Chapter Fifty-Nine

Where I Would Be Without You

Was it a month, perhaps two or three? Before Juliet finally spoke to Mika in a way that was not business-like and no-nonsense. Their exploration of her hunter den had been strained ever since the encounter (and for Juliet, revelation) in the kitchen on that first night. Mika, for his part, had given Juliet space and solitude which she seemed all too keen to keep.

This day was different. Juliet woke up late, something she'd been avoiding. Living with a Vampire and living on a Vampire's schedule were two completely different things, and she'd worked her damndest to make sure that she and mike had no more than two hours' interaction before she went to bed, locking her door in a clear issuance of 'no solicitors'. Meals had been eaten separately, though Juliet was still hostess enough to prepare each one and leave instructions for the Prince on how to reheat his meals in her modern kitchen. The system was working, she was keeping her distance and keeping herself in check. Unfortunately, the night before, she'd stayed up late in the living room, playing melancholy renditions of Beethoven's finest on her piano, the tinkling of keys causing her thoughts to wander to dark and equally melancholy places.

Mika had borne witness to her playing, though she didn't realize it. He had stepped out from the hunter den and leaned himself in the shadows against the wall, awash in her talent with the instrument and the sadness that drifted throughout the home with the music. When Juliet had finally realized the time and gone to bed, she still did not see him, for she exited the opposite hall from where he stood.

Now Juliet woke, dead still in her bed, aware of the time internally. It was nearly sunset, and Mika would be rising any minute. She cursed aloud and rose, making her bed after she had exited. In vain, she looked around her room for some excuse not to leave it, but her side-tables were bare, the bookshelf full of thick, leather-bound books on subjects she no longer held interest, and the old leather chair looked uninviting in comparison to the warmth of the living room, which also housed her grandmother's journals. She sighed and grabbed a change of clothes, ready to shower. For the first time she was thankful instead of irritated that the architects had put a shower in the master bath as well as the guest bath, even if the stall was small, it at least afforded her the luxury of not seeing Mika's damn handsome face more than she had to.

She knew the moment he had awoken. It was as if the entire house went from devoid of life to brimming with it. He sauntered from the guest room in nothing but silken underwear and Juliet shocked herself by staring blatantly at his body for the first time in months. Mika greeted her with a customary "Good evening, Juliet." And she nodded her affirmations to him. He then entered the kitchen and made himself a cup of warmed blood.

It hadn't been terribly hard to get a shipment of donated blood to her home each week, but she noted how her staff had looked at her excuses of hemophilia and transfusions. She was lucky she was afforded so much by the scientists, grateful for the use of her land. The amount of blood they received, Mika assured her, would last him a while, since he needed no more than a half cup each day.

He finished his 'breakfast' and went to shower and, she knew, study her reports in the den. Juliet sighed internally, sitting on her couch in the living room, gazing into the softly flickering fire. She'd simply stopped accompanying him into the room, afraid to help, ashamed of herself, and most of all needing to be out of his presence. It had been a week or so since she'd last offered her assistance, and as she thought about it, knowing that her world would forever involve the Vampires in some way, she settled on assisting him that night.

To her surprise, Mika did not adjourn to the den that night, instead he sat beside her, fully clothed in his black pants, matching thin-clothed shirt and socks. They sat in silence, near each other but clearly in different places. Juliet felt all at once at home and extremely uncomfortable.

"I heard you playing last night." Mika stated.

Juliet looked over at him, careful to keep her face impassive. "I'm sorry, the house has acoustics that let sounds flow everywhere. I can play in the music room next time-"

"No, no." He stopped her. "I rather enjoyed it. You're very good." He looked down at his own hands. "I never excelled at finer activities like music playing or even writing. I always wanted to do something, well, hard."

Juliet was intrigued by his admission. She'd heard stories of his past, his human past, when they'd first been together, fleeting moments of complete intimacy where he'd seemed to open his entire self to her and let her see what other people he had been. Now he seemed to be doing it again, and though her logical mind was telling her to run, because she didn't want to be sucked into him, her heart told her to stay and listen. To learn.

