wow! Really - uh - really jazzed, huh?"
Laughing, Max replied, "Is it that obvious?"
"Babe, you are bouncing around like a bunny on speed. Okay, well, maybe not that bad. But you know, you need to play it cool. Even if you weren't trying to, y'know, keep a low profile, as we walk into the dance where you could totally be recognized by any of the people who might've seen you on Tuesday.
Max blushed brightly, and checked herself, dampening the outward show of her enthusiasm as best she could. "Sorry." she murmured with embarrassment, though she still smiled wide. Chloe leaned in, kissing her hair. "It's okay, baby. This sorta thing isn't my scene but...but I am enjoying myself, watching how much you want it. Like a kid at Christmas."
"Oh God. Am I that bad?" She paused, then nodded. "Shit, I really am. You know what's worse? I'm dying that we didn't plan ahead. So I could dress up. You know, I'm thinking...oh shit. What am I thinking? Help me, Chloe, I don't have a style of my own."
"Oh. You know. Maybe a little more on the femme side? Make up?"
"Yes! I actually know how to Make Up, believe it or not! Alanna taught me! And...and maybe a skirt. Mini skirt. Nothing too short, but still, nice, you know? A tight fitting sweater top, maybe cut high in order to show off my abs?" Max reached out and tapped her fingers underneath Chloe's chin. "Jaw back up, lover."
"Hah! Well, you know how to paint a picture I like! So do I get to pick out my own clothes, or are you dressing me up too?"
Max slowed up, turning to face Chloe in full. "Oh. You clean up pretty awesome, hon. Doesn't have to be much. Maybe some dark slacks, a white tank top underneath a button down shirt. Like butch, but soft."
"Rowwwr! You sure you wanna go to this party? I'm not trying to mock or make fun, just...you know, dancing around like a loon with a bunch of rich, entitled assholes doesn't seem like my idea of fun. But I realize you haven't had the pleasure. We could hit the road, find a hotel, and have a dance of our very own, you know?"
Max playfully rolled her eyes. "Who says we won't end up doing both?" She hugged herself briefly and then laughed, "God! Is this what it's like to be a teenager, Chloe? I mean, for cereal. Young, and free, and...and whatever!"
Chloe chuckled, "I guess? I don't know, the thrill of it kinda wore off a while back. On the other hand, I don't think I was hanging with the right people during those years."
As they approached the front doors of the gym, they were accosted by an older boy with tousled, sandy brown hair. He stumbled about, clearly inebriated, and Max tensed as he immediately locked course on them. She hadn't fully taken into account what to do in the event of drunk assholes.
Ah God. Please don't make me hammer punch a...well..huh. He doesn't look like a jock. Still! This is supposed to be my perfect night, and right now, this is less than perfection!
"H-heyyyy! I...I know...I know you!" he remarked, bright and cheery. "You're that girl! The….the one. The girl who does, who did that thing. Awww! Yeah! Wait. What?" He paused, shoulders slumping, bleary eyes looking away into the darkness. He then jerked his head back up and belatedly exclaimed. "The Ninja! Aw yeah, you're the Blackwell Ninja, right? H-hey! Yeah! Ninja! Take a selfie with me, uh-uhkay? Jus' one pic. Gonna be….c-cool..."
Max blinked, momentarily feeling like a deer trapped in headlights. It wasn't that she was scared of him, quite the opposite, but at the same time, she was having curious difficulty figuring out how to deal with the situation in a way that didn't involve conspicuous physical violence, or serious threats thereof. Social subtleties, at least where other teenagers were concerned, were not her strong suit.
"Uh. Um. I'm not...look, why don't you just…"
Maybe it would be easier if I just rewound us back, and we avoided...
Suddenly, Chloe shoved him away. "Jesus...Warren? This is my girlfriend, and believe me, she's not a ninja. So why don't you blow off, geek." Max felt her wrap a tight possessive arm around her shoulders, and she was more than happy to nestle against the blunette's side, as the pair of them quickened their pace towards the door.
Warren stumbled back, grumbling, and waving at the both of them in an angrily dismissive gesture. "Yeah? Yeah?! Well….well whatever? Don't...don't need...whatever…." With that, he stumbled away into the night.
Max leaned in and whispered. "My hero. Seriously, thank you." She then kissed at Chloe's neck. "I...I just wasn't sure how to deal with him, how to deal with another teenager being all...weird. And in my face.. Seriously, how fucked up is it that I've only dealt with two other people even close to my age in the past few years?."
"Wow. For once, I got to be the hero and save you." Chloe smirked, and then gave a soft sigh. "Baby? You sure you wanna do this?"
Max nodded her head emphatically. "Best believe! Not going to let some drunk dickhead ruin...hey wait. Did you call him Warren? That wasn't Warren Graham, was it?"
Chloe nodded. "Yuuuup."
"Oh shit! Yeah. Geezus, he was a nice kid in eighth grade. I wonder what happened to him?"
"Dunno." Chloe responded. "Didn't hang out with him much in school. Didn't seem like the drinking type. Maybe people are gettin' weird and blowing off steam after all the shit that's been going down this week. First Kate, and then Nathan and Jefferson."
"Y-yeah. Must be it."
As they passed through the door, Max wasn't sure what to expect. She glanced furtively over at a few girls stationed at the coat check area, and another manning a curtain that separated the anteroom from the rest of the gym. She kept her head down, glancing away in hopes that she wouldn't draw too much attention.
And yet, part of her wanted to be seen. She wanted the attention. She wanted people to take note and wonder to themselves, "Hey, who's the strange girl? She seems cool. And her girlfriend looks like a real badass, too." She wanted to feel special and important in completely mundane ways, not the freaky ones that marked her as...well..unique, at any rate.
The pounding, stattico beats of club music washed over her like a heavy rain, as she and Chloe passed through the curtain. She stepped off to the side and blinked, allowing her eyes to adjust to the low light. It was like nothing Max had ever seen before.
