"We need to talk," Rick said, sitting on the bed.
Rachel regarded him a moment, but she didn't have to even wonder what he wanted to talk about. The thing with Rick was that he never wanted to talk about anything. Things had been changing, though, for both of them and she'd known this was coming. She had the suspicion that everyone knew it was coming. She wasn't unaware that the others were talking about them. She'd overheard them, and she couldn't blame them.
Rick wanted to talk about their relationship, or honestly the lack thereof. When Rachel had first joined the group, she'd felt out of place. She hadn't really known where she'd belonged. Everyone had seemed pretty tight with only a few people who even seemed to register somewhat as outsiders. Things had been different in Woodbury. In Woodbury there had been more people, and that mean that though everyone knew each other, it was just that they knew each other in name. They didn't spend as much time together and they surely didn't get as intimate as people in what was her new group seemed.
Rachel had figured that her only way "in" was getting with someone in the group, and it hadn't been a plan that she was against. She'd been alone a long time and she'd appreciated greatly the thought of some male companion, even if it was for warming her bed and nothing more.
At first she'd been attracted to Daryl, though she'd thought he was with Carol when she arrived. He'd been difficult too, hard to crack. She had decided quickly that if she were to even try to get close to him it would require much more effort than she intended to sink into such a relationship. He had a nice body, and that was really what she had been after, but it wasn't nice enough for all that seemed to come with it.
Rick had been another story, though. He had baggage, that much was obvious. He had a son, and though she wasn't entirely keen on the idea of gaining a child during the insanity that was around them, she'd decided she could tolerate Carl until they lost him, or until he'd found something of interest that drew him out from under his father. To date, however, she didn't feel that way about the boy. Now she saw him as the pretty independent child that he was. He hadn't asked her to mother him in any way. Instead he'd done well by himself, gathering whatever parenting he seemed to need from the group. He hadn't bothered her at all, and she'd grown quite fond of him, though she had no maternal feelings toward him.
Rick had Judith as well, but his connection with her had been so nonexistent that Rachel had only learned the child was his after someone else had pointed it out.
Even though they'd been together as long as they had, she still didn't quite know the details surrounding the situation, and she hadn't pressed Rick for more information. He had never seemed willing to offer it, and she had never felt like she desired to go pressing for it.
What she had known when she got involved with him was all she needed. He was essentially in charge of the group at the time, which was the closest one came to being a man in a uniform these days, and he had a sexual interest in her with very little desire to talk about any of the complicated things like feelings or situations. She didn't want to discuss hers, and he didn't want to discuss his, and together they'd found the release of physical tension.
Now he wanted to talk about things.
"What do you want to talk about?" Rachel asked, pretending she didn't already know.
"What does this relationship mean to you?" Rick asked.
Rachel didn't know if she wanted to answer him honestly. At this point it meant very little. She slept with him when one of them wanted release. They shared a bed. Other than that it meant little. Seth was getting a little better and his wound didn't seem nearly as serious as it had just after the battle. His sense of humor was attractive, not to mention his body. She'd connected more with him since he'd come to the community than she had with Rick in all the time they'd been bunking together.
She also wasn't a fool. She heard gossip about his interest in Sadie and she could see the way he regarded the woman. She held no grudges there. She doubted that Sadie even knew that Rick was interested, or that she had much knowledge of the train wreck of a man that was interested in her.
"What do you mean, Rick? What does it mean to you?" She responded.
She wondered if he'd even answer. Already that question was more intimate than most anything they'd discussed in their time together.
"I don't know if there's anything between us," Rick ventured after a few moments of silence.
Rachel took a seat on the bed beside him, then.
"Rick, I don't know what to say," she said. "I don't think there's ever been much between us, I mean besides sex."
Rick looked at her then, a little surprised. Rachel wondered, trying to hide her amusement, if he'd thought she was unaware of what had been going on all this time. He'd been a good fuck to her, but that had been all. Now he was looking her like he had expected her world to come crashing down around her because he was busy searching for some manner of breaking up with her. She hated to tell him that she'd suffered far worse from break ups in the past than she ever could by the end of whatever kind of system they'd developed.