"Well…" she said finally, after what felt like hours in her head and his. "You do have rather large hands. Obviously you were meant to do something… hard." Mika smiled at her, that smile he reserved for her alone, and she knew it. And Juliet was helpless not to speak, to keep him smiling at her after all these weeks so near him yet so distant. "I could, maybe, teach you a song or two?"

His smile didn't fade, but he chuckled. "I'd much rather just listen to you play again, if you don't mind?"

"O-of course." Try as she might to be cordial, she felt herself warming, the emptiness she'd tried to surround and fill herself with faded backwards and Mika burst into life before her, alighting her senses and lifting her to the surface. She stood, rather shakily, and sauntered to the piano.

"More Beethoven alright by you?" she asked, seating herself.

"Perfect."

In the soft light, Juliet began slowly, studiously hitting each key to the beginning of Beethoven's 'Moonlight' Sonata. One of her favorite pieces (though she preferred Chopin, she just wasn't skilled enough to play many of his songs), it filtered through the air with a sense of purpose and being. The keys bringing to life feelings of apprehension and simultaneous excitement. Mika watched, his eyes never left her hands, delicate on the keys, like a feather, yet powerful enough to elicit sound. The song echoed the swirling feelings inside Juliet's mind, and as if in answer to her unspoken emotions, the fire behind her sprang to life the moment she played the final key, shocking Juliet out of her thoughts.

Mika looked confused at the sight of the fire burning where it had sat, dead, only seconds before, but attributed it to Juliet's 'high-tech' home. The idea that her thoughts had caused her fire to spring to life, however, had Juliet reeling internally.

"That was beautiful, Juliet." Mika said. "Thank you."

"No, uh, no problem." Juliet replied.

"When did you first learn to play?" He asked.

Juliet was shaken out of her thoughts by his question. It had been so long ago that Lord Highland had sat her down at the dusty old piano and tinkled on the keys with her, no wait there was another memory, far older, of Mr. Tall, looming over her with his ghastly smile, tapping his foot in time to something. It was her, on a small home-piano inside one of the big cirque tents. Not only was Mr. Tall there, but many of the attendees and performers as well. They all told her how talented she was, but only her grandfather looked at her like she was a star.

Juliet hadn't even realized she'd been reciting those memories aloud until Mika was standing next to her. She seemed to shake herself out of a trance, meeting his eyes.

"Have you… had a chance to…?" he asked, generalizing the impossible circumstances of her memories.

"N-no…" she said, sadly. "I haven't."

"Would you like to… talk to me?" he offered. Juliet looked nearly horrified at the prospect. "Sometimes it is easier to remember when you talk to others." He said. "If it helps, perhaps we could make it a trade? I will ask you questions in order to help you remember your new-found past, and you will allow me to regale you with tales from my youth. I'm sure you've forgotten many of the things I told you all those years ago."

Juliet considered his offer, unsure of how to continue. Put herself in close proximities (well, closer) with the object of her ambivalence for extended periods of time after all these weeks she's spent actively avoiding him? It seemed clear what her answer would be, but as she opened her mouth to speak, her eyes caught Mika's and her chest was ablaze with warmth at his want to be near her. She found herself saying yes instead of no.

That was how Juliet ended up on the couch, night after night, smiling, laughing, sometimes crying with Mika over stories from their pasts. Soon enough they distance she had so carefully created between them blurred, and then disappeared and there was only Juliet and Mika and the world was bright and their friendship had found itself once again in the same way it had started over fifty years before, in the need for two lonely people to find companionship in each other.

Another two months went into Mika and Juliet sifting through information in the 'hunter den'. Mika was in full Prince mode whenever he questioned her on papers or pictures in that room. Juliet couldn't fault him for it, his duty was to his people, and they were her people too. She wanted to help and answered as truthfully as she could. She found, when talking to Mika about her memories, that she could recall her time as a Hunter a bit more easily, though she likened it to piecing together a night of heavy drinking.