Holy...wow! Jesus, I can't believe they're having a dance party in a pool!
It was ethereal and otherworldly. The blood red water, the pulsating strobes slashing through the dark. The arms and wrists bedecked with glow bracelets. Some of the girls were even dancing around in little more than bikinis and UV-reactive body paint.
It was horrific...and glorious, all at once. Deep inside, Max felt simultaneously appalled and ravenous; the same anxious frisson that she experienced during her last shopping trip alone in Seattle. It tore through her. She felt herself being pulled apart by competing forces: the desire to dive in headlong and socialize, to well and truly live at long last, and the panicky anxiety demanding that she turn right the fuck around, flee into the night and find a small, safe space to crawl into.
She wanted it to end.
She prayed for more.
Turning to Chloe, she buried her face against her girlfriends chest and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her clothes and skin. Safe and reassuring. Sexy and exotic. It immediately calmed her nerves, and gave her strength to persevere. She pulled back, and glanced around, finding that the worst of her anxiety was ebbing away for the moment.
"Whoa. Wow. Okay, again, do you really want to be here, Max?" Chloe whispered. Again, Max nodded furiously.
"S-sorry. This is gonna sound weird, but this is something I have to do. Just...I'm really starting to appreciate how living in that damn hole all these years fucked me up. Like...if I turn and slink away now, then that's one more thing they've succeeded in taking away from me. This is my last chance to have something….something glorious and mundane! Part of me doesn't want to do anything else, or be anywhere else other than here, and I hate that I'm having all this anxiety about it.
"Huh-hey! Yo, Chlo-stick. The haps?" Max recognized Justin walking towards the two of them, spying his approach over Chloe's shoulder. The blunette stuck out a fist, bumping it against his and muttered. "Hey dawg."
"'Sup? Can't believe you're here. Fuck! Can't believe I'm here, but you know, after all the shit from this week, it really does feel like the world might be ending. I mean Jesus, you read the paper?"
"Yeah." Chloe murmured. "Thirty-one flavors of fucked up, that's for sure." A wicked smile then pulled her lips apart. She leaned in, and Max could barely hear her whisper, over the music, "Heyyyy. You wanna do some sistahs a favor? My lady here could use a little herbal Xanax, you know what I mean?"
Max watched as Justin blinked, and then gave her the once over, as if noticing her for the first time. "Oh? Oh." His eyes lit up. "Oooooooh!. Ha. Ha ha hah yeeeeeah." He poked Chloe in the ribs with his elbow. "Lady. Yeah. Nice, Chlo, nice! Good to see you gettin' over Rachel, finally." He blanched, putting his fingers over his mouth. "Eh. Sorry lady-girl. Sorry. Name's Justin. What can I call you?" He held out a friendly hand and Max took it. She wasn't sure what to make of the goofy skater-boi, but he was quickly growing on her. The easy, amiable gesture was winning her over, and easing her anxiety.
"I'm...Mack. It's uh...it's short of Michaela, y'know?"
Ack! Shit, probably shouldn't have used that name again.
Justin shrugged, gave a goofy grin, and said, "Hey. Cool. No offense, but that kinda sounds like a stripper's name."
Max snorted, and said with a light laugh. "You have no idea how many times I've heard that. It's why I go by Mack."
"Alriiight. Shall we adjourn somewhere for medical treatment? Word has it the girl's locker room is doubling as the chill lounge tonight." He canted a head towards the back half of the pool area, which was cordoned off and marked with a VIP sign. "Assuming you aren't 'cool' enough to get into the Asshole Corral back there."
Chloe shook her head, "Nah. We don't got the time for the Pretty Pretty Precious Vortex Club." Max allowed herself to be guided along; on one hand, she wasn't exactly thrilled that she was having to turn to drugs to deal with her anxiety issues. On the other hand…
I've gotten baked every day since Monday. Might as well keep the ball rolling.
A half hour later, and with most of a joint's worth of THC coursing through her veins, Max was in more convivial spirits. Chloe was much happier to be in her element as well, trash talking with a few of her other skater and punk friends as they passed joints and pipes around in the near dark of the locker room, and Max was happy to have her be the center of attention. She closed her eyes and did her best to suppress yet another pang of guilt at what she was taking Chloe away from.
On the other hand, she looks ready to move on from this chapter of her life. Also? Where the hell are the adults? God, does anyone even know the meaning of the words 'security' or 'liability' around here?
Eventually, Max was able to pull Chloe away, back towards the dance floor. Grabbing a handful of glow bracelets and festooning their wrists, she smiled, the music buzzing through her ears and flowing through her skin. She started dancing, or at the very least moving to the rhythm. She'd never really tried to dance per se, not in years, at least not if it wasn't part of some martial exercise routine back during her training days at Zion. Chloe kept her body movements low key, just enough to move with the beat, but Max felt the urge to express herself taking over. Bereft as she was of any other experience, she allowed her limbs to flow in controlled patterns, closing her eyes and letting the energy of the party swallowed her whole. Her tai-chi katas bubbled up into the forefront of her mind, and she let her mind go blank, zoning out as she stared off into the lights, the swirling patterns made by all of the glowing colors burning brightly in the dark. She felt so connected in this moment, a part of something greater, larger than herself. Whatever it was she thought she was looking for, she was certain she'd found it. Right here and now.
I'm free! Oh God, I'm free! I'm never going back! Never again!
It felt like an eternity, and no time at all, when she finally opened her eyes and saw Chloe staring at her, a dumbstruck smile on her face.
"What?" Max squeaked, stopping cold and feeling self-conscious.
"Just...just watching you dance, angel. It's awesome and everything, but I think you're drawing attention, so...might wanna kinda...tone it down."
Max blushed, looking around, and realizing there were more than a few students glancing in her direction. She a sense of utter panic well up inside, until she spotted the nods and thumbs up, the encouraging smiles.