"I think," Rick said, taking a second between words, "I think that we're not right for each other. I think that you need something different."
Rachel tried to hold back her amusement again.
"And you? What do you need?" She asked. He was trying so hard to cut her loose, but what was funny was that he didn't realize at all that there really wasn't much to be done there. She'd not expected this to last. It wasn't like for a moment she'd thought this was some big ordeal.
In the beginning she'd been smitten by his good looks and his body, but that was about it. She'd been protective of him, fearful that Michonne might make some kind of move on him, or one of the younger unattached women like Beth or Sasha. She'd tried to mark her territory clearly, that was for sure, but it was only because the pickings were slim. These days if there was something good on the shelf you had to grab it and hold on to it because it seemed like everybody wanted it. Whether or not she'd just considered him something for her sexual release, he'd been hers and she hadn't wanted anyone near him.
Now he was trying to cut her loose and she'd been struggling for a bit trying to figure out how to do the same to him.
"I don't know what I need," Rick responded after a minute. "I just think that we're not right for one another. I don't know…I don't think…" he paused, obviously trying to figure out how he wanted to venture forward with his speech. "I don't think that we're right, I don't think we work together."
"You mean that you've found someone new," Rachel said.
Rick looked at her again, a look of surprise registering on his face. This time Rachel didn't try to hide her smile.
"It's fine, Rick, really it is," she said. "I didn't know how to tell you, but I've gotten involved with Seth."
The surprised look continued.
"Not physically involved," Rachel said, "at least not yet, but emotionally involved. I know about his wife, Rick. We've talked about their child, how he lost them. He knows about me, and about the fact that I didn't want children. He knows about my husband."
"You were married?" Rick asked.
Rachel smiled again.
"I was, but you didn't know that. I know your wife's name, Rick, I know about your story, but I didn't hear it from you. I heard Seth's story from Seth, and I told him mine. It's a whole different type of relationship when someone knows your story," Rachel said.
"You're not upset, then?" Rick asked.
"Upset? No, I'm not upset, are you?" Rachel asked.
Rick pinched the bridge of his nose. That was answer enough for her. At this point they may not be romantically interested in each other, and they may not have shared many of their emotions, but Rachel had learned to read the man through trial and error to some degree.
"It's fine, Rick, these things happen," she offered.
"I just don't know what we do now," Rick said after a minute.
Rachel shrugged.
"We weren't married, Rick, and I don't have any hard feelings. I have a few things here and it's late. I'll sleep here tonight and tomorrow we'll pack up what I have to take with me and I'll move into an extra room at Seth's house. The rest doesn't matter. You'll do what you need to do and I'll do what I need to do," Rachel said.
"What about Carl," Rick asked, "should we talk to him?"
"I think he'll understand," Rachel said, "but if he doesn't I'll just be a couple of houses away. It isn't like we can exactly move away from one another."
"What do we do after this?" Rick asked.
"We do what we need to do," Rachel answered. "You do what you need to do and I'll do what I need to do. We can still be friends, Rick. I'm not hurt by this. In fact, I think it's better. I'm going to get closer to someone who wants me, Rick, who really wants to know me. I hope you can find that. Either way, I'm not going to be bitter about this. I think we're beyond that now."
Rick seemed somewhat in shock at what she was saying and Rachel smiled. She could understand his confusion or at least his momentary setback. This wasn't how a typical break up would work. She knew that. Maybe he'd expected her to cry or throw something, but she really didn't feel moved in the slightest.
"Let's sleep now," she offered. "Tomorrow you'll help me move my things and that will be that," she said bluntly. "I'll thank you for the good times and you'll thank me, and we'll move on. We'll just change the way the relationship works a little."