When the den was fully cleaned out, items of interest to the Vampires placed in a folder for later perusal and a game plan of how to pass the information on to the Princes in the Mountain upon their return, and all frivolous information shredded and trashed, Juliet contemplated what to do with the room. The weapons lining the walls only served of a reminder of how callously she had thought of the lives of other beings, so she had put them in storage in the room's closet, but the heavy desk in the center was bolted to the floor. She approached Mika with an idea.

"You can use the room however you want. Maybe make it your study?" she suggested. Mika wasn't very taken with the idea. "Well we're here for a time longer, I only assumed you'd want to make yourself at home."

"I've simply no use for a study, Juliet. The room you've provided is more than enough space for me." He responded, leaning against the wall of the empty den whilst Juliet paced within. "Why not repurpose it? You have more than enough studying to do over those journals you were given."

Juliet had been choosing not to think about the journals since the fire-lighting incident. The idea that she possessed power like that confused and worried her, and incendiary incidents had been on the decline since she'd gotten on better terms with Mika, but still the journals seemed to call her name any time she passed them sitting, neglected, on the living room floor.

"I suppose so-" Juliet didn't even finish her sentence before Mika left and returned with the stack of books, placing them neatly atop the desk. He placed a hand on her shoulder when he caught her eyeing the books suspiciously.

"I know how much these things have been weighing on your mind Juliet. It is time you faced them. Know that I am here to help and listen whenever you need." He looked down at her, pure sincerity on his face, and Juliet looked up at him in adoration, as only a recipient of Mika ver Leth's friendship could feel.

"You're just going to leave me in here, aren't you?" She asked.

"I would lock the door from the outside, if I could." He remarked with a devilish grin before patting her shoulder again and striding out, presumably to read one of the ancient texts in the foyer-brary.

Juliet sighed and sat at the desk. She challenged the books to a staring contest, which they won nigh-instantaneously, but still could not bring herself to open one. Again she felt her thoughts swirling within her head, apprehension, fear, excitement and mistrust. It wasn't until she felt a heat at the base of her neck that she thought, perhaps, she should open a book and see if there was any information about 'fire-starting'.

Going chronologically, she found nothing in the first three books, but in the fourth she found something similarly thought provoking entitled 'The effects of the subconscious mind upon the elemental affinities of a witch'. It read not unlike a well-researched scientific article, and Juliet was able to sum it up on a legal pad as she read. 'A witch's mind is not unlike an alchemical cauldron, input ingredients and you shall create something new from them. However much like an alchemical cauldron, the wrong ingredients can be disastrous. Witches who are known to dwell on deeper situations are usually affiliated with a water or wind element, and have been known to summon rainstorms in their brooding, however a fire or earth affiliated witch could cause extreme disasters, such as earthquakes and spontaneous combustion.'

Juliet paused in her note-taking, suddenly the heat at the base of her neck was more frightening than before. She became keenly aware of how lucky she was that she lit the fireplace and not the couch, or Mika himself. She went back to reading.

'For most witches, a healthy outlet for emotional frustrations can be key to preventing such extreme reactions. Some witches however, find themselves unable to reach conclusions for their turmoil, and for this it is suggested that a cleansing is performed prior to a ritual for clarity.'

The page was marked up and down with information, and the cleansing and clarity rituals were outlined in detail at the bottom of the page. Juliet took a shaky breath and read the information for both rituals, believing it was high time she put her magic to the test.

Juliet went into the living room to find Mika on the couch, a large and embarrassingly dusty book on his lap. "Mika?" she asked. He looked up from the book at her. "Were you planning on going for a run tonight?"

"Yes, a bit later." He replied.

"Would you mind making it a long run?" her voice was pleading with him to not ask questions but he didn't listen.

"Why?"

"I'm going to do some… magic… and I don't want you to be here for it."

Mika blinked once, set down the book and nodded. He stood and headed for the back door.

"You don't have to leave right now!" she said quickly, following him.

Mika turned to her. "Magic takes a lot of mental preparation; I'll give you your space. Remember to be done before dawn." He chided, joking, and then he was out the door and out of her sight.