A-awesome! Wow!
She tried her best to take her enthusiasm down a few notches, sighing with dismay as she realized she didn't know how to dance casually. She took Chloe's hands in her own, for lack of anything better to do with them, and the two swayed together, occasionally trading kisses.
Finally, Chloe leaned in and murmured, "Hey babe, I told Justin earlier that I'd meet up with him back at the locker room. 'Cause I'm stocking up on weed for the long, cold road ahead. You wanna come with, or just hang out around here?"
Max blinked. Instinctively, she didn't want to be more than three feet away from Chloe. At the same time, she realized that if she couldn't handle herself out in the real world - in large crowds - on her own, she was going to be more of a liability than Chloe ever would.
"N-no. I'm good, baby. I think I'm gonna walk over to the drinks table over there and chill. Come back soon?" She kissed her girlfriend on the cheek. Chloe leaned in and nuzzled back, before taking off.
Max almost immediately regretted the decision, feeling more self-conscious by the second. Trying to keep from looking conspicuous only fed into her anxiety, like a crazy feedback loop. She fiddled with her hair, until she realized she was gently tugging at it, then clasped her hands behind her back, until she realized she'd instinctively gravitated into a military 'at ease' position, and how out of place that looked in a dance full of rich prep-school kids.
Okay...maybe...maybe this wasn't such a hot idea.
She bit her lip, strongly resisting the increasing urge to wind back time for the sole purpose of delaying Chloe, and instead busied herself with looking over the refreshments.
Man...soda...juice. Energy drinks. Clearly some drunk kids around, so where are they getting the booze from? God, I'm getting bored, reading all of the drink labels. Man, I wish I had my smart phone. I mean, terrible tactical decision, sure, but at least I'd have something to do while I'm standing out here like an idiot.
Max glanced around the pool area and suddenly felt so very small. The urge to back away and hide in a corner soon became overwhelming, bursting its way through her pleasant buzz. She glanced over at a few other individuals sulking by the refreshments table. Two in particular caught her eye: a girl with black-rimmed glasses and dark hair bound up in a pony tail, and a heavyset boy, also wearing glasses.
They...they seem nice. Did I hear them talk about going to an art museum? Probably a couple. Maybe I should go over and talk to them. Introduce myself, make friends…
...oh God.
And what would you say? 'Hi there! My name is Max! I can bend time with a thought, and spent the last five years a virtual prisoner of the US Government, so I apologize in advance if I barely know anything about whatever is cool these days. But if you want to chat about the best way to field strip an M-16 or take out an assailant using only your thumbs, then hey! I'm totally your gal! Oh! And simply talking to me might put your lives in danger!'
Bowing her head, she fought back the urge to burst into tears.
Stupid. God, I am such an idiot! What was I thinking, coming here? That I could somehow erase five years of stunted social development and...and get back everything that was stolen from me, at one school dance? That I could play pretend and 'hang' and…
She felt the first few tears well up in her eyes as they closed. Her fingers were dangerously close to crushing the still-unopened can in her hand. She envisioned what she would ever do to Martinet if she ever had the chance. Violent impulses bubbled up, churning her adrenalin levels.
It...it wouldn't be quick and painless. Oh the shit I would do to him! The pieces on his body I'd start on first!
Her eyes flew open and she desperately wiped at them. Cracking open her can of Red Bull, she angrily chugged a few mouthfuls down, turned and stepped away, determined to find Chloe.
Fuck it, I should just rewind back the whole…
"Max? Max Caulfield? Holy shit!"
Max turned her head in automatic response. Cursing herself for the mistake, she rewound back a second, making sure to act completely unresponsive, in the hopes that whomever was trying to get her attention would take the hint.
"Max? Max Caulfield? Holy shit!"
She continued to sip her Red Bull and walk away, pretending not to have heard
God damnit, who here could possibly recognize or remember me?
She felt fingers tapping her on the shoulder, prompting her to turn halfway. She came face to face with a girl roughly her age, maybe a little taller in height. Dressed in preppy fashion, marked by a sweater vest and understated pearls. Her hair was styled in a short pixie cut. Max didn't even try to place the face, needing to keep her reactions as authentic as possible.
"Can I...help you?" she droned curtly, taking a long pull of her drink to punctuate the question.
"Max. Seriously, do you not recognize me?"
Doing her best to play dumb, Max scrunched up her face and said, "'Yeah...you've got me confused with someone else. My name isn't Max. Sorry." She started to turn away, as if that ended the conversation. But a hand was laid on her shoulder…
...and then every word that came out of the other girl's mouth sounded silky sweet, slithering pleasurably in her ears.
"You are such a kidder. C'mon, I know that's you. Fess up."
Max turned back to face the other girl in full and was forced to catch her breath as her eyes drank her in.
Whomever she was, she was actually really cute, the way her short cut blonde hair framed her face, and the obvious radiant confidence shining from her eyes and smile. Suddenly, Max wanted to remember who was talking to her. She had a happy smile on her lips, as she answered without even thinking about it, "Y-yeah. Heh. Yeah, it's me. Sorry...I...I didn't realize it was you. Um...uh."
She didn't want to take the chance of giving offense but damned if Max could remember who the hell this was exactly - other than the first friendly face she'd seen since she got here! She did look familiar though…
"It's me! Victoria Chase! We went to middle school together. Don't you remember?"
Max faintly recalled the name.
Wasn't she kinda...um...kinda the bitchy…
Immediately, she halted her improper line of thought. Standing before her was Victoria Chase. It wasn't like they were the best of friends back then, but...but that was because Max wasn't fortunate enough to get to know her back then. She was getting a chance to rectify that now. What a lucky break!
Wow...I mean, look at how happy she is to see me! I am so seriously lucky! I mean...yeah! Yeah! Victoria Chase! Oh my God!