Rick sat silently on the side of the bed for a few minutes. He didn't say anything after that, and Rachel didn't pressure him to do so. Their relationship so far hadn't been built off of words and there was no reason to think that things should change now that they were admitting to themselves that whatever they'd had together had run its course. Now was the time for sleeping and tomorrow would begin a new day, and a new chapter, hopefully, for each of them.
Rachel crawled into bed and blew out the lamp. The room went dark and she tried to sleep, aware that Rick was still working through things as he often did. He'd come to bed when he was ready. She also realized, as she pulled the blanket around her shoulder, that tonight was the last night that she'd spend alone beside him. She would have thought, perhaps once upon a time, that she'd be upset, but she was actually surprised to find herself excited by the prospect of embarking on a new chapter to her life.
111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
Carol was filling ration boxes when Mark came into the storage house, dropping another ration box on the floor. He was carrying Paul.
"There you are," Carol said. "I thought I'd lost you for a bit."
"It's hard to get lost around here," Mark said. "I had to go and find Sadie. This little guy was hungry and now he's showing no interest in napping."
Carol smiled at the baby he had cradled in one arm.
"You know I could make that easier for you, if you're interested," she said.
"Anything that makes life easier interests me," Mark said.
"Come on, let's go see what we've got upstairs. We found quite a few wraps while we were cleaning things out," Carol said. Mark followed her up the stairs of the storage house and waited patiently while she fumbled through boxes. She finally came up with what she was looking for. "OK, what's his preferred position when he's just hanging out?"
"I guess like this," Mark said. "He hasn't really started making requests, but he doesn't get fussy when he's like this and he can fall asleep when he's ready."
"Good deal," Carol said. "These things are great. I'll just wrap him up to you and then you're hands free. You don't mind, do you? It's awkward at first, but you get used to it quickly. I know it embarrassed Daryl at first when we made him wear Hope around, but he got used to it."
"I'm pretty secure in my masculinity," Mark responded. "Wrap me up!"
Carol smiled and proceeded to manipulate the wrap while Mark held the baby in place. It took longer than some of the positions that she'd wrapped Hope in before, but finally she felt like the baby was secure enough for any of Mark's activities.
"Feel alright?" She asked once they'd let the baby settle gently into place.
"Feels pretty good. It's like a big hug," Mark said smiling.
"Shall we get back to work?" Carol asked, starting back downstairs. She wanted to get ration boxes done as quickly as possible. Mark had brought her almost all of them after he'd finished taking jars of canned food over to the second storage house that they'd established. As Carol was filling ration boxes, Michonne was passing back and forth returning them to their houses.
Mark nodded and followed Carol back to the filling area.
"How did things look out there? Anybody bored?" Carol asked. Between the fields, the canning, the water runs, finishing setting up the second storage house, and handling the demolition on one of the houses they were tearing down, Carol couldn't imagine that anyone was busy. That wasn't even considering the day to day domestic chores that she had to make sure were coordinated.
"I didn't see anyone looking bored," Mark said, beginning to drop shampoo bottles into a few of the boxes. "I did see something interesting, though."
"What is that?" Carol asked.
"Well, don't quote me on this, but it looks like our little Miss Rachel might be moving. I saw Rick helping her carry some stuff over to Seth's house," Mark said.
Carol stopped what she was doing and raised her eyebrows at the man.
"Were they fighting?" Carol asked.
"No, no fighting. Looked to me like they were getting along, helping each other out," Mark replied.
Carol smiled.
"Our first break up," Carol said. "It seems strange."
"Why does it seem strange? I don't know how your life went, but I saw plenty of people who split before all this happened, so I don't suppose that it would be any different now. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't," Mark said.
Michonne passed in the door. She picked up one of the water jugs they kept by the door and took a swig out of it. Both Carol and Mark turned to look at her.
"What?" Michonne asked. "Did I miss something? Is there something wrong with the water?"
Carol smiled.
"No, there's nothing wrong. We were just chatting," Carol responded.
"You mean you were gossiping," Michonne said, taking another swallow of the water. "I know it wasn't about me because I don't have any secrets."