It did not take Juliet long to prepare the cleansing ritual, salts and other purifying items were to be used in a bath. Lots of visualization (which was easy for her and her overactive imagination), but the clarity ritual required a lot of writing, she had to write every thought she had for two hours in order to get a sense of where her head was, and for her to remove a mirror from her bathroom wall and place it on the floor in front of her. Juliet chose to perform the ritual in the hunter den, since it was the only place in the house she felt uneasy, and she wrote that down as a thought she'd had too many times. Candles were lit, incense was burning, and eerily enough a handful of chicken bones waited in a stone bowl by her side. She then closed her eyes and visualized her emotions as colors swirling inside the mirror. Focusing on the most prominent one, a gnarly rust color, she reached out and caught it in her hands, then muttered the memorized Latin, willing herself to bring it into shape and form. Then she opened her eyes.

There, in her hands, she held herself. Or, she held Jewel, the hunter she had become. She stalked back and forth on her palms, stamping her leather clad feet and swishing her long black hair. The fire of the candles intensified and the room became unbearably hot, the incense producing more and more smoke than necessary, the thick black clouds swirled around Juliet, making her feel groggy.

'This is what is holding me back?' Juliet thought, then shook her head. 'No, this is who I became when I was holding myself back.'

"I'm not you anymore." She said softly. "I never wanted to be you. I never meant to become such a monster."

The little Jewel in her hand stared up at her with hard eyes, not the light blue of her own, but dark, swirly rust colored. She gnashed her teeth and stamped her tiny feet, trying to get Juliet to understand her, but Juliet simply shook her head. "No. You're over. Get out of here and let me live my life. You're the poison that's been sitting in my blood for years now and I'm sick of you. I will not be controlled by my own fear."

At the word, the little Jewel began to glow, covered in a white light. It gave one more glaring look at Juliet and then disappeared, the rust color replaced with a pure white light. Juliet understood what it meant. Her fear had been causing all her problems. Fear of being alone in the nothing, fear of loving Mika again, fear or becoming a monster, fear of the magic within her. Once she had confronted the monster by name, all the other emotions swirling in the mirror began to dull in color and intensity. No longer would her fear influence her other emotions, instead she could focus on problems and situations as they arose.

The white light floated away from her hands and into the mirror, where previously only the colorful emotions had been swirling, but now Juliet saw her own reflection, staring right back at her. It was then that the clarity of the spell took place. Fear had been her ruling emotion, but the biggest fear she had was of herself. It always had been, as Juliet stared into the mirror at the image of herself, who smiled and nodded approvingly, she began to realize that these troubles didn't arise from Mika, they were always there, from the moment her father had tried to murder her when she was a child, buried deep down, hidden by a spell. She'd been afraid of who she was almost as much as she'd been desperate to know who she was.

"Thank you," she whispered to the visage of herself in the mirror.

"Anytime." She answered. And just as it startled Juliet, the spell was over, the candles put themselves out and the incense swirled around her in normal patterns.

"WELL." Juliet shouted, clearly unsettled by the level of activity in the room, but simultaneously excited and proud of her actions. "I GUESS I'M A WITCH."

The world, itself, was simple for many months after that. Juliet and Mika found an easy rhythm living together. She would study for a few hours the magical journals of her grandmother, simultaneously working out her emotions regarding the Vampire Prince inhabiting her home, whilst bettering her abilities as a fledgling practitioner of magic, and he would study some nights in the living room, reading ancient history books, or mechanical books, engrossed in new things. Most every night he would go outside for a run, or perhaps just to bask in the expanse of nature that surrounded them. They ate their meals together again, chatting about what new things they had learned or experienced, and once more they were both transported back to a time when their friendship was new, their hearts were whole and they accepted each other fully.

But there was no romance.

Purely platonic, that's what Mika said he would stay as long as Juliet needed it, and it seemed she needed it badly. Her torturous behavior toward him since they had first reunited had set his passions and his mind all at once ablaze and fuming. How he longed for her, yet he knew that if they were to once again become romantically involved, it could lead to disaster, just as Juliet said. She'd gone mad from his betrayal of her before, and as much as he loved her, still with his whole heart, he could not risk his people's safety if she could not trust him, or herself. So it was that when Juliet approached him after 'breakfast' one dark evening, her face full of question and slightly bashful, that he felt his heartbeat increase in anticipation.