A euphoria grew, deep inside her chest and brain, the longer she remained in her presence.
"Oh! Oh my God, Victoria! Holy...shit! Wow! Is that you? Really? Oh my God!" Max babbled. "Yes! Of course I remember. How could I forget? It's...it's really great to see you!"
She couldn't help herself, so happy to see such a good friend from her childhood days. She all but threw her arms around her, in a tight, but awkward hug, but then quickly let go, worrying she'd crossed a line. The thought of somehow embarrassing Victoria out in public became increasingly unbearable.
But the blonde lit up with effuse pleasure, hugging back, and Max was so relieved to see she hadn't made a fool of herself. The smile on her face grew to almost painful intensity in reaction to Victoria taking her hand and saying, "Wow! This is so great. What are you doing here? What have you been up to?" Max felt herself go weak in the knees as she felt a warm breath play against an earlobe as the other girl leaned in to whisper, "You can tell me the truth. Are you a secret agent on the run?"
There was a nauseating chill building in her stomach and head. A distinct sense of something...wrong. Max couldn't figure out the exact problem. Was it wrong, the question being asked of her? Or was it wrong that Max was thinking about not being absolutely truthful? She wanted to be right, she wanted to chase away the wrongness, the painful dark and cold that threatened to remove her from….from the pure, brilliant light that was Victoria! A question was asked, and it needed be be answered.
"Y-yeah." Max whispered back, giggling drunkenly. "I am. I so am. I mean...that's pretty killer, right?"
There. That was easier. Telling the truth felt soooo much better!
Oh...yeeeeah. Nothing to hide. Nothing to hide at all. Not from my best friend Victoria!
"Awesome! I knew you were something majorly cool. You were always cool before, and this just proves it!"
Max felt like she could live on that one line of praise for years!
"Hey, I tell you what. I've got a nice cozy spot set aside, over in the VIP lounge." She waved her hand near the back of the pool area, but Max didn't turn to look, couldn't bear to look in another other direction but Victoria's. "Anyhow, we should go there and talk. Won't that be fun? God, we've got so much to catch up on!"
Max started to nod, and then struggled.
Wait. Wasn't there...there was someone she was waiting for. Someone...someone important. Really important. It was…
"Ah...I...uh...um. My. Chloe. Chloe is coming back for me...I mean...I want to go with you, but my girlfriend..." Max looked around, like a deer trapped in headlights. Flummoxed and absolutely uncertain how to proceed.
"The punk chick with the blue hair? Oh yeah, that's cool. No problem. She's invited, too. Don't worry, my friend's tracking her down right now. She'll come back with her, and the four of us can all just chill and be best buds."
Victoria took her hand, and Max suddenly found herself ready to go anywhere. Anywhere at all.
Oh man. I am sooooo glad I came to this dance!
"Awww. C'mon, dude. Seriously? You're killing me here."
Chloe's efforts to procure additional weed were not working out as well as she'd hoped.
Justin gave a thin smile and shrugged. "Sorry Chlo. I mean, ch'yeah, I got a little nug of wax I could part with, but I'm not in the habit of carrying whole ounces on me and shit. Not even for a party like this. I mean...why don't you just go bug the shit out of Frank?"
Chloe crossed her arms and scowled, "We're not exactly 'sympatico' right now." she said, throwing up a set of air quotes with her fingers.
Justin laughed, "Ohhh yeeeeah. Hah. I heard, maaan. He's so pissed at you right now. Word is you owe him a hella massive pile of paper."
Flicking the skater punk hard on the shoulder with her fingers, she mutter. "Yeah yeah yeah. Fuck it. Don't worry about me and that situation. Frank'll get everything he deserves." She crossed her arms, peevishly. "Well fine, you know anyone else carrying, tonight?"
"Hey, babe. I'm sure I can get you all the party favors you need. Just give a gal a shot to make amends?"
Chloe's heart launched itself square against her throat, prompting her to choke and sputter. She turned around in one swift, jerking motion, unable to believe her ears let alone her eyes. There she was, in the flesh. Six months after cruelly abandoning her. After making a complete and utter fool of her.
"H-holy shit, yea-haaa! Rachel Fucking Amber! The Party Queen returns." Justin called out, striding over with an exaggerated sway in his gait. The two of them exchanged a complicated series of fist bumps and high fives. "Man, I seriously thought you were dead or something. People were saying you went down to South America and then totally went nuts on some ayahuasca trip. Like, you went and led some tribe of Amazon natives to rise up against the local oppressive regime, or something totally killer."
Rachel burst out laughing, and then flicked Justin between the eyes. "Shit, you are stoned out of your tiny mind, J. Gotta admit, I missed you." She glanced over to, Chloe, and quickly added. "...too."
Chloe could only seethe in silence. She started to turn, ready to storm out in a huff. It was either that, or launch herself into a mindless rage, but enough of her was still rational to realize that she couldn't afford to make a scene. Not when Max was here, not when they were so close to leaving.
But then she realized something else.
This is it. A chance. My last fucking chance to tell her off. Tell her how much she hurt me! And...and maybe...rub it in her face a little? That I found someone. Someone who actually loves me, who's way better than her. Ugh, that sounds childish as shit, Chloe.
Fuck it, childish it is, then…
"Uh...hey Justin, can you do me a favor and blow out for a few mins? Chloe and I need to have some private girltalk." Rachel said.
"Cool. But you know, if you two start making out, and you feel the urge to start taking pictures or video? Go with it! Don't fight it."
Rachel rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. She affectionately pounded Justin on the shoulder and muttered. "Go on, asshole. Get outta here." Chloe gave a warning frown, actually baring her teeth as her ex-friend stepped up.
"Whoa. Hey. C'mon Chloe. I...know I don't deserve a hug and a kiss, but...look. I just wanna talk. I think I owe you that much at the very least, okay?" Rachel held out her hands in submissive assent.