"It was about Rick and Rachel," Mark said. "Looks like Rachel is relocating. We were just talking about break ups at the end of the world."
"Apparently they still exist," Carol said.
"Well they're not screaming at each other and throwing things," Michonne said, "otherwise everyone would have known about it by now, so I guess it doesn't really matter. Let them do what they want."
She returned the water to its place and without saying anything else took one of the boxes that Carol had pushed into the pile to be returned to its owner.
"I guess this means that Rachel's box isn't going to Rick's house anymore?" Michonne asked. "Where do I put it?" She asked, reading Rachel's name on the side of the cardboard.
"I'd take it to Seth's house," Mark responded. "That would be the best bet."
Michonne shrugged and started out the door with the box.
"I guess relationships have changed, but not entirely," Carol said.
"Some things never change," Mark said.
"What about you, Mark? What's your story?" Carol asked.
Mark continued traipsing back and forth, dropping various items into boxes and checking the list to see what he was missing.
"My story? Do you mean my story before all this, or do you mean how did I end up in the woods with Sadie?" Mark asked.
"Well, both," Carol said. "I mean I don't know much about you. You owned a furniture store, you volunteered as an EMT, you moonlighted apparently as a stylist and fashion consultant. What else is there that you can tell me?"
"You know, I don't know that much about you, either," Mark said. "I could turn the tables on you and ask you to recount your story."
"Mine's quick enough," Carol said. "My life before all this wasn't anything great. I had an abusive husband, and I got to put a pickaxe through his brain after a bunch of Walkers turned him into an ugly accident. I had a precious little girl…" Carol stopped a moment and then regained herself, smiling at Mark. "Sophia…she was my heart. We lost her."
Mark stopped what he was doing a moment.
"I knew you'd lost a child. I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't have children, but I know that it's hard," Mark said.
"It's hard," Carol said, "but it's not as hard as it was at one time. It doesn't hurt any less, but it hurts…I don't know…differently."
"I can understand that," Mark said.
"Since then I've been pretty much what you see now. I thought I'd end up with Daryl, but I didn't. I didn't know I'd end up with Judith, but I did. I guess Daryl and Michonne sort of adopted me when we
"And what I see is impressive," Mark said. Carol smiled at him. She really liked Mark, and every day that she was around him the more she liked him. The best thing about him was that he was so at home with everyone. He was the kind of person who didn't seem to ever meet a stranger.
Mark sighed.
"I don't have much of a story, I really don't. I had a great family life. Some friends introduced me to my partner, Vince, when we were both in college. He worked in real estate and he was great at his job. He could sell anything," Mark smiled.
Carol watched him a minute, worried that pressing into his life before might be difficult for him, but he actually looked right this moment like he was happy.
"Don't get me wrong," Mark said, "we were together a long time and I'm not going to pretend that Vince and I didn't have our problems, but we were happy for the most part. Before all this happened we joked about adopting some little foreign kids, maybe some Chinese little girls. You know, a house full, Brangelina style."
"Well, you make a good father," Carol said, nodding her head toward the baby that she knew had to be asleep nestled next to his chest.
Michonne ducked in the door and Carol turned to look at her, as did Mark. She held up her hands.
"I'm not trying to interrupt, just getting a box," she said. "Just so you know, you were right about me taking the box to Seth's. Rachel gave me an earful about how she's taking the guest room there, just to see how things work out. Apparently she and Rick have finally realized they just aren't right for each other. I thought you two hens might want to know that." Michonne grabbed up another box, read the name on the side and started out the door without waiting for either of them to respond.
Carol looked back at Mark and he shrugged. She smiled.
"Where was I?" Mark asked.
"You were talking about your adoptive children," Carol said.
"Oh, right. So we never got around to adopting. We had this chocolate lab for about ten years, and we had this basset hound that smelled terrible. Seriously, I washed that dog nearly every day and even put this dog deodorizer on it. The thing always smelled like stinky dog with a hint of something floral," Mark said.