"Do you want to get out of here for the night?" She asked, looking him full in the face. Her eyes begged him to say yes.

"And go where?" he asked, slightly uncomfortable with how hopeful he felt.

"There's a nightclub a few towns over, you could flit us there." She suggested. Mika's brow furrowed at the thought of a 'nightclub'.

"What should I wear?"

Juliet smiled, chuckling. "What you normally wear. I'll go get dressed."

So it was that an hour later, Mika stood waiting in Juliet's living room, dressed in a pair of black slacks and loafers, a pristine white shirt buttoned taut over his chest, and a black vest hung open over top of it. He hadn't forgotten his customary black gloves, or the black loafers that shined in the light of the fire before him.

The outfit was reminiscent of one he'd worn the last time he'd gone out with Juliet, and he wondered if she would remember. At his thoughts, Juliet cleared her throat behind him with a light 'a-hem'. He turned, and a smile grew on his face at the sight of her.

The dress was familiar as well, a powder-blue color that set off her eyes fetchingly. It flared at the waist, dropping and flowing in a way made for dancing, with tiny red cloth strawberries dotting the skirt, before stopping just below her knees and showing off Juliet's finely-toned, bronze legs. Her bust nearly spilled over the top, however, clearly she'd grown since the last time she'd worn it, the tiny straps didn't strain against her shoulders so much as accentuate her enviable bust. Juliet had pinned her hair up to cascade down to her shoulders, and a bright red color adorned her plump lips, and the short heels on her small feet.

"Well, aren't we both a pair?" she asked once he'd finished his perusal of her. "Looks like we had the same idea?"

Indeed, their outfits were nearly identical to the ones they'd worn all those years ago to the festival in Juliet's hometown. She eyed him and smiled, unable to hide how keenly aware she was of the effort that Mika had made. The Vampire Prince offered Juliet his hand, and she took it, allowing him to lift her, bridal-style into his arms.

"Just tell me where to go." Mika said, smiling down at her. Juliet smirked back up at him, a slight blush over her dark complexion. She quickly gave the directions as Mika walked them out the front door and into the dark night and cool air.

It had taken all her courage to walk up to him earlier in the evening and propose they leave the house. She'd become complacent and comfortable with keeping him at arm's length. Close enough that she trusted her emotions, but far enough away to prevent her from taking a chance. No more. How much more meditation and soul-searching would it take? Tonight, she had decided. This night. 'Tonight is a special night, after all', Juliet thought. 'Tonight would be the night Juliet and Mika ver Leth get their second chance.'

Juliet could tell by Mika's face when he set her on the sidewalk, that he was surprised by the size of the establishment. Of course, in this day and age, there were places for people interested in everything, but Mika seemed truly in awe of a club dedicated to lovers of a time he and Juliet had already lived through and forgotten most of.

A group of young men passed them on the sidewalk, entering the club, and Juliet nearly laughed at how similar in dress they were to Mika. The men nodded greetings to the Vampire Prince, and Mika nodded back, aware of how their eyes lingered on Juliet in her form-fitting dress, her hair pinned up and falling in loose curls around her face.

"Take a picture, boys, before you lose the use of your eyes." Juliet snapped and posed seductively, motioning coyly to Mika. The men laughed and quickly entered the building.

"I suppose they have a right to stare." Mika said, clearing his throat in embarrassment.

"Of course, but you're my date tonight," Juliet assured, taking his proffered arm. "That means you get to intimidate them if they stare."

Inside, the crowd was alive and dancing to fast-paced songs about good-old times, women wore their hair like pin-ups and dressed to match, a handful of ladies even sauntered around in vintage bikinis. Juliet hid her surprise, and Mika as well, each unwilling to act out of place. They found a free table and Mika left Juliet to order some drinks for the two of them. He returned with whiskey and Juliet frowned at him.

"You bring a lady whiskey?" she asked.