"Yeah yeah yeah. Only reason I'm not knocking the fucking taste out of your mouth is because we're in Black-hell. Don't need a massive scene."
"Okay. Fair enough. I'm not looking for a big bitch-fight, either."
Chloe closed her eyes and bowed her head. Despite her anger and hurt, she could feel an odd physical reaction, the traitorous pangs from the pieces of her heart that'd never managed to get over her feelings for the other girl.
Fuck...and she still looks amazing, of course!
Rachel's long blonde hair ran down in soft, silky rivulets over her shoulders and across her breasts. She was dressed in a red cheongsam top and skinny leather jeans. Not her usual style, but Chloe readily accepted the possibility that she didn't know the 'real' Rachel Amber. Now or ever. She could smell the familiar sandalwood perfume, catch glances of the blue feathers from Rachel's favorite earrings. It stirred up a panoply of emotions and old memories.
That was in the past, Chloe. Waaaay in the fucking past. Don't get soft and sentimental here. Don't forget what she did to you. How she made you feel. And fuck! Beyond all that, don't forget who really has your heart now. Who's always been there for you. My Max…
Rachel rocked back and forth on her heels for a moment, before finally speaking. "You - um - you look good, Chloe. Uhhh - shit." She bowed her head. "Look, I'm not gonna try and explain what the fuck happened six months ago. It was crazy, insane stuff and honestly? You wouldn't believe me if I tried to tell it all to you, anyhow. But I flipped and I freaked out. I got into a place where I was convinced that pushing everyone away was the best thing for everyone involved. It made me kinda crazy, you know? So just...I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I fucking ripped your heart out and stepped on it. I just...wow." She reached up, flicking some hair out of her face before continuing. "I can't...just can't believe what you did, the lengths you went to try and find me. You know. With the posters and searching and...I had no real idea, Chlo-lo…"
"Don't call me that! You don't have the right!" Chloe yelled. Louder than she intended, her voice wet and rough with emotion. She poked Rachel hard in the solar plexus with her middle and index finger,.
"Ow! Alright, okay." Rachel stepped back, and tried again. "Chloe. It was really sweet, and amazing, and I'm so not worth it. I didn't realize until much later everything you went and did, and how crazy and dark it got for you. So I wanna make it right. Okay? Please?"
Chloe laughed, and leaned in, an unkind sneer on her lips. "Yeah, you wanna 'make it right', go talk to your old boyfriend, Frank. You go and pay him back the three large I owe, trying to find out what happened to you."
Rachel blinked once, and then smiled. "Sure. Already done. Or...will be done, tomorrow."
"Oh, bullshit!" Chloe said, disbelieving.
"For real." Rachel assured, holding up a hand. "You're right. It's not fair. It is my responsibility. So I'm paying it off. It's the least I owe you. I'm not asking us to be friends again. I know that ain't happening, probably. But at least...well I'm doing the best I can to end it right."
And just like that, Chloe found the roiling storm inside her chest dissipating, leaving her drained and momentarily exhausted. She wasn't about to make full amends, to take Rachel into her arms and profess her grudge over and done. But in short order, she no longer found it possible to maintain the white hot edge of anger against her former friend.
Jesus. And why should I keep being angry? Hurts too much, too draining to stay that mad forever. Especially when she's acting so fucking reasonable. Shit, Rachel! Shit, where was that classy attitude last month? Last month when I really needed it, and…
It no longer mattered. That angry, lonesome Chloe from last month didn't exist. Not anymore. So much of that seething, unfocused rage was gone now, banished in the warm, purifying caress of her love. Her sweet Max. Who loved her so much, she went back in time to try and save her father. And then brought back evidence of why he had to die, and the terrible consequences of trying to change that timeline to suit Chloe's selfish need. Max, who gave and gave and gave of herself...
Oh damn, Max! I gotta get back to her!
She glanced over to Rachel, and took a deep breath. There was an old line she suddenly recalled: the best revenge is living well. If Rachel actually cared about her still, and was genuine in her desire to make up, the best Chloe could do was play it understated. Especially if she wanted to tweak Rachel's nose, bruise her ego just a bit.
Okay, maybe the reasoning's a little childish. Aw fuck it, I'm only capable of so much personal growth in a single week...
Giving a casual, dismissive brush back of her bangs, she shrugged, and then drawled, "Okay. Yeah...yeah. Alright Rachel. We're not cool still, but we're not 'uncool' either anymore. Thanks, and uh. Yeah. Sorry, for whatever crap you went through that made you go so crazy. I hope it all ends well for you. Don't think me shitty for it, not that I care if you do, but I really gotta get going. Maybe we'll talk again, some other day."
"Wait, wait! Oh, c'mon." Rachel reached out to gently grip her wrist, a lightly pleading tone rising in her voice. "You can give me a few minutes. Just to catch up for old times sake? I heard you were looking to score some weed. I can get us a shit ton, real primo stuff. We can light up, reminisce. And - and bring your girlfriend, too." She smiled. "The famous Max. Was that her? The girl you were dancing with out on the floor?"
Chloe's guts turned into ice. She almost thought to angrily demand how the hell Rachel knew, when she realized that once upon a time, she did show off old pictures of Max. And sing her praises. More than once.
Like, a lot more than once.
Rachel probably just putting two and two together. Still, it's getting too risky to stick around here. We totally gotta blow!
"Yeah uh...look, normally, that sounds hella fun and shit, but I gotta hit the road. My tolerance for prep-jock merrymaking just totally burst past its limit so…see ya. Thanks again for paying Frank off, even though you totally owed me." With that, she carefully extricated her wrist from Rachel's grasp, and turned to leave.
Rachel caught her arm fully this time, and leaned in close, hissing hard against her ear.
"Jesus, Chloe! Just stop and fucking listen to me for a moment, okay? If you and Max have any hope, I mean, any of not getting busted by the Feds before the week is out, you'll come with me, and let me help you. Alright?"