Carol snickered.
"Vince also had two really ornery old Siamese cats. They lived in our house, but I can't really say that we had them, it was more that they let us live there," Mark said. "Cats can be that way."
Mark paused a few minutes, checking the contents of one or two of the boxes and then moving them closer to the door for Michonne when she returned.
"So when this whole thing started, the first thing we noticed was that the dogs disappeared, right out of the yard, but that wasn't anything too strange. The basset had a habit of digging out and they'd disappear a day or two and then they'd be back. Except they weren't back by the time the news started telling us that things were going crazy and we figured they were probably caught up in the madness," Mark continued when he came back to finish up the two boxes in front of him.
"When we left Atlanta we were with a group of friends. We all decided to try to get out together. Needless to say we were caught up in the panic, not organized at all. I think we ran pretty much head on into a herd of the Walker things. Vince didn't make it," Mark said.
Carol nodded. She'd already known that his partner had been lost in a Walker attack, and she realized there was really nothing left to say about it. It was clear that he had come to terms with it, he didn't sound emotional about it any longer. Time had a way of doing that to them, letting them move on from most of their losses to a point where they could talk about them with distance and without being overwhelmed with emotion.
"After that you pretty much know the story. I went with my group, rambling aimlessly really, and we joined up with another group. After that it was just travelling with the group, adding people, losing people, until the attacks started happening after we made camp close to here. I told you how I ended up with Sadie. The rest is history," Mark said. He shrugged and Carol watched him shift Paul a little.
"Is he OK?" Carol asked.
"He's fine. Is it normal that he sleeps a lot?" Mark asked.
Carol smiled. "He's really young, so he'll mostly sleep and eat for a while. Just wait until he gets older and you and Sadie have your hands full with him like we do with Hope and Judith."
"He'll be a good kid," Mark said. "He's already a good baby, or at least I guess he is."
"I think he is," Carol said. "So how does it work with you and Sadie? I've been curious about that."
"What do you mean how does it work?" Mark asked.
"I mean what is your relationship like? Are you just really good friends?" Carol asked.
"We've survived together," Mark answered. "I guess that gives us something. We're just friends, though. We don't have any kind of romantic relationship. Sadie takes care of Paul for the most part, but I like to help her out when I can, and I wake her up at night when he cries. It's kind of nice, really. We're just roommates."
Carol smiled.
"Once upon a time I think that we might have thought it was crazy to imagine spending the rest of your life just living with friends, but now it doesn't seem odd at all. In fact, these days I think I'd be much more lost not having Michonne and Daryl in the house than I ever would feel crowded sharing my space with them, I suppose that you're like that Sadie," Carol said.
"Oh, I think so," Mark said. "I don't know that there's another relationship for me or for Sadie in all this madness, but I like to think that if there were for either one of us, or for both of us, that we'd be like you guys are. I wouldn't want to just walk away from her, and I would hope that she wouldn't walk away from me."
Michonne came back in the door then, stopping again to get a drink of water.
"I don't think she would," Carol said. "After all, you've got a kid together now."
Mark smiled. "I think you're right," he said.
"Are these all the boxes?" Michonne asked, leaning against the wall.
"This is it," Carol said, standing up from her position, "but I can help you now. They're all ready to go. Mark, do you think you can check on the canning crew and make sure they have enough jars?"
"Sure thing," Mark said. "I'm going to go drop Paul off with Sadie and then I'll check on them. Do you still want everything they've got done in that other house?"
"I do. I'll organize it all later," Carol said.
She grabbed a box, waited for Michonne to pick up one of the remaining few, and she started out the door with Mark just behind them.
"Hey, Carol," Mark said, as the women descended the stairs and started off down the street.
"Yeah?" Carol asked, turning around.
"Thanks for the chat," Mark said, winking at her. Carol smiled at him. He turned quickly and started in the opposite direction, not waiting for any kind of response from her.
Carol saw Michonne shoot her a confused look. She just smiled at her and Michonne shrugged.