"I brought you whiskey." He said, setting the glass before her. Juliet's mouth fell open and she was about to snap at him, but then she saw the sparkle in his eyes as he lifted his glass, and she realized his joke in time to turn her snap into a response.

"I must not be a lady since I no longer drink like one." She smirked and downed the drink, causing Mika to nod in appreciation.

They watched in companionable silence as new dancers took the floor and the band began playing different songs. Mika left to get more drinks, and when he came back Juliet was no longer looking happy.

"What is bothering you?" he asked, setting the drink before her.

Juliet's eyes were downcast. "I don't know. I don't even know why I suggested we come here."

Mika watched her demeanor change, she was becoming withdrawn. "Would you like to dance?" The music changed to a slow tune and he offered her his hand. "You are dressed for the part." Juliet's eyes met his and she saw the sincerity in his eyes and with a small smile took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor.

Though she could no longer be considered 'short', Juliet's stature paled in comparison to Mika's, and her head barely reached his shoulders. Still he swayed with her on the dance floor until she was comfortable and pliant in his arms. Through one song, and then a second one they remained on the dance floor, finally Mika was able to give Juliet a small spin and she giggled like a girl at being watched by the other patrons. Of course they would be watched, the handsome giant and the petite beauty, dancing together in a club dedicated to the 50's. They were both so out of place, yet so at home. At the end of the second song Juliet leaned into Mika and whispered.

"I think I'd like to go home now."

They'd barely been out an hour, but Mika nodded and escorted her from the floor. Juliet apologized as they left the club.

"I'm sorry, it was all so much. I could almost feel their emotions, their thoughts." She sighed.

Mika was for a moment confused, and then he realized her meaning. She had been referring to her ability to see the memories of others, or more specifically to experience them.

"I thought that I needed to touch people for it to happen, but I guess if the proximity is close and I'm a little inebriated." She nearly slurred the last word. "It's a little easier." She looked at him apologetically.

Mika shook his head lightly. "It's no bother Juliet, I still enjoyed myself. Did you?

"Oh… I guess." Her answer buzzed with things left unsaid, but Mika chose to let her have her privacy and lifted her into his arms, ready to flit them back to her home.

About a mile before they reached the house, Juliet asked Mika to stop some ways into the great green fields. He set her on her feet on the lush green grass and she looked up at him in thanks before turning away. Clearly she was still in her own head, and Mika fought the urge to say something to snap her out of it. Luckily he needn't have bothered, because Juliet was keen to let him in.

"Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be normal…" Juliet sighed. "I always wanted to get dressed up and go dancing, but every time I thought about it, I'd change my mind just as quickly." She cast her eyes up toward the sky, her arms snaked around her, and she looked vulnerable. "I've done so much in my life; I guess it just pains me that I'm just not one of those people."

The look of dejection on her face upset him, and Mika knew how to change it. He grabbed her hand, knocking her out of her trance, and spun her towards him. "Perhaps all you need is the right setting?" he asked. Juliet blinked up at him, then smiled. Slowly they began to rock together, dancing to a tune only the two of them could hear. It was light, delicate and tender. A nostalgic song, filled with untold stories about two lovers' who's lives continually crashed together. Gradually they sped up, no longer rocking, but twirling and hop-stepping. Juliet impressed by Mika's dancing abilities, but his eyes never left hers, and hers were dancing in the moonlight much like her body. All at once their inner music hit the upsurge and climaxed, spinning Juliet into Mika's waiting arms. She was smiling broadly, and his eyes smiled down on her. They stood together for a few moments as the music faded into the background of their minds.

"I guess I don't mind getting dressed up and dancing," she said quietly, pulling out of his embrace. "But that just wasn't my scene."

Mika smirked, admiring her as she sat on the grass. "You're too understated for those people." He remarked, moving to sit next to her. Juliet shot a glance at him, smile playing at her lips.

"I suppose so." She said, laying back.