Her heart freezing solid, the blood draining from her face, Chloe struggled to maintain a calm demeanor. "Wh-what crazy shit are you talking about?" Rachel's eyes locked onto hers, her face set into a hard, but non-threatening expression. Fear and determination and desperation, all rolled into one.
"You know damn well what I'm talking about, Chloe. I didn't know if you did, not at first, but it's written all over your face. You always did suck at poker."
Jerking her arm out of the other girl's grasp, Chloe stalked out of the locker room, back towards the dance party, without another world, doing her best to ignore the fact that Rachel was hot on her heels. When she emerged back into the crowd, she glanced around, a sense of panic welling up inside as she realized she couldn't find her girlfriend.
Turning back to Rachel, she gripped shoulders and demanded, "Where is she? Where's Max?!"
"Hey! Hey - re-fucking-lax, babe. Max is fine. She's in the VIP lounge having a nice chat with a mutual friend." A crooked grin broke out on Rachel's face. "If you let go of the goddamn silk, por favor, I'll take you to her. And then can we sit down and talk like semi-adults or something? I'm fucking trying to help you out. Believe it or not, we're on the same side here."
Inhaling hard through her nose, upper lip curling slightly in a feigned snarl, Chloe said, "Just show me where she is, and maybe I'll think about it."
Oh. Oh shit. This is...this can't be good. What the fuck?! How the hell does Rachel know about the Feds and what's going on with Max? Oh shit! Maybe she's one of them? Maybe she's got powers too? Jesus, this is crazy! How many fucking high school kids are secret agents, now?
She wasn't happy with the situation. She did her best not to curse herself for being stupid enough in not trying harder to talk Max out of this whole idea; everything was becoming a huge disaster. Still, how the fuck could she have possibly guessed that they'd get found out, and by an old friend - ex-friend! - at that?
"I only have your best interests at heart, babe. I always did. Just remember that, okay? Follow me, I'll show you where she's at."
Chloe glowered darkly, balling up her fists.
"Seems I got no fucking choice."
She followed Rachel along, but prepared herself to find the first available opening where she could grab Max and get the both of them the hell away.
Sure as hell don't trust Rachel, any further than I could knock her body down the street with my truck.
"Wow. This is a dye job, right? I mean, sorry, that sounds bitchy. It's just that I love this color on you."
Max sat raptly at attention, eyes half lidded in delight as Victoria sat right next to her. They were holding hands, fingers tightly interlaced, as the other girl reached over and casually stroked her hair.
"Uh-uh. Uh...it's new. Wanted to throw'em off, so I had Chloe dye it. Y-y'really like it?"
"Oh. Goddess. Yes. Seriously, it's totally ferocious. I'm almost considering doing something similar." Victoria replied. "Hey, then we'd be twins!"
Max giggled merrily. Every little joke that the blonde girl told was the absolute best! Everything she said was so clever, or deep, or moving. She was, quite literally, the Most Interesting Woman In The World, and Max counted herself deeply blessed to be in her company, let alone regarded as such a close friend.
The best!
From the corner of her eye, she vaguely took note of Chloe coming towards them, being led along by another blonde she didn't recognize.
"Max! Hey...babe? Are you okay?"
She turned her head slowly, caught between wanting to respond to the blunette, while still keeping Victoria in her field of vision. She laughed at herself, how silly she must have looked, and then reached out with her other hand. "Chloe. Heyyy. Hey! Look. Look who I found!" She leaned in and rest her head on Victoria's shoulder. "It's Victoria Chase! Like...like my best friend from school! She is totes amazing!" She paused, blinking unsteadily. "Wait, don't you guys like...um...don't you already know…?"
"The fuck, V? Zapped her kinda hard, didn't you?" the other blonde admonished.
"Uhh - no, Rache. I didn't, believe it or not. She must be stupid receptive to it." Victoria said defensively. "Some people are like that."
Chloe leaned in, and Max felt her cheeks being cupped. Her...wait, wasn't this her girlfriend? She stared into her eyes, searchingly. It was unpleasantly preventing her from looking at Victoria, and she began to protest.
"H-heyyyy. Q-quit it. C'mon Che…"
"Max? Are you okay? Max!" Chloe asked, in an increasingly panicked tone.
"Wha-? Y-yeah. I'm good. I'm great! Victoria and I are great! We're great, together!" She laughed, and lifted up their intertwined hands.
Chloe turned and stabbed the girl Victoria called 'Rache' viciously in the sternum. "What the fuck?! What did you do to her?!" She rounded on Victoria, and pushed her hard, making her almost fall out of her chair. "Did you dose her? What sick shit did you do?!"
"Tori, christ, turn it down! Or turn it off! I can take it from here!"
"What did you do?!" Chloe again demanded, before giving a roar of impotent rage, and reaching down to push Victoria hard against her chair.
"Holy fuck! Get your hands off me, you freak!" Victoria squealed.
Max felt her mind go numb, torn perfectly in two at the situation quickly breaking out before her eyes. Victoria was being attacked, and there were so many instincts that were absolutely screaming in her brain telling her to defend!I Protect! Keep Victoria safe at all costs!
But...but it was Chloe that was attacking her! And there were more than a few bits left in Max's brain that pretty certain that the blunette was actually the one who was her best friend, not to mention the love of her life. In the chaos and confusion caused by competing primal mandates, Max felt Victoria let go, as Chloe jumped on her and delivered a backhanded smack against her face.
The haze in her brain suddenly lifted, and a pained voice, wet with agony, cut through like a knife.
"It wasn't enough you took Rachel away from me, you whore?! Now you think you can steal Max, too?!"
Max felt tears immediately burst into her eyes, at the brawl that was in full swing, Chloe and Victoria trying to scratch, kick and hit each other.
"Get off me, you lunatic! Help! Someone!" Victoria screamed.
One of the jocks rose up from his seat, and viciously ripped Chloe off her prey.
"Arrrrrrg!' the blunette roared. "Just fucking….broke my arm, asshole!"
This was terrible. The absolute worst! A total nightmare!
What had she been thinking?!
FUCK! Am I so pathetic, so desperate to be liked and hard up for attention that I fell into the lap of the first friendly person that came up and said hi to me? Jesus! And I don't even remember liking Victoria all that much! Or at all! Oh God! God, this is….this is!
Max rewound in a panic, without any conscious thought. Desperate to take it all back, to keep any of it from happening. Shame and self-loathing burned through her. She burst into tears as the world rewound, as she let the currents of the time stream carry her back to just a few minutes earlier. Instinctively stopping right where Chloe started to walk away from her, towards the locker room
So focused was she on taking everything back and moving into position that she missed one crucial detail. One vital piece of the background that refused to shift into its appointed and expected place in the past, as time again resumed its normal flow
"You wanna come with or just...whoa!"
Max wrapped her arms tightly around Chloe, burying her face against her neck, and burst into sobs.
I hate this place. I hate it. What the hell was I thinking? I can't be normal. I'll never be normal! The only person who understands me, who loves me, is Chloe, and I almost lost her.
"Oh God, baby. Are you okay?" Chloe kissed at her hair and earlobe, stroked her back, and cradled her close. Max felt herself start to relax, felt the worst of her panic, rage and dismay bleed out, leaving her drained.
"I'm...I...I think I'm just having like...crazy anxiety panic attack shit. Too many people. You were right, you know? Was stupid, to come here. Stupid waste of time, thinking I could get all that time back, like I had anything in common with all these...these children!." She pulled back and gazed up at Chloe, her vision blurred through the tears. "Sorry."
What was I thinking? Swooning over Victoria? Fuck...she can't hold a candle to you, Che. Not even close!
"No. It's not stupid. It was really important to you, Max. I understand that much. I only wish you found what you were looking for. C'mon, we'll blow out of town. Right now." Chloe leaned in, lips pressing close to hers in a comforting kiss. The perfect antidote to chase away the lingering nightmare she'd just experienced.
She took her hand, squeezed it tight, and was grateful to be led out.
As they stepped out into the cool night air, Chloe leaned in and whispered against her ear. "We always want what we can't have. Of course…" she planted another tiny kiss. "If we're lucky, we get the really important things."
Rachel gasped sharply; she'd been frozen, stuck helpless in place as the timestream rewound about her. She could feel Reality stubbornly trying to drag her along its currents, and yet, as long as her shield was active, she existed outside the normal boundaries of space and time.
But Reality was extremely displeased to see her once the flow of time was restored. It made no bones about registering that displeasure at the first convenient opportunity.
She recoiled in pain and alarm, falling to her hands and knees. A maddening sense of pins and needles flamed across her skin, like a million metal-legged insects crawling underneath, but worse was the almost-overwhelming sense of anxiety; a primordial and ancient piece of her brain was screaming out in blind panic, doing its damnedest to convince her that she needed to run, and hide. That she'd seen something no mortal was meant to witness. Ever.
She gripped at her chest, her heart pounding beyond all reason, and for a moment, a part of her wondered if she was about to die from sheer terror alone.
A hand laid across her shoulder; she tried to scream, but it caught in her throat, burbling wetly.
"Jesus! Rachel, what the fuck? What just happened?"
The human contact that Victoria provided, the reminder that she was not singularly alone in the universe quickly helped dispel whatever horrific instinct was stirred up in her brain. It became easier and easier to convince herself that everything was okay, that there weren't monsters lying in wait for her in every dark corner and shadow, and that was wasn't about to die in agony.
"What...what happened?" Rachel panted laboriously. "What did you see?"
"What...what did I-? Fuck, Rambie! It…" Victoria lowered her voice to a loud whisper. "It looked like you just appeared out of thin air. I was looking right where you arrived, so I caught it. I don't think anyone else was glancing that way, so we're fucking lucky for that, but Christ! I was just about to go and have a warm, cordial chat with 'Target Alpha' out there." She canted her head, pulling back the curtain separating the VIP section from the rest of the dance floor; though the crack, Rachel could see both Max and Chloe in a tight embrace.
"Shit. Shit!" she shook her head. "You are not going to believe this, but I literally just came back from...from...well, I guess it's the future, now. Five, maybe ten minutes ago. Max and Chloe split up, and so we did the same thing. I managed to barely convince Chloe to give me a chance, and come and join us...but when we came back here, you…" and at this, she smacked Victoria in the shoulder, a bit harder than she intended. "...had her eating out of the palm of your hand, to the point where Chloe was convinced you were macking on her or something. I don't have to remind you what her jealous side looks like, do I?"
"Owww!" Victoria protested, rubbing her arm, and glared. "What?! Damn...that's….that's crazy! And don't blame me for shit I didn't even do!"
"Well sorry, but I'm still really freaking out right now! If I hadn't managed to turn on my shielding power at the right second, I would have been wiped out along with the rest of the timeline or...or whatever the hell it is she does.I feel like I just almost just died back there. I mean...fuck! You know how that screws with your brain? But...aw, christ! They're leaving! "
Victoria had a flummoxed expression on her face; clearly there was too much being thrown at her to easily process. "Wait. What? You came back from the future? So why didn't you bring me?"
"Really?! Sohhhhreee, I didn't think to grab your hand while Chloe was trying to scratch your eyeballs out. I did it all on instinct. I think I was trying to null Max, because I could just sense she was about to fire off her time-juju, but I sorta fumbled it and shielded myself instead. And after what I just experience, you should be fucking thanking me for not dragging you along! Anyhow, we're damn lucky I did all this, because now we know why they're leaving; you spooked them!"