Her eyes on the stars, her hair spread behind her on the grass, Mika gazed in awe at the creature before him. The same dress she had worn that night years ago to the town festival, tighter about her chest and abdomen, spilled around her calves on the grass, the tiny red strawberries gleaming in the moonlight akin to fireflies. He sat next to her, less than a hands spread away, body alight with the nearness of this woman. Here in this moment, he felt they were finally at peace.

Juliet inhaled the scent of fresh grass, overgrown and soft beneath her body. Her mind was finally quiet about Mika. Hadn't he proven, in a full year of co-habitation, that he was a good man? Had he not gone to every length to give her space, privacy and time to sort through her thoughts? Did he not deserve to hear her conclusion? She debated breaking the perfection of the silence surrounding them with her words, stealing glances at Mika, who hadn't taken his eyes off of her since they first stepped out earlier in the evening. She steeled herself before speaking, knowing very well how her words could ruin everything.

"Mika," she nearly whispered. His gaze went from silent to alert, and she knew instantly that he was listening. "Can I say something?"

"Of course." He said, his voice also low and quiet, keeping with the silence of the night.

Juliet inhaled a shaky, hesitant breath before sitting herself up and turning toward him. How they must look like teenagers on the verge of confession in the darkness of the night, dressed in their finest and gazing into each other's faces.

"I'm sorry Mika." She began, catching the Vampire Prince off guard. "For the way I've been. The way I am." She cleared her throat, clearly nervous, which calmed Mika. "You were right, you know. That day in the kitchen. I am lonely, and I always have been."

"I can't quite explain what it's like, but I guess you can say my 'default state' is just nothing. I don't know if it has something to do with having my memories erased when I was young or if it's just my nature. I'm not used to feeling, even at my age." She chuckled. "I remember the days before I met you, and how dull everything was. Not boring, not really, but… lifeless, colorless, empty. They were just days I spent, waiting for you. And I know I must have been waiting for you Mika, because on that day when I finally felt you outside my window, and the day I finally saw you in my room… those days the world was bright and colorful and suddenly I knew what 'life' was. And then I loved you, and you left."

She had been talking into her lap, her face angled toward the ground, but now she looked at Mika, and their gazes met. Mika felt her eyes bore into his, searching for something, but all he could show her was his shame. Still he was angered, disgusted with himself for leaving her when she had so fully given herself to him. He wanted to avoid her prying eyes, but couldn't, and so he bore the shame of his failure to her and knew that she felt it. Her voice didn't waver in the split second of the encounter, and with ardent conviction that shook him to his bones she continued: "I never stopped loving you."

Did his heart stop beating? Had the world continued turning as this beautiful creature confessed this most welcome secret to him, he reached for her but she stopped him with a raise of her hand.

"I have to finish," she said, her voice thick with feeling. Mika nodded and stilled himself again, unwilling to let the joyous feeling her affection had given him to leave. "I never stopped loving you, Mika. But I… I stopped believing I loved you. It's terrible, isn't it? You and I have both lived so long now, you'd think a slight would just fall away with age… but here it is. Here I am." Finally, she took her eyes away from his and Mika felt the world give way beneath him. "I am truly scared to love you, Mika. For all that you had given me with your love and your companionship you took away so quickly when you left. The brightness, the life, stolen away. And so I became convinced that I had never loved you, and you never loved me, because how could love ever lead to such empty, honest pain?

But, I guess, love doesn't just flicker out when you stop believing in it. My love for you stayed with me, in me. Influencing me, I think, to find you. But the emptiness left by your departure was filled with something stronger than my stamped out love. It was filled with anger and hatred for you, you who had shown me a true world and destroyed it just as quickly. That's what led me to become a hunter, I think. The drive to find my lost love, and the need for revenge. I wanted to take your light away like you'd taken mine… So I found you…"

Juliet surprised Mika, but reaching for his hand, which he supplied, silent and waiting to hear her finish. "But when I saw you," she squeezed his hand. "Really saw you, I think was right when you saw me- what I had become. You hadn't changed, but I… I had continued to throw dirt on the flames of my love, and gas on the flames of my hatred. It's so hard to say all of this now." She squeezed again, and Mika squeezed back, causing her to look up at him and sigh. "A handful of years isn't long for us, but I always felt like I was reaching for the feelings then, and now I'm reaching for them again.