"I spooked them…?! I….you….shit!" Victoria pounded her fists against her thighs in frustration. "We can't fight about this now, okay?! We need to go after them!" Victoria started to stalk out, Max and Chloe still in their sights, when Rachel reached out and grabbed the other girl's arm.
"No!" she hissed. "Give them a five minute head start. We still have the GPS tracker on the car. We'll blow out, and follow them. I gotta give Lethe a call and give him an update. We'll follow along...sooner or later, they've gotta stop for the night somewhere, and we'll figure out a plan from there. We just gotta pray Max hasn't already figured out you bent her mind. I know regular folks won't instinctively make the connection, but not only is she Ms. Freaking All-Powerful, but she's got God-knows what kind of special government training on top of that."
Victoria sighed and glanced over her shoulder. "Fine. Five minutes, huh?" She tapped her lips, and then added. "I'll make a few quick goodbyes to cover for us. Too bad, I was really enjoying the party tonight." She then gave a pleading look. "You sure we can't wait another half hour? I can't wait to see Principal Wells come up and try to explain what the hell is happening with that Everyday Heroes contest, now that Jefferson is prison-bound." She then gave a meaningful look. "I had a win totally in the bag, you know."
Rachel threw up her hands, her body still vibrating with adrenaline, and exhaled in disgust. "Christ, V! Get over it. We get this wrapped up, and we party like millionaires."
"Fine. I'll meet you over at your car in five minutes, okay?"
Nodding, Rachel slowly walked away, making sure to keep her distance from the couple she was stalking. As she entered the parking lot, she glanced out, and saw Chloe's pickup truck already pulling out, and turning onto the road. Clambering into the driver's seat, she closed the door, turned on the engine, turned the radio up extra loud, and then let out an ear-piercing shriek that lasted nearly ten seconds.
She desperately needed to get that out of her system. Frustration alone wasn't enough to explain it away, although God, she was still so pissed with their amateurish first attempt to bring Max in. But no, this was mostly about what she just experienced. She rubbed her arms tight and closed her eyes; a chill passed through her, and she swore that if she didn't know better, she could still feel the universe itself seething at her. Like she'd aroused the attention of a great and terrible demon, previously slumbering, but now stirring awake.
She'd somehow managed to be pulled backwards through Time itself. She had no idea as to the hows or whys. Just that she never wanted to experience anything like that, ever again.
...should we be handing her over to the Zaibatsu? I mean really...do they truly understand what it is they're getting themselves into here? This might be the nerves talking, but I'm not even sure Max is really human anymore...not if she's been twisting time around for years now.
A few minutes later, Victoria joined her. She buckled herself in, gave her a hard, long look, which then quickly softened.
"Oh damn...Rambie? You look like shit. I'm...I'm sorry. Are you okay with this? You want me to drive?"
Rachel shook her head. "No...no, thanks. I'm...I'll be alright. It's passing, this whole...getting bitchslapped by the Universe. Believe me, I could use the distraction of just focusing on driving right now."
"Alright." Victoria leaned in, and kissed her cheek, and then her ear, before whispering. "Let's go get them, babe. We'll get it right this time."
She nodded once, in return, and then drove off, to chase after their quarry.
A/N: Hey kids! It's Black Swan Friday! Lyta cries all the tears as she finishes the ending of the series, and NQW rushes in with a mop and bucket.
So, for all their various badassery, it seems all the Specials in the room are still teenagers, either not planning ahead properly, or not taking crazy, impulsive chances. Hmmmmm. :-) That said, I did have a fair bit of fun with this chapter. It's fun seeing stuff I plotted out months and months ago...we're talking back in late 2015, finally coming to life.
And yes, as the tagline above implied, I am now done writing Black Swan. That is, I finally finished the first full rough draft of the finale on Tuesday. While there is still a shit ton of work for me and NuQueerWarhead to do, in terms of her editing, and my polishing and rewriting, and our brainstorming back and forth, there are now no more new chapters for me to actually write. It's all over. As you can imagine, the ending was rather emotional, and I was sobbing a bit as I was writing it. I suppose there's a chance between now and when it gets published that I could change around a bunch of things, but...probably not too much.
So if things continue on the way I expect, it looks like this series will be 42 chapters long. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fans are required by law to be amused by this. Also, after talking to a few folks, I've been convinced to take what would have been a 24,000 word final chapter, and break it up into three pieces. My plan is to publish this three-part finale and publish it in a single week every couple of days...like M-W-F, or possibly M-Th-Sun. That should give folks enough to read and enjoy it without having to run a reading marathon.
All this said, there is a chance, given that both my life and NQW's are getting crazy again...there may be a need for a final hiatus around chapter 37 or 39, in order to give us time to finish up getting things ready for publishing. Don't worry, I promise that if we do pause, it will take place at a clean and obvious cliffhanger, so that the plot isn't left hanging in a lurch.
Finally, I'd like to take a moment to recognize that we've unlocked a couple of significant achievements here. As of last week, Black Swan is both the longest (by word count) Life is Strange series on FFNet, as well as the most reviewed! And we still have over 50K in words left to publish.
But I didn't get to this point alone: there was Corentin IV and NuQueerWarhead my sistah-editrices, who have given so much of their time and talent. This would be a far poorer work without their razor sharp efforts. And there were all of YOU. All of the readers who took the time to read, and review, to fave and to follow, to PM me with your thoughts and feedback and ideas. It's all been tremendously humbling. So I want to take a time to thank you all. Thanks so much! I'm sure in time, after this story concludes, there will be some other epic piece that will come along, and take the crown for its own. But for this one moment here, I would just like to bask with everyone here.
(commences basking in an efficient German manner...)
Oh! And I have to give a shout out to rowanred81, the previous holder of both those achievements, who very graciously told me a few weeks ago that she expected me to do so, and would be happy when I did. Praise from Caesarina, instead!
Okay, so enough ego stroking. Join us next week, when Martinet and Davies finally have it out. You won't want to miss this one, folks!