Mika, I was so happy. Your sword hit me, and I felt… freedom. Like you unlocked some secret compartment in me and released all the love I'd been holding back. It was like the biggest wake-up call of my life. Watching someone I love kill me. I deserved it, I was glad it was you. I was just so happy to see you again even if it was only to kill me. That was clarity, in that moment. But then I woke up, not dead," she chuckled dryly. "And all I felt was confused. Gone was the clarity, replaced by muddled feelings of nostalgia, and rage and sadness and I neglected to realize that the entire world had color again. Until recently. Recently I've realized you brought the color back into my world, and I was just refusing to see it."

"I'm so angry at you for not changing." She chuckled, "And I'm so angry at me for changing in so many ways, but still staying the same." Juliet shook her head and sighed. "Mika, it's so terrifying, how much I need to be with you. I don't know if it means I should or if it's a clear sign I shouldn't. I just… I know that I love you, I have loved you for all this time. I believe it now and you deserved to know that, you deserve to know why… well why I'm like this."

Juliet faced downwards again, and Mika stole his hand from hers to lift her chin up, but still she didn't meet his gaze, and he realized she was embarrassed. The bashful look on her face, the strawberry dress on her body, again he was flabbergasted at the woman who sat before him, taking him fifty-plus years into the past with her eyes, her words and her movements.

"Juliet." Her eyes darted and met his before scurrying away again, and he nearly chuckled. "You must know now, after all this time that I have never stopped loving you." Mika sighed. "Your feelings are much more complicated than mine, but I do understand now. Your apprehension, your mistrust of me is all warranted, please allow me to tell you how these years without you have been for me."

Juliet's eye's hit Mika's and again they locked their gazes, this time the Vampire Prince willed her not to look away, and she didn't. "I left you, and that is my shame. I should have done something else, I should have spoken with you about perhaps coming with me. I could have offered to turn you, and we could have learned of your lineage that much sooner, but instead, like a coward I left you to find your own future without me, thinking it better that I leave, thinking my feelings and yours would fade. Of course you and I both know that our love was much stronger than either of us realized.

I learned the true extent of my feelings for you not long after I left you. I felt a need for you so deep within me it was keeping me from my work as a newly appointed Prince, and so I took leave, with a letter I had written detailing my feelings and why I had felt I needed to leave you." His eyes grew cold and dark and Juliet nearly turned away from the emotion behind them. "When I saw your home…" his voice was throaty and horse as he held back his immense guilt. "I thought, no, I knew I would never see you again, even from afar. I felt my heart break, fall to the ground and blow away, black like the soot and ash. I inquired and was given confirmation of your death, and even as I thought I could feel no more pain, I howled with it. Pain I never hoped to feel again, but I did, that night when I held you in my arms and felt you fade… I cannot explain to you, Juliet. You are my everything. You are my stars. I will forever follow you. Seeing you again, living with you like this has made it even clearer, I never want to leave your side."

Juliet's heart and eyes were soft with affection, but still she hesitated when he took her hand. "Mika. I'm so… sad but happy. I'm so full of feelings I don't even know what to say. I want to be with you as well, but I'm so scared of what I'll be without you. I don't know what to think anymore." Her eyes were brimming with tears.

Mika's other hand brushed a single falling tear from Juliet's cheek, and rested there, stroking it idly, causing Juliet to close her eyes demurely and lean into his rough palm. The night sky shone stars above them, moonlight cascaded through passing clouds, laying a bed of soft light atop and beneath them. Thoughts came to him like lightning, striking idea after idea into his head of how he could be with this woman forever. Suddenly, yet slowly, Mika drew Juliet up as he stood, his hand moved from her cheek to the nape of her neck as she lay her head against his chest and listened to the heavy, rhythmic beating of his heart. Juliet whispered, "I don't even know what to say."

Mika's voice was hoarse, jaw tight, his body buzzing with emotion and need. He looked down at Juliet, and she looked up at him, eyes shining with real magic, tears of love, as he responded, "Say you'll marry